Why is he always bore and sooooo low on it

[zenonthesequel]

I'm already having a problem with b/f of 1 year with his unwilling to get intimate or have sex. As sick as it sounds in my mind, I imagine getting it somewhere else. I would never cheat but I keep imaging that. Then I also imagine telling him that I'm going to leave him for someone else if he doesn't give me enough of it. Seriously why would a guy all of the sudden for the past 4 months say that he feels bore and not really into it. Accordring to him he says it feels like a chore. So what happened to his libido, where did it all go?

 

Seriously wouldn't you all feel rejected or not wanted if your partner decresed getting intimate with you and you being the one having to insist and yet he/she's bore all along.

 

Why can it be like before where it would be everyday?

[4answers]

Hi there, very confusing time for you.

 

I have been in a similar position of being with a girl and not wanting to sleep with her. Sexual desire is a state of mind, rather than a state of the body.

 

What this indicates is that there is something else wrong in the relationship. There may be other things that he is unhappy with.

 

Consider this: If you were with someone and there was something you were unhappy about, which stopped you feeling close to the person or stopped you wanting to be with the person, would you then have the desire to sleep with them... NO !

 

Now if the person that your unhappy with kept putting presure on you to have sex, would this make you want it more ? .... NO!

 

So stop the pressure, there is more to a relationship than sex ! Work out what the problem is by open honest communication and then the sex will return.

 

 

Hope this helps, Good luck.

 

4answers.

[Parsley]

I agree with 4answers - stop the pressure. Try asking if there's something else wrong, and try and work through it.

 

If the worst comes to the worst, you'll be thankful he didn't sleep with you. My ex did while he was planning to break up with me, and it hurt me so much when I found out, and I felt completely and utterly used and hollow.

[zerohalo]

I've felt exactly the same way as your boyfriend. For me, it started to feel like work because I had to make every decision in bed. When to switch positions, what we were going to do next, etc. 90% of the time, the burden of our sexual encounters was on me. And yes, I mean burden. I wasn't having sex with an equal partner, but someone who just expected me to know what to do. At times I didn't mind this, I mean most guys would like a woman who would just do whatever they wanted (that also got frustrating because then things started going off the sex menu). But it started driving me nuts that I couldn't get her to initiate anything, and if she did she started analyzing what we were doing instead of just enjoying it. Blech.

 

It was even worse when she really wanted to do something sexual and she pressured me. I knew she wouldn't be that into it, which in turn made me not want to be into it, and so that feeling of 'work' came into play again.

 

I dunno if that's your situation at all, but I guess you just sort of struck a nerve.

[Day_Walker]

Things are going to get worse before they get better. You wont be able to pressure him into doing this. he is going to have to change his own mind. If this is that important for you then be prepared to break up over it.

[spiderman_56]

Well ... i have been in a similar situation and it was awfull ....

 

* No guys do not have an off/on and y ou just flipped and bang it's a hardcore sex session ... when you have smoke there probably is fire somewhere .. there has to be smth bugging him to turn off that sexual desire ... either his state of mind (problems, issues, stress ... ) , either he has a physical problem (erections prbls that he does not want to share , guy pride) or he is no longer sexually interested in you, but if he has already been once, there have been recent changes (extra weight, other girls , or more simply you dont turn him on ), talk to him..dont go straight to the issue and eventually u will get cues on what it could be.

 

* well... he is ur guy and u r the one who knows him best and have the best idea on how to turn him on .... the "please have sex with me " is a real turn off and makes it feel more like a chore,disguting,depressing than anything pleasant. avoid references to the "please screw me " part ... make fun activities , smile , be happy ,dress sexy , get some lingerie, flirt with him... and very lightly with other guys when he is there... just very lightly not to the point it's insulting and hurtfull but very very lightly that the tought of u possibily of u beeing with another man rises in him mind ...just a drop of a doubt ...

It has to be done with some finesse ... we do not want to brush his ego and hurt his social values by beeing scandalous

 

* You are a woman , sexy and have an arsenal of weapons on how to get the animalistic side of a man... think about it and i'm sure u'll find ways....