is something wrong with me?

[HDD]

its been three weeks of NC with my x and i only cried the first week... i havent cried since the New Year started... i do feel devestated but when I feel like crying, i find myself not able to do so. Is there something wrong with me? am i trying to control my feelings so that i dont feel pain? Maybe since we were both kind of expecting this break up and saw it coming I am able to handle my emotions better... i dont know. I am just so confused. Even though i did not initiate the break up, is it normal to feel this way? I think about him all the time and i really want to talk to him, but I am also mad at him at the same time and dont want to call him and break NC. I hope he isnt mad at me or doesnt hate me, which is another reason why i am not calling him. Can someone help me out here? Is this healthy? Do i need to see someone and talk things through? like a therapist or something? I just want to make sure that i am healing the right way.

[blender]

There is nothing "wrong" with you.. we each process these emotions in our own way. And for now "no contact' is also the right thing for you. Do not worry that your ex "is mad or hates you" that is not accurate... and choosing "no contact" usually ends up making the ex reflect more on themselves and what thier "part" in the break was and it leaves them to discover thier own issues.. not yours.. so rest assured that you are doing this the right way.

 

As far as the "crying" goes, I found it was so helpful when I wen to talk to a therapist. And I suggest you do some research to make sure you find a board certified reputable therapist close to your home, and go a few times and see how much it helps to talk to an objective professional.

 

For right now it's also important to try to get busy with your own life, and to get involved in some hobbies, take up a new interest, learn to play the guitar, volunteer at a hospital, read books, take walks, talk to friends and family.. and take care of YOU. Your sad right now, you've had an emotional loss, but the good news is there are so many wonderful adventures in your future.

 

You will learn so much from this experience if you choose to, and it seems to me you are kind, and also self respecting enough to be looking at yourself, what you are feeling, why you are feeling it, that is a sign of maturity and class.. so be proud of yourself. The best is ahead of you, not behind you.

[JoeWho]

What you are feeling is completely normal. I felt/feel the same way as you about my breakup and that was almost 5 months ago. I go through ups and downs all the time. I have found its best to just not think about how the ex feels about me, in fact I dont really care what she thinks anymore. You are only on three weeks of NC and the first month is by far the hardest, so good job so far!!! It will get better for you soon as long as you keep up the NC.

[HDD]

Yes, I have been contemplating seeing a therapist and I do want to make sure they are good and really help me with handling my emotions. I will do my research and try to find a good one. I will let you all know if it helped me. By the way, this will be my first time seeing a therapist (which I never thought I would need to do). But then again, like they say, there is a first time for everything.

About keeping busy, I am going to the Gym and taking yoga and pilates classes. Plus I am thinking about becoming a certified diver eventually someday i hope. But i am trying to keep myself busy by doing things, even cleaning the house and watching infomercials on TV help keep my mind off of him.

I believe this is a very important phase in my life. I have never gone through something like this and it is helping me to reflect on what my problems and issues are and let me tell you, I am not perfect either. but I did put my 110% into the relationship and i never wanted it to end. But you can't control other people's feeling or actions, just your own. I just have to try and get through these next couple of weeks and see where I am. Its just really hard to not think about him, even though it is getting better.

(secret wish: i hope he thinks about me at least 5 times every day).

[blender]

How bout changing your "secret wish" to a goal for yourself, and say to yourself, "I will no longer give my precious energy to any guy who does not think about me as respectfully as I think about him".

 

YOU are going to be fine, it's going to be tough to "stop thinking of him".. that's normal for awhile, it becomes an "emotional habit".. but the good news is, it is one you can break by choosing a standard/value for your own heart, and accept that YOU are worthy of someone who will make an effort to intentionally be in your life, the same way you would for them... Until you meet someone who is willing and wonderful, then YOU do this for YOURSELF.. take care of you, be proud of yourself, and only give your energy and heart to someone who will cherish it.

[harmonious]

I believe this is a very important phase in my life. I have never gone through something like this and it is helping me to reflect on what my problems and issues are

 

ditto.

 

I'm going through the same thing right now. It's hard, because I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions. I feel like I'm growing as a person, in a really good way, but then I feel so heartbroken and I have these moments where I just break down and think "so what? I don't care if I grow and become this better human being if the person I love doesn't want me with him anymore".

 

But, nothing else to do but keep trying to make the best of things. I keep pushing myself to do all these good, new, constructive things, and slowly I'm starting to wake up in the mornings with a sense of purpose and less sadness. And the number of times that I feel genuinely excited about something in my future are increasing, so I guess I'm on the right track.

 

Good luck, especially with the diving! That's a really awesome thing to be doing with your time. I bet your future will be really exciting.

[HDD]

you're right Blender. I should change my secret wish to something +ve about my life. Why does it matter if he thinks about me or not, he's the one loosing out. He's the one who wanted out, so i hope he is happy with his decision.

Its getting easier though but this gotta be one of the toughest things i will have to go through in my life.

i understand how you are being pulled in two different directions H. I felt like that for the past year with my ex just thinking about whether we should try and make it work or not. So, in a way, i am kind of relieved that we ended it, because he kind of stopped working on our relationship and I did too becuase i thought you cant force someone to be in a relationship with you if he doesnt want to. he already has issues of his own to deal with and all I wanted to do was to be a part of his life and work on both of our issues together. i think we both did our part and things just got tough towards the end. You see, love was never a problem in our relationship, there were so many other factors that just tore us in two different directions.

its just hard to explain all the details. its a can of worms i dont want to talk about again and just want it to go away.

[christy1002]

Hi HDD....I first want to CONGRATULATE you on 3 weeks of NC! In my opinion nothing is wrong with you, this whole experience is just such a roller caoster ride. Seeing a good therapist may be a good idea if you feel the possibility of the need for that. Keep up the NC, you'll be glad you did!Wishing you the best!!!