THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Tshwane]

Day 33, these days she's always on my mind but i have enough self control not to contact her. I'll continue and see where this leads.

[rsxguy520]

update on day 33. everything is going alright. getting busy with school and just catching up with some friends. other than that, i feel great. day 34 tomorrow, looking forward to partying with my college peoples.

[Pisces_Princess]

Day 8...this is real progress for me, never been able to do this for so long.

 

Feeling OK, not quite as spectacular as I have in the past few day's, but OK.

 

My work colleague who knows my ex has just been talking about him and just hearing his name makes me feel ill. I obviously still have feelings for him, but I am keeping them under control.

 

xxx

[comfyshoes]

God knows i've had some ups and downs since she dumped me for the sixth time a month ago. I've been strong, i've been sad and i've been pathetic. I've stalked her in chatrooms, checked her email and myspace and thought about her way too often to be healthy.

Last week was hard. I convinced myself i wanted her back. I missed her like i was missing a limb. And what was she doing? Up to her old tricks of flirting on line i bet! The very thing that broke us up time and again. (though i'm sure she would tell you it was my jealousy over her flirting that broke us up!)

 

Well. Something happened at work last night. The junior medical staff have all just moved round. About 1 in the morning, the resident surgical officer came to the OR to borrow some equipment to use on one of the wards. I helped her to find what she needed and as we made small talk, i realised that she was flirting with me! Me!

 

I'll tell you, i felt like a teenager all over again. I felt feelings i haven't been able to feel in the longest time, so i flirted right back!

I went for a long walk after my night shift and thought long and hard about it. I got to dwelling on the loss of my relationship with the devil woman with no soul and got sad for a little bit. Then i realised that i had butterflies in my stomach and a huge smile on my face when i thought about this doctor flirting with me. It felt good!

 

I've been through this to many times to think that i have had some sort of epiphany or that this might be the answer to my prayers but I FELT GOOD ABOUT MYSELF!

 

It may be only a month since the last time the evil one dumped me and i'm old enough to know the drawbacks with rebound relationships, but, this woman made me feel good about myself.

I've left a friend at work to do some fishing for me and find out how the land lies so to speak.

Who knows if there is anything more to be made of this. I do know however that for the first time in a good few years i had the confidence to do something for myself and it made me feel happy to do so.

 

Maybe i turned a corner. I don't know. I will just have to brace myself for whatever happens next.

 

shoes

[Pisces_Princess]

Good for you Comfyshoes!!!!!

 

I was flirted with in a meeting a couple of weeks ago. I don't like him, but you do forget that other people out there might just find you attractive.

 

Is this Dr a potential? x

[papalazarou]

Hi Shaker,

 

When you think about it we have both been through two of the most stressful life events you can face at the same time...the loss of somebody (I know it's not a death, but the grieving process is very similar)

 

 

 

Indeed I remember when my marriage broke up the Doctor said to me its almost like a living death. The relationship is over but they are still alive!

[Pisces_Princess]

Hi PapaL,

 

My therapist has said that in some ways a death is easier to come to terms with. The other person has gone and there is nothing they could do about it, but the love is never in doubt. When somebody leaves you it puts into question everything you ever thought or felt about that person and everything they ever thought or felt about you x

[Pisces_Princess]

I am actually really struggling again today...

 

My work colleague is the person that introduced my ex and I. Her husband is my ex's best-friend. She keeps talking about my ex, but in a cryptic way. I think she wants me to ask if he is seeing somebody else. She likes to stir a bit of trouble, but now I am wondering if he is with somebody else. After everything I said about not caring I feel wretched again!

 

The thing is when we first split up I said that I didn't want her to tell me when he meets a new girlfriend, so I know if I ask she will just say "well you didn't want me to say!"

[Siro]

my ex's "friend" is coming up from FL to spend the weekend UGH!!

hurts knowing wish I didn't. but we have to keep LC because of our son and he tells me, can't blame him

 

LC blows it's hard hearing her voice.16yrs is a long time to break the habit of calling a few times a day.

 

today is day 6 of LC. Had to pick up my son for school,I kind of get jittery waiting outside for him to come down.

 

 

the depression feels gone although still thinking of her.

 

but all in all feel alot better have some energy so I'll clean up alittle

[boston23]

Pisces--It sounds like you're doing really well. I think that for now you should just keep your contact with your work colleague to a minumum. If she likes to stir trouble, then there's not much you can do to stop her behavior. Just keep yourself busy!!

 

Day 19 for me.

 

Yesterday was tough for me. I was really missing my ex and thinking about how much I wanted to get back together with him. And then I guess I realized at some point that part of the reason that I've been having such a hard time lately is that I don't really want to let him go, even though I know that I'm ready to. He wasn't a good boyfriend, he wasn't even a good friend. Yes, I loved him and I still love him, but he was a coward during our relationship and I shouldn't have to continue to mourn the loss of relationship that didn't make me feel good about myself. So I'm giving myself the permission to move on. If I move on it doesn't mean I loved him any less, it just means that I don't need to keep living my life in a constant struggle with myself. So even though he dumped me, I'm the one who's rejecting him. You know in Jerry Maguire, where she says something about how she loves him for the man she knows he can be? I feel that is exactly how I loved my ex. I know he can be so much better than he is, and I loved the best possibility of him, but not actually the reality of him.

 

After figuring all this out last night I was drifting off to sleep when I was woken by my ex's unmistakable laugh (he has a really loud laugh). I randomly live in the apartment next door to one of his best friends (same building but different entrance to the apartments), and I guess he was over there. For a moment I waited to feel the rush of "omg, he's 20 feet away right now" but it didn't come at all. I kind of laughed to myself because my guess is that he was over there because he misses me and knows I live over here (he doesn't hang out there much anymore), and then I drifted off to sleep.

[papalazarou]

I am actually really struggling again today...

 

My work colleague is the person that introduced my ex and I. Her husband is my ex's best-friend. She keeps talking about my ex, but in a cryptic way. I think she wants me to ask if he is seeing somebody else. She likes to stir a bit of trouble, but now I am wondering if he is with somebody else. After everything I said about not caring I feel wretched again!

 

The thing is when we first split up I said that I didn't want her to tell me when he meets a new girlfriend, so I know if I ask she will just say "well you didn't want me to say!"

 

 

Yes she does mate. She is just fishing for information and at the same time trying to upset your "karma". No doubt she has seen you doing well and has decided to rattle your cage.

 

It must be very difficult for you having a work colleague who is close to your ex.

 

On the other hand I know you cant help wondering if he is with someone else, thats only natural and whilst its easier said than done you need to put those thoughts to one side...difficult I know :sad:

[Pisces_Princess]

The thing is I know he isn't! If he really was seeing somebody she wouldn't stir trouble.

 

It's because I have tried to keep her out of the situation to respect the fact that she is a mutual friend and didn't want to put her in the middle. I think she is trying to find out what's going on with me or maybe the ex has asked her to find out as I haven't returned his calls/messages xxx

[papalazarou]

The thing is I know he isn't! If he really was seeing somebody she wouldn't stir trouble.

 

It's because I have tried to keep her out of the situation to respect the fact that she is a mutual friend and didn't want to put her in the middle. I think she is trying to find out what's going on with me or maybe the ex has asked her to find out as I haven't returned his calls/messages xxx

 

Well in that case she is obviously after a bit of gossip and yes im sure she is fishing for information as to why you havent responded to him!!

[Pisces_Princess]

I know and it sounds so childish but it still gets to me!!!

 

I guess for a while after a break-up different feelings come up to the surface.

Like today when she was talking about him, I could feel my mood drop...

 

I guess that is why no contact is good for me right now, it keeps him out of sight which also means to some extent out of mind! x

[papalazarou]

I know and it sounds so childish but it still gets to me!!!

 

I guess for a while after a break-up different feelings come up to the surface.

Like today when she was talking about him, I could feel my mood drop...

 

I guess that is why no contact is good for me right now, it keeps him out of sight which also means to some extent out of mind! x

 

 

Exactly! Remember how good you felt when you were re-establishing your identity and he wasnt around and there were no reminders! I suppose to a certain extent your co worker is also a reminder.

[Pisces_Princess]

And not so easily disposed of as other reminders!!!

 

xxx

[ahhh2jz]

Good morning everyone,

 

Day 36 NC! This feeling is fading away a little bit more everyday; but it's really slow. Hope everyones doing good and staying tough. I'm learning how to utilize my time more efficiently than ever. Even though its barely been over a month of NC, I'm still focusing on myself and occasionally thinking about whether the ex is going to call today or email today or something like that know what I mean? I'm really trying to change myself to stop having that anticipation/expectation that she is going to contact me. I find myself having fun with the friends when I go out, but then that thought always manages to slip in somehow. I'm glad though that I haven't acted on any of these urges I have that could take me backwards in the progress.

[TijuanaJones]

Hi Boston!

You know what made it ten times easier for me to move on?

I took my ex off her pedestal... If you think hard enough, you will start to remember all those little things you didn't like about your ex. Start remembering every little detail and write it down. Be thorough, write even the smallest details... for example, my ex just wanted to go eat what she felt like eating, she didn't want to go somewhere I wanted to go if that meant she was going to be somewhat bored, she always tried to convince me to let her smoke in my brand-new car (I love the new car smell! haha), and after writing everything down I realized she was an egocentric and selfish person who did not respect me, she was very judgemental, intolerant, harsh and fickle.

So, why would I want to be with someone like that?

That made the difference to me, that made me realize that it is in my best interest to stay away from her. Even if she comes back begging me to get back together I will say no.

 

I hope it works for you... Im convinced that there are better persons waiting for us somewhere. Healing and finding them takes time, and besides, if we want to spend a lifetime with the love of our lives, waiting some months or years till we find her/him is a small price to pay, don't you think?

[uniballpen]

Day 40 I think

Thanks to everyone on this board wouldn't have made it this far without everyone's comments

Feelings:

Miss her loads

Not going to break nc until I feel better and dont care and when I get there I probably wont contact as I wont care just wish it would hurry up!!!

Think I should be over her now,think it might be my ego as I have a lot of anger which seems like a double whammy as i feel I couldn't keep her/she didnt want to stay with me and now I can't get over it,but its getting alittle better......jez if I knew she was going through 1/2 as much pain as I have have I wouldnt be so angry at her!!!!!Keep up the good work everyone...its definitley the only way!!!!!

[TijuanaJones]

Good morning everyone,

 

Day 36 NC! This feeling is fading away a little bit more everyday; but it's really slow. Hope everyones doing good and staying tough. I'm learning how to utilize my time more efficiently than ever. Even though its barely been over a month of NC, I'm still focusing on myself and occasionally thinking about whether the ex is going to call today or email today or something like that know what I mean? I'm really trying to change myself to stop having that anticipation/expectation that she is going to contact me. I find myself having fun with the friends when I go out, but then that thought always manages to slip in somehow. I'm glad though that I haven't acted on any of these urges I have that could take me backwards in the progress.

 

Stay strong buddy!

I slipped a couple of times during NC and it was not worth it, in fact it made things more difficult.

In my case, it only helped me realize that the real reason she left me was to start dating her high-school fantasy... pfffft! go figure! now she is dating a guy who has a reputation for being a player and a heartbreaker. Good luck to her! They always think that the grass is greener on the other side... but I bet you the guy doesn't use Miracle-Gro like I do (figuratively speaking, of course) haha. Well, Im wandering off, but the point is that I found that there is NOTHING you can do to actively make her change her mind. Being passive, using NC is the way to go, because the only certainty that you have is that you can control your own actions. You have to assume it is OVER (its hard, I know) you have to be proud and think that your ex didnt appreciate your qualities and that you are better off alone than with someone who will bail out when there is trouble (well, depending on the case). They say that living well is the best revenge. I dont say its about revenge, but I think the meaning of it is that you should focus on getting yourself back on track, start enjoying life again, get over your ex, and sooner or later she will realize that you are strong, you have your life back and that you have gotten over her... that's when there is a real chance of reconciliation.

 

Nobody wants a fragile, needy, clingy BF/GF... be strong for yourself...

 

I was riding a taxi a couple of weeks ago feeling like crap, and the driver took a look at me and told me: "hey, you got your heart broken or something?" I was like: "yeah, haha" then he said: "You gained a lot" I was like: "uuuh?" he said:

"yeah, you lost a girl, but you gained another one, or several, probably better ones"

That made a lot of sense to me... The guy was basically telling me that life is not over when you lose something, you lose and life gives you opportunities to win again, and win big time!

 

Like they say: "One man's trash is another man's treasure"... I am one woman's trash right now, but I will meet another one and I'll be her treasure...

[ahhh2jz]

TJ thanks for the words of wisdom man, I will continue to keep staying strong. And what that taxi driver said made a lot of sense; it makes me feel happy to read someting like that. I'm gonna keep that in mind.

[Parsley]

So it's been a week pn NC.2

 

I feel fairly good I think? I had a really good day today. My delayed London window shopping trip was today. We spent maybe an hour on Oxford Street, hopped on the tube and thought we'd go to Notting Hill. Got there and decided the station looked dodgy, and carried onto Holland Park, intending to go to the end of the line and turn back, but saw a train standing at the station, pegged it off the one we were on and got on that. After that we ended up in Leytonstone to visit a different uni friend randomly. Was a very good day, and I got me a lovely top from Primark (one of my favourite places...ever.).

 

Didn't have much chance to think about the ex, which is always good. When we got to the friend in Leytonstone we had a bit of a discussion about what had happened when he contacted me (I haven't seen them since the middle of January). She asked "If he wants you back he's not going about it in a very sensible way is he?......Do you want him back....?". I said "No...how could I ever possibly trust him again?" She looked so relieved and went "Oh thank god. Cause he is a ***** ****** and a ******* with a whole big pile of ***** pouring out of his *****" lol.

 

I had the realisation that if he ever did want to get me back, he'd have to convince my friends that I should go back rather than convincing me. I figured...I'm far more likely to go back to something that's bad for me, right? Whereas my friends are always on the lookout for me. If they honestly thought that we should be back together, I'd trust their opinion far more than my own. And I think it would take a LOT for them to be convinced.

[HeartGoesOn]

This is NC day 5 for me, wish I had listened to everyone and started sooner. He was texting me every few days, I responded to all his texts...I know "DUMB". Also, he called me Sunday, 5 days ago, and I told him I still

loved him, which either pushed him away, or made him feel secure in that that I'm still wrapped around his finger, and have not heard from him since. I know that was a stupid move on my part, but I guess we live and learn. I'm trying to stay strong here!

[Shaker]

Day whatever.

 

Some of the things I've learned about myself from the break-up are giving me trouble this week. I really, really need to be respected and valued by those close to me, and at times this week I've been taken advantage of.

 

I'm not happy today. Not in the mood to write.

 

I don't think my mood has much (if anything) to do with 'No Contact' or being dumped. It only has to do with the experience of my break-up teaching me to be okay with what my needs are in life....the only trouble is that being at peace with my needs and having them met are very different things.

 

(I should add that this doesn't apply to the boy I've started dating.)

[cheatedon]

I have a question for you guys about my situation. My ex and I broke up just recently, and he rebounded quickly by dating someone new by the next week. Anyway, I read this forum and cut contact. I make no effort to call or text him, but normally about twice a day he texted me. Not with anything important just random stuff. For example this morning "going to car show." Can anybody figure out why? Is it just his way of keeping some contact with me?