Feeling So Numb

[xMorningStarx]

Well today was the last day I was going to see my girlfriend before I went away to Austria for 2 weeks. I was looking forward to seeing her after not seeing her for a few days. Didn't have anything planned, we were just going to hang out for a bit, watch some movies, eat pizza, have sex etc etc.

 

Anyway, we were together in my room, just hugging. She was really quiet and something was not quite right. I asked her and she said it was nothing and started to gently kiss me. She then stopped and sat up. I asked her to tell me what was wrong, but she was deadly quiet. She then came out with "I don't want to be in a relationship."

 

I was stunned, I really didn't know what to say. I asked her why and she told me that it scares her. I asked her what she was trying to say, and then asked if she was trying to tell me it was over. She started to cry and nodded. I was in a state of shock. I began shaking. I love this girl with all my heart, and I'd do anything for her.

 

She took it back soon after and said she just wanted some space, that she loves me too much to lose me. I still couldn't say anything. She left my house, but gave me a big hug and a kiss at the door. I could barely say a word other than "please, stay". She said she couldn't. Her tears stopped and she started joking around with me, acting all calm. I watched her leave, and I'm really scared its for the last time.

 

I don't know what to do. I'm going away tomorrow and I hate leaving things like this. She's everything to me, and I don't know whats going to happen. It hurts too much. I feel all alone.

[gfein347]

MorningStar-

 

This girl clearly loves you, as you said. For some reason or another, she simply feels scared to be so committed right now. We're about the same age, and I know that being young and very committed to one person can scare some people. Others are perfectly okay with it.

 

My advice is to make it clear to your girlfriend that you love her very much and still want to be with her. You've already done that. Then, I suggest you do exactly what she asked, and give her space. Right now is a perfect time, since you'll be out of town. Just let her know that she can contact you anytime, and leave it at that. That way, she'll have lots of space, but if she starts missing you, she won't have to wonder if she can call.

 

I wish you the best of luck, and I think you'll find that things will work out better than you're imagining.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey MorningStar....

 

As much as I love the crap out of Gfein - I am going to have to *respectfully* disagree with him.... (sorry G-)

 

Whilst I'm sure its obvious she cares about you to some extent - we can tell from the tears - she either has REALLY bad timing or really GOOD timing.

 

Knowing that you will be gone for 2 weeks was a good strategy - whilst unfair to you to leave you with that to think about on your travels, she was trying to ensure herself some space and time.

 

I'm sorry for your pain Morning Star - I think if you can, you should completely put it out of your mind as something to deal with when you get back. At least TRY to do that.

 

That way you can some what enjoy your trip.

[confused25]

Whenever a girl tells you that "she needs space", it means that she's no longer interested in the relationship, and that she wants to start seeing other people. Plus she's only 21, so she probably doesn't wanna just settle down yet. If you didn't have any problems before this, and this was like a out of the blue thing, then I'd say that something fishy is going on. . . . sorry to be so blunt!

[Massari]

X

 

I am truly sorry about what has happened to you especially since you are going away for a few days. I agree with everyone about the fact that she truly loves you and her reactions "the kiss" the crying" do prove it. But I am gonna say something here, it is easy for women to act. I am saying this based on the experience I had with my ex which I just broke up with a month ago. She was leaving for L.A for two weeks for a family wedding. before she left we got together to say goodbye and she cried in my arms saying she loves me and misses me so much and she really wish she wouldn't go, that was so believable for me.

 

Now she goes there, BOOM 2 nights after she cheats on me and I find out. anyhow all I am saying to you brother is that all this might be an act and this is probabely NOT what you wanna hear at this point at ALL. Do you think there is a possibility of another man involved here?

 

I am not trying to have a negative view here but just consider all the possibilities and doing that might make the whole situation a little easier on you.

[xMorningStarx]

She assures me that theres no one else and she joked that she's going to spend the 2 weeks while I'm away just practising games so she can kick my * * *.

 

I really don't know. I'm positive she loves me, and I knew she'd freak out eventually, but I feel so powerless. She really did pick her moment to drop this on me. I want to be with her so badly, but how am I to know that if we get back together its not going to happen?

 

I trust her...but I can't rely on her anymore.

[JoeWho]

I heard this same story form my ex once. She swore up and down that there was no one esle and I believed her as we were and I quote "were" always honest with each other. Fast forward a few months later and I found out that there was in fact someone else and she lied to me. I am not saying that this is what is going on with your girl, but I am saying dont be blind to the fact that she could be lying about what she is telling you. That doesnt mean she doesnt love you but maybe her tears are because she is hurting you. If you want her to come back then dont beg her and act like it is her loss if she doesnt want to be with you.

 

Best of luck to you mate.

[xMorningStarx]

She just sent me a text.

 

"im so sorry about today. but can we forget i was stupid and be together? i cant stand knowing could never be with you again. take me back? im goin the pub with dad now, so just txt me please. you mean so much to me. your the only person in the world who makes me insanely happy...and i just got really scared, i know you won't hurt me, and im so sorry i hurt you. : ( love you loads you n00b xxxxx"

 

Right, I don't know how to reply to that without sounding weak. Any advice?

 

Also...my trust with her has shaken a little too. Will that pass?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This is a tough one. She broke this bombshell on you just before you were going to go away... "I want to break up with you...bon voyage". That is rather cruel. I think if you take her back immediately, it will send a clear message that she can be hurtful and there will be no consequences. What you might want to do is tell her that you are very hurt by her actions, particularly by the fact that she dumped this on you right before you were going to go away on a trip...no thought to how this would impact you when you were supposed to be having a good time seeing another country.. I would also tell her that you are going to take the time away as a time to reflect and get in touch with yourself and your feelings and that she should take the time apart to do the same and figure out what she really wants. You will then call her when you get back and discuss things.

 

By doing this, you send a clear message that she can't mess with your heart like that. I also wouldn't contact her at all for the two weeks you are away. This will allow both of you the time to miss each other and decide you really want to be together. It will also give her time to reflect on her mistake and have consequences for her actions which were not very considerate of you. If she decides after the two weeks apart that you really are broken up, then it was never meant to be. 2 weeks apart with no contact should not make or break a relationship if it is strong enough.

[heloladies21]

It takes a lot for someone to get to the point where they dump someone, even temporarily. And the fact that she did say that she wanted things to end say a lot about how she's not 100% all about you anymore. So you can't just accept her taking it back and proceeding like nothing happened, she's expressed some major doubts about you and that's not good. If you just ignored her dumping you and swept it under the rug, she would just dump you again in the near future. Seen it happen hundreds of times.

 

If you are capable, you need to have a long sit down talk with her about her feelings. But you also have to be able to stick up for yourself and say something to the effect of "I only want to be with someone who is 100% into me and if you don't feel that way then this needs to end right here and now."

 

If you're not strong enough to view things this way, then you need some time to yourself to figure things out. Don't worry, she'll still be there when you're finally ready, and you're not gonna be helping your situation any by sticking around and supporting her while she's dumping you.

 

Times like this are tough my man. The emotional roller coaster that guys in your situation (me included) get pulled through. It's probably the hardest thing you're gonna go through ever. But the one thing you have to keep in mind is that you must maintain your self respect and never accept less than what you deserve.

[need2bme]

I agree that she loves you, but just because she loves you (yes I am about to be cliche here), does not mean that she is "in-love" with you.

 

I KNOW it hurt my ex to break up, I even know it hurt the "3 week" ex to tell me that she "needed space", but it doesn't mean they love you enough to stay.

 

Also, running out into the cold air of the unkown is daunting, to say the least. The "grass is always greener" and "we all want what we can't have". I am sure she thinks a life without you would not be fun, but she broke the news to you and it must have been rattling around in there somewhere and it came out for a reason.

 

I also think that you have to remember you. If you do run back, as stated before, then you are sending a CLEAR signal that it is ok for her to do this, even if it is only subconsciously. Give yourself some time and that will let her know that you matter.

 

I agree with everyone, but will add to take "Crazyaboutdogs" advice. However, I don't think you need to say too much at all. Simply say that you know she said what she said for a reason. You love her dearly and want her to be happy. You respect her enough to give her some space. You don't want to break up, but ask that she use this time to figure out what she thinks about your relationship. Tell her you love her and don't get into talking about the relationship.

 

Then, go have fun. At night, you can reflect on what the relationship means to you. Above all, don't call her. If she calls you, just text her gently and remind her to please take the time.

 

Hope this helps and good luck!!!

[xMorningStarx]

Okay a small update. I sent her a message saying that I love her and want to work on our problems when I get back, but basically told her that I'm not going to put up with this happening again.

 

Then about 5 hours later, she messaged me back saying that she's at her friend's house and wanted to phone me but can't because the music is too loud and other people are around. I messaged her back saying it's okay and asked her how come she's there (this friend lives about a 20 minute car journey away), and she just didn't reply.

 

Now I know something doesn't add up, because there is no way she can't check her phone after something this big for 5 hours. She's at this friend's house for some bizarre reason (they're not that good friends). Either a) She's gone to a party and didn't tell me or b) She's at a different friend's house, lied about going for a meal with her family and she's with a guy.

 

I really hate myself for thinking that, especially after the really sweet and heartfelt message she sent. But things are just too suspicious for my liking. I'm going away later on today, but I hate the feeling that she may be in someone else's bed right now, cuddling up to them like she did with me.