THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[fiffy]

Day 8

 

Hey funkymonkey you just basically summed up everything I was going to write! I switch from ups and downs but my downs are no longer as low. WHen I was in contact the fighting and the emotional abuse was sooooooooo bad I was distraught after. I have also had around 4 months of suicidal feelings. I am only realising now that he was making me feel that way. These last 8 days I've been ok. I haven't been on top of the world but I have been ok.

 

I don't think I would be surviving without this site though. So thank you all!

 

I am so sorry digital diva that everything turned out for you the way it did. I really thought you guys had a chance at making it. To be honest though I felt that way for ages but I was getting mixed signals. If you check out my post in breaking up that starts vindictive ex........... There is some information there that my therapist gave me on patterns that can keep us in the game with an ex, and what they really mean. YOu might find it helpful. Don't beat yourself up over it you are doing your very best, and there is nothing wrong with loving someone and wanting to give it another shot. What I try to remember is out there will be someone who will love me completely, just the way I love them and that is only what I deserve!

 

Awakeintx I completely understand the feelings of reality setting in. Since breaking up in June I have never gone three days without my ex contacting me in some form. Even last week when I managed 5/6 days NC he called me everyday, sometimes 12 times a day. SInce I strted nc last week he has not tried once. So now it is the cold hard reality that he no longer thinks about me or cares. I just wonder what changed? I will never understand this odd man.

[crab62]

Day 9....

 

I keep going through it all in my head... the break-up, the week before, things I said to him, things I should have to him, things I should have done.... ugggh... then I thought "when are you going to start to forgive yourself that you weren't the only one in this relationship...and if he was so dang unhappy, why didn't he tell you so"... and I stop beating myself up... for a little while anyway.

 

My Mom knew him well and she is extremely baffled by his "sudden" leaving as well... so it's great to know I am not the only one who feels in the dark here... but whatever, that's going backwards... ugggh.

 

I hope this pain in my gut will go away someday. It's not as bad as it was when he left, but it's still there. I can't wait for the day that I wake up and it's not there... when I actually have an appetite and don't have to force myself to eat, ugggh.

 

I feel okay today... not great, not terribly sad... but sad... and I still miss him... and the longer the NC goes, the more my head spins on how this guy just walked out of my life never to be seen or heard from again.

 

... but I will survive...

[Robert013]

Day 12

 

It is getting easier by the day. I went out on Saturday night and met two very attractive young ladies. This was a good ego boost. It did not go further than conversation but they were in to me so it felt good.

 

I think it is safe to say that I am about 30% healed at this point it has been a little over 2 months. I have been in NC for a month eccept for the day that she showed up at my house unanounced. I don't dwell on any thoughts of her and do not think of ways of reconciling. I have let that go. I am not thinking about the past as much and am trying not to fantisize about the future with anyone.

 

The hardest part is still waking up alone. I have not really been alone in over 7 years. This is a hard ajustment. I am starting to get used to it and soon I am sure I will even start to enjoy it.

[Venomite]

Day 23

 

This is going to be my last few hours of NC. Today is her birthday, and I am going to drop her a two or three line email. I'm sure most of you ENA'ers would tell me its a bad idea, but I still do want her to have a great day (even without me) and I hope she will appreciate it. I know I would feel pretty guilty if I didn't.

Last night I thought today would be an exceptionally tough day, and so far (although it's still early) it feels just like any other day. Hopefully it continues that way.

Cheers.

[Tyler82]

The hardest part is still waking up alone. I have not really been alone in over 7 years. This is a hard ajustment. I am starting to get used to it and soon I am sure I will even start to enjoy it.

 

 

Robert I feel the exact same way as you. I have not really been alone in 7 years and waking up by myself is the biggest adjustment. I hate opening my eyes and rolling over to no one. But its been getting easier. I hope it will for you too

[Tyler82]

Day 8 today!

 

I have made it to Day 8! Im proud of myself. Im also a bit surprised she hasnt tried to contact me at all.

 

The weekend was very busy as I had loads of plans which for the most part managed to keep her out of my thoughts. Lastnight before bed they all came rushing back though which was depressing. But I made it through and Im here now on day 8.

[Robert013]

Day 8 today!

 

I have made it to Day 8! Im proud of myself. Im also a bit surprised she hasnt tried to contact me at all.

 

The weekend was very busy as I had loads of plans which for the most part managed to keep her out of my thoughts. Lastnight before bed they all came rushing back though which was depressing. But I made it through and Im here now on day 8.

 

Good job. i try not to overload my schedule becaue then as you said the thoughts all rush in at once. That is the problem with having to much distraction from the pain. it all will jump out once the destractions are gone.

i give myself some time everyday for emotions and to process them. This way I am not overwhelmed at any one moment.

[Flames213]

Day number 5 for me today.

 

Weekend went pretty well, was able to get out and about with some friends. Though there were some times that my mind wandered back to her. She tried contacting me on days 2 and 3, but I never replied. That was really hard for me. If I hadn't of had friends there to talk to, I might have caved in.

 

She most likely won't try to contact me again, so hopefully the temptation will be removed. Here's to making it through the work week.

[digitaldiva]

Day 2

 

It's not hard not to contact him b/c I know he does not want to hear from me AT ALL. Just hard knowing that on our last conversation, I pushed him even farther away by talking about the breaking and being sad. I'm sure he would have called me and even made plans to do things if I wouldn't have been so pushy on the last conversation.

[crab62]

Day 23

 

This is going to be my last few hours of NC. Today is her birthday, and I am going to drop her a two or three line email. I'm sure most of you ENA'ers would tell me its a bad idea, but I still do want her to have a great day (even without me) and I hope she will appreciate it. I know I would feel pretty guilty if I didn't.

Last night I thought today would be an exceptionally tough day, and so far (although it's still early) it feels just like any other day. Hopefully it continues that way.

Cheers.

 

good luck. My exbf's birthday is this coming Thursday... on Thanksgiving... and I don't plan on calling him or emailing him or anything. He doesn't deserve me to care about his birthday and how he feels on that day... he lost that right when he walked out.

 

Good luck...

[capuccino83]

Last night I found out that there was an awesome party I should have been invited to but wasn't. B/c of another chick probably. But thats okay, b/c this morning I found out accidentally that he lost his wallet and camera and phone on FB (I wasn't there to look at him!) Mean on my part, but this makes me feel better about myself.

 

The realization that I've hit rock bottom in terms on standards when it comes to the love and treatment I accept is finally setting in. Hopefully, in the next couple of weeks of NC I can find my standards again... I miss them :sad: Come back standards...

[montgomery]

Hullo again.

 

Quite tough today; always tough at work. Not a * * * * y-bird from herself, of course.

 

I'm off on a date (third one) tonight with a perfectly nice girl, but I don't really feel much for her while the ex is still in my head and, if I'm honest, I don't think I would is she wasn't. I think I know there's no 'spark', at least not from my side. I wonder if it'd do me good to be with someone - anyone - for a while, though I don't want to lead her on and hurt her, as she seems pretty keen.

 

Grr. Today, I am ANNOYED at her WIFLULNESS. I KNOW she still has feelings. She's told me so.

 

Hope you cats are all doing good.

[Mhaira]

Day 9....

I keep going through it all in my head... the break-up, the week before, things I said to him, things I should have to him, things I should have done.... ugggh... then I thought "when are you going to start to forgive yourself that you weren't the only one in this relationship...and if he was so dang unhappy, why didn't he tell you so"... and I stop beating myself up... for a little while anyway.

 

You know, I never actually thought of that. I know all about my own behaviours which led to this break up, and am working on fixing those things about myself. But there were things he could have done too. Like you said, if he was so unhappy, why not say anything? It might not change the current situation, but at least I can use it to help me heal.

[crab62]

You know, I never actually thought of that. I know all about my own behaviours which led to this break up, and am working on fixing those things about myself. But there were things he could have done too. Like you said, if he was so unhappy, why not say anything? It might not change the current situation, but at least I can use it to help me heal.

 

because they probably didn't want to change the situation... they wanted to leave. my ex was good at this... he would "cut and run"... leaving you bleeding like crazy and not knowing what the heck you did to deserve the knife he just cut you with.

 

it's a form of passive aggression... if you ask me... and that's hard to take, cause i thought he loved me... but deep down i think he really wanted to hurt me

[thedude27]

Day 4 and all is well.

 

I'm sure we will both be destracted over the holiday so I'm not anticipating any more contact for a while.

[fiffy]

Day 8

 

Was missing him like crazy this evening. After putting up christmas decorations in my friends pub I just thought of how wonderful our christmas was together last year. I felt really sad and just thought how could someone i thought loved me so much change into a monster. I never did anything to hurt him and he doesn't want to even be friends or civil. He never even dumped me in person.

 

I just hurt so much and can't understand how he could move on so fast. How he could not think about me or need me when I bleed over him. Does he think of ur christmas together and miss me?

 

Hell no- pig!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ginam]

Oh i love this!! I am doing it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess I needed the challenge I know, have known, that talking to my ex is a HUGE mistake but it's like a drug and I was addicted to it. Now I have a reason to take charge and do what i should have been doing all this time and forgetting he exists!! LOL

So.......it's day one for me!

[crab62]

evening of day 8... or day 9... i'm beginning to forget.

 

i had a pretty good day... not so good morning and not so good of a night.

 

cried on the way into work... felt better at work... came home and went and bought yarn to knit preemie hats for preemie babies and donate them to link removed (shamless plug )

 

Then came home and poured myself a glass of wine and opened the freezer... and there it was... staring straight at me. A baggie of the ex's soup he made for me in separate baggies and froze for me while I worked two jobs

 

and so I lost it... crying spell... just a few minutes ago. Damnit... he was probably the kindest man I ever dated... and I lost him... and I didn't even know I was losing him... or I would have tried harder...

 

but then thinking tonight while driving I was thinking he probably didn't want to get married... and after a year of dating, that's what starts to come next. So he had two choices... to go further into another year and talk about marriage, or leave... and so he left.

 

So I had a good thing for a while I guess... I just didn't have it so long.

[dqueen]

Day 1

 

Doing okay today. I don't have much to say but I think this is it this time. Of course I expect him to break NC in a couple days anyway.

[fiffy]

D queen whats been happening? Where have you been the last few days?

 

Day 9- Cant believe I am nearly at double digits! anyone who has seen my posts will know that at first I struggled to make 2/3 days then 5, I feel like I am finally cracking it. Like I hit the rock bottom and my only way is up up up!

 

Still miss him despite the abuse but now can see how bad the abuse really was and how I could never stay with this man. I think it was just miments away from physical violence so I am lucky.

 

I still have a long way to go to rebuild everything but I feel like I am on the road to recovery. Guys it really does get better the longer you stick to NC.

 

I came to this site trying to win back my ex but I learnt so much more. Thanks to everyone xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[crab62]

Day 10...

 

day 10... wow... that makes me glad, proud, and at the same time sad. Last night was bad... cried, poured out my tears on another site, it still hurts...

 

but I'll keep going... day by day.

 

I guess what we learn by NC... is that we can have these feelings and work through them without contacting the ex... without pouring more salt into our wounds. We can have our feelings as painful as they are... and they do seem to pass... without losing our own dignity and respect by going back to the person who put the pain there. We can have pain but we are finding other ways to deal with it... without wanting to be rescued by the b****** that put it there in the first place.

 

So here comes day 10...

 

I am excited about my new knitting... knitting preemie hats for babies in need.

[Robert013]

Day 13 new record

 

I would be on almost a month if she did noy show up at my house unexspected. It was a setback though. Thats why it makes me so mad that she did that.

 

I am feeling angry alot lately but I am trying to manage it in cunstructive ways. I hit the gym for an extra 1/2 hour last night to try and run it out. Some was left over. I guess it is good because it shows that I am moving in a different direction. This is the direction to healing. I just have to push through this anger and hopefully soon it will subside.

 

Still cannot stop thinking about the future it is hard to block future exspectations. I know this is bad because many of them will not come true. None of these thoughts have to do with getting back with her just future encounters and how I might react. I need to really push that aside. I think this is my biggest setback at the moment.

[crab62]

good job fiffy!! I wish my ex was verbally abusive, LOL... it would be easier to leave him, haha!! He was extremely kind.... but very covert in his feelings and hostility.... it's hard to hate someone who you don't know what's going on with, sigh.

 

but good job to you... hang in there. There is a really good site for verbally abusive relationships... it's link removed. You have to register your email and stuff before you can log in, but it's a great site if you get the chance to go over there. It's mostly women on that board, and they are great support... and smart!!

 

Have a good day... {{{HUGS}}} coming your way

[Tyler82]

Day 9 for me today.

 

Like many of you I feel proud that I made it this far. Wow 9 days without contacting or even receiving contact from the ex. I had a good run the past few days but am feeling a bit down this morning. I think its all the holiday talk. It makes me miss her.

 

But with each day of NC I begin to see how it helps me heal. Each day I get a little bit stronger, a little bit more indpendent, and little bit happier. I know this sadness I feel this morning is temporary. Knowing this is already helping me push it away and get back to focusing on me and not her.

 

I cant wait to post double digits on here tomorrow. Hey fiffy, the big day 10 for both of us tomorrow. I hope to see your post here too!

[Venomite]

Day 1

 

So we exchanged a few emails last night. She thanked me for the birthday wishes, and the birthday card I sent her. But then an hour an a half later she called my cell (and of course I missed the call). I emailed her asking if it was her that called (no caller id), and she said it was; so I'm not quite sure why she called to thank me after she had already emailed it.

Yesterday was the first day in a long time where I was constantly refreshing my email inbox. I thought about her a lot more as well, and even today I'm not in the greatest of moods. Hopefully I can get her out of my head and focus on some studying.

 

I don't think sending the birthday wishes was a mistake, but I think it set me back a little.