THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Sunkist09]

Yes, I am very lonely, He has not contacted me since Jan.01... I feel completely one sided. Maybe they are happier without us? We're not good enough for them? I feel like * * * * , I am going to bed and work on day 13. The reason why it gets better everyday is because you lose hope... each day that passes, makes you feel pathetic for calling them, so you dont call them... I cant even get the nerves to call my ex.

[rebelfac]

and it truly isn't working. She is living with another guy is the reason I didn't initiate nc but think it must be done now. I think she will miss our communication but it seems she doesn't have the opportunity now to miss me. Separated after 12 years of marriage and I feel very alone still. I need to stop chatting with her from work and talking to her every few days. How can she erase our memories so easily?

[Sunkist09]

I was with a guy for 2.5 years. Although I loved him alot, he did alot of mean things to me that I can't get over. I told myself the minute I can find someone, I am jumping wagon... but during that 3 months, he could have gotten me back if he begged enough..proposed...etc..but he didn't try that hard so I ended up falling for my ex.... which I am trying to take back now...

[brazilgirl21]

I'm on Day 3 and I have no doubt that this first week is the hardest... Once I'm over 1 week I know AT LEAST my ex will notice that I stopped contacting him and being a loser... Day 3 he probably thinks I'm still going to pursue, but I tell you, I'm SO done... I'm getting to Day 30, no matter what.

 

I just want to get to day 10 so he can notice that I'm done chasing him, although I know this NC should be about us and not them. =[

[Ixtapa]

Feeling fine although I can't help but think of him all the time.

 

Yesterday two of my good friends saw him at the club we used to go to. For some weird reason it makes me feel better that they saw him.

He is in a foreign country and it is part of the reason why broke up...we also had a lot of missunderstandings due to cultural differences. Guess he thought the relationship wa not worth fighting for, considering I was going to go back home eventually.

 

Anyway......I do have to be strong and not contact him for at least 30 days !

[brazilgirl21]

Ixtapa - I guess we just have to get past Day 7 for it to start getting easier... thankfully tomorrow is the weekend and we should go out with our friends, have fun, and try to meet other people! then monday, we are almost over 1 week of NC and that's when I really believe things will start to get better!

[looking4ward]

Starting day 4. Couldn't sleep last night- the nights are the hardest for me- I toss and turn and have paranoid thougts. Oh well, still better than where I was 2 weeks ago.

 

-K

[ad13]

Day 4... I felt sad after I woke up...was in the bed for an extra hour just thinking about the past and the future... now I am feeling much better. But her thoughts are still doing the rounds.

 

And wats worse is tht I need to call her today b/c of some financial issue... It is really urgent....

 

I am scared, her voice will make me weaker...I know she will talk in heartless manner..n I wl hav to start from the scratch again!!

[TLguy]

Day 4...feeling a bit down today. Im still missing her as much as I ever did, but Im starting to accept that shes gone so it hurts less, but I feel more alone. And Im still thinking about her most of the day.

 

Bet she hasnt thought of me once...

[cas]

hi guys,

sorry for using this thread, but can someone find the thread about break-up from the dumper's point of view?

[Ixtapa]

Ixtapa - I guess we just have to get past Day 7 for it to start getting easier... thankfully tomorrow is the weekend and we should go out with our friends, have fun, and try to meet other people! then monday, we are almost over 1 week of NC and that's when I really believe things will start to get better!

 

Thanks Brazilgirl....I do hope that things will start to get better soon enough. I have way too much time to think these days (I am not working at the moment and looking for a new job). Being at home most of the time doesnt help Doing okay though...

[Sunkist09]

So I feel so stupid.

I do want him back, but everytime I talk to him, I get so defensive, and I say things like, "I think you're right about our breakup"... hahaa... anyways, I am getting advice from a relationship expert. He advised that I add him back on facebook so he can see what I am doing and how I am improving... I did that last night. I feel like an idiot though... so does that mean I start over at Day 1? =) Hmm... it's almost a month since we broke up... and I can see why my ex isn't coming back..I had alot of emotional issues, dealing with my breakup from my previous relationships, I was always sad about my family cus they pissed me off... he's a no nonsense kinda guy. I guess he met a girl without all the drama... but back to the point,, I met another guy. He's cute... I need to try to move on.... U know, the pain stops coming once u realized that they're never coming back.... so depending on how fast you want to heal, u need to realize this.

[brazilgirl21]

I went to workout in my lunch break and feel much better!!

 

But now I have a HUGE NC impasse!!

 

Tomorrow, ALL of my friends are going to this club and I was definetly excited to go. The owners are some guys me and my friends know and it's pretty fancy and hard for guys to get in. My ex definetly probably wouldn't be hear because as much as he's spoiled-ish he and his friends like to pretend they don't like this too snobby scene. Not that I do either, but it's going to be a fun night, good DJ and it's where my best girl friends are going to be at.

Then, today, I figured that my ex's best friend is having a party there for his cousin which means he will have a table and will invite his friends. He already invited my girl friend who dates one of his best guy friends. (it's a group of around 8 guys who are best friends). Of the group, this boy, my ex, and two other are the only ones who are single so my ex is probably going. He might even take the girl if he's already dating her, but I'm not sure.

 

The thing is, I don't know what to do!!!

 

1) My ex KNOWS it's a place I would go, and that my friends would go, so he might NOT go just to avoid me which will make me feel SO bad because I really don't want to be responsible for him avoiding places in the city because of me. The club just opened and I'm sure he would love to check it out and have fun with his friends so it's going to feel AWFUL if all his friends are there and he's not because he's avoiding me.

 

2) There are chances that he will take her, but knowing him and the way I reacted last week he probably won't take her or won't go. I have to be prepared if she's there with him, although like I said, I kind of doubt it.

 

3) I can simply NOT go. However, should I start avoiding places I normally go because of him? If he sees all my friends there and I'm not, won't it look like I'm hurting and avoiding the situation?

 

4) If I go, and if he do go with or without the girl I will say hi like an adult and NOT stand there. I will have a good time with my girls, dance and talk to other guys.

 

What do you guys t hink? Will this break NC? Should I avoid this place and be miserable on a Fri night because it's where everyone I know will be?

I think I'm overthinking already since I'm PRETTY sure, knowing the ex, that he will avoid the place and go some other place with this girl, which will leave me absolutely heartbroken because it will prove to me he is REALLY avoiding me.

[Sunkist09]

Brazil girl, you should go. make sure you look good. Dress up... when you see him, just say hi and act cool. I think that's the best bet.

[brazilgirl21]

thanks sunkist... I'm going to look STUNNING!!!! I just don't want to get my hopes up that he will go, my gut tells me he will avoid the place, but before I knew he might go, I was excited, I'm excited to just have fun and move on!!! If he's there, better.

[Webslinger51]

Brazilgirl - My vote is to not go and find something else that you can enjoy for the night and not beat yourself up about it. If it was 2 months into NC, I'd say go for it, because you're probably more healed at that point and can make better decisions and every little thing wouldn't effect you. Who cares what they think if you don't show up? If you do show up, a lot of different things can happen:

 

1) Your ex doesn't show up. You said it "will leave me absolutely heartbroken because it will prove to me he is REALLY avoiding me." That's pain you don't need right now.

 

2) Your ex shows up alone. Temptation to flirt with him and break NC will be there.

 

3) Your ex shows up with another girl. I don't know about you, but I couldn't stand to see my Ex with another guy right now. I think that would set me back mentally, and right now all I want to do is to heal and improve myself.

 

But it's up to you. That's just my take on it.

[brazilgirl21]

webslinger - You are probably right, but the desire to see him, to look gorgeous, to act casual, but to see him... for him to see me with my friends... it's a greater pleasure than the pain of him being there with the girl.

 

The worse scenario for me is NOT seeing him... LOVE is SO complicated.

 

But I know I have to analyse my options. If he doesn't go, which I don't think he will, it will end up being worse because I won't go to a place I was looking forward to.

[Webslinger51]

Ok, Brazilgirl, good luck! Let us know how it goes.

 

I'm on Day 26. Legs are sore from the workout yesterday. Going to see my niece and nephew this weekend.

 

Btw - I made a post in the healing section about making a NC bet which really helped me. I made a bet with my best female friend where I have to stay NC for 60 days or I have to give her $80. It's really helped me. Something to think about.

[parlae]

day 5 for me.. (the longest i've made it so far! lol)

definitely feeling better than yesterday.

i'm still thinkin about him constantly, but i havent had the sad/depressed feeling yet.

for some reason, today, i have a positive outlook. like, i have a feeling in me that he'll be back.

it may be false hope, but for now, i like the way it feels.

eh...i dont know.

 

anyway,

still contemplating the birthday thing.

i know if it was my birthday, he'd still tell me happy birthday regardless if we're together or not.

it's his 20th birthday tomorrow, and i just feel like it's the right thing to do, just to send him a text and say happy birthday. nothing more,nothing less.

guess i'll keep pondering on it for the rest of the day...

 

 

 

oh, and brazilgirl, i say you should definitely go.

don't worry about if he'll be there or not.

like someone else already mentioned, just make sure to look your best.

show him what he's missing out on.

but dont go out of your way to speak to him.

keep us posted;let us know how it goes

[Sunkist09]

Brazilgirl - GO! don't let your ex stop you from having fun with your friends. He needs to see you having fun. My last ex, came running back after 2 months after he realized that I was dating a doctor... i was so dumb to go back though.hahaa...

 

Man, I really screw up with this relationship. I had such a great guy..so sweet, smart, he was serious about me, willing to settle, but I had to pull the emotional drama crap, clinginess, drama drama... and when we broke up, I broke off and he's all patient..I was the one who made him change his status to single... I was the one who told my friends to let it go... man... and to make it worst, the last heart pouring email, I told him the reason why I kept breaking it off was bc I had committment issues... There's no way I can turn around...LOL even, though if he did take me back, I would change all those ugly habits... but i doubt it, so for me now is just to heal. I have a really cute date tomorrow!

[Sunkist09]

I really messed up my last relationship. I really thought it was meant to be until I started all the drama crap.. when my life is alot better than most.... I really dont have drama... I was creating it to keep my life interesting...hahaa

[and again]

day 12 crappy day, cried again in evening quite a bit, feel like a wuss at times, all in all 4 out of 10

[and again]

day 13, quite stressfull day in work but did well was quite proud of myself. Passed ex`s little lad, not sure if he noticed me, did beep. Wondering what she has said about split because i havent spoke to him since she lost baby and wanted space, then finished it. Really hope he doesnt think i ran off on them because thats the last thing i would do. Just her selfish way of handleing thing`s. Night not bad at all, though would still like to get back over all 5.5

[TLguy]

Always feel down each night...as Id usually be talking to her. But now Im alone thinking about her and shes with her new guy not giving me the slightest thought.

 

*sigh*

 

Day 5 has just started.

[brazilgirl21]

Day 3 is coming to and end. I feel VERY disconnected from my ex... weird weird feeling. A little numb, a little sad, VERY lonely. Not desperate though... Excited for the weekend.