Bisexual Marriage

[millaj]

I'm a bisexual woman, and I've been in a relationship with a wonderful woman for over a year. I'm extremely confused because I recently broke up with her out of fear. Now that I did that, I can't stop thinking that she is the one I am supposed to be with for the rest of my life. I can't explain it, but I know she is my soulmate on so many different levels. She knows that I am bisexual, but doesn't approve of it while we are in a committed relationship. She encouraged me to do my own thing for a while, but we are still going to be in our relationship, however there is no strings attached at this time.

 

I'll always be attracted to men, and wish for that "normal" life, but I can't help who I am, and how it has defined me over the years. After I get out of one same sex relationship, I head over to the opposite sex relationship, and when that doesn't work out, I go back to the same sex relationship. I've never cheated on her or anyone else, but when I think it's not working, I give up and move on to the next. Needless to say, it has been a whirlpool of the same actions and consequences. I never thought I'd ever find someone to love me as much as I love them, and then just when I thought it would never happen, I found it in her.

 

The other day while I was having an emotional breakdown, she was there for me like always, and she comforted me and gave me the space I needed, and rubbed my back and kissed me when I needed it. It really hit me that she is my soulmate.. I can just feel it, but I am so scared. I'm scared of making the wrong decision, I'm scared of being Judged by God and the people around me. Marriage, committment, and family is a huge issue. I want it so bad, but how do I know which way to go and if marriage is an option for someone bisexual like myself? Thanks, I'll be looking forward to your advice.

[puff.tm.dragon]

Why would he judge you. God made you the way you are.

[vandgsmom]

Hey there...

 

First you need to calm down and then maybe you need to take a step back from being in a "relationship" go NC with that part of yourself that needs another to feel complete and figure out who and what you are.

 

You may very well be bisexual, but if you are, then you need to accept and embrace that as a wonderful and unique part of you and then move forward. It seems like you have all kinds of guilt over being attracted to the same sex and that that is what is hindering you from just being happy with this awesome woman.

 

Why are you wracked with guilt? Is it religious? Familial? Consider the factors that are holding you back on by one, and decide if appeasing them is more important than you being fulfilled and happy in love......

[blue-eyedspacemonkey]

Marriage shouldn't depend on what orientation you are, but if are with the right person. If you've found your soulmate, (I'm assuming she feels the same about you?) don't let her go, because yoiu might lose her...

Like Puff said, God created you, why would he judge.

People will always judge. Always. Whether they are right or wrong, you'll just have to accept that some people will always judge against you. You don't have to be overtly open and scream that your bi from the roof-tops, but you don't have to hide it either.

 

Talk to her, tell her how you feel, it sounds like she cares about you, and she deserves to know how you feel.

 

Hope this helps

[Cid]

Yes dont let her go if you love her. But dont jump in too quickly. Let your famly know what you want to do, I know I am asking a big thing but you might be surprised that your famly will take it well. But you will never know until you try.

[itsallgrand]

millaj,

 

To simplify, imagine her as a man. If she were a man, what would you do?

Would you find it easier to commit to her?

 

I think you first need to figure out if this is a commitment issue with you, or issues dealing with becoming seriously involved with the same sex.

 

Hope to hear more from you. She sounds lovely.

 

I don't know where you live, but where I am at gay marriage is a go. That doesn't mean there aren't challenges. But there are many people living happily and healthily as married couples of the same sex. With families and friends just like any 'normal' couple.

 

It IS possible.

[millaj]

Hi everyone, thanks for your replies. She is definitely a wonderful person, and we have talked. She knows everything that I deal with, and is always very supportive of me. I know that it bothers her that we are broke up right now, but she respects it and loves me enough to let me grow for a while. It is hard b/c I have a male friend who she knows I am somewhat attracted to, and I am allowing myself the opportunity to get to know him a little more too. It's just that I want to really know what I am doing and who I am when it comes time for me to make an ultimate commitment to someone.

 

Itsallgrand - Yes, if she were a man I would totally find it easier to be ok with the commitment. It definitely is an issue of dealing with my sexuality, and not the commitment part b/c I know that she is as perfect as it can get. She loves me so much, and we want the same type of things in the future. I live in California, so gay marriage is not legal here.

 

Cid - I would love to tell my family. My mother is very supportive of me no matter what.. she has gay friends, and treats everyone equal. My father on the other hand is extremely homophobic, but he welcomes and accepts her. That's the funny part b/c he always talks about it being a sin and all, but he's open and welcome to anyone. None of my family have welcomed any of my partners as much as they all have accepted her. I'm not sure how they would react if I told them I want to marry her.. It's something to think about though.

 

Blue-eyed - I am afraid of losing her, but she has told me over and over again that she is not going anywhere. She does so much for me, even now. I am so blessed to have her in my life, it's extremely overwhelming.. whew. I asked her the other day if she thinks we are soulmates, and she said yes. I told her I think so too, and no matter what happens I know that we are. We talked and I told her that I want her to be my life partner. She said that right now it's better if we stay broken up so that we can both work on ourselves for a while. I can tell she is finally accepting it more, but I told her that I definitely agree that we should stay where we are, and keep working on ourselves, but at this moment and in my heart I feel that she will be my life partner.

 

Vandgsmom - I agree, this is something I have been trying to cope with for a while.. I always feel that I need someone to make me complete. I'm trying so hard right now to just love myself without needing someone to validate me. I was doing so good with that until I met her a year and a half ago. She came along at a good time, we took it slow, and didn't really commit until she moved here from NYC in July. The only real problems I feel we have is that I want sex more than she does, and sometimes it hurts. However she shows me so much love, that I know it's not a matter of her being sexual with someone else. We have complete and open total communication, which I love.

 

I wish I knew why I feel so guilty.. It could be that I was raised in the Christian Church where so many times I was condemed for feeling the way I did. Everytime something would happen in my life that brought me closer to God, I felt that I had to let go of my attraction towards women and throw myself completely into Church. I would do that for months, then all the sudden I would crash and completely leave the Church, and go towards the bisexuality again. It's only recently that I have accepted the fact that I am bisexual and that obviously it isn't going to ever change. I don't know if I was born this way, because it wasn't until I was 18 that the light switch came on, and my life was changed forever.

 

I want to come to terms with this so bad, and really know that God doesn't judge me for this. I'm scared sometimes, and my girlfriend she knows that, but believes in Evolution, vs. my belief of Christianity. I'm starting to lean towards Agnostic, but I don't want to turn my back on Jesus b/c that is what I have always been taught.

 

It's so very confusing.

[pianoguy]

Just because you're bisexual doesn't mean you can't be a Christian and can't believe in Jesus. Yes, there are things in the Bible that seem to contradict this, but I assure you these things are very much open to interpretation.

 

I think it might be helpful for you to look for a Christian church that is accepting of bisexuality. There are some pretty mainline denominations out there. The Episcopal church is one of the largest Christian denominations in the world and it is accepting of bisexuality and homosexuality. You may also consider the United Church of Christ, or the Unitarian church, or something of that nature. The Unitarian church isn't quite a Christian church per se, but they are wonderful openminded people. I am not very familiar with the United Church of Christ but my impression is that they are very much a traditional Christian church that is accepting of homosexuality.

 

I myself am a big fan of the Episcopal Church, it is a very respectable, old, mainline denomination. They are very much "high church" with the liturgy and all, so it can take getting used to if that isn't what you were raised in.

[Cid]

I am not apart of a church right now, but 4 years ago I was a minster of the Universal Life Church I preached that god loves us no matter what. But I think that you just need to find your own way. If a church gives you a good feeling you should go to it. Go to all the different Church's in your area and give them all a try. I think you will find one that fits you.

[millaj]

I'm planning to attend a Church tomorrow morning. The first accepting Church I've ever been to, so it will be a new experience for me. I'm looking forward to it. I hope I don't get nervous and decide not to go. I'll have to get some good rest tonight, so that I don't give myself the excuse to sleep in.

[Cid]

Good luck I know it is late but better late then never.

[millaj]

Thanks you all. Just an update.. We exchanged promise rings.. It's pretty exciting.