Krypt Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 I'm seeing this girl for a month now. We had sex 3 weeks into our relationship. She had sex in her previous relationship but only twice and she was with that guy for 2 years. Also from what I gathered it lasted less than 5 minutes. She never had the big 'O'. Not to worry, i gave her it So anyway she's talking to her mom and the subject of her being a virgin comes up. And how her mom is so happy she still is one. Mind you she's 23 years old! She gets this catholic guilt and then tells me she doesn't want to have sex till she gets married! Now i thought it was a joke but after some questions she doesn't seem like it is. I'm mad now. I don't know if this is the flavor of the week or what but i'm feeling really pissed off and i'm not sure how to tell her that without coming out like all i want to do is have sex. I believe that a relationship needs it in some form and for someone to just cut it out like that is crazy. Link to comment
daredevil Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Dump her then. WHats happening to the one line comments? Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 So you're not willing to explore a relationship based on her personality? Link to comment
Krypt Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 Yeah but i can tell you it's going to be hard as hell, especially after we've already done it. What gets me mad is how she didn't think anything until her overbearing mom said something. Link to comment
SkylinesTurnstiles Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 I believe in no sex before marriage But if shes lieing to her mum about it then maybe you should talk to her about it Link to comment
Hope75 Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Yeah but i can tell you it's going to be hard as hell, especially after we've already done it. What gets me mad is how she didn't think anything until her overbearing mom said something. Obviously it is something that she has struggled with in the past (sex 2 times in 2 years?) and something she is still struggling with. Her beliefs may be very strong, but as you have seen, sometimes her hormones are stronger. I can tell you that her mother isn't likely the one who changed her mind, she likely has had some guilt issues with this all along and it's just coming to surface again because of the convo with her mom. You've only been dating for a month. If you are certain that a sexless relationship is not for you, then she just might not be the girl for you. At the least, you have not invested too much into this relationship yet, so leaving if it's not your bag won't be too difficult. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Obviously it is something that she has struggled with in the past (sex 2 times in 2 years?) and something she is still struggling with. Her beliefs may be very strong, but as you have seen, sometimes her hormones are stronger. I can tell you that her mother isn't likely the one who changed her mind, she likely has had some guilt issues with this all along and it's just coming to surface again because of the convo with her mom. You've only been dating for a month. If you are certain that a sexless relationship is not for you, then she just might not be the girl for you. At the least, you have not invested too much into this relationship yet, so leaving if it's not your bag won't be too difficult. I agree, it can be hard to up hold your ideals especially when you feel pressured or conflicted. If you don't like the idea, don't expect her to change because you don't like it. If you pressure or guilt her with the past sex act she will only resent you and the relationship will fall apart. If you can't handle being respectful of her beliefs then I think it best for her that you leave. Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Tough one. I would say that this is an issue that she has struggled with before if that was her response to her discussion with her mom. If she really felt positive about her sexuality and so forth, that would not have altered her feelings on it. Even seeing her past relationship you can see that she may have had hangups about it.....if she has only had sex twice with her long term ex it is apparent, also by her description of the matter it is possible she has different feelings about it in general. All depends how important sex is to you in the relationship. If otherwise you are really into this girl and can handle it to see whether there is long term potential there or not, it may be worth it to you to stay, but if not you may only get more resentful. I don't know what your beliefs on that are. I would not consider it a passing thing with her though if in her last long term relationship she had it so infrequently...seems like she has the capacity to restrict sex, so I would not hope that she changes her mind on it anytime soon. If it is important to you, I would suggest moving on to find someone whom shares the same thoughts and beliefs on the matter. Link to comment
GalaxyC Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 WHats happening to the one line comments? Why? Do I have to write a novel to everyone or something? Link to comment
daredevil Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Why? Do I have to write a novel to everyone or something? it's just, saying dump her without any reason isn't a good advice. Link to comment
GalaxyC Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 I think it's straight to the point advice. If he wants sex and she doesn't then the relationship won't work. Whats the point in trying to pretend otherwise? Link to comment
zerohalo Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 I've known catholics who were willing to do just about anything except vaginal intercourse. Perhaps she's willing to work within that perceived loophole? If not, and you're not willing to wait around, then you should seriously consider leaving. It's not selfish to know what you want, and if a relationship without sex isn't something you can deal with then you're betting off leaving for both your sakes. Just be sure you're not going to kick yourself later for not giving it a chance. Link to comment
Krypt Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 She's willing to work around that loophole i know this. Thanks for your comments. You made me think of the bigger picture. Yeah it's important but I feel as long as i'm myself things will work out. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 I've known catholics who were willing to do just about anything except vaginal intercourse. Perhaps she's willing to work within that perceived loophole? If not, and you're not willing to wait around, then you should seriously consider leaving. It's not selfish to know what you want, and if a relationship without sex isn't something you can deal with then you're betting off leaving for both your sakes. Just be sure you're not going to kick yourself later for not giving it a chance. This is very good advice, and I too have known Catholics who were willing to be intimate on many levels with the exception of vaginal intercourse. Perhaps you can work out some sort of compromise. Link to comment
blink_guy Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 i hatehow when a girl doesnt want to have sex teh guy has to wait and if hes frustrated then he comes off as a jerk but when the girl complains about the guy not having a strong sex drive its all understandable... Link to comment
GalaxyC Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 i hatehow when a girl doesnt want to have sex teh guy has to wait and if hes frustrated then he comes off as a jerk but when the girl complains about the guy not having a strong sex drive its all understandable... I don't think anyone has said that have they? Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 If you know that you need to have sex with someone in order to be in a relationship with her then don't continue to be in that relationship with her... sure she might have a great personality or tells great jokes... or whatever... but I agree with you... if there is no sex...there is no relationship i have many many great friends who are kind loyal, honest, would do anything for me, funny irresistible, fun loving have a great personality...etc etc.. They are my FRIENDS... no lovers...but i don't have sex with THEM... i don't think I could be in a relationship with out sex. Who knows,... maybe she is testing you (which I think is a little immature ... if this is the case.... what happened to good communication!??!) Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 i hatehow when a girl doesnt want to have sex teh guy has to wait and if hes frustrated then he comes off as a jerk but when the girl complains about the guy not having a strong sex drive its all understandable... Take a look at my post... i'm with the guy! I think there is more to the issue than just the girl just doesn't wnat to have sex... For whatever reason, I think she should be able to talk about it with him. If you can get naked with someone, surely she shoudl bde able to talk about it! Link to comment
cc2006 Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 If you know that you need to have sex with someone in order to be in a relationship with her then don't continue to be in that relationship with her... sure she might have a great personality or tells great jokes... or whatever... but I agree with you... if there is no sex...there is no relationship i have many many great friends who are kind loyal, honest, would do anything for me, funny irresistible, fun loving have a great personality...etc etc.. They are my FRIENDS... no lovers...but i don't have sex with THEM... i don't think I could be in a relationship with out sex. Who knows,... maybe she is testing you (which I think is a little immature ... if this is the case.... what happened to good communication!??!) I agree with you here. To me, sex is more than just a physical act ... it is a way that makes me feel very connected to the person (if its good .. if it isn't then wow, disconnect-city). I doubt I could have a long-term relationship without that intimacy. Anyway ... OP ... if you really like the girl then you should talk about it, and seriously consider staying with her. As you said, shes willing to 'loophole' intimacy into the relationship .. and if that is good for you and enough, then I'm happy for you two and hope it works out. If I was in your case I'd be most frustrated by the "here have some sex! Wait, no that wasn't right .. no more sex!" switcharoo. That would have driven me nuts. If someone wants to be a virgin til marriage then more power to them, stick with what you believe. ... but to break it a couple times then try and "take it back" and pretend like it didn't happen seems silly to me. If it is so important to her belief structure to remain a virgin until marriage then she should BE A VIRGIN. Once you break that, to me, the whole 'this is my belief, respect it' thing is out the window. Just my .02 for what it is worth. Link to comment
Rabican Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 I would just simply say that you care for her, and you respect her wishes to wait... but that you just dont fancy the idea of spending the next 6 years without sex. That doesnt make you a bad guy. She wants to wait, you do not. One of you changes your mind, or you break up. Pretty simple scenario. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now