Jealousy in a relationship and thoughts-help

[candy604]

Okay my bf and I had a big arugment over Jealousy. He made up a story about him going out with his friend and his friend bringing "some friends" along. Then I inquired about who they were b/c he didn't tell me, he said they were two girls that he didn't know but were at his school, so his friend wants him to meet him. I asked a few questions and he told me that his friend said they are hot and single. I was of coursed peeved, but then he siad yah i just made it up to prove my point that you do get jeolous. I am upset at the fact he'd hid the info from me in the beginning so i'd had to ask him questions and also mad at the fact he sounded happy when his friend claimed they were hot and single. I really don't need to know that do I? Mind you this is a made up story.

 

Now I am not an overly jeolous person. Even so, I tell him i am not even jeolous. I have never had any arugments with my bf over girls . Also i let him stay over at his girl friends house who i hardly know. if the situation was reversed, he'd hit the wall. I don't give attitutde if he wants to hang out with his girl friends ( even the girls he used to like) b/c i trust him. Yes, it sometimes bothers me, but i don't make a big deal out of it.

 

So the argument is, my bf wants me to admit i'm a hyprocrite b/c i get jeolous etc..but i find it ridicoulous to go back on my word. I seriously do not give a crap, rather I just find myself caring and looking out for the person. If a girl was to hit on him , yes i'd be concerned and help him deal with it but is considered jeolousy? I'd also ask why he'd want to be friends with those type of people. Also another thing bothers me, is that I tell him everything about what guy i talk to, who i have lunch with, yet he hardly tells me anything, he just says " classmates" or yeah i hang out in a group. Then i hafta ask questions..ugh.. Vague and claims i shouldn't need to know anything about it since it's not relevant and since Iclaim i am not the jeolous person. Another thing is, if he talks about another girl, he automatically assumes i'm gonna get jeolous and tries on purpose to see if any emotion comes out of me ( which nothing does anyway). Or keeps information away from me about girl he talks to b/c he thinks i'm gonna get mad. But do i have the right to know about what he does?

 

So the question is what the freak is jealousy in a relationhip? i'm confused now. I thought we are suppose to be open in a relationship? now if i inquire anything about a girl in a calm tone, i'm hit with " ha, so you are jeolous"

 

By the way, it turned up into a huge argument I don't know what to say anymore.

[DN]

There is a difference over jealousy because of innocent interaction with people of the opposite sex and reasonable concern that a partner may be cheating or contemplating cheating.

 

You are not wrong to feel the way you do because he is deliberately trying to make you feel like that. The question is - why? Why is he doing that. Is he just being stupid or is he trying to manipulate you so that you won't be able to say anything about inappropriate behaviours on his part for fear of being called a hypocrite?

[Jlizzy]

He's not being fair to you and is playing games with you!