It finally hit me!

[bubbles07]

Hi everyone, I don't really want to go over my details of what happened in my relationship with my ex gf but if you are interested you can see it in my other posts.

 

Anyways it hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday! I have been NC for 9 days and then I get a text from her sister asking how I'm doing. It was weird because why would her sister show interest after we broke up. I know it was proably her because I have also been receiving blocked phone calls lately. So I replied that I'm doing great. I text her sister again yesterday asking her if girls ever get there feelings back? she replied that it is possible and that right now the best thing for me to do is let my ex gf have space or else I'll just push her away and in a couple of months you never know what could happen. I then replied back stating how I feel like I'm just on the back burner and that it feels like she just wants to date other guys and see what else is out there. She replied back "well your not on the back burner because she is certain of her decision. Also if you don't move on your just hurting yourself". Thats when it hit me. I know my ex is proably sitting right next to her sister and telling her what to type.

 

I finally have realized that she is not coming back and have almost started to hate her. I feel like why should I have to put up with her crap when all I have done is treated her like gold. I treated her better than anybody else around me and she just took it for granted. I feel like I hate her now and don't want her in my life. She just wants to go have fun with other guys (even though she never came out and said that). Why else would she go so cold after 6 years. Well she can go out there and have all the fun she wants because no one will treat her like I treated her, they are just gonna use her and take off. If she tries coming back after dating anyone else, she can take a hike because I'm not a doormat that she can step on whenever she wants.

 

For everyone thats been dumped, you have to open your eyes and see the big picture. They dumped you for a reason, not just because they are "confused" or "need space". They dumped you because they don't want you in there life anymore and see someone else they are interested in. You just got traded in my friend for a newer model.

 

Everyone keeps telling her that I'm a good guy, even her dad and sister called me after we broke up and told me that they love me and still want me to come around the house and stuff. They know she is making a mistake and she even said that she is gonna regret it later. All well its her loss.

 

I'm not going to communicate with her in anyway, i have deleted her contacts in my AIM and phone. She is dead to me.

[Siriana]

I agree. That's the bottom line.

[regoms]

i half agree and im tempted to do this in my relationship as well.

 

but theres one thing holding me back. she put us on a "break".. at least the night she did it thats what she said. in the 3 hours it took us to part ways she suggested emailing each other, calling each other after sometime, and even that i come over every now and then to spend time with her dog(who for all intents and purposes has been my dog as well since she got her back in june). right now im totally mad at the way things are going between us, but im starting to realize its because im still letting myself obsess over helping her with her problems, making her feel good, etc. i decided yesterday to no longer IM her, and i still want to email her, but i think as of today ive decided to cut back on that as well..not completely but i dont think im going to email her every day, even if she IS returning them.

 

i was getting upset over the fact that she doesnt want to im me much, and wont talk on the phone, but i guess in a way maybe its a good sign that shes open to at last 1 form of communication... ahhh i dunno

[bubbles07]

regoms, just because she said that doesn't mean that she wants you in her life. It could be a way of her just letting you down easy. Mine told me that she wants to be friends and still wants to talk and keep in contact. Told me how I'm amazing and that I'm perfect for her. Told me that she knows shes gonna regret it because she knows all men don't compare to me and bs like that. I was the one that said no. You have to look out for yourself now and not them. Once she has used you to make herself feel better do you really think that she is gonna stick with you. Ask yourself why did she need a break in the first place from you, why couldn't she figure things out without putting you on a break?

 

I just think that they all say that so they have a back up plan if nothing else works. You should see that and make sure that you don't get used like that. I still love my ex and deep down inside I would love for her to come back. But I know thats not going to happen and if it does, its because she couldn't find someone that treated her like I did. Its like they are shopping around to see if theres anything better and if there isn't then they'll come back to you. You deserve better then that!

[regoms]

i hear ya,.. but i trust that she has issues that go far beyond our relationship. she did poorly in school last semester, and today she told me she may even be quitting her job due to lack of time. she has anxiety and just a few weeks ago had to have her prescription increased because she wasnt feeling good.

 

thats not to say its easy for me to accept. ive been backstabbed by girls in the past and ive been in the same spot as you. i even had 1 girlfriend i was able to write off immediately upon getting dumped. so trust me, i know the tricks, the games, and the bitterness that comes with it, and im on the lookout for it. i think im gonna go dark with her for a little while and see what happens.

[Ellie2006]

Hi Bubble07,

I am sorry to hear that you're having a hard day today

 

For what it's worth, I do think you've made the right decision to stay strong with NC.

 

Moreover, though you may be close to your ex's family (and even though they may care for you), they are *HER* family members first so it may be best to discontinue your contact w/ your ex's family as well.

 

I know you said in another thread that you still care for your ex and of course, just bc we break up w/ someone, it does not necessarily mean that we can turn off our love like a water faucet.

 

Nonetheless, as you say, the relationship IS over; easier said than done, I know, but it might be best if you let go of false hopes of her return. In the past, I do think she has sent you some mixed messages about her returning BUT in this latest exchange via her sister, she's made it clear that she would like you to move on and you should do so, NOT because she wants you to BUT because it is the best thing to do for YOU.

 

I understand that you have a lot of anger and hatred towards her right now; but if you can, please let go of these destructive emotions as it will only hinder you from healing -- i.e. you are letting go of the anger and hate for YOUR BENEFIT and for no other reason.

 

 

Also, in my humble opinion, if you do not have concrete reason to believe that she has someone waiting by the sidelines, please do NOT go there as such thoughts will only hurt you more!

 

Yes, power through NC for now -- but please make certain that you make NC count, which entails NOT concentrating on her but focusing on YOUR HEALING!

 

Rather than counting off the days since you last spoke w. her, track the positive progress you're making.

 

Also, please don't forget to be extra kind to yourself while you heal: y'know, the basics -- don't forget to eat, get rest/sleep, get some fresh air, hang out w/ on-line and off-line friends, vent, exercise, etc etc!

 

Hang in there!

 

NC may prove to be a bitter pill to swallow at times but please know we're here to support you every step of the way!

 

Sending best wishes your way,

Ellie

[bubbles07]

thanks Ellie for your response, yeah i am going to stop talking to her family too. I am angry and feel like i hate her but i also know that i do love her. But whatever, gotta look out for me now, no one else is going to. The only reason I feel like there is someone else is because someone doesn't go that cold all of a sudden and i know that she has quite a lot of guy friends. I'm not letting that affect me because I know they are gonna treat her like crap and just use her like they do every other girl they come in contact with. I have also noticed that a lot of people on here have had there ex only come back to them after they have been through another relationship and for some reason it didn't work out. They don't end up coming back on there own, most of the time its after they have met someone else. I also know that alot of people would not leave a relationship with someone if they think they are perfect for them unless they see someone else they are interested in and think that they may be a better match.

 

Like in my situation its like she knows i would be a perfect husband for her one day but at the moment she wants to go and have fun with other guys and then maybe if none of them work out she will be back, but I'm not having that. I'm done with her and its not like I'm just going through this today, i'm gonna remember this forever so i'm not gonna get soft on her if she does start to realize what she lost. Too Late!

[krnelson2]

 

Like in my situation its like she knows i would be a perfect husband for her one day but at the moment she wants to go and have fun with other guys and then maybe if none of them work out she will be back, but I'm not having that. I'm done with her and its not like I'm just going through this today, i'm gonna remember this forever so i'm not gonna get soft on her if she does start to realize what she lost. Too Late!

 

This is exactly how I feel, she is leaving so much open saying that we cant be together RIGHT NOW... And that she has always though I was THE ONE..

 

BS. Thats what I say. You dont leave the person "YOU STILL LOVE, AND CARE ABOUT" My ex was always deeply in love with me and we had great times together for 5 years. not even two months after the breakup and she is with someone else. You cant tell me that she wasnt thinking about this before. She kept me around until something better came a long and then kicked me to the curb.

[bubbles07]

This is exactly how I feel, she is leaving so much open saying that we cant be together RIGHT NOW... And that she has always though I was THE ONE..

 

BS. Thats what I say. You dont leave the person "YOU STILL LOVE, AND CARE ABOUT" My ex was always deeply in love with me and we had great times together for 5 years. not even two months after the breakup and she is with someone else. You cant tell me that she wasnt thinking about this before. She kept me around until something better came a long and then kicked me to the curb.

 

 

exactly my point, how can she go from the person she loves so much to someone new in 2 months. She was already thinking about that guy before and got with him. It is all planned. Whatever when that doesn't work, i'm pretty sure she'll realize that she messed up with you and will proably want another chance. But then if you do get back together she will just leave as soon as she sees someone else she is interested in.