I met her for the first time

[Curious0516]

This past weekend I flew 1200 miles to meet a girl I have been talking to on the phone for a bit over a month. When I talked to her on the phone she sounded like somebody that I would like to fly and meet. One day before I flew to meet her she said something that I really didn't understand she said you never say bless you and that offends me. It made me a bit uncomfortable that she would say something like that to me and I wasn't aware that it offended her. When I met her we were having fun and everything but I just didn't like certain things like she would tell me to help her with the doors and I would tell her that I am trying but she gets there before I do. I did feel an attraction to her but I wasn't going to do anything about it because of these things. I didn't want to confront the situation too much because I was only there for the weekend and didn't want to make things uncomfortable. She called me right after I got to the airport asking me why I wasn't very talkative on the third day and I told her that I was tired that is all. The truth was that I didn't want to say too much because she is sensitive and I didn't want to say the wrong things. To this point I feel something inside for her I haven't called and I am not so sure at this point. The only things that I know is that we did have fun together but there were some hangups here and there. She is probobly asking herself why didn't he kiss me, etc. but I didn't want to do anything unless I was absolutely sure. I didn't want her to get hurt and I didn't want to feel rejected if in fact she didn't like me.

[hosswhispra]

If you 'feel' something is off with her in your gut--go with your gut. I think you had your doubts about her before you met her (I read your earlier posts). 1200 miles is a long distance....are there women closer to you proximity wise?

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Hi - You are exercising good judgment. The last thing you need is a relationship with someone whom you walk on eggshells around. Replace the word 'sensitive' with 'irritable' and you'll see what I mean.

 

These are the cues that you can pick up on when you meet someone but not necessarily over the phone. Furthermore, she just started showing this side of her personality when you met, and not before? Was she hiding it? What else is she hiding?

 

Long distance relationships/online relationships are often 75% fantasy/assignment of qualities, and 25% reality.

 

Good luck.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Good for you for meeting her, and double good for you for being cautious! My feeling is that picking people up for the way they act is rude, to be honest. I wouldn't like that myself, I know people who constantly pick at what I say, or do, and I *hate* it. You often find people who are quick to find blame with others rarely turn that mirror on themselves.

[anggrace]

Sounded like you handeled that really well!! I think at some point, if you want to pursue her still, you will have to talk to her about it. Otherwise, eventually, her nagging will eat away at you. If you dont feel you could talk to her about it, then I dont think shes the girl for you.

[keenan]

There's some movie...Singles?...in which one of the main characters has this hang-up about the guy she's seeing: he never says "bless you" when she sneezes. She uses this as a proxy for all of the selfish things he does, and all of the chivalrous things he DOESN'T do...like opening doors, pulling out her chair at the table, etc. I've heard women make reference to the 'bless you' thing in passing -- it's like it's code for whether a guy is willing to bend over backwards for a woman right from the start...OR, depending on your viewpoint...treat a woman with a lot of (traditional) respect. It's possible that this girl has some kind of template that she wanted you to match, and that she was looking for little things as 'signs' or 'markers' as to how well you match it. You weren't meeting those expectations in a couple of ways. Rather than just chill out, roll with it, and get to know you better from the inside to find out whether you're REALLY kind and respectful, she started judging your from the outside and extrapolating to what is inside, picking at the mismatched areas right from the get-go. It's good that she knows what she wants...but it does sound like her way of getting there might be a bit harsh...and unhappy for ya if you hung around.

[Curious0516]

I wanted to talk to her about thease things but oh well what can you do? I don't think it's a good idea to bend over backwords from the start because it could turn into a full time job. I am kind and respectful

 

For example I handed her a beer to her hands and she said to me you don't have to treat me like a queen. I said to her that is just the way I do things and that was it.

[Batya33]

Textbook example of why typing and talking have little relevance to whether you click in person. O magazine (Oprah) had a great article last month about why being a "manners police" is in itself not having good manners. It also sounds like both of you had raised expectations of what meeting would be like because of all the typing and talking you did beforehand. Next time I would meet in person ASAP and stick to people you can meet quickly - from a geographic standpoint.

[Curious0516]

That is a very good point Batya

[heloladies21]

Dude, you need to learn how to stick up for yourself. If some girl started saying some of that stuff to me, I'd make fun of her about. not pissed off style, but I certainly would not apologize for not treating her like a goddess. This is 2007 and she doesn't need some guy sucking up to her in order to win her affections.

 

Don't be afraid of conflict. Girls want guys who are honest about their feelings #1 above all else. So many relationships are doomed because the guy is too afraid to show how he really feels even if it's negative.