fleur-de-lis Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 bubbles, I am a dumper and I'm here so... anything is possible. Why did she break up with you? Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I'm not sure NC is the solution for you, I mean if she still has feelings for you and wants to hang out as friends, maybe you should try that. I know I would want the same thing with my ex : to take things slow, but not right now. To help her overcoming her fear, just don't get too serious and don't try to meet her more than she wants to, let her initiate more contact than you... As I have mentioned earlier, I may see things only from my perspective... Did she contact you since your breakup? Well, she reacted to the editing I did on myspace and she did the same... now there are no pictures of me there... Since the breakup, she contacted me through MSN after 10 days, but just talking about silly stuff... so I blocked and deleted her... she sent me a txt msg to tell me that she got a new cell phone number... but no calls... after 19 days NC I called her, we were supposed to meet this last sunday to talk and hang out. On saturday I called to ask her if it was ok for me to pick her up at a certain time, but she said she had other plans with her best friend... I called her again after that and somehow we ended up talking about us and told me she wanted to go out as friends, so I thought she meant to say she wanted us to be friends and told her I couldnt be her friend. She said everything was too recent to go out again, that she would feel awkward. I said to her I wasnt going to call her so much (but for me that was the end of it) I screwed up telling her I love her and want the best for her and stuff, and she told me she was feeling pressured and didnt want to talk anymore about that subject. I told her I hope she has fun tomorrow and I hope her well. So the call ended on a sour note... Her mom doesnt think everything is lost and will do what she can to discreetly help me. She is taking refuge in the partying, drinking and friends and not giving concern to her health. Her mom is going to limit all of that so she can get her life back in order. Thats whats more important to me, I want her to be well, even if she doesnt come back to me. Link to comment
cooking1969 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 My ex who has sent an occasional email, getting less and less personal, but still believes that we are such great friends. I guess it is easy to give someone crumbs when you think they will be around when you need them. She sent an email last week, very general and ended it with not a goodbye, but her office signaturoe!! Today I got this. You are supposed to email the person that sent it to you along with 5 others back and then they know that you are a great friend. Also if you sent to the other five, "your wish will come true and you will find lvoe very soon". I found this very hurtful to send to some one that you know you are breaking there heart with ending a relationship. On top of that during last summer she had been chatting with some other men online and sent it to this other guys email address too. Insult to injury. I DELETED IT! And it has shown me how thoughtless she is and self serving. She wanted me to send it back so that without having to talk to me her ego would be boosted by my return response. I now see her as a shallow and heartless individual. AM I WRONG ON THIS ONE?? Sometimes in life, you find a special friend; Someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop; Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is Forever Friendship. This is the sacred RED ROSE. You MUST pass this rose on to at least 5 people within the hour of receiving this rose. After you do, make a wish. If you have passed it on, your wish will come true and love will come your way shortly. If not your life will stay the same as it has always been. Just be nice & pass it on....May we all be loved so much. Friend if I don't get this back I can take a hint! How many people actually have 8 true friends? Hardly anyone I know! But some of us have all right friends and good friends!!! Send this to 8 people or more and if this is sent back to you then you know that you are a true friend.. Link to comment
bubbles07 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 hey fleur-de-lis heres the post where I talk about what happened, i don't really like to keep talking about it because i just keep trying to find hidden clues, so if your interested you can read it in this thread, if you have any insight or advice I would really appreciate it. Thanks Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 TijuanaJones Well in this case, you should stick to NC till her mother calls you or just send her a card on her birthday...till then, focus on yourself. (easier said than done) I am thinking of my ex more often since our breakup. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 TijuanaJones Well in this case, you should stick to NC till her mother calls you or just send her a card on her birthday...till then, focus on yourself. (easier said than done) I am thinking of my ex more often since our breakup. Hi fleur! You are right, I will do that... 3 weeks is not that much to wait or endure when you think you have found your soulmate... thanks for the advice Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 bubbles, I have read your post and I believe you should do some kind of LC (I think that this is powerful too), if she got bored with you, let her find out that life without you isn't much more interesting. If I were you, I would never initiate contact, and not answer her calls and "forget" to return some of her calls and be unavailable if she asks you to hang out in the same day she called... and during this time do new stuff on your own. This may be a very valuable lesson to learn, always keep improving yourself Link to comment
bubbles07 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Thanks fleur-de-lis, I just think that she'll never miss me because she even told me herself that she tries to keep herself busy so she doesn't have to think about us. Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 cooking1969, sorry about that... She probably didn't think about that...and if she did it on purpose, she may want to feel reassured that you are there for her Anyway, you are so right, she is being inconsiderate to you Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Thanks fleur-de-lis, I just think that she'll never miss me because she even told me herself that she tries to keep herself busy so she doesn't have to think about us. Bubbles... you are also trying to keep yourself busy so you dont think about her, right? And you are not achieving it, so I bet she isn't either... In Mexico they have a saying about women: "Women say one thing, think another one and do yet another one" (its meant to be funny, not despective). But the same can be applied to men. So lets not take at heart what they say to us, patience and time are the keys to unlocking true feelings. Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 bubbles, I think that means she will miss you, but we have to stop thinking so much about them and start doing better things with our lives Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Bubbles... you are also trying to keep yourself busy so you dont think about her, right? And you are not achieving it, so I bet she isn't either... In Mexico they have a saying about women: "Women say one thing, think another one and do yet another one" (its meant to be funny, not despective). But the same can be applied to men. So lets not take at heart what they say to us, patience and time are the keys to unlocking true feelings. You're so right TJ, but I thought this was true about men Anyway, we just keep over analyzing the words, but the facts are simply "telling" more Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Actions really do speak louder than words, but we tend to hang on to one or two things and the rest goes by the wayside. I will never understand this about human nature, but it seems pretty much the same accross the board. We tend to hang on to one piece of good and excuse the rest away... For me, this morning, he IM'd me to tell me something I already knew. I guess it was a sort of an update on future work which I was wanting to request anyway. I'm SO glad he beat me to it! I can still feel the residual of that itsy bitsy bit of contact and am reading all kinds of things into it... He didn't say anything to my partner, who's a guy. I just don't know anymore... But I made it thru so far. And he DID contact me. Keep in mind in my situ, this isn't a typical NC/breakup. We were never really an item... it was more of a physical, rebound thing. He never requested NC. I'm actually doing it myself b/c being in contact with him in this way gives me an incredible high but screws with my head and I am tired of the crash! Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 You're so right TJ, but I thought this was true about men Anyway, we just keep over analyzing the words, but the facts are simply "telling" more That's right... if they were done with us, there would not be need to initiate contact or to respond to it... Good point. Link to comment
emrrn915 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Okay this is onlt day one and I can't decide if I am dying or I am relieved.. weird huh? Part of me keep thinking how great it was and part of me is thinking about the things that may have eventually have driven us apart. Part of me thinks I was a fool to believe in another so fully. I seriously have usually been the dumper in my life so this is relatively new to me. I am wondering if I will be able to trust anyone fully again. Part of me wants him back so bad I can't stand it and part of me is afraid to get back with him. I know in my gut that he will be back and I just hope when he comes around I will be clear on my needs. I want to talk to him so bad I can't stand it, he has been my best friend for the last 13 months and I miss him. I need to let it lie, don't I? Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 ramsickle, We tend to over analyze everything he may have contacted you out of boredom and wanted some small talk... Don't let this change your mind about your not typical NC Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Well, she reacted to the editing I did on myspace and she did the same... now there are no pictures of me there... JMO, but when I am thinking rationally, I see the act of "deleting" or "Blocking" anything that the other person can see is bound to create a reaction. In fact, it's often why I do it when I do. If you're truly doing it b/c it's too painful for YOU, then you won't care if they notice. If you're still interested in hearing from them and working something out, don't do the deletion/blocking stuff. It's hurtful... The best action is NO action. NC means NC, and if they contact YOU then you feel good. So doing anything that might encite a reaction is just that... it's still YOUR initiation... Does that make sense to anyone??? Sorry... I tried! Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 ramsickle, We tend to over analyze everything he may have contacted you out of boredom and wanted some small talk... Don't let this change your mind about your not typical NC I'm not changing my mind... not when it's working! I think he was excited to be honest. He used to always do that... Okay this is only day one and I can't decide if I am dying or I am relieved.. weird huh? Part of me keep thinking how great it was and part of me is thinking about the things that may have eventually have driven us apart. Part of me thinks I was a fool to believe in another so fully. I seriously have usually been the dumper in my life so this is relatively new to me. I am wondering if I will be able to trust anyone fully again. Part of me wants him back so bad I can't stand it and part of me is afraid to get back with him. I know in my gut that he will be back and I just hope when he comes around I will be clear on my needs. I want to talk to him so bad I can't stand it, he has been my best friend for the last 13 months and I miss him. I need to let it lie, don't I? I understand that feeling of confusion. It does start feeling better for you after a while. If you pay attention to the cycle you follow each time you DO have contact with them, you start to realize that you dont like that negative crazy feeling. It's like a drug. You just can't get enough! And, you will trust again... don't worry bout that. You'll be guarded, but somoene will inevitable sneak their way in! Do you have a journal? It helps me to write letters to "him" in my journal. I just keep writing till my hand throbs or I have nothing more to say. Sometimes I go for DAYS! Just don't ever send anything... But it's OK to get it out. Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 hey bro i appreciate it; hahaha some NC for this girl too huh? i guess it shouldnt be too hard considering the NC with the ex thing. I'll keep you posted on this thing; I don't want to mess this chance up Link to comment
emrrn915 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 The journal is a good idea.. I will try that. I just want to be over him, period. I don't want to hurt anymore and it has only been a week. I was asked out by a guy that seems very nice and I am going to take him up on it. I just can not sit here and wallow in these feelings. I think eventually I would have broken up with him due to the fact that his ex wife is still very much in the picture as far as yelling at him and controlling his feelings and his son is all messed up. I fell in love with a man that I thought would be good to me but when push comes to shove, he really is incapable of "doing" the bad stuff. He talks about it, but does not follow through and although I had hoped that would change, I am thinking it maybe would not have ever. That is why I think eventually I would have said, enough. He is a good man to the core but he doesn't face issues and life always has them.. me.. I hit them head on. I will get through this 30 days!!! I am somewhat looking forward to going to coffee with this new guy.. at least I won't have to hear about the ex over and over and the strife that the child is causing. Don't get me wrong, I am very supportive but he needs an enabler and that is one thing that I am not. If you don't take steps to fix it then quit whining about it.. Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Oh god do I know that feeling!! I don't know if this will help you, as it came to me completely randomly and from my own thoughts, so it might not be so helpful if it doesn't com from within you. But, when I realised and actually studied my life now and before we broke up, and saw how much easier my life had become...it was a shock. I no longer had to worry about my ex at all...when I noticed that it felt amazing. When I noticed that my chest already felt lighter and my brow lifted instantly. I hope that helps you in some way? Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Sounds to me like this is the right decision for you. Men DON'T change for anything but themselves... Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 when I realised and actually studied my life now and before we broke up, and saw how much easier my life had become...it was a shock. I no longer had to worry about my ex at all...when I noticed that it felt amazing. When I noticed that my chest already felt lighter and my brow lifted instantly. I hope that helps you in some way? I agree... I had a moment like that, several actually. They come in waves. I realize I can be happy w/o him "making me happy." I realized that my mood depended heavily on his actions. When you realize that, you tend to get annoyed at yourself and vow to NEVER let him control your mood again... but you do... LOL But you do have to figure it out for yourself... Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Yeah I thought that...a lot of this you can be told over and over again, but until you realise it for yourself it doesn't have the same impact. That being said however, earlier on today I realised something as a result of stuff people said on here, and I really got it right then. Who knows... Link to comment
emrrn915 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Thanks PArsley and Ramsickle... I know I will get through this. I have been in love more than one time and I have fallen out of love. This is will go by the wayside as well, it just takes time. I am bound and determined to do the 30 days... I just wish that they were already over since I have a feeling I will be in a much better place by then. I will take the time to look at my contibutions to the relationship and hopefully learn from them.... Link to comment
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