fleur-de-lis Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 I don't know what to do next, I think he needs me... and he was so glad I called... but I really panicked before, I mean I have talked with his friends, his room mate, his ex-gf, his boss ...and nobody knew anything about him and they all were concerned... Is he doing this to punish me? Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 Luv, Let me make something clear ok? It's NOT about staying away from your ex....it's about FINDING YOU again. Staying away from t he ex HELPS you find you again....It forces you to focus on y you. It also helps you look at the last relationship with distance instead of so close. It helps you to possibly see the whole picture instead of focusing on your pain. Good Luck SuperDave71 Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 So I broke NC today, but for good reasons, I mean good reasons for that moment. My ex hasn't showed up at work and did not announce (this never happenned before),and his best friend asked me if I knew anything: his phone was not in function, he wasn't at home, he wasn't at work... It was horrible, I thought something happenned to him... Thank god he is ok, he said he was ruined and he just walked (an entire day?!) I feel miserable right now for ignoring him the last 3-4 days ruined? how? Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 my fault here, bad translation I think... he is down, heart-broken... here they mean the same thing Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 I agree SD. my point was that we as humans.... have challenges..yours is just a healthy one! I understand completely what NC is about. I did it back in 2004 to heal after splitting with my ex husband. it was all about healing and it worked..I moved on and got over him but not until i did NC.....10 yrs of marriage down the drain sucked...i thought i would die of the pain....Im very clear on what this challenge is about. Link to comment
sandyv Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Hey thnx SD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Luv, Thanks so much, I appreciate your support!!! No he hasn't moved in yet, but apparently he will be the end of the month, I will take it by the day. The strange thing is I'm starting to feel annoyed with him, annoyed that he isn't moving the other way......](*,) Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 I really don't know if NC is a good thing for me right now, I don't want to make him feel like he is punished and he is not worth a thing...and this is what I have done Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 my fault here, bad translation I think... he is down, heart-broken... here they mean the same thing tyr not to feel bad about how he is feeling,,okay? I know how you feel tho....nobody wants to see someone they care about in pain or sad.....I think thats why I allowed my ex the time of day...I could see he was feeling sad...It got to me..and now Im staring over. hang in there sweetie! Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Hey thnx SD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Luv, Thanks so much, I appreciate your support!!! No he hasn't moved in yet, but apparently he will be the end of the month, I will take it by the day. The strange thing is I'm starting to feel annoyed with him, annoyed that he isn't moving the other way......](*,) annoyed...awsome..the next step in healing! sad/hurt... annoyed... angery........then...ya just dont care anymore! yipeee for sandy! Link to comment
Biffy Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Yes she might - but what kind of reconciliation? The kind that makes her feel secure again because you know her better than any prospective men? And if it's just security, doesn't that mean she will continue to suck the life out of you instead of returning the kindness? You are doing well - don't fold now. Let her mindlessly flail about until the fog clears. By then she will either decide to stop or come to you with honesty and the directness you need. You really need to be proud of yourself now - you are setting a fantastic example AND conditioning yourself out of being taken advantage of. Thanks Honey I feel like I'm doing a lot better, it took a lot for me not to reply today just to ask her why she was contacting me. Link to comment
krnelson2 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I have been doing so good lately, mostly because I havent heard from her so there is nothing to feel. I just got a message from her online here it is. I'm not going to try and overanalyze it, I will leave that to you guys. This sucks! "so i guess this means you don't want to try to be friends then...i am sorry you feel that way cuz i really wanted to make it work. Despite how i have been acting the last two months. well, let me know when you want to try NAME OMITTED, cuz i will wait. You do mean alot to me and i hope you believe that NAME OMITTED. I hate myself to make you so mad at me that you wouldn't even call on my birthday. That really made me realize how much i have hurt you. and i am sorry. What does this mean? SHe really wanted to make what work? I want to send her a quick message back just asking exactly what it is she wanted to work. And I'm not mad at her at all, i didnt send her a message on her birthday because I thought it would hurt me even more. But now this? What do I do. I want her to know that I am in no way willing to be her friend. I only want her to contact me if she wants to try again. And I want her to know that if she is with someone then I am gone. Do I tell her that? What do I do??? PLease help me!! Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 krnelson, this is tough. i don't really know what to say to you. it sounds like the thing your ex wants to make work is a friendship, and i don't know if that's possible for you right now. at least your ex "will wait" until time passes if you do want a friendship down the road. your ex should be sorry. and your ex should have realized her actions hurt you before now. stay strong. you're feeling like helping her with her needs right now, but you're not keeping yourself first. Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 also, maybe just wait it out for today and see how you feel about this a couple of days down the road. that usually helps me dismiss an ex-missive! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 It means she misses you...and she KNOWS you are NOT a safety net.. It's called...."a reality check" -SuperDave71 Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 WAIT! DO NOT TEXT HER..she just wants a response. I agree with shaker on this one...wait a couple of days and see if you feel the same. THINK BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING !!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Today would have been day 20, NC But last night I broke NC for my sake. I have analized what I feel, what I want, so I went ahead and called her late. She didn't answer, so I felt like an idiot and went to sleep. At 2 am she sent me a txt msg, I told her I would like to talk to her, she said "of course, lets agree on a time and date" So im going to further dissect my feelings and thoughts and write them. I want to sound calm, be fair, self confident and decisive. I feel calm, I feel at ease. Im feeling strangely fine... I know all this happened for a reason, and I will be fine. Im going to tell her that I love her, but I can't live with the uncertainty of thinking we may have a future together, so Im ready to hear what she thinks about us and what's best for each other. Right now I just want a sense of closure that NC will never truly give me. The circumstances that made us break up are basically fears about us that were accumulating in her and didn't communicate to me. I gave her 3 weeks of space almost, and for what I have learned, she found out she loves me and misses me, but I need her to tell me to what extent. I need her to tell me if her love is strong enough to overcome her insecurities about us, if she is willing to work out the little differences between us. We had a very beautiful relationship, and perhaps shared too many thing in so little time. So I broke NC to get closure, for me, for my sake, and to let her know where I stand, so we can live our lives, with or without each other. And I'll do it without expectations of a future together, I'll let time decide that. If we are ment to be, we will be. Life goes on, we'll keep meeting people, exposing ourselves to others, loving, suffering... The pain is worth the prize of love... Link to comment
krnelson2 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Thanks guys! I really dont want to break NC, but i want to let her know that there is no possibility of us being friends if she is with someone. I basically want to tell her to not contact me AT ALL unless she is ready for reconciliation, cause it hurts so much even to hear from her. THen i spend all day trying to figure out what she means. I have asked her numerous times if she knows how much she has hurt me, and she always says yes, but it sounds like she finally figured it out how much i have been hurt. Also last week right before I started NC I sent her a message online telling her it would be impossible to be friends because I would always want more. She agreed and said it probably wasnt the best idea. This cycle has been going on for awhile. I start NC...She contacts me, feels bad and apoligizes for what she has done...wants to be friends...etc Now she wants to be friends. I agree she has started to realize that he safety net isnt there anymore. This just sucks so bad. I want to reach out and help her because i truly still love her. And her telling me that she cares for me just makes me wonder. I was doing so well Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 kr, i know i don't know the intimate details of your situation, but i don't think you should respond today. she'll get the point if you don't contact her. i don't think you need to break no contact to tell her you're in 'no contact'. just a thought. Link to comment
krnelson2 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Shaker its not so much that, i think she has got the idea about the NC. More Importantly I want to let her know that I'm not mad. I am just moving on and that her cylces of emotions right now are confusing me and making me hurt. And that if she is with someone then I dont want any part of her. Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Day 12..damn superdave! im starting to forget the damn days. lol anyways today was fairly a moving day. got up felt good. layed in bed like a hobo for an hour or so then got up went out and do some errands. i seriously can't wait to go back to school. 2 more weeks, and life will continue to move on more rapidly. went to church to pray for a bit, then home where im here typing this up. still got a lot of stuff to do today. i will update this a lil bit later on... For those people out there just starting, it does get easier each and everyday. You will get those limbo's ever so often, but its only temporary! Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 hi everyone! any thoughts on my post? (up there, in this page) I think I just declared myself out of the challenge... thanx Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 Tijuana, See rule: NEW RULE: SuperDave71 has permission to duct tape any breaker of NC to a chair and throw broken twinkies at your head. That is what I think of your thread up there... ha ha ha Stick with NC....you are doing so well....BUT....if you need closure.. I COMPLETELY understand....I wish you the best NO MATTER WHAT YA DO..!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
krnelson2 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 WAIT! DO NOT TEXT HER..she just wants a response. I agree with shaker on this one...wait a couple of days and see if you feel the same. THINK BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING !!! -SuperDave71 So in a couple days if I still feel the same way then I should contact her and tell her the things I want to say? I just want to know if not answering her will cause more pain for her than if I do contact her. I guess it doesnt matter, but I dont want her to feel that there is no possibility for us to be together some day. I am just kind of confused as to what that message meant. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 I would NEVER tell anyone I was doing NC...I would just do it. If you have some thing to say to her....write it and post it...thereforeeee you do not break NC. SuperDave71 Link to comment
Biffy Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Boy am I bored of thinking about my ex's intentions. Why does she persist in keep contacting me when I told her only to if she wants to try again... Especially considering I don't respond. God knows... Thinking about it isn't going to get me anywhere though, that much i know. Must let this go completely, kick her out of my head the second she pops in there. Link to comment
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