THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[SuperDave71]

Hello The Wheel...

 

welcome to eNotalone...

 

 

-SuperDave71

[the teach]

inspirational - thank you

[thelonelydoll]

we work together, she owes me money and we have friends in common, i know that the N.C is the way forward but i always give in

 

Hmmm... I have never worked with an ex on a daily basis, so I have no advice on that subject. NC is definitely the way forward, but it's not for the faint of heart - it's really hard! Is the money enough that you can't just do without it? It might just be the price you'll pay for peace of mind. I've had to let go of the idea of getting almost five grand worth of valuables back. I'm "writing it off" to experience. Start a new thread with your story so we can all give you advice tailored to your situation, and how NC can be implemented in your case.

[supercalifragilistic]

I'm sure it's the cold bringing you down - and who among us doesn't have those moments of missing the ex, hell even I do! You're doing great, and tomorrow you will be just fine. Just chalk this up to "having a sick day." Lounge around reading magazines, drink tea, make some chicken soup, all that stuff. You're really strong, and tomorrow will be day 21.

 

Thank you for the support, but I guess it wasn't really the cold. I feel better physically but much worse emotionally.

 

Well, it is day 21 and I will not stop NC. But I can't help but feel disappointed that I'm feeling so sad. Things were going so great, I had such high hopes that by day 30 I wouldn't even care if he wanted to get back together with me or not. But now I just don't really see that happening anytime soon. It's just so hard for me to understand how this could happen, and I'm starting to blame myself too. I know I wasn't happy, I know I had to be on my own to realize that, I needed to change a lot of things, and I'm trying. But I just want him back. I love him so much and I miss him. Why does he have to be so immature? How can he stop loving me after all he did to show me that he really loved me more than anything else? After accepting me for all this time, how could just stop? All the sacrifices he made for me. Why? Now that we were finally living in the same city. It just doesn't make sense.

 

I was so careful to take things slow to see if he really cared about me in the beggining or if he was just using me...I waited before I really got involved. It didn't seem like anything could go wrong. Sometimes life is so unfair. I gave him all the love in the world, and this is what I get.

[thelonelydoll]

I gave him all the love in the world, and this is what I get.

 

I certainly hear you there! I can tell myself that Mike is a very unhappy and emotionally unhealthy person, and he has to live with his miserable self, knowing that he lost me - but then some days I find it harder to convince myself. The outcome of the relationship is that he's now completely focused on his newfound sobriety, and I'm still focused on getting over the relationship.

 

Oh, hun, I'm sorry you're still down today. Unfortunately, this healing stuff has its ebbs and flows, and that's hard to deal with. But even if it's no consolation, your NC has been strong, where I wavered. I know in my heart that I'll eventually feel happy again, but not knowing when that day will come is so hard. But DON'T BLAME YOURSELF!

[Cygnus]

Ugh...I'm on day 5 of NC with my on-off-on-off-on-off "ex"...the whole relationship (10 months) has been an emotional roller coaster. She is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse...AND...a co-worker. I love her dearly, but we need a serious time-out. So difficult, but a must..for now...or forever.

[supercalifragilistic]

I certainly hear you there! I can tell myself that Mike is a very unhappy and emotionally unhealthy person, and he has to live with his miserable self, knowing that he lost me - but then some days I find it harder to convince myself. The outcome of the relationship is that he's now completely focused on his newfound sobriety, and I'm still focused on getting over the relationship.

 

Oh, hun, I'm sorry you're still down today. Unfortunately, this healing stuff has its ebbs and flows, and that's hard to deal with. But even if it's no consolation, your NC has been strong, where I wavered. I know in my heart that I'll eventually feel happy again, but not knowing when that day will come is so hard. But DON'T BLAME YOURSELF!

 

I can't help it. I know how posessive I was. I know how annoying I could be and how the time we spent was never enough for me. I always wanted more. Now I have nothing. Learned my lesson there, that's for sure. I just wish I could have one more chance or at least know for a fact that he's not who I think he is. But I guess I just have to accept that this may never happen.

I'm just so hurt by it all. I know, here I go again talking about the stupid money he owes me...but he didn't even bother to call me for that! I don't know if I should take that as good thing or an awful thing. Maybe he does not want to see me AT ALL for some reason...or maybe he forgot I even exist (I doubt that, but at the same time, who knows!)...maybe he doesn't want to make things final just yet, either because he knows he wants me back or because he wants me as his backup or maybe he forgot about the money and about his stuff that I have and my stuff that he has...he has always been very forgetful anyways...or maybe he has a very different notion of time. Maybe for him 20 days is nothing, whereas for ME it's quite a while! Argh. I hate not knowing what's going to happen. Sometimes I just wish he was a jerk to me and refused to see me and answer my calls and told me and ACTED like he hated me...I just wish he gave me a good reason not to want him back. Or maybe not even that would help...maybe no reason would be good enough for me. I'm just upset that I was so happy and doing so well andlately everything seems to be going downhill. But I guess that's life. I'll just have to try and remember what the hell made me feel better and try that again.

 

Anyways, thanks for reading all this non sense I write, it feels better to know that there's someone out there that doesn't criticize me for feeling this way and is willing to try and make me feel better. So thanks.

[thelonelydoll]

Dear - I was extremely possessive of a boyfriend a million years ago, didn't want him to go to band practice because I wasn't feeling well, and the stupid petty fight we had ended up with me getting my nose broken. I blamed myself for a long time, because the initial argument was so petty, really.

 

If you need the money back from the ex, can you involve a third party or take him to small claims court? Oh hell, even if you don't need it, it's owed to you! Having a "different notion of time" is akin to simply being a sociopath - what, the rules don't apply to him? Sweetheart, if he hasn't made any effort to get your stuff and your money back to you - that IS being a jerk to you, that IS acting like he hates you.

 

One EXCELLENT reason for not wanting him back is that he evidently has no respect for you. You are far too easy on him, and far too hard on yourself - switch it around! (Okay, perhaps you and I should switch to PM instead of hijacking the most popular thread on here, LOL.)

[the teach]

Hmmm... I have never worked with an ex on a daily basis, so I have no advice on that subject. NC is definitely the way forward, but it's not for the faint of heart - it's really hard! Is the money enough that you can't just do without it? It might just be the price you'll pay for peace of mind. I've had to let go of the idea of getting almost five grand worth of valuables back. I'm "writing it off" to experience. Start a new thread with your story so we can all give you advice tailored to your situation, and how NC can be implemented in your case.

 

 

ok, well we were together for 6 years. shared my flat to begin with (well for 5 years) and then moved into a house which was all in her name. i worked very hard to make the house a home and put some of my money into (from the sale of my property) she has agreed to give me a large sum of money as i paid half of the mortgage (i think i'm owed this to). it was a sort of mutual thing when it all ended and up until have had contact. its been really hard we have both left the house and are living in temporary accommodation, pets have been distributed, possessions are in storage and our worlds seem to be upside down. we both have said that we still love each other but cannot hurt each other anymore. i'm supposedly recieving the money on monday. we do work together which is really hard. i'm not sure if i want to be with her but i don't want to be without her. she has been my life. this is going to be really hard for me and i'm not sure if i'm doing it for the wrong reasons e.g i want her back? she has treated me badly (affairs) etc but each time i have forgiven her and we have got back together. i have read pages of post and am not sure if people are trying to use N.C for the wrong reasons. i have read numerous self help books and watched DVD's (the secret) etc and always feel good afterwards but can never seem to uphold it all. any help???

[Rosie007]

Have so much to say, but my eyes are burning with exhaustion, and so I'll just say the most important thing for today:

 

C0NGRATULATIONS for reaching 30 days, solarplexus!!!!!!

[thelonelydoll]

Even those of us who've come out of highly unhealthy/abusive relationships initially think about wanting them back, it's only natural. Whatever your reasons, NC gives you the time to reflect on the relationship and decide if it is/was really right for YOU. Your situation is difficult for so many reasons: you kept taking her back, you still can't decide if she's the right woman for you, there are financial entanglements, and the issue of working together.

 

First off, teach, I suppose you gotta decide if you want the relationship or not. Nothing will change for you until you come to a decision.

[the teach]

many thanks. hope i am doing this right? the posting thing?

[thelonelydoll]

Sweetie - when you're in a forum area, there will be a "button" on the top left that says, I think, New Topic. You can have a whole thread to yourself!

[the teach]

god this so frustrating! please can someone explain how i start a new thread. sorry lonely doll but i do not have such a option on the left

[the teach]

sorry i think i might of been a bit confused previously. i know now how to start a new thread but i am interseted in watching others progress here. i am new to all this as you can probably gather so don't know if that makes sense or not. any advice would be appreciated, thanks

[the teach]

Day 1 (25.4.07) – Have deleted all contact numbers. I know this is going to be hard but it has to be done. Really want to do this. Have read some positive responses from yourself and others. Just have to see how it goes. Have sat all-night and read the no contact posts. Have mixed feelings, will see how I feel tomorrow. Still believing that I need some sort of contact just in case I lose her forever. How foolish! I love her so much it hurts, but something tells me to continue with this. Fingers crossed.

[thelonelydoll]

AARRGGHH - I don't know what day it is today - it's five days since I found my little workout outfit destroyed, as well as my favorite bikini. And I realized that my missing valuables had to be connected to Mike's psychotic freak-out. So, as I've said before, I'm not actually counting, because now NC is permanent. But because he's in the UK, I have no way of blocking his calls, and he phoned both the landline and my cell this afternoon.

 

Right after we split, I was in Miami for a job, and some pals there signed him up for all sorts of spam. I was near, but not actually participating. One of my friends signed put up a profile for Mike on Manhunt ( a gay site), and Mike's voicemail mentioned identity theft and the FBI - as if! I wasn't even sure which friend did it, but eventually found out - and Scott can't actually remove the profile because apparently Mike changed the password. So he'll have to do it himself!

 

I DON'T want to hear his voice AT ALL, and I certainly don't want to hear the phone ringing from an oil rig in the North Sea. So, now I'm REALLY annoyed. But it just goes to show you that what you initially think is a "harmless revenge party", before you truly understand what NC is, can come back to bite you in the rear. At the time of the "revenge party", I really hadn't a clue about NC. And today, I'm paying the price.

 

teach - I see you do have your own thread now. I'll be popping over pronto.

[supercalifragilistic]

22

 

I'm still getting sad everytime I see something that reminds me of him. I had stopped doing that. I feel like crying more than I'd like, that had stopped also. I just wish these feelings remained gone like they were. I thought by the time the 30 days were over I'd be feeling pretty happy, maybe even feeling like I could try and be friends with him. Now unless things change drastically I don't se that happening. I guess I'm very pessimistic lately. Just the thought of accidentally bumping into him or even seeing him from a distance when I go to college makes me cringe. I think I'd just break down and cry if that happened. Right then and there, and that would NOT be nice. I guess that enough negativity for today. Hopefully things will start looking up soon.

 

Oh, and lonelydoll, I hope to be where you are soon. Not wanting to hear from the ex at all, much less getting back together. And thanks for sharing that Manhunt revenge your friend came up with...made me laugh some when I pictured the whole situation

[macgyver4ever]

Day 22

 

So I started my freelance/temp work today, which I as said is about 2 blocks from where my ex works, and I cannot make it to work without passing her building. I didn't run into her, but my heart was pounding as I passed by both times.

 

I was completely consumed by thoughts of her all day. I have been having these telepathic thoughts that she is very unhappy, and it is killing me because it makes me unjustifiable happy, and then I crash when I realize I am probably wrong. It's a destructive cycle, and I need to get control over it.

 

My job is pretty lame, but it is basically a paid job interview. They like me, and are going to test me on some Toy Design tomorrow. Its hard being that close to my ex all day. I get the urge to call her and ask to meet for lunch. I loved this girl for so long, and really wish I could stop.

 

On a postive note, I have learned how to online date well now, and am talking to many girls. All of them have potential, so that would be exciting if I didn't feel like *ss.

 

 

Today I feel: Depressed, Sad, Alone, Tired, Bored, and Frustrated.

[macgyver4ever]

22

 

I'm still getting sad everytime I see something that reminds me of him. I had stopped doing that. I feel like crying more than I'd like, that had stopped also. I just wish these feelings remained gone like they were. I thought by the time the 30 days were over I'd be feeling pretty happy, maybe even feeling like I could try and be friends with him. Now unless things change drastically I don't se that happening. I guess I'm very pessimistic lately. Just the thought of accidentally bumping into him or even seeing him from a distance when I go to college makes me cringe. I think I'd just break down and cry if that happened. Right then and there, and that would NOT be nice. I guess that enough negativity for today. Hopefully things will start looking up soon.

 

It's almost funny that we are both on day 22, and both in pure misery. Honestly, time has made things a little better, but not much.

[p_fred]

I think part of this challenge should include deleting any web blogs YOU have.

 

Myspace is a nightmare when you are hurting from a breakup. Just don't do it!

 

Delete your page and if your other friends ask tell them it got spammed or something.

 

You need to disappear so having a web blog isn't going to help!

 

I know I felt a lot better when I deleted mine, it was a total waste of time for me anyhow.

 

Day # ? not sure. I thought it was still March so I'm way ahead now that I see its April! LOL !!

 

Mac, you sure its such a good idea taking a job so close to your ex?

[MissIndigo]

Day 33

 

Had a crisis in the workplace today and I had the impulse to try to IM my ex and talk about it because he would understand. Normally I would have, but I refrained, but was it ever tempting. What happened was an unfortunate thing and many of us feel the effects of it even though I nor my other close colleagues had anything to do with it. In any case it was a rush of adrenaline I didn't need...

 

Been feeling down over the past few days, really missing the friendship of the person but if we were to talk now I'd just be kidding myself because I do wish we could reconcile and right now I just don't want to push it. That may be more a symptom of everything uncertain (new position still up in the air, still don't know where I may be moving to, health of parent), since I thought having his support was the one thing I could count on during these tough times. Knowing I can't turn to him right now hurts.

 

I will just be glad when it's tomorrow.

[SuperDave71]

STAY AWAY FROM MYSPACE!!!!

 

 

AARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[thelonelydoll]

I think it's Day 6 of permanent, absolute NC for me. I'm still really angry that he left me a voicemail yesterday in which he said he "felt sorry" for me. Because of a stupid "revenge" prank that my friends pulled six weeks ago and that I had nothing to do with. But I know that he thinks he's an expert on sobriety when he's not even got 30 days - and I know he's also hiding behind a lot of AA-speak so he doesn't have to face what he did to me in the end. Part of me thinks: you fell sorry for me?!! I dumped your drunken * * * * *, loser! But because he's so focused on his sobriety, while I'm still grieving the end of the relationship, I guess in a way his saying he felt sorry for me did make me feel like a loser.

 

It was all I could do today not to inform his employer of his alcoholism. But I didn't. Still angry, though!

[the teach]

Day 2 (26.4.07)

Have thought about her loads today. N.C working most of the time, although think I am getting exited about the fact that she may contact me. Then I will probably crumble. Not sure why? have been out this evening and it is now that i'm home i feel like txting. does this get easier?