My best friend is a snake. -Need Help

[SuperDuper]

The story started back 2 summers ago when I started lended money to a certain "bestfriend" of mine, a total of roughly $500.

I feel it's more than that though.

 

It took about 1 year and a half to even receive $300 of that.

He constantly is working for his father and spends most of his money on other things. Somethings I won't mention.

 

Recently before Christmas he said he would have the rest of my money after Christmas, and now I called him up and he told me he doesn't have it all.

 

He spends his money on his car, food at school (when he could make a lunch like everyone else) and "other things".

 

It makes me angry that he always says how he wants to even his debt with me, but he seemingly never prevails. He tells me he gets a paycheck on Friday and when I ask him, he "just needs to go to the Bank".

 

I'm his bestfriend and he won't even be a man and say anything to me at school about the progress financially.

 

I dont know how to get my money from him, we've had good times together so I dont' want to beat him up or something like that, he's just an unloyal, disrespectful kid it seems.

 

Opinions/advice would be appreciated sincerely.

[Ellie2006]

Hi there,

 

Maybe this is a bit radical on my part but it is for this reason that I try not to have any financial interaction w/ my friends/family UNLESS I am able to consider it as a "gift" of sorts that I plan never to get back.

 

 

In the past, it sounds like you lent him money over a period and perhaps he thinks you have money to spare? I don't know. This is neither here nor there, but it might have been best not to loan him any more money before he paid back the initial amount he loaned from you? In any event, I guess you now know that there can't be any exchange of money b/t you in the future ...

 

At any rate, maybe you should cut him some slack seeing as he is your best friend (and you want to maintain the friendship, right?); some people just have different timelines about paying someone back, unfortunately. So for now, wait ... maybe give him a bit more time and hopefully he will pay you back. Good luck!

[itsallgrand]

I agree with no longer loaning to him.

 

What do you want to happen now? Are you more concerned with receiving your money or with maintaining the friendship?

 

Would you be ok financially and otherwise if you never saw the money again? It's a real possibility.

[Hope75]

Super,

 

As hard as it is, it's not usually a good idea to loan money to friends, for the very same reason of what's happened to you now. Money can come between friends and ruin a friendship.

 

It sounds as though he's avoiding you somewhat over the money situation. SO as others have mentioned, maybe you need to decide how important the remaining 200$ is to you, and if it's worth the cost of being friends. If you can live without it, maybe just let it go and make a promise to yourself never to loan him money again.

[nomoretears4uboo]

I say, you make him do things that will eventually add up to what he owes you. Or tell him you need the money like NOW. If you don't want to be his friend.Make a paper and write down how much he owes you make him sign it. Tell him he has until that certain date to pay you. If he doesn't pay you back by that time take him to civil court. THAT WILL TEACH HIM!

[robowarrior]

I would just say keep the 200$ you own me and get out of my life. Honestly the horror and nightmare along with anger it brings you will cost you 2000$ on shrinks.

 

Lending money unless its a real and life threatening situation should always be prohibited. Let me tell you the subtle difference.

 

The difference between it is that in one case you are letting people abuse your kindness, and the other is when its an emergency.

 

Its also because you don't understand that this person isn't a friend, rather a vulture that uses the people around him as tools (spades,and sand if you like) to fill up the gaps he has been creating in his life.

 

No no and no, when you are in desperate need of help, a real friend steps into your life when a fake friend steps out.

9/10 that if you would ask him a favor he would laugh at your face, or give an exuse. Go ahead and try it, tell us the results of a moment where you need help that you have put in scene simply to evaluate his friendship. I bet you'll come back red as a tomato from anger and disappointment beyond belief of what you thought to be a real friend. My advice.

 

Close yourself to bad people/things/events and open yourself up to good people/things/events.

 

I believe one poster here told how his poor household won a million dollars , and then suddenly the vultures in the family started lending money of which they never saw a penny back. Welcome to life, a place filled with darkness and hatred and people with no good intentions.

 

Of course you shouldn't become like them, hell we need more of the perfect kind of people from heaven like you to bring love and light into this world. What i just want you to be VERY aware of is that there are individuals in this world who do not have the best interest in you.

[SuperDuper]

That filthy mother %#@'er, he worked all summer only to waste MY MONEY on marijuana, liquor, his car, and other things.

 

If I were to tell him to get out of my life, then I know it would hurt him and he'd probably pay me back sooner. But then we'd have this undying tension between us until Fall.. when we go our separate ways.

 

The thing is, I don't need the money, I have about 5 Grand to my name right now, but I CANNOT believe that with all the good times we've had together, all the secrets and trust we've had together, he avoids me.. cold shoulders me.. and won't pay me back the good deed I did for him.

 

He's taking my kindness for weakness.. it's been nearly 3 years since I loaned him that money. Plus, it's not like I gave him $500.. I paid for his dinner/movies at times, because he had a paycheck coming in..

Funny thing is I never saw the money for a year +.

 

He lies to me constantly.. telling me one week he just needs to go to the bank, then when I confront him a week later, he doesn't have the money.

If this was anyone else, they would be seriously hurt right now.

I know this guys whole family, so I can't do that.. but comeon if he truly respected me he wouldn't let it come to this.

[Ellie2006]

Hey SuperDuper,

I can understand how frustrating it must be to know that your friend squandered the money you lent him.

On the one hand, you seem really angry w/ him but on the other hand, you seem hesitant to hurt his feelings (as he *is* your friend, after all).

 

Also, you seem angry most about the fact that he repaid your kindness w/ inconsiderate behavior; if i may ask, what are your plans re: the friendship? If you want to maintain the friendship (and have no dire need for the money right at this moment), would you consider letting this matter go for now? It does not sound like he's going to pay you back any sooner even if you keep on him about the loan and it may end up aggravating the tension b/t you two.

 

If you're disppointed w/ your friend to the degree that you are willing to let this friendship go, perhaps you can make a formal and business-like request for the return payment of the remaining amount within a certain time frame.

 

Sorry you're going through this but please try not to let this get you angry too much! Take care.