How to get back together

[Shaker]

I'm posting because today I'm having a really hard go of it.

 

My ex dumped me over the phone a month ago, and we lived together. We've had no contact since the break up until this weekend. We agreed to get together to chat as he wanted to know about my moving details. We talked about lots of things, but didn't talk about the relationship.

 

There were some tears shed on both sides, but for the most part we had a really nice time together. Cooked a meal. Did some errands. Caught up. Are still attracted to each other, but kept at a distance except for a couple of hugs.

 

I didn't tell him I wanted to try to make things work because I already did a month ago. I didn't talk about how hard it's been, but did talk about what I've been doing since the split. We kept the dialogue light and comfortable as much as possible.

 

I asked last night before going to my new home if we should agree on a plan of how to proceed from here. We talked about no contact, but he said he can't picture life without me. That he still wants to be friends. I suggested a routine we come up with--like working out together every three weeks. He thought this was a good idea, but said it's going to be hard for him knowing that I'm in the same city again. He said he thinks we should both live life to its fullest, and that he expects someone is going to come along and sweep me off my feet any day. Then he sort of changed his mind and said to get in touch with him only in case of emergency. Then he said feel free to get in touch with him whenever since he still feels like I'm his best friend.

 

He drove me to my new place, and left with tears in his eyes.

 

Today he sent me a brief email (since I'm moving everything else today) saying he knows today will be hard, but hopes it will be okay. He also asked an unrelated question about advice on books to read, I suppose because he wants me to write back.

 

I've been packing up a few odds and ends today (which I thought would be easy) but also finally felt strong enough to sort through our folder of letters / cards / photos from friends and family over the years. I separated out things to me and to him, but of course came accross lots of love letters back and forth.

 

It's shaken me up all over again. All of it. I want him to rethink everything, but I don't know what to do. And if I do nothing, I know he'll move on.

 

I don't know what to do, and I know the recommended course of action is 'no contact' but I really deeply believe that we're meant to be together.

[Aschleigh]

the thing is, you know you are meant to be together but he doesn't. He may learn at some point he may not. It makes no sense for you to hold on.

It will make you look more attractive and you will feel better if you taek some time and heal, explore your options, eventually date.

You can't make him do anything. He will have to come around on his own. In the meantime get your life back. Do whatever it takes to feel good about you. Take care of yourself first.