One-dimensional people..

[shikashika]

( I guess I'm being just as one-dimensional by making blanket-statements here.. but anyway!)

 

I've been single for a few months now.. and every guy I've met recently seems to pigeon-hole people into categories. It really surprised me.. I know not ALL people are like this.. but ALL of the people I've met recently are...

 

One eg. i was checking out a guy on onlinedating.. and he said

 

"are you ineterested in fashion, music shopping, going out for martinis?... if so you are NOT the girl for me.. However, if you like mountain biking, the outdoors, traveling and sports then you ARE the girl for me"

 

what the...??!!! Can't someone be both?

 

another eg.

 

I was set up by a friend of mine.. She told that guy that I really liked gym running etc. apparently he told her, " oh I like girls who like art and music, not girls who like sports"

 

he ended up 'taking a chance' (god I hate that phrase...so patronising) on me.. and found out that wow.. actually did like going to see his art show..

 

he even said to me "I'm really confused, Melanie told me that you were really into mountain biking but you seem to be enjoying this gallery...and the band"

 

 

My last boyfriend was like this.

 

Very "if you like fold music, you don't like makeup, you wear long johns and wear gray socks and birkenstocks'

 

"if you like clubbing, you like spending money on high heel shoes and make up and doing coke of the back of your hand, and spendng money on extravagent resort hotel type vacations"

 

'If you are the above mentioned fold-festival lover, you like going backpacking and traveling as cheaply as possible'

 

and the list goes on and on.

 

i just seem to be meeting all these guys recently... even friends of mine think like that

 

I KNOW not everyone thinks like that.. but why do so many people?

 

why can't the brownie-guide leader enjoy shopping for manolo blahniks, enjoy back country skiing for 5 days, also gets excited about the clothing sales, enjoy backpacking through India, but then loves sunbathind in St Tropez, enjoys getting together with her book club for afternoon tea and then enjoys a weekend of heli-skiing?

 

It really befuddles me.....

[RayKay]

Hmm, I have to say that is not my experience. I have often had people surprised at my various interests (I do mountain bike (and race), and run, but I also have artistic talent, and am somewhat intelligent but I have never had someone say that quite so point-blankedly in a negative way.

 

What drew my boyfriend to me was my active lifestyle, love of outdoors and my love to get "dirty" (on the bike trails!)....what keep him around was finding out I was also funny, intelligent, compassionate and unique and much more than what he originally thought. I have to admit though I am an absolute numbskull when it comes to fashion and I hate shoe shopping..but I do like going for martinis!

 

Does it really matter though what they think? So they will be surprised to learn you don't fit what they thought...I don't see anything wrong with that. That is part of the fun of getting to know people: finding out they are complex and much more than you thought. That goes both ways!

[RayKay]

P.S. as for the ads, I think that is just someone's way of saying what is IMPORTANT to them in a partner. And whom will be compatible with them.

 

I am sure he could appreciate someone could be both, what he probably is not looking for is someone whom is NOT athletic/outdoorsy at all and is all about shoes. I did not see that as him saying if you are outdoorsy, but like shoes...sorry you are out!

[shikashika]

good points Raykay.. I just find it odd that i've met a few guys like this recently..

 

I don't get people who say what they DON'T like... why don't people just say what they DO like... much more beneficial for both parties

 

maybe its just the guys i've met recently

[anggrace]

I agree. Those sight/adds are pretty entertaining to go through. I often have my jaw dropped in disbeleif. You really have to go through sooo many before you find thats not completely shallow. It can be pretty discouraging- but I met my b.f. on there. Weve been together 2 years. But there were some things he said about himself that were pretty off, kinda funny.

[Batya33]

I found that on line dating particularly lent itself to pigeon holing and attracted people who had a very specific "wish list" for a partner - including a very nice doctor who contacted me 6 times- the first part of his profile was fine and then I got to the part where he said he wanted a woman who enjoyed wrestling in bed. Next . .. . . . .

 

I often had phone conversations where the man said "so, you are a [my profession]" and then would make some generalized negative comment. I sometimes said "that is just my job - I am also a [my religion], an aunt, a daughter, a friend, a volunteer, etc. One guy I hung up on basically because after the second time in five minutes I asked him to please stop the jokes about my profession, he did it a third time two minutes later. Bye bye.

 

Look, those people who pigeon hole simply are not right for you - they are most likely narrow minded and jaded and who needs that?

 

I also stayed away from profiles with a lot of "no" or "don't" as in "don't be into shopping" or "no games" etc.

[Dako]

I could never do online dating, because so much is lost in translation from reality to ad. People aren't easy to catalog by type, especially interesting ones.

 

Titles like rocker, biker, cowgirl, upscale professional, etc, seem pretty shallow. Many of the ads seem like role-playing anyway, and if everyone loves to walk on the beach at sunset, why isn't it crowded out there?

[Batya33]

I never did on line dating either in the way you describe. I responded to e-mails, and contacted people through on line profiles for the purpose of meeting in person ASAP and then dating if it made sense to do so. My profile said "I date people not profiles."

[shikashika]

I

 

I also stayed away from profiles with a lot of "no" or "don't" as in "don't be into shopping" or "no games" etc.

 

 

I totally agree with this!!

 

The amount of guys who's profiles read who say things like

 

"I'm a nice guy..really.. I am. my last girlfriend messed with my head so I don't want someone who will hurt me"

 

Waaa waaa!... booo hoo!!!

 

 

I read one this morning that said something like this..

 

"Well because I'm white the reason why I never got a grant for university and why I didn't get my job is because I'm not gay or a minority... so hopefully you won't be that kidn of girl"

 

yeah sign me up!

 

I have never done online dating.. just browsed.. but people definitely do pigeon hole.

[shikashika]

I could never do online dating, because so much is lost in translation from reality to ad. People aren't easy to catalog by type, especially interesting ones.

 

Titles like rocker, biker, cowgirl, upscale professional, etc, seem pretty shallow. Many of the ads seem like role-playing anyway, and if everyone loves to walk on the beach at sunset, why isn't it crowded out there?

 

totally agree with this too!!!

 

You know, this is a reason why online dating doesn't appeal to me.. A guy could put

"My interests are hunting, fishing and hockey"

 

These three things don't really appeal to me.

 

Another guy could write down..

"I love traveling, clubbing, the outdoors

(and numerous other things I like!) but he could be a real drip

 

Mr. hunting fishing guy (and these could just be a few of his interests) on the other hand could be the one who captures my soul and makes me laugh.

[Batya33]

Yes, but if you meet someone at a bar or randomly, you won't know if he is looking for a serious relationship, his age, what he does for a living, where he lives, etc. Of course there are liars on these sites (just like there are liars in real life) but some of the basic questions already are answered.

 

I never paid close attention to the list of interests unless they insisted I had the same interests (like avid scubadivers - somehow that never worked out for me . . .)

[Day_Walker]

Well while you may not be one dimensional there are many out there that are. I believe that these guys are playing the averages.

[Aurian]

I guess its a matter of trying to narrow down the field. Face it, some of those sites have masses of profiles and people browsing them. I don't have any "don'ts" in mine, but I do say that I want someone who is compatible with my own interests. They don't have to share ALL of them, but I want someone who also enjoys video games and hockey with me When I look at profiles, I check out interests myself.

 

I know I am not going to be very compatible with a VERY sporty guy (I'm more couch potato) or someone who is very into bars and clubs (you'll find me in the corner), so I do pass by people who emphasize this part of their personality.

 

I haven't had anyone judge me too harshy for my profession, because I mention my hobbies in my profile too. I do accounting/administration for a bank, so you'd probably think I'm tightlaced and boring no? But I am also an artist in my spare time and I am a good balance between the two "sterotypes". The guy I am dating now is similar - he's an accountant with a creative hobby too (yay for Lavalife ).