THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[CrapAtNC]

What i like most about NC is that it takes away the vast majority of the heartaches and what-should-I-dos.

[Knightm29]

day 26

 

Weekend was great, had a great laugh. Met two girls over the weekend and had a good couple of nights. Dont think they will go anywhere but they seem keen so helps my confidence.

 

My ex walked into my local bar on Sat night but luckily I was in a different bar. She only stayed for one drink, had a go at a friend for not replying to her texts and then left. My friend asked if she was ok, and she just shrugged her shoulders. Bit different to when she was telling me how happy she was a few weeks ago. Anyway, didnt really think about it too much.

 

Nearly 30!

[sandyv]

Hi Dunzo, Waterbaby, Brownsline Girl Bear Mikey and everyone else not mentioned. Hi I had a sad weekend. It just felt way to long with too much time to think. I never went anywhere other than the grocery store.

 

Dunzo you mentioned our ex's thinking we are a mess if they hear we are drinking. Who cares what they think. I guess I'm at the angry stage, cause I don't give a damn what he thinks anymore. He also drinks too much, plus smokes too much green, and I've heard through my guy friend who was over HE'S is a mess..... looks good on him actually.

 

The guy friend was over a couple of nights and I was glad he was, although I had to ask him to not mention my ex, (they've ran into each other at the local bar a few times lately). We had some laughs, cooked together and that kinda thing. Was at least a distraction. And it always used to bugged the ex that I hung around with this guy so I felt good about it! (We are friends, although at one time dated a little, but I'm not into him that way) Must be the rebel in me...?

 

I'm getting ready for work and glad to be going just to get my mind off things. I always feel a little better being there rather than at home too much.

 

Keep strong everyone, I'll be around to rant later I'm sure.....

 

Sandy

[1guygirl]

funny ppl usually say 'roll on the weekend' but on this challenge its 'thank God its monday!!'

 

day 20 for me

 

yesterday was crap...my older boy had been attacked on way home from school and cos the attacker is jamaican and in care its all abit different...so i voiced my opinion that i didnt want this brushed under the carpet if hes gunna use racism as his excuse to batter my son blah blah. the police woman got defensive and our mam never backed us up...then my sons story changed and i was just like arrrgh - same ole same ole as far as my family goes and when i came home i just wanted my ex...he knew what my family can be like and we said it would just be 'us' (me,him and our own baby) from now on...but hes not here...felt like i was fighting a lonesome battle even more so... oh and like you guys i caved in and had a ciggy...silk cut - i tell you i nearly cracked and went for the bottle of red inall...but kept strong and im glad i did...id have felt like crap today

 

still todays a new day and i feel better (thanks to no drinky poos) and im off to buy my healthy fresh fruit and some dumbells cos im getting stronger doing my weights - and my arms are toning up nicely...infact everything is getting shaped up except my tummy - which is still like my old beer belly, think that will be the last to go - least i can blame it on being 17weeks preggers this time round!! LOL

 

hope everybody elses day goes ok ...and sorry to hear bout the date standing one of us up...sod him...you didnt even like him so its a blessing in disguise darl - God ditched him for you

[celebros]

Day 3 through 6

 

Well, I went and got pretty busy over the last few days, and did not have a chance to post.

 

I have still maintained NC. There have been a few moments when I have wanted to break it, naturally, but I've been trying to stay strong.

 

I guess what I've been feeling, though, is still some what empty. I've been working on that by spending time with family and friends, and doing a lot of reading in my free time.

[1guygirl]

by jove i think shes got it!!!

 

i spesh liked the bit "In reality, they might be getting their satisfying "fix" of us if we respond, and will be okay for a few more weeks knowing we are still pining after them"....hit the nail on the head there dunz....cheers for that

[Brownsville Girl]

Yeah totally, I had a pretty good day 3 and 4 and was hoping it would just stay on the up and up but deep down I knew (and you do too) that's it's a rollercoaster. Day 5,6.,7 haven't been great. Keep the faith, it will get better. And post away, that's what the place is for

[S.Ken]

Day 32

 

Got a email at the office today from my ex who finally responded to the infamous sappy email I sent to her back in late April.

Here's what she had to say:

 

S.Ken-

 

No apology necessary. I did not leave our relationship with bad feelings, just the feeling that it wasn’t meant to be. I’ve felt remiss at not having answered your last letter. It was a combination of not knowing what to say, and since it arrived here at the school not really having the access to reread and respond, nor the time lately. I almost called you to have lunch the other day, but again I was feeling guilty about not answering your first letter so I decided against it.

 

Remember when I said I wouldn’t do the German exchange program because the organization didn’t seem to have their * * * * together? I wish I had remembered my own sage observation, because they don’t. I get nothing but mixed messages and vague directives concerning how to proceed. Not to mention cramming a 4 month prep period into 4 weeks. So, so, so much to do! Can’t wait to get on that plane, then I’ll feel like I can enjoy it, instead of worrying about presentations and forms and goody bags.

 

Have a good summer, and always remember that regret is fruitless and draining! Miss ya, I do.

 

Envision whirled peas.

 

-C

 

OMG!! she said she missed mee!!! Do you think she wants to get back together??? Just kidding! Seriously, about a month ago I probably would've thought like that, but my reaction has been surprisingly low key.

 

I guess NC did its job in helping me think rationally because I realize a lot of my anxiety stemmed from the fact that she did not respond to my email for so long and now that she has responded, I don't feel so anxious anymore. I don't feel overjoyed either, just.... meh. Kind of anti-climatic really.

As I've said, I'd rather have any response than none at all.

[SuperDave71]

GRABBING THE DUCT TAPE FOR S. KEN!!!!!!

 

 

-SuperDave71

[Puckdog27]

Read the letter again s.ken. She says nothing about the relationship, only about how busy she is.

[S.Ken]

Puckdog:

I'm aware of this. My opening statement was blatant sarcasm. It's obvious that she's not interested in resuming the relationship in a non plutonic regard and I'm fine with that.

 

I'm more relieved than anything that she finally responded to my email. At least now I don't have to drive myself crazy with wild speculations anymore.

 

Do you see something I don't?

[bear12]

dunzo.... i'm in the exact same boat.. excpet my case is even more ridiculous b/c we've been broken up for six months and i'm starting NC for like the third time... but it's day five for me, and i've cried for a solid two hours today. i don't know what my problem is.. i just miss him so much and feel like i'll never be that happy again. he moved on so fast and is happy and it just doesn't seem fair. i don't know how he could just lose his feelings for me so quickly... ugh. hopefully tomorrow will be better.

[bear12]

no, mine hasn't b/c it was a mutual agreement- he thought i needed to take some time until i am "over [him]" nice... so, yeah... the most annoying thing, though is that he won't say he's over me.. he just says, "it's not like that." so it makes things really hard. i'm trying to accept that we will never again be together and that kills me. i miss him so much and appreicate him all the more now that he's gone. i feel like i'll never find anyone who treats me so well again. i wish you lived around the block too!

[miew]

NC for 2 weeks now but ex emailed two days ago, said he's leaving for Canada for business (and kind of busy) and he kept some of my mails (we used to live together) on the desk.

 

Went to pick up the mails, and looked for a CD there. (I wouldn't go into the bedroom otherwise) Found his new girl's (actually his ex 6 years ago) clothes everywhere in my (oh...used to be my...) closet. I guess she came to visit from Europe. (She just broke up in March) Well, it's fair since we've broken up...he has the right to date anyone he likes.

 

But I still feel terrible about it. I cried, couldn't help it. It sucks to feel that you are replaced by someone else so soon...I wondered how they could have sex on this bed that we assembled together and we lied together just 3 months ago. (even the sheets are not changed) Everything in this apartment is full of memories for me(...guess he didn't feel anything anymore...) Apparently he tried to hide my personal belongings since she's here. (He could've told me to clean those stuffs...but instead he packed them in a dirty box...) The fact is sad but hey, I've got a chance to avoid seeing all these if I moved all my stuffs in the beginning and started NC right away. This is just all so ugly now... I even feel my good memories with him are covered by some dust now...

 

All I want to say is, when there is no love, things can turn very ugly. And YOU are actually the third person... not the new girl/guy since you are out of this game of love...sigh...

 

It's cruel but kind of helps me to cut my hopes sooner, I guess...

 

For those who want to get back with ex,,,well,,,since my ex did get back with his ex now...so...nothing is impossible (he broke up with her 6 years ago and knew me for 3.5 years (almost 3 years relationship) and we moved in together for 1.5 years)

 

kind of rediculus, I was the one who wanted to "get back" with ex, but he's the one who did it...

[just M.E.]

I'll take the challenge ... Tuesday will be day 1, but we work together, can't avoid the work part.

 

I'll keep you posted, here goes nothing.............

[Tshwane]

im on day 30sumthing and doing well. i still think of her but i've given up all hope and that's what makes things easier this time around.

[Knightm29]

Day 27,

 

Feel ok, no temptation for contact but my mind does seem to wander hoping shes ok.

 

Playing football tonight, got a tough game so that will keep my mind and body busy later today.

 

Only 3 days to go and hit the milestone but will try and do another 30 days after that!

[Mikey8888]

I am on day 2 now (we broke up 3 weeks ago but still were in contact) and I am feeling more and more miserable. I am hardly able to work nor sleep nor eat. Yesterday my whole body was shaking as if I was on drug withdrawal. Today I am going to see a doctor - it really can't continue like that. Usually I always have things under control - I am more like the strong and stable person. But now I feel so helpless.

 

On Sunday she contacted me over Google chat and it turned into a very ugly fight. There was really no respect towards me. She told me she is gonna change all her phone numbers as well as email addresses in case I contact her again. I told her that I had to contact her in order to find out what is wrong and whether it is a break or a final breakup. She never talked with me - that's the hardest thing. Then she told me that in the beginning it was more like a break to her - but now, after I contacted her several times, it is a final breakup. This is so unfair! If she had told me in the beginning that it was a break, I definitely would have respected that. She really is unable to communicate. I think it is absolutely unfair to just break up without ever having talked with the partner first. She ******up twice and I gave her a new chance, whereas she doesn't give me a single chance - worse, she didn't even tell me what is the problem - after 4 years.

 

Now I am definitely sticking to NC - in the first place to protect myself. On Sunday she told me that I will never ever get over her. I think she is too secure that I am always available for her... Well... let's see how she will feel if I am not there anymore at all for her...

[1guygirl]

awww mikey....that musta been tough...yeah def stick with NC it is the best protection you can have...like having your very own army of spartans fighting your corner

 

she has done you a favour by deleting her numbers...shes just too much 'on one' to realise that this is the best in the long run for YOU - take a minute to smile at that one ey hehe

 

big hugz all the same x x x

 

sod it...big hugz to everyone

[sandyv]

Morning 1guygirl!

 

Hope you are well, you certainley sound cheerful!

 

Just want to tell you how inspiring you are, what would we would without you? Your the best... I just feel better every time I read one of your posts, thanks so much...!

 

Mikey, hope as days pass you will feel a little better, I do somewhat. The ex sounds mean and you do deserve better. Yep NC all the way!

 

 

 

Sandy

[S.Ken]

Day 33

 

Woke up this morning without having insane thoughts about the ex for the first time since the split.

 

Ever since she responded to my email, my thoughts about her have been a lot less intense. In fact, they haven't been intense at all. Her response was friendly yet still detached and didn't really get into the details of the email (typical of her) itself so at least that tells me that she isn't interested in giving it another try which is what I wanted at the time I wrote the email, but now after having time to calm down and think about things rationally, I don't want that at all.

 

Doing NC gave me a chance to reevaluate the relationship and her as a person and now I know i don't want her back anymore. She was just too self-centered and has too many pathological insecurity issues.

 

Seems like she's open for the friend thing, but I'm not sure I even want her as a friend. The only real connection we had was the sex and without that, what good is she to me?

 

 

The only thoughts I'm having of her now is whether or not I should respond to her email.

What would I say? What should I say? Things like that.

[S.Ken]

Id say dont respond..She may be expecting one..But if you dont..It will show her you could give or take her as well...Her email sounded kind of cold to me...She misses you, but seems more caught up in what is going on with herself right now..and you should try to do the same...

 

You're absolutely right. Her response vividly illustrates what she's always done--barely acknowledging my wants or needs and immediately goes on about herself that's why I wasn't surprised by it at all.

 

3 months ago, I wanted more than anything to reconcile with her, to be with her, there was nobody else I wanted to be with and blah blah blah, which prompted me to write the email in the first place. I definitely had put her on a pedestal.

 

Now that I'm back to my old RATIONAL, slightly cynical, but always lovable self and I can't help but shake my head for investing all that time and energy into a dead end relationship.

I think I've finally had my "light switch" moment and ironically enough all it took was my ex to act like... well... herself.

 

None of this would have been possible without NC.

 

Btw, I'm still not sending her a happy birthday email... nothing personal really... I just don't care. [-(

[Brownsville Girl]

-Ken, I don't think I would respond either, I mean unless you want to pick up a friendship. The letter sounded almost like it had a 'keep it professional' tone. And, if you don't want her back...then onward and upward my friend.

 

- Dunzo, is there ANY way you can avoid seeing her? That must be totally awful and I can't imagine how seeing her isn't getting in the way or at least distracting your healing process.

 

For me day 8:

Still want to get back together, still lamenting the loss but

feeling over all pretty good. Finally forced myself to eat a good dinner last night, excercised, started my abstenence from beer (for at least a whole week and started getting back to the things I did before all this and I feel so much better physically.

 

But, had the first real urge to contact the ex today but thanks to my unofficial NC army I'm going to sit and meditate on the action until I know I'm sure what I want to do and what I can live with.

 

No crying really today but getting a little choked up (in a good way) about all the cool stuff going on here. Just emotional I guess - you all rock!

[Captain34]

Today is day 28 NC for me. She left me a message on Sunday asking me to call back, but I haven't thus far. Possible chance to reconcile, but I feel that if that is the case, she will try to contact again. I just do not want to play games, wondering if I should call and see what she has to say...

[Puckdog27]

Today is day 28 NC for me. She left me a message on Sunday asking me to call back, but I haven't thus far. Possible chance to reconcile, but I feel that if that is the case, she will try to contact again. I just do not want to play games, wondering if I should call and see what she has to say...

 

Nah - you got 2 days to go to end the Challenge!!!

 

More importantly, can you feel OK contacting her? What makes you think its reconciliation she wants when you havent had contact in 28 days? Maybe she cant find the remote.