THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[digitaldiva]

Day 3

 

Why is it that after they reaffirm that they don't want to be with you any longer it's even harder to move on again?

Today, I'm trying the whole positive thinking thing.

I'm a good person.

What makes you good?

I'll find someone better..

Good luck and make sure you realize what you did wrong in the last relationship.

Speaking of your last relationship... You remember when you were drunk and started arguing in the parking lot? You shouldn't have done that. You'd probably be married by now if you had communicated better...

I know...

[jennamajig]

Day 3

 

Why is it that after they reaffirm that they don't want to be with you any longer it's even harder to move on again?

Today, I'm trying the whole positive thinking thing.

I'm a good person.

What makes you good?

I'll find someone better..

Good luck and make sure you realize what you did wrong in the last relationship.

Speaking of your last relationship... You remember when you were drunk and started arguing in the parking lot? You shouldn't have done that. You'd probably be married by now if you had communicated better...

I know...

 

Don't dwell on what you could have done, hon. Fact is, if two people really love each other they will talk through their problems together before just giving up. You learn from your mistakes and you forgive yourself. It is key.

 

None of us are perfect. I realize some of my communication could have been improved and that may have contributed to my break-up. But to be honest, my ex never really gave me a good reason. I can ponder all night, but in the end in doesn't help you. Since he shut the door a couple of days ago and acted like an a**, it has actually been easier to move on.

 

I realized that the man I was (and still am, though it is getting easier) isn't the man that broke up with me. That man disappeared when he got angry at the world because he wasn't sure what to do with his life. I wish this new man the best in life, but he's not the man I am meant to be with.

 

There is good in each one of us. My friends and family told me that I am an awesome person. But I didn't truly believe it until recently.

 

Letting go starts with forgiving yourself, learning, and excepting the faults we cannot change. Someday, we will all find someone that excepts those faults too. And our heartbreak will be a distant memory. I tell myself this each day.

[awakeintx]

Day 8 for me

 

Yesterday was not good. The reality is sinking in more day by day but my pain still lingers. I am starting to think more about the negatives of the relationship instead of the positive. But I am not going to lie, I still feel like crap.

 

Yesterday I started reading "How to break your addiction to somebody" It is a highly rated book about why people stay with bad relationships. It is somewhat geared towards helping the dumper realize they need to get out. So it is kinda hard and painful to read, considering I was the dumpee. But it also deals with the false sense of addiction the dumpee goes though in this withdrawal process. I would recommend it but only for those ready to accept the fact that the relationship is and was a failure (in terms of lifelong success anyway).

 

Ljp, I feel the same, part of me wants to think we will talk in the future. I was the last one to break NC before I started counting, and she was the one to break up with me so I should not feel any guilt about it.

 

But I don't like the anxiety, I have thought about blocking emails, but have not been able to do it yet.

[crab62]

Day 9 for me today.

 

Like many of you I feel proud that I made it this far. Wow 9 days without contacting or even receiving contact from the ex. I had a good run the past few days but am feeling a bit down this morning. I think its all the holiday talk. It makes me miss her.

 

But with each day of NC I begin to see how it helps me heal. Each day I get a little bit stronger, a little bit more indpendent, and little bit happier. I know this sadness I feel this morning is temporary. Knowing this is already helping me push it away and get back to focusing on me and not her.

 

I cant wait to post double digits on here tomorrow. Hey fiffy, the big day 10 for both of us tomorrow. I hope to see your post here too!

 

hey tyler?... you run alot? I used to run alot... did the Chicago and NewYorkCity marathon.

 

How much do you run?

[Tyler82]

crab62,

 

I dont do alot of running. I play hockey 3 times a week which keeps me in good shape. I started running here and there since the break up but have mostly just been doing sit ups and push ups every morning. I was a big runner back in grade school and high school though. I used to run cross country and track. Mostly long distance running. The Chicago and NYC marathons must have been pretty amazing. Good for you.

 

By the way, I was in Chicago for my second time this past May. I absolutely love that City. Its my favorite US City ive been to so far.

[crab62]

crab62,

 

I dont do alot of running. I play hockey 3 times a week which keeps me in good shape. I started running here and there since the break up but have mostly just been doing sit ups and push ups every morning. I was a big runner back in grade school and high school though. I used to run cross country and track. Mostly long distance running. The Chicago and NYC marathons must have been pretty amazing. Good for you.

 

By the way, I was in Chicago for my second time this past May. I absolutely love that City. Its my favorite US City ive been to so far.

 

oh how funny!! I used to play hockey too!! I played on a women's recreational leage for about 5yrs. I start running after that, and then got into cycling... when I met the recent exbf, ugggh.

 

Yeah NYC marathon was a blast!!... loud!, LOL!! Brooklyn was LOUD, LOL!! It was great though. I've been to NYC 2x and both times were great

 

Yeah Chicago is nice... lots to do here. I'm enjoying the cold weather this year for some reason, just feels good.

 

That's funny you do sit-ups everyday... so do I. I do 15 situps in the morning, 3 push-ups... ha ha... today I did 4, LOL!!... and then some arm reps with my 15lb weights. I take the train to work and then walk 2 miles... so I get to walk 4 miles a day which is good.

 

Trying to do all I can to stay in shape while going through this grief. The exbf is a member at my gym, so I've been avoiding that. Trying to figure out what to do about that as I miss going

[Tyler82]

Sounds like you are pretty active. Thats good. Ive always been active but found myself pushing it that extra step since the break up. Working out to make yourself look good makes youfeel good. It also a good way to get out all that anger and frustration you may have built up inside. I know thats why I started at first.

 

I felt so much pain from her leaving me that I had to get rid of it. And if I wasnt playing hockey I would just start doing sit ups and push ups until I couldnt any more. I would feel tired but relieved.

 

Glad to see you are keeping busy too. How many days NC are you now? Im on day 9 and feeling alot better than I was 2 weeks ago.

[crab62]

Sounds like you are pretty active. Thats good. Ive always been active but found myself pushing it that extra step since the break up. Working out to make yourself look good makes youfeel good. It also a good way to get out all that anger and frustration you may have built up inside. I know thats why I started at first.

 

I felt so much pain from her leaving me that I had to get rid of it. And if I wasnt playing hockey I would just start doing sit ups and push ups until I couldnt any more. I would feel tired but relieved.

 

Glad to see you are keeping busy too. How many days NC are you now? Im on day 9 and feeling alot better than I was 2 weeks ago.

 

yeah I am super active... one thing the exbf and I shared a great deal, uggh. We did a ton of cycling this year... did an 8 day bike tour though Montana/Canada... and it was awesome. Now that's it's winter... I need to figure out how to get to the gym and avoid him and the rest of the bike club memebers, LOL!! I also take horse back riding lessons... so I'm doing that, and that's good exercise and fun

 

Today is day 10 NC!! I'm doing okay... have bad spells here and there... but that's to be expected I guess.

 

I loved playing hockey... I played left D. My friends used to say I must have been born breech cause I skated better backwards than forwards, LOL!!

 

Congrats on day 9... it's tough getting this far for sure... good job!

[Tyler82]

Thats crazy. An 8 day bike tour!

 

Congrats on Day 10. Looks like you are one day ahead of me. Not sure what you can do about the gym thing though. Does your gym have other locations you can change to?

 

It sounds like we are going through a simlar process right now. Feel free to PM me if you need to get anything off your chest. Its really nice to come onto ENA and find people like you who are going through similar things. My ex left me out of the blue as well. I didnt see it coming. And the day of she was telling me how she wants to buy and flip houses with me one day. I couldnt believe it. Thats also why it took me so long to start NC. It took awhile to accept that the relationship is over.

[crab62]

Thats crazy. An 8 day bike tour!

 

Congrats on Day 10. Looks like you are one day ahead of me. Not sure what you can do about the gym thing though. Does your gym have other locations you can change to?

 

It sounds like we are going through a simlar process right now. Feel free to PM me if you need to get anything off your chest. Its really nice to come onto ENA and find people like you who are going through similar things. My ex left me out of the blue as well. I didnt see it coming. And the day of she was telling me how she wants to buy and flip houses with me one day. I couldnt believe it. Thats also why it took me so long to start NC. It took awhile to accept that the relationship is over.

 

the tour was great!! 500 miles, it was awesome.

 

I'll PM you thanks!!...

 

No other locations for the gym It's a VERY large gym, so they are few and far between. I'll figure something out...

 

Okay, I'll PM you. Thanks for chatting.. it was fun!

[Tyler82]

Ya thats tough about the gym. I hope you work something out. Talk to you soon Crab62.

 

Keep that NC up! Day 10 is a great accomplishment!

[capuccino83]

I hate to admit it.. I wanna talk to him

[Tyler82]

Capiccino, stay strong and stay NC! You know that you will not get the answer you are looking for by talking to him. The first few days are going to be tough. Do you best to keep busy and to avoid contacting him.

 

I know how you feel. Im on day 9 and I still have urges. But I know she isnt going to come back to me if I call her. Keep posting on here whenevr you feel the urge. Let all your feelings out and the ENA forum will help you the best we can. Good luck. Hope to see you tomorrow at day 4!

[fiffy]

Feeling so terrible. Was stupid and looked on his facebook. There was this girl talking about some other girl touching him and she was laughing about how heated things were getting. I just feel so s*it. I am struggling to make these days of no contact and he is having the time of his life. I just want to know when all the pain is going to end. WHy do some people never get hurt in relationships? Why do others get repeatedly battered down. I just feel like nothing

[jennamajig]

fiffy, unfriend him and block him on facebook. It kills all urges and will give you a sense of free-ness. I unfriended, but I blocked him completely on Monday. I will never have to see anything about him now once I go on facebook. It's good for NC and good for healing.

 

The people that don't get hurt in relationships are either very sheltered, or very lucky and very, very rare. I only know of a couple myself; my recent break-up has let me see the pain my friends went through when they got their hearts broken and how sheltered I once was.

 

You will get past this. We all will. We have friends, family, and each other.

[Clabs]

Oh Fiffy

 

Stop looking at his crappy Fakebook for goodness sake. Why do you want to know about someone who treated you so awfully? Leave this jerk in the dust, for sure.

 

Look at how beautiful you are... don't look in the crappy mirror he gave you - get a new one with a proper reflection.

 

Mark

[fiffy]

Thanks guys,

 

I don't know why I still have these urges or miss him. Sometimes I think I am mentally ill!

 

I just have no explanation for why I feel so bad and still care. I really don't.

 

Deep down I never want to see his ugly face again. I seriously would batter him. I think I am now very angry!

 

I never get angry with anyone- not even him after some of the stuff he has done. But now I am mad at him for being such a jerk and I am mad at the world for letting these people win and punish the good ones.

 

Does everyone feel like this in some way?

 

The only consolation is I am doing very good at no contact end of day 9 today!

[crab62]

Feeling so terrible. Was stupid and looked on his facebook. There was this girl talking about some other girl touching him and she was laughing about how heated things were getting. I just feel so s*it. I am struggling to make these days of no contact and he is having the time of his life. I just want to know when all the pain is going to end. WHy do some people never get hurt in relationships? Why do others get repeatedly battered down. I just feel like nothing

 

it's okay fiffy... i'm hurting bad today too... hang in there sweetie!

[capuccino83]

Capiccino, stay strong and stay NC! You know that you will not get the answer you are looking for by talking to him. The first few days are going to be tough. Do you best to keep busy and to avoid contacting him.

 

I know how you feel. Im on day 9 and I still have urges. But I know she isnt going to come back to me if I call her. Keep posting on here whenevr you feel the urge. Let all your feelings out and the ENA forum will help you the best we can. Good luck. Hope to see you tomorrow at day 4!

 

Thanks tyler.. what makes it worse that I was just basically being used for sex, even though told otherwise, so breaking NC would get me a free drink and maybe dinner, but there's no respect in that, so NC it is.

[fiffy]

Tyler 82 we both made it to day 10 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wow!!!

 

WOke up feeling a bit low but I know it will get better and this is the best thing to do x

[crab62]

day 11... am I supposed to be sad or glad about this... ugggh.

 

Feel okay... on call this week which is added stress...

 

does anyone know anything about codependency? I realize how codependent I was with the exbf on the first break up... the first time he walked out. I held on to the bottom of his pants by a thread... as he dragged/drugged(sp?) me around for 4 weeks deciding if he wanted me back. I am thinking back about that time and realizing how sick it was that I did that. Gosh I love him so... but it's like he is two different people at times.

 

Well this time there will be no codependency and he's not dragging me around as I've let go

 

day 11... bittersweet i guess you could say.

[Robert013]

Day 14

 

Feeling good today. i was thinking a bit about her last night but it went away quickly. I am going out with friends tonight it is the busiest bar night in my hometown all my old highschool friends will be in town. It will be good to catch up.

 

She has not tried to contact me since last thursday. It is the longest she has gone without trying to contact me. It is weird how you hate it when they do try to contact you and when they don't. Oh well. I am starting to get more and more comfortable on my own. I can deal with all of the emotions. NC is getting easier everyday.

 

My friend and I were talking last night about our situations. He is going through a divorce. He said his ex asked to come back but he told her no way. She wronged him in the way my ex wronged me. She didn't like him playing golf all the time and going out with his friends. He said if she can't deal with that there is someone out there for me that can. He is further along in the healing process but he denied her a month after she moved out. I told him about my situation and how she still is trying to make contact and still wants to see my son. He said why does she think she has any right to see your son. He also said that she should have thought about that before she did what she did.

 

He said she will realize soon enouph what she has lost just like his ex. I agreed with him. If she does happen to want to reconcile my answer will be the same as his. NO!

[Tyler82]

Day 10 today. Congrats fiffy. We both made it to double digits!

 

I cant believe I am here. But when I look back at how I felt before I started NC, I start to smile. I have come so far in 10 days. Mind you, I am not anywhere near feeling healed at all, but definitely better than I was before NC.

[digitaldiva]

Day 4

 

I wonder if he really feels that it's completely over.

[digitaldiva]

Day 8 for me

 

Yesterday I started reading "How to break your addiction to somebody" It is a highly rated book about why people stay with bad relationships. It is somewhat geared towards helping the dumper realize they need to get out. So it is kinda hard and painful to read, considering I was the dumpee. But it also deals with the false sense of addiction the dumpee goes though in this withdrawal process. I would recommend it but only for those ready to accept the fact that the relationship is and was a failure (in terms of lifelong success anyway).

.

 

I just purchased it on link removed