miss_dyme Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Hey everybody... I havent used these forums for quite sometime, so all my previous posts are not relevent to my current situation. In fact please pay no attention to other posts as its my past and dealt with .. Anyway to my question..But a lil background first..im 27 hes 26 i have 2 kids from a previous relationship, he has son hes not incontact with. Ive been on and off with a guy for the last 10 months or so. We get on great, clash at times, dont argue as such..when we are together which is prob once/twice a week he fills me up in everyway. Thing is here we are not a couple , it has not been discussed as such..when we are out in public/together,he acts like we are... Ok im draggin this out a bit im sorry.. Basically i think i could be pregnant. Very niave of me to think i couldnt fall , see i went on the contraceptive injection a while back..had 2 shots and i bled/spotted constantly for jus over a year..it messed me up. Only recently the last year has my system become normal, even then heard after takin the injection it was 'hard' to fall preg..So i risked it My 1st thought is..to have an abortion without tellin him? Then i spoke to a friend she said ' He has a right to kno ur pregnant? I just dont kno..What the righ thing to do is... Thank you for reading Link to comment
kellbell Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Hey there, First thing's first, take a pregnancy test. It is true with Depo Provera, it CAN take up to year since your last injection but it is different for everyone. However, I know of two people whom got pregnant within a month or so AFTER their last injection. With birth control, there are no guarentees. But before you get upset, it is important to make sure. Then decide what to do next. Good luck. Link to comment
miss_dyme Posted January 10, 2007 Author Share Posted January 10, 2007 It came out positive:sad: I guess im in shock really.. Yeh i only had 2 shots jus over 3 years ago..bled durin thm..and for ages after. I dont always risk unprotected sex. I have done a few other times but was always ok..silly niave me..really let myself down:sad: Link to comment
vandgsmom Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Are you really so averse to the idea of having another child that you would consider abortion? I only say this because I want you to make sure that it is a decision that you can live with before you do it. I am very much a proponent of my body, my choice, and I think that telling the father will complicate matters quite a bit; so knowing your own mind on what you want to do BEFORE you tell him, IF you tell him is quite important. .... You have two children already. So do I. I don't think that I could go through with an abortion and then be able to look into the faces of my children day after day and know what I was losing. But that is me. The temptation at this point would be to wallow in your own grief over it, but in reality you have decisions that must be made rather quickly. Think seriously if this is a man that you want in your life for the next 18 years or so, and if you DO decide to keep it, how you will accomidate the new addition. Link to comment
luvursmile Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 If you are pregnant with his child then you have to tell him. He has the right to know. Link to comment
miss_dyme Posted January 10, 2007 Author Share Posted January 10, 2007 Thank you all so much.. I have a boy whos 5 at school fulltime A girl whos 3 whos part time school. I never thought abortion would be a option for me...with my 1st two it never was. Its hardwork with my already lil ones and now they are past the 'babystage' ive been looking to better myself career wise. I dont wanna struggle financially anymore. Ive always thought eventually id like another child, with a guy who im in a stable relationship with. I feel like ive let myself and my family down. My dad has been the father figure in my childrens life (although there father is in regular contact with them). I guess if i tell this guy im scared how he wiill react, although plenty of times he says we will have 'beautiful children'. Id like to think there was a posibility of me and him being together. But then i dont wanna be labled as a women who out to trap him. I dont know if i can do this alone...again Link to comment
Siriana Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Now, whatever you decide (abortion or not) be carefull how you're going to decide. It is very important that you exclude him from equation. Since you're not a couple (and in 10 months there was enough time to decidefor him whether to be one or not) it wouldn't be wise to make that decision based on his reaction. So imagine the worst scenario - he's not interested in participating and in relationship. What would you do? I am affraid what could happen if he choosed to marry you because you're pregnant not because he's completely mad about you. So whatever you do make that choice based only on worst case scenario for you at the moment - single mom, prepare yourself for the worst and than whatever happnes you will be able to deal with it. Than tell him how you're pregnant. If you decide to have a kid ask him openly what kind of support you can expect from him. Link to comment
Dilly Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 I've read that the emotional pain from abortion is worse and has far more long-term effects when relationships end over it. Take that for what it's worth. Link to comment
southerngirl Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 I think whatever decision you decide needs to be made on you, your kids you have already...a nd what you really feel deep in your soul is the right thing to do. You do not need to base this decision on him, your relationship or lack there of. You have been given a pregnancy, this is your body and your choice. Whatever you want to do, make up your mind right away. Then yes, I think you should tell him......... whatever your decision is... it is his child too even if you have decided not to carry on the pregnancy. Allow him to know about it and grieve over it in his own way if he feels he should. Touchy subject..... if you would consider adoption, allow him the opportunity to know this too. Good Luck! Whatever you decide, this is going to be a hard decision. We are all here for you. Please keep posting. Link to comment
miss_dyme Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 Hello everybody. Thankyou again for all your support. Still thinking about things really. Lastnight we spoke twice i felt kinda odd, sad even...He seemed so happy to talk to me i felt sad coz he didnt know. I know that either way i have to tell him. I Care/feel too much for him and if im honest i do see him in my life to what extent who knows. If i go through with an abortion without tellin him i may aswell kiss goodbye to ANYTHING with him coz i dont think i could look him in the face again knowing,.. 'Hey i was carryin YOUR child but i aborted it and you dont know'. I really think it would haunt me... Not sure what to do but i will tell him. Im about 4/5 weeks now so i kno i have to decide quick Link to comment
Siriana Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I am with you on telling him. I could never keep something like that to myself. Link to comment
vandgsmom Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I am happy for you that you have at least come to peace with the decision of whether or not to tell him. Since you have decided that you feel he deserves to know, then my advice is to tell him now, asap, and let him help you with the decision of what to do about it. You already said you know, but you really have no time to spare. The possibilities of what his reaction might be are endless, but in all of them the cues that you get from it will guide you in your decision. I just get a feeling that you need to see what his reaction is in order to make up your mind. There is nothing wrong with that. He may totally be wonderful and supportive, and then this may turn out to be an easy wonderful thing. You never know. Buena Suerte. Link to comment
miss_dyme Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 I know it shouldn it matter what he thinks and it shouldnt have got to the stage where i have involved another life in the decision of how he wil feature in my life. But whats done is done.His reaction will affect my decision Its not going to be easy, i just dontknow what to say do i just come out with it....? Hopefully it will be over the next few days. Ive also got to tell my dad, which is just as awkward as i know ill get a good lecture ..i deserve it i guess Link to comment
miss_dyme Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 Ok... I told him.. He was very matter of fact. Really doesnt want a child. Ive also decided and spoken to my dad, (HIS opinion matters alot to me he is my rock.) Its the best thing FOR ME to have a termination. Thankyou guys forall ur input. This has definitely given me a kick up the bum. I will be more careful from now on Im 4 weeks so its all early im seeing my doc asap to get the ball rolling xx Link to comment
Siriana Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Good luck. I really wish you all the best. p.s. stop seeing that guy. Link to comment
miss_dyme Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 Thanks.. Yeh thats what everyone has said.. Kiids are not on his agenda ever. Id like to think oneday i could have another , when im with someone who really loves me etc and when im financially stable and living well. Hes not the one. Look out 4 me in the 'breaking up' section! Link to comment
Siriana Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 O I will. I think every girl should run away from him. You have two great kids, give them nice and stabile home. I am shure that in future you'll meet a guy who's going to be perfect for you. Link to comment
southerngirl Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Good Luck hon, please keep posting if it helps you... What your going through is a rough time.. This too shall pass image removed Link to comment
vandgsmom Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Well, MissD, you got your answer. It may not have been the sunshine and roses answer that you had hoped for, but in reality at least it was definitive and not something you have to wonder over now. I am glad that you have the presense of mind to do what has to be done. I would be falling apart. *sending all my extra good karma your way* L Link to comment
BornToResist Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 My thoughts are with you...you WILL get through this. Link to comment
kellbell Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Stick around here...there is so much support here. (((hugs))) Link to comment
miss_dyme Posted January 15, 2007 Author Share Posted January 15, 2007 Thanks guys for all your support. Went to docs today , they wouldnt adminsiter the 'abortion pill' it has to be done at the clinic. Quite fed up at the mo coz the earliest im looking at for a termination is feb 6th. Ill be atleast 9weeks then. Was hoping to keep this all as simple and quick as possible, but it looks as though im going to have a 'suction' termination. NOT HAPPY but i guess ill have to block it all out till then Link to comment
Off To See The Wizard Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 You should be able to go for the pill option, miss dyme. I am in exactly the same situation as you. I have got my appt. on Monday for the pill. I would have had to wait two weeks for the vaccum option and I didn't want it to get bigger. I am 5 weeks almost 6. Have you been to bpas? Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Ok... I told him.. He was very matter of fact. Really doesnt want a child. Ive also decided and spoken to my dad, (HIS opinion matters alot to me he is my rock.) Its the best thing FOR ME to have a termination. Thankyou guys forall ur input. This has definitely given me a kick up the bum. I will be more careful from now on Im 4 weeks so its all early im seeing my doc asap to get the ball rolling xx What a piece of that guy is. Tells you what beautiful children you will have together, then you have one growing inside you and he says I don't want children ever? No wonder it is so hard to trust. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, do what your guy says is right, keep walking and soon you will have walked through this problem. Also, take good care of yourself and give yourself permission to feel all the feelings about this - the sadness, the disappointment, you name it. Your body, your choice - but that doesn't mean it's a happy choice in the moment that you're making it. Be careful about casual sexual relationships in the future - they often have unintended consequences. Love yourself enough not to settle for just sex when what you really want is much, much more than that. Link to comment
miss_dyme Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 Im not sure what bPas is!? Starting to feel quite sick now. Im guessing im about the most 6 weeks. Feb 6th isnt even for treatment , its for consultation i think ill be scanned to see just how far gone i am..not looking forward to that, they best not show me nothing on that screen. Still intouch with him..Im tryna block it out and not make t an issue, yet he seems to be more concerned then me..Askin things like ''Have i thought anymore about my decision, am i going to change my mind'' Whats up with that Link to comment
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