papalazarou Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Easy pal !!!! Scruff ( London ) Sorry! :sad: Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I know, Pisces. I haven't done any snooping, but the thought has crossed my mind! Link to comment
Biffy Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Hello peeps, I'm still NCing it like a good boy. The ex hasn't tried to contact me for about a week now which is good. I ignored the last 3 attempts but it makes me feel pretty childish when I see her later on at work and wave to her. But I did make it very clear that the only time I will accept contact from her is if she wants to try again. Maybe next time (if there is one) she tries contacting me I should remind her of what I said and ask her if a reconciliation is what she wants. But having said that, I don't want her to think that I'm still pining after her and at the same time I don't want her to think that I would not be willing to try again... Meh. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Another question: the longer I've gone with NC, the greater my chances are of hearing from my ex. I'm afraid of hearing from him next. How do you brace yourself for the inevitable emails? (It's a bad cycle because as soon as you start feeling accomplished, temptation rears up!) Hi shaker, I had the same problem except my ex called.. I never answered. Then I finally caved and talked to him sturday. I asked him why he keep calling when I asked him not to and he said it was because he had Questions about his computer. (hes not computer minded) I said ..yeah right! later in the converstion...when he decided to spill his guts..he told me he missed me. We spent the better part of yesterday together and it was nice. I only caved because Im pretty confident that if its the same old same old, I'll be able to walk away for good....I have no plans on chasing him..he needs to make the effert. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Hey pisces! good for you that you bought prints that YOU like.... make your new place all about you! maybe even get a new kitty! kittens have a way of making you feel wanted and needed..not to mention they are cute! i have cats as well and when my kids are not with me... i snuggle with my pets. Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 luv, that sounds like a great plan. it's nice you're open to working things out. zombiain, i'm so with you on feeling childish sometimes during nc. that's what happened when i broke it. BUT i would think you shouldn't have to remind your ex of anything. doesn't it sometimes feel like she's testing you? i say stick to your guns. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Shaker, One thing about my ex calling all the time is that I was always on pins and needles..wondering if the phone was going to ring and did i have the strenth not to answer....that was hard.....i never did and then he started showing up where i was. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 15, 2007 Author Share Posted January 15, 2007 OK Guys, I have to interject... Lately all I have bene reading is about "Missing the ex". I completely understand that. I really do and I know it's tough out there. Please remember that I want you to WORK ON YOU.... No one says you can't think of your ex....it's almost impossible to do BUT do not obsess. What are you guys learning from all of this? What are you doing to HELP YOU? What have you leaned from others? Are you feeling more confident yet? These are the things I would like to start reading. I want to hear about not only days passing..but what you guys are DOING (actions) that is making you feel better about yourself and situation. Thinking about the ex is one thing but using N.C. in hope of invoking an positive response form your ex is NOT IN THE RULES. N.C. is for you to get YOU back..your confidence and not only what you were before your relationship...but even better. You guys can do this!!! We are all in this together!! I don't want to hear about "snooping email reading" or " I hope my ex calls".. I want to hear how you feel ( Absolutely!! ) but I also want to read more ACTION ..meaning..what you are doing to help YOU!! YOU CAN DO IT!!! -Your Friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 luv, that sounds like a great plan. it's nice you're open to working things out. zombiain, i'm so with you on feeling childish sometimes during nc. that's what happened when i broke it. BUT i would think you shouldn't have to remind your ex of anything. doesn't it sometimes feel like she's testing you? i say stick to your guns. I also thought of calling my ex and asking why hes was calling...but i didnt..and i think you have the right thought that they are testing us... Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 SD, When i started NC...It was for me and me only. I did get confidence back..and he knows it. I was smiling, laughing, having fun with my friends and kids, working more,ect. My ACTIONS were to better me..to get back to who i was before we started dating..(ive known him for 20+ yrs) I have to say tho.. in the beginning..it was a fake til you make kind of thing...but after time i really started to like the way it felt! I saved all the self pity and sadness for ENA and the challange. Yes.. we talked but like i said...that doesnt mean im not going to go on with my life.....Im not holding onto any false hopes or cheap words. Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Sorry, SD. I guess my writing has been a little skewed, and more about feelings than actions. If anyone is wondering what actions have been helpful, here's what I've been up to (besides obsessing!): 1. Planning a singles Valentine's party 2. Watching movies with friends 3. Trying out new recipes 4. Running, walking, any type of movement 5. Rearranging furniture 6. Working and keeping up with paying bills, etc. 7. Catching up with people I haven't seen for a few months 8. Making and mailing care packages to my 2 best friends 9. Doing volunteer work again 10. Helping out my roommate with some work 11. Taking care of my family 12. Sleeping when I need to without feeling guilty 13. Using fancy bubble bath 14. Meeting new people 15. Going on dates / coffee dates 16. Shopping for lingerie 17. Joining a social group (it makes sense for my demographic!) 18. Going to church 19. And, am thinking about taking guitar lessons if I can find a place to squeeze them in, and a cutie willing to teach me!] 20. Reading a book about making small talk, flirting, etc. Okay, so I've been out of the game for a while!! Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 AS far as missing my ex..you bet! but I really, honestly missed ME more! Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Papa L, I didn't 'get' the easy mate comment??? Shaker, best not to know what the ex is doing...think about you xxx Luv (and fellow pisces)...I love my new paintings and have also bought pink kitchen accessories, it will be like a girl bomb went off in my new apartment and it suddenly occurred to me I have nobody to please but myself xxx Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Oh! And what I've learned from others? I'm not crazy for going through this rollercoaster of emotions, and I think I'm drawing strength from the other posters here. Confident? Yes. What I'm learning: I'm probably a bit of a control freak and shy-guy (gal!). This break-up and NC challenge is teaching me to take risks, to branch out, to feel centered in myself. When I do feel good, I feel unstoppable. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Good list...I also did many things on your list! Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Papa L, I didn't 'get' the easy mate comment??? Shaker, best not to know what the ex is doing...think about you xxx Luv (and fellow pisces)...I love my new paintings and have also bought pink kitchen accessories, it will be like a girl bomb went off in my new apartment and it suddenly occurred to me I have nobody to please but myself xxx Awsome! Keep up thinking of yourself only! I have a side of me where im always doing for everyone else! I became selfish (in a good way) and thing started turning around for me..I normally would do anything for any one..even if it comprimised my time,feelings and bank account...NOT anymore....like SD said to me a while back ITS ALL ABOUT ME!!!!! Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Luv, Couldn't agree with you more...I have given so much of myself to my ex just to have it thrown back in my face! So now I am going to be as selfish as I want xxx Link to comment
krnelson2 Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Day.....? Not sure does it really matter though. I think its 5 or 6 but dont erally feel that counting is necessary as I could be in this for the long run....FOREVER. I'm feeling much better today despite the fact that I feel like kind of an *** for not sending her a message on her birthday (yesterday). But I didnt because i didnt feel it would help me in any way. And didnt want to fall back into desperation mode. And I wanted make SD happy . Just kidding I wanted to make ME happy. Still no word from her, and thats great. I am dreading it happening so I guess its a blessing that she hasnt contacted me. Plus I know she knows that I saw what her new guy posted on her wall and probably feels bad that I had to figure it out on my own that she is dating. You are right SuperDave, we need to start expressing our actions and not our emotions. But it is so hard, especially this early on. It will be interesting to see the changes in conversations in the next few weeks though. Hopefully they will change to talks about us and not our ex!!! I cant get her out of my head, but have started to think about things I can do to move on even more. Heres a brief list: 1. KEEP BUSY... Sitting at home sulking is no longer an option, only makes things worse. 2. Start hanging out and meeting new people... I know I am not ready to enter a relationship right now, but I think meeting some cool girls and dating for awhile might change my mind. (not very good at the whole meeting girls thing so that something I really need to work on). 3. Play more guitar.. for those of you who play its a great way to pass time, and take your mind of things. I have even been trying to sing my empotions and have come up with a few cool love songs. 4. DO NOT CONTACT MY EX!!! it has been hard, but getting easier. But I know exactly how it will make me feel. Yesterday was so hard, but I stayed strong and didnt contact her. After a long talk with my mom last night on the phone i felt a lot better about not sending a birthday text, but just want to know how my ex perceived that. This is how I see it. She expected me to send her a text on her birthday...I didnt... She probably was mad at me (dont really care)... But then started to wonder why i didnt send anything...started thinking about me moving on...maybe missed me for a minute... The fact is folks, i have taken away her safety net. She no longer has me to come crawling back to when she is feeling crappy. That has to be having an affect on her. But that doesnt matter because I am not doing any of this in spite of her or to get a reaction. Im doing it for ME!!! The strong genuine person that has taken the time to heal myself before jumping into a relationship. The person who has taken time to look at the big picture and change the things that were hindering our relationship. And most importantly I'm doing this to get this girl out of my head and ensure that if she ever comes back then I am ready (with myself) to let that happen. I just hope she is doing the same thing. But I know its hard because she has already started a new relationship after 2 months of being broken up (dated for 5 years). She has not allowed herself to heal, and has not taken the time to learn from HER mistakes. So I guess she is being foolish and illogical. I dont want to be with a fool! I want to be with a strong, beautiful (inside and out), genuine person who knows exactly what it is they want and can give. Thanks everyone for your posts. Lets get some action here though. Its fine to talk about missing them, but also include what you are doing to fix that. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 When I first started trying to heal (which was long before I started NC) I tried to go back to the basics of life... reminding myself that I have everything that my kids and I need to survive...food, good health, shelter, and love for each other..If you think about it...what else is there? Counting your blessings in life can do wonders. I tried to stay focused on what i really NEEDED and not what i WANTED. Link to comment
pinkbunnie Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 hey everyone . i hope everyone had a good weekend. its day 4 now with no contact w/ my exboyfriend and its so hard. im goin crazy. i just thought i come on here and talk about it....i had a horrible dream last night that he found someone and i was so devasted and woke up crying this morning!! im so sad n feeling down now.....not a good way to start your week... but i'll try my best to have a good week. i miss my ex so much now and wish i can talk or go see him but im not going to. i dont know what happen.. i wasnt like this a month or two ago.....its hitting me now...making me miss him more..... Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Zombiain, That's exactly how I feel. I am in LC at the moment as I am moving and still have things and a cat at his place but once I have moved NC all the way. Basically I have heard all of the need space, let me think things over, let's stay friends...see what happens. If he wants me he knows where I am but as far as he is concerned unless he wants to talk about reconciliation then he has nothing to say that I want to hear! x Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 What am I doing to get back to me? I've gotta say not much. I live with my parents (I started uni, but hated my course so came home, and missing my independence like crazy) - they're not particularly strict, but stricter than most, so sometimes it gets difficult to do what I want to. I can't drive, well, I can, but havent passed my test. Mum is too scared to sit with me and Dad gets home too late to go out. But that means I don't have a lot of freedom - the buses around here are pud, and I live quite far away from the town. I have got an interview tomorrow, so maybe finally having time out of the house and away from here will help - though if I got the job, I'd have to see the place my ex and I first met *every day*, which I'm sure would be difficult. I can't even eat home made popcorn anymore - because it was something I became crazy about just as we got together, and we ended up making it a lot anytime I was there. I even sent him some in a care package thing designed to cheer him up. I really really really wish I was still living in Portsmouth with my friends. They never let me stay sad about anything, they were absolutely amazing. Anytime my ex and I fell out, I would be upset, but only for about an hour or two, if that, before one or more of them found me and plied me with tea and crisps, before going out to the pub or something. I just wish I could afford to move down there now. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 15, 2007 Author Share Posted January 15, 2007 You guys must remember...and it was tough for me to understand as well years ago, that the phrase "It's all about me" is NOT a selfish statement...it should be your MOTTO. So many out there are so darn afraid to "let go" of their ex that they cling to ANYTHING they can...even a missed call from an unknown number.. I have been there...done that..I was addicted to the caller ID feature. i would check it all t eh time EVEN if I just ran a quick errand. When I finally realized I was acting CRAZY at 33 years old after a 7 year relationship, I sat down and said.."Dave, what teh heck are you doin man!?!?" How is this benefiting y ou and your situation? IT'S NOT!! When I started to look at it like that....I let go. I actually let go. Have you ever seen a good friend in crisis? Ever seen someone at the scene of an accident that just jumps up and down screaming unstead of DOING ANYTHING TO HELP!!!?? So many of us are exactly THAT!! All we want to do is JUMP UP AND DOWN and scream and cry BUT WE DO NOTHING!! How in the WORLD does this help? Plain and simple..IT DOESN'T!! Think about it... Some say my theory of DO NOTHING..is crazy because they associate doing nothing with words like lazy and uncaring. NOT in this case. So many of us try to DO SOMETHING (calling, texting etc) way to early. You are THROWING SALT IN AN OPEN WOUND and it HURTS you the same. Relax...pull yourself together..and use your head more than your heart. You can still love your ex...BUT LOVE YOU FIRST!!! YOU CAN DO IT!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 SuperDave, It's just common sense really isn't it? But it's so hard to see when you are in the thick of the loss you are suffering... It's only now 3 months later that I can start to see some light at the end of the tunnel x Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Parsley, It sounds tricky being outside of your ideal situation. But you seem to be doing really well. Any chance you can plan a weekend trip to see your friends? Good luck with the interview. Pick up a nice commuter bike to get out of your house when you need to. Link to comment
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