Parsley Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 lol, I trust you! I cannot wait to be through with this year and back at uni with my friends. But I'm going to stick around on here - mebbes one day I'll be telling people a success story rather than one of failure. x Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 Parsley, It's not a matter or Success or failure.....it's a matter of "what did you learn from it either way.." -SuperDave71 Link to comment
meantime Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Thanks PP it is just so frustrating waiting for my heart to catch up with my head. I won't contact I guess I am making it more diffucult by seeing his name up there. I will take it off and get busy with my day. Thanks again. Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Yeah I know that...I don't think I worded that properly. I hope that one day instead of being on here trying to diminish and eventually erase a love from my heart...I can be here celebrating one! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 Parsley, MUCH BETTER!!! and I could NOT agree more. -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Woot! meantime: well done! Things like that are difficult to ignore. I have a little gmail notifier on my desktop, and my ex was the only one ever to email me on that account, so it never dings now. It was difficult to stop myself hoping it would be red everytime I turned on the laptop, but eventually I stopped noticing, and may remove it at some point in the near future. Or get people to use it - who knows! well done again Well I'm going to go and distract myself by tidying up. I'm abysmal at it which means I'll be kept busy for a LONG LONG time, and won't have the chance to check my laptop and get into a weird mood. I'll probably post later tonight summing up the entire day. Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Meantime, that's what I have done...it's so hard and believe me I thought I was having a breakdown 3 months ago...but it's getting better day by day...slowly but surely x Link to comment
krnelson2 Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 SuperDave I'm in! I have been reading this post daily. I was thinking about joining from day 1 but didnt think it felt right at the time. After a breakdown the other night and responding to a message she left me online I am ready to go the distance. Her birthday is on Sunday and I was going to wait to join until after that so I could send her a birthday message, but now I am rethinking that alltogether. I just dont see what that would accomplish. I hope it doesnt make her sad that I didnt wish her happy birthday, but I hope it makes her realize that I am gone. So i guess this is day 1. I feel amazing today. I got a number from another girl at the bar the other night and have been trying to think about her more than my ex (as bad as that sounds) but its easier to think about someone you dont even know than the person you have spent so much of your life with. My ex is gone, theres nothin I can do. Its time to move on. She is seeing this new guy from work, I know it wont last because everything about it screams REBOUND REBOUND REBOUND! So I hope she is happy, because I am! Day 1 here we go!!! Hang in there everyone else it sounds like a lot of you are really making a lot of progress. Great idea SD!!!!! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 Krnelson! WELCOME ABOARD!! I wish you the best and I want to thank you for joining my challenge. It will be a bumpy road ...but you can do it. and to everyone else out there that joined us...WELCOME and GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL!!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 I know there aren't any do-overs in life. But here I am again. Today is a new day one, and this time the questions that were buzzing around in my head have been settled... Some thoughts about breaking no contact: Last night's contact for me didn't feel like defeat because there was a willingness on both sides to have an actual conversation. No neediness, resentment, or anger. If you're thinking about breaking no contact, you should mull this over. I didn't speak to my ex guns a-blazin', or give a sob story, or ask to reconcile. He didn't demean me, feel put out by the time he was investing in talking to me, or keep reiterating 'it's over' until he was blue in the face. We talked about our lives (in a general way) and we talked about the reasons for the break-up. We actually agreed on most things. I felt like I needed to let him know how I felt about the break-up, and about him. We hadn't talked about this, so we did and he was receptive. We don't know how we're going to proceed from here, but agreed to wing it. Maybe that means extended no contact, maybe it means catching up once in a blue moon, or on a blue day. We both shed a couple of tears, but also had some laughs too. Today, I feel strong and glad to be back on the bandwagon. Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 day 3 it's been a hard one so far, and it ain't half over because i got to work a nightshift with people i don't really know. that's when my mind starts to wander. i spent the afternoon with a friend and her kid at one of these indoor play centre places and although it was a good distraction for me to run around acting like a big kid with the little boy, it only served to remind me of how much i miss my ex's son and doing such things with him. it also served to remind me of the fact that i cannot have kids. it was hard to look around at all the women there of my age and see them with their children. 31 years of age. what do i have? no property to call my own, no kids, a six times failed relationship and a future in tatters. it's hard to stay upbeat and think that there is light at the end of the tunnel. i always thought that i would be settled with a family by now. maybe if the nursing license people or the visa screen people had moved a little faster, i could have been on the same side of the atlantic as her and things would have worked out and i would have my family and future. am i boring you all to tears with my selfpity and doom and gloom?? i notice that no-one every really says anything in reply to my posts. maybe it's just that i have been conditioned to think that my needs and feelings are secondary and unimportant. why would anyone mourn a relationship that made them feel that way?? thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this. shoes Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Hi Comfeyshoes, I understand completely and I will answer your post... I am 34 (almost 35), living with my parents (had to leave my home I shared with ex), no children, 2 major failed relationships and many minor failed relationships (all resulting in me being hurt). I have one single friend who has a new boyfriend, all the rest are newly married, happily married, or new parents...and I feel really bratty when I whine this but "WHY NOT ME????" But, we are not alone...there are lots of people like us and who will appreciate us for who we are. You are allowed doom and gloom, but not for long! Everybody on this board is experiencing something similar and whether we are 18 or 80 it still hurts. Time is on our side, let's not waste another minute x Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 Comphy, Why don't you start to change your way of thinking....like what you DO have. Why focus on the negative? Try to focus on the glass being HALF FULL instead! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 And to you both.. OF COURE YOU ARE NOT ALONE.... WE ARE RIGHT HERE!!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Okay, Im new to posting but have been coming to ENA for a couple months. I have been following this thread and must say it has helped me with NC. thanks everyone. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 Welcome luvmykids!!! Welcome aboard and welcome to eNotAlone! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 i had to laugh at dave's glass analogy! i have one of my own. my glass was half full before i met her. she filled the glass up. then she kept knocking it over, but in time she always came round and filled it up again. this time, when she knocked it over, she took the glass with her as she cleard the spillage form the table. guess it's time to ask for a new glass or change tables, huh? shoes Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 One thing I woud like to say is that this is tough, I havent talked to him since dec 31 except to leave a message asking him to not call me anymore.....which he has. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 I got it compfy... Drink from the faucet!! Forget the glass.....ha ha ha ha -SuperDave71 Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Thanks SD....your a wise man. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 Luv, Isn't it amazing that DOING nothing is SOOOOOOO hard? I didn't understand that either years ago...but I do understand where you all are coming from. I have been down tha long, winding road... -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Comfyshoes, I understand what you mean when you say it feels like your future is in tatters. But it really isn't. Your present might be a little tattered around the edges, but your future will be as bright as you let it. I know it sounds sappy, but I really do believe that each of us has been given a plan better than? more suitable than? the ones we dream up for ourselves. And it's our job to recognize the gifts we have and how best to use them. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 I have to ask.... does anyone else feel lousy after the ex calls? I dont answer the phone, but seeing him on caller id makes me feel bad/sad. I thought it would make me feel good that he is calling because I want to work things out.. Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 luv, is he leaving messages? Yes, hearing from the ex makes me feel rotten. I don't know if not hearing from him would be worse. Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 It makes me feel sick...when you heart leaps in to your mouth...but I ignore it x Link to comment
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