If you're not in love with someone, should you leave them?

[Kalika]

Hypothetical situation: you've been dating someone for a few months, or a year or maybe more. You realize that you're not in love with them and don't want to be with them long term. Your SO is not in love with you, either. Is this a good reason to end the relationship? If you're not looking for things to get very serious between the two of you, is it fair to keep the relationship going?

[annie24]

that's hard, I've been on both sides of that situation and it is no fun! I don't know - I think you should give the other person a real chance, but if you are sure that he/she is NOT your future partner, then it is better to end it sooner rather than later. but be fair to them and don't toy with their emotions. don't leave hope, don't say, "well, maybe we can get back together." make sure your decision is final.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hypothetical situation: you've been dating someone for a few months, or a year or maybe more. You realize that you're not in love with them and don't want to be with them long term. Your SO is not in love with you, either. Is this a good reason to end the relationship? If you're not looking for things to get very serious between the two of you, is it fair to keep the relationship going?

 

I'm not sure - I personally wouldn't. I think that it means that you are with someone for the sake of being with someone, I'd rather be single to be honest. And then when the gorgeous man of your dreams comes along, you're free to go off with them, rather than be entangled with someone already.

 

It depends how old you are as well, I guess, and all that. If you're very young and having fun etc. But I've never minded being single, I wouldn't not be in a relationship that I knew was never going to go anywhere, I don't quite see the point, and I can see it sort of using up your youth.

 

But only you can make the decision - if you are staying with someone out of fear of being along, or because it's a habit, then think long and hard about WHY you're in the relationship.

 

Good luck with this!

[RayKay]

I personally think that if you both feel there is no "real future", nor do either of you feel that there is much there....then yes, you should move on.

 

Honestly, I have been on the side of the fence that has been dumped for those reasons and while it hurt, it also freed me to find someone whom did love me, and want a lifetime with me...in the long run, it was much better. I have also been on the other side where it was extremely painful to end it, but I also knew that it was unfair to him to keep holding on to him when he deserved someone to love him absolutely, and that it was unfair to myself to remain in a relationship with someone whom was not suitable either for me.

 

I also believe though in making sure that it is really a lack of love, or if it is more like stress, difficulties that you can address and re-ignite love, because love is ACTION as much as an emotion.

 

I am absolutely someone whom is committed 100%, and when I make that decision to be with someone I put my self into it through tough times and all...but that being said I really would see no point at this stage in my life in being with someone where I could see it was not going anywhere. It only hurts both of you in really deep ways if you hold on when there is no future, and no love.....

 

There is a big difference between being committed through good and bad to someone you love and making the effort together; and trying to FORCE something to be that is not there.

 

After a few months/year you should at certain stages in life know where it is going, and where you want it to go. If the future looks bleak, it would seem to be that you are very likely incompatible in terms of either personalities, relationship goals, etc. And if after that time you do not love....it is not going to suddenly appear...

[barbielovesmac]

I believe that, yes if it is a mutual feeling then why waste your time? If you both know you don't love eachother or you aren't looking for the same thing etc. Why pursue things? When you could be out living your life and finding that someone you could be with and fall in love with. Feelings are crazy and you may just end up hurt in the end if you were to keep things going only because you don't think it's fair. As bad as it may sound, I personally couldn't be with someone who was in love with me that I wasn't in love with, so I can't imagine both parties being in love. You have to do whats best for you in the long run. You can't stick around because you think it's not fair.

[AintittheTruth]

Maybe a short time apart would do both some good. During this time, each person could clear their head and decide if they wish to remain in a romantic relationship. That in love feeling changes in intensity ( peaks and valleys) during the course of a relationship due to many factors.

[shikashika]

I think that if both of you decide you don't want to be together... then why would you..

 

But.. i think the reason for so many divorces these days is because people give up when they just don't 'feel like it' anymore..

 

We are now brought up to believe that if we don't like something... or someone... then we can just quit.

[Dako]

I think to owe it to the other person to part ways.

It's unfair to keep your partner or yourself from finding the real thing.

 

The only exception would be if you both don't care about love.