Will I ever feel better?

[LindsayTD]

Hey everyone. I've been lurking, but finally decided to post! I'm 19 and my ex was almost 24. My ex and I were together for 8 months and things were wonderful and pretty serious. He would bring up marriage and we even discussed our future kids names! About 2 weeks before we broke up he started acting distant and didn't want to hang out as much. I finally asked him what was wrong and he told me he didn't love me as much as I deserve. He said he'd been thinking about it a lot and it was really over. That was mid October.

 

Its been almost 3 months since we broke up. We ended up sleeping together 2 times... not because he said he missed me but because I thought by sleeping with him and spending that time together he'd possibly really miss me. He called me 27 days ago and wanted to meet up again. I told him I can't because its emotionally too painful for me. I then emailed him and told him that I hope in the future we can be friends, but for now its too hard because I still have feelings for him. I finished it by saying I was venting and he didn't need to reply. He didn't.

 

I'm on day 27 NC and I'm feeling more miserable than ever. I'm so sad and as much as I try not to, I think about him ALL THE TIME. I still lose sleep.

 

Is it normal to feel even worse after almost a month NC? Why aren't I getting any better??

 

Im thinking about making a doctor's appointment to ask about antidepressants and medicine for anxiety. Is anyone here on them?

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Oh, and I do have to admit... I still have hope. Maybe one day he'll realize what we had... he just needs to date around first to realize it. Is that pathetic?

 

Lindsay

[MissTee]

*Hugs!*

 

I know how painful it is to break up. NC is also very very painful but it is the best thing in the world to do. What you are doing takes alot of strength but is definitely the right thing to do.

 

My advice is, Keep Yourself Busy! See your girlfriends as much as possible. Go out, go shopping, go out to dinner with them, give them a call and just talk to them. Spend lots of time with your family. They can be great when you really need emotional support. This is what I did. Before I knew it, I was having fun again, laughing, meeting people and then... I realised, I had officially moved on.

 

You are starting a new chapter of your life... that's very exciting! You will absolutely fine.

[LindsayTD]

Thanks MissTee. I'm trying to keep myself busy, but whenever I have a minute alone my mind goes directly to him. Its driving me crazy!

[MissTee]

This too will pass.

 

It's hard... It took me three months to be completely over my ex. The first was the hardest. The second, I still thought about him quite a bit but didn't cry any more. The third, I would think about him some days, but mostly, I was thinking about all the new things going on in my life.

 

It's a process. Stay strong and it will all be better soon.

[jessicake]

hey lindsay,

 

i'm into my second month of break up and sometimes i also think... will i ever feel better?

 

i remember thinking that i wont... but now i am looking forward to feeling better.. i have been planning lots of stuff for myself by myself and i think that has helped.. do stuff that you enjoy.. FOR urself... like join a yoga class or pilates, or volunteer. but do it for urself, not so that ur ex will see u r a better person!

 

the worst that i felt was one month after our break up (we didnt have much contact at all- so it was ok to say that we had near LC- near NC.. he would txt to check up on me and i would be brief). i havent seen him for about 5 weeks now. but at the one month mark, i was seriously contemplating suicide!! i've combat depression for a few years and the feeling of loss and abandonment really brought it home! but i prayed and i thought of all the happiness i could be having in the future.

 

i felt the worst after a month, so i suppose it is 'normal' or not uncommon to feel bad after 27 days of nc.. perhaps u have been in the denial stage and it does take about 4 weeks for a decision or event to really process. (i read that somewhere)

 

i would suggest u see a cousellor to talk about ur problems before u decide on medication. there are always negative side effects to such strong medication.

 

and no, it is definitely not pathetic to hold some hope.. although i say that, i also say that you will not be able to heal fully if you hold hope... i would recommend you remember the issue of ur break up. let yourself go, let him go. move on for yourself as well as him. I will say this, "if you are meant to be, you will be" it is so cliche but it is so true. you are 19, you have so many adventures ahead of you! so many more potential partners to meet before you meet the one.

 

your relationship with your ex is dead. it can not and should not be revived. If by destiny and fate that you will be together again, it will be a whole new relationship. do not hold onto what has left you. remember it and always cherish it, but also learn from it.

[LindsayTD]

Thanks a lot Jessicake. Its interesting what you said about it taking a month to fully process. That really seems to be the case for me right now. I know you're right... if its meant to be then one day we'll be together again. I need to keep telling myself that!!

[SuperDave71]

Jessicake..

 

 

you ever think of suicide again...I will duct tape you to a chair and everyone here will take turns throwing "TWINKIES" at you....

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[jessicake]

i m not going to let depresssion get to me! thanks for ur concern superdave!! ...twinkies.. yum!

 

lindsay, good luck! keep us posted about ur feelings!

[dreamer888]

Hey, i just wanted to let you know i know EXACTLY how you feel and you are very strong to be able to be letting go so early.

My ex and i were together for a little over 2 years and when we broke up i really thought i was over him....but i definitley was NOT. BUT apparently he WAS.

Well, i still hung out with him for about 8 moths after that and hooked up with him...basically i felt as if we were still together but KNEW we weren't and to him...well...he was just using me. Called me at HIS convenience (at the EASLIEST 1:00 EVERY time....when HE was through hanging out w/ these "friends" he could never tell me the names of bc he didn't want me to know), he had sex and then left, he took ALL the gifts i gave him and NEVER EVER once gave in return after the break up,...i mean just treated me HORRIBLE...but guess what?! I didn't SEE this because i didn't WANT to. Technically we have had NC for about 1.5 months now except i called him around thanksgiving and then around christmas...both times he was as cruel as could be..honestly...i have never ever ever been treated SOOO horribly by ANYONE while at the same time, me treating them like a God. I really really lovED this boy, but i absolutely HATE who he has become. See, we were only a year apart but i am in my second year of college at a small liberal arts private college...he is 5 minutes away at a UNIVERSITY with 13,000 people and living in a Co-Ed dorm which has made things a million times worse and changed the person he was completely.

Basically...what i am saying is by not ever letting him go after we FIRST broke up....i attached myself sooo much worse. Like i said....i really felt i was over them...but then i came ot see him (bc he was still in highschool at this time...we have been broken up for 11 months total now) and by seeing how WELL he was doing on his own and being able to have so much fun without ME it made me wnat him...basically he was doing what everyone is telling ME to do...except now...i have waited to long for it to work bc he has REALLLY moved on and could care less about me or my life.

Just continue with NC...honestly...you canNOT make a person fall in love or want you. I have, unfortunately, learned that the hard way. He was crazyyyy about me...gave me a promise ring only about 8 months before we broke up...came ot see me ALL the time at school...and I was the one who broke up with him...but somehow HE got over me a lot quicker...i think bc HE was the one who started NC first and started a new life FIRST and never really responded to my calls or messages and knew it would get to me.

Also, about the e-mail you sent your ex and said he didn't have to reply... my ex does the EXACT same thing...well when i beg for him to reply he doesnt hardly EVER, but when i say he doens't have to reply he ESPECIALLY doesnt...i don't know WHY they do this....but i tihnk it is a thing that guys do...they just don't KNOW how to break free so they kind of go about it in a way that is easiest for them and even thoguh they know it is hurting somoene else they still just have no other idea of how to go about it except by ignoring their ex and treating them somewhat bad in order for their ex to WANT to leave them alone...

So my ex was SOOOO incredibly sweet to me alone...i KNOW he had to still love me...well he told me he did...but around his friends he refused to say it and acted like he could care less about me...it's just all really confusing...you just have to live for YOURSELF and not for them EVER EVER EVER again. I did that for 8 months and look where it got me!! I contemplated suicude to...i felt like i could NEVER fall in love again. I knew guys were interested in me and still are and honeslty,...i STILL can't like a guy bc i compare them to my ex...STILL. It will take a while but it will take SOOO much longer if you let yourself contact that person....and date others if you want. You dont HAVE to get serious with them...but LET them take you out...let yourself have fun and yeah....you WILL think about him for a while and i am SURE you'll compare every guy to him for a while...but thats natural....just let it go and then it WILL eventually go away...for me it has only been 2 months and the first month was that month where i thought about him ALL the time but also realized that i was soo much better w/o him, but then i started thinking about him and being really lonely...now i tihnk about him a LOT but i never cry about it...which is a big step of progress for me.

 

Well, keep your head up and remember you are the one who never gave up on HIM and that only proves you ARE capable of loving someone to the fullest extent...that is something that is VERY important in life...and one day he WILL realize this. It may not bring him back but he most likely WILL realize it.

Take care and remember we are all here for you!

[lifestream]

Advice is all well and good...but to negate possibilities is to look at your own relationship. There will always be a flame there but don't worry about it. If things fall into place, then they will...but that's also like saying fate will take care of what you want.

I truly do not believe this. I think your hope is understandable and natural. It may fade over time, it may not. You will find out what you want as time passes. Perhaps the two of you are just beginning your journeys of self-realization and self-improvement.

 

I think if you two had good communication before the breakup it's important to get his side of things. Don't take everything too literally, tread lightly...but if there's no reason to believe he's a jerk, ask him about your relationship. Talk it out and tread lightly.

 

I'm actually in your situation. Nearing the end of our relationship I didn't love my ex as much as she deserved. I had too many issues to work out, I needed to find myself again.

I've realized, after over a year of being without her that I really do love her and hope that one day things can work out between us, at the very least for a second chance and hope that we can be good platonic friends first. Sometimes it takes even longer. So don't hang yourself up on him. When you're ready to date other guys, try it out!

 

But your choices really are half chance. Only time will tell if you made the right ones.

[tribecagirl]

Hi Lindsay!

 

I don't know if you're a believer in a higher power, but keep this in mind...this prayer helps me a lot.

 

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change those that I can

And the wisdom to know the difference

 

Be strong! It gets easier.

Tribecagirl

[LindsayTD]

You all are wonderful. Dreamer, I'm happy to see I'm not the only one who thinks that one day he'll realize how much love I gave him. That lifts my spirits! Lifestream, I hope your situation works out. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. God is definitely helping me through each day Tribecagirl! I can honestly say without Him I wouldn't have the strength to keep going. Thanks again everyone for all of your honesty and advice.