Feeling a little down that everything is changing.

[SweetJade]

After a very nasty break-up with my ex, I have alot of alone time now to reflect on things. Like me for one, right now my life has all of this confusion.I'm very hurt and bitter right now, I'm mad that I wasted my whole year on someone that only wanted to use me,disrespect me, someone that said they never gave a d*mn about me in the beginning. I realised this months before I found out he was cheating on me with prostitutes but that was the breaking point for me. Now I'm left wondering if I'll ever find that perfect person. I just found out he got a record deal by looking at his myspace page, and it bothers me that he's happy and that he moved on with his life, it seems like good things are happening for him, even when he doesn't really deserve it.

 

My best friend hooked up with this guy recently and I must say that I'm really jealous. It seems like I'm the third wheel in everything now. The guy is so sweet and nice,he's good looking and they are very happy together. I have to ask myself why couldn't my ex be more like him?Just last night my best friend called me and soon as she called me her boyfriend rung her and we got on 3-way. So basically for the rest of the night I just had to hear them talk with all of the I love you's and yada yada yada. Everything I said was completely ignored and they were in their own little world.

 

I feel alone now because it seems as if everyone moved on in their lives and I'm stuck at this dark lonely place where nothing makes sense anymore. I'm not sad but rather bitter that I can't find true happiness.I spend very lonely days and nights at home.I promised myself that this alone time would be more focused on me. My best friend doesn't even seem to have time for me anymore. It gives me alot to think about now and I don't even know what I want to do with my life anymore which just adds to the confusion.I think I'm going to go for a walk or something...

[Danny_W]

You said that you were going to use your alone time to focus on you. Have you actually been doing that?

[Dako]

When another person isn't making you happy, you're left with yourself for happiness. I don't know your age or how long this relationship lasted, but most people go through a period of personal discovery to be comfortable alone.

A guy can't be your everything.

 

Instead of staying home alone, go out that door and find things no one can take from you.

You must have hobbies or interests.

[SuperDave71]

I could not agree more with Dako on this one.

 

 

Great advice (as always) Dako!

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[JoeWho]

Yeah Dako nailed this one. You have to get to the point where you are perfectly happy just being by yourself. Wish I could tell you how to get there, but it is different for everyone.

[bmk4343]

After a bad breakup, I spent about 3 months being miserable. Like Dako said, you have to do things for yourself and nobody can make you truly happy. There are so many things to do, once you find them you'll be so busy and you'll find yourself making yourself happy.

 

I'll give you some examples of what I did. First, I started mentoring a kid - I joined a program through the schools and was assigned a 12 year old girl from a bad home we do all sorts of fun things together. It was like a Big Brother/Big Sisters program. Just seeing her happy, doing things she'd never get to do made me feel great for days.

 

I joined a book club and met a bunch of new friends. I also joined an adult kickball team. As an introvert, it felt great meeting and getting to know new people. I had a whole new group of friends that was always asking me to do things and suddenly my schedule was always packed. I always had something to do, if I wanted.

 

I started some new, more independent hobbies - just took a Saturday class on knitting. Learned a new language. I joined a gym, trained for a 1/2 marathon. Depending on your interests - there are tons of stuff to do and you just have to do it. Always liked horses?? Go finally take those riding lessons. Want to learn to paint? Take a beginner painting class at the local recreation district. The possibilities are endless.

 

I was single about 1 year and never felt happier. Taking that first step is hard, but you get out there and have some fun doing whatever you want!!! And when you are ready to get into a new relationship it will be a lot healthier because you will be an independent person!!

[SweetJade]

I took a walk and I actually took the bus to the mall. There I ran into an old friend and we walked around the mall for awhile and we talked.Once we departed ways I just took time to myself and ate at the food court. Finding a hobby is going to be the hard part because I don't know what really interests me. I will try to discover my passion though. You guys are right I can't rely on someone to make me happy, I realise that now and before I had met my ex, I was miserable until he came. Then he turned into a jerk who ripped and shattered my self-esteem and made me feel so low.I had actually hung onto him for months even when he told me things like I was ugly,that I couldn't do better than him, that I was nothing. I finally had the strength to leave but I made myself look like such a fool.Then I tried to get even and that ended in disaster.

 

I don't know, maybe I'll try to write or read books or something since I have all of this alone time to myself. I realised that I relied too much on people for my happiness than myself, that was my biggest mistake.I will try to excercise and get in better shape. I just feel so alone and empty right now, the feeling is undescribeable. What worries me is that I have no idea how my future will turn out. I'm very perplexed about everything right now.Things look pretty dark and and uncertain.

[Dako]

I had some hobbies when my wife left me that became vital to my health, things like hiking, backpacking and kite flying. Without those I'd have been lost, and in time, I returned to my old passion for motorcycling.

Something has to cheer you up when the world seems cold.

I couldn't imagine life without something joyous to do.

[SweetJade]

You know oddly I used to have passions for things but I lost interest in all of them.One time I used to like producing music, not professionally but I used to like to make songs and I grew out of that. I used to like to draw also but I grew out of that too. When I try to go back to these things, I just can't feel that chemistry or that passion like I used to have. Maybe I need to try to get back into these things. I need to find a way to get my spirit going again. I just got too caught up in the wrong things to care about anything else.

[Dako]

When my wife left, I was devastated in ways I never imagined, but went directly to the park to fly a kite. It just felt so natural to fish for angels and watch the sky.

In time I started looking for something new, and ended up going to moto shops and just browsing until I decided to get a bike.

 

Sometimes not having interests gives you a blank slate to fill in.

[SweetJade]

Interesting, I'm just going to start going out and doing things. Thanks Dako, I'm getting very excited. I mean I'm young and I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm a mystery waiting to be unfold. I think I'll start excercising more and try to get in better shape for one thing. I will try to explore things even if I'm not interested because you never know, I might find my passion. This down time is good for me I suppose. It gets me geared for the future.