THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[UltimateX]

This is day one for me again. I sent her a final letter explaining my feelings and how I am respecting her decision.

 

I'm going to make it this time. I hate these setbacks ](*,)

 

X

[Colin1981]

I'm happy you joined Colin. You will get through it. I just wanted to let you know that I got your message. Still if you ever need anything you know where to find me (Even without a phone number). I am so sorry, and I know how hard it is for you and what you are going through. Wouldn't wish it upon anyone.

 

Thank you 1+1...

 

It's 2:42 am in the morning and i keep waking up and checking my phone holding out some kind of crazy hope. It's all false hope, it's not for the right cause anymore. I knew that here mother wanted her to find out what was out there before she settled down. It's crazy but i even think that she was eventually going to tell me when she came back "to see me" that she was going to move on with or without me.

 

I knew the pattern by now- L.I.U--she had a fling-Whole foods-she had a fling-Paris France-she had a fling and even this time back she had a fling. I couldn't take the cheating behind my back anymore.

 

I know that im intense when it comes to the "Feeling of love" but that's how dedicated i was to HER and ONLY her. I just hope the man she's sharing her heart with will pick up the slack and fill the void that i couldn't give her.

 

So yes i'll make it through the night and wake up tomorrow. Im scared but im confident. or at least have have it right now....

[Colin1981]

I know she's your cousin and she'll never read this one thread because the truth hurts.

 

She wasn't ready to get married because she couldn't and can't commit to one man. I spoke to her on a Cpu screen through video chat and she couldn't even look me in the face. She knows that flame inside her was dead.

 

But i still had hope it would come back when she saw me in person. Now im sure she isn't coming back to this country because her friends and family can visit her where she'll be in the world.

 

Me......on the other hand is starting all over and relocating out of N.Y. I won't post where but in due time after i give my 2 weeks notice and sign up for school (F.A.A) then i'll have a good idea. but for now just for the love of god please help me through this weekend.

 

-Colin-.

[Stelinha]

Very nearly contacted him last night but didn't.

Miss him loads so just trying to keep busy

[smaab]

Day 3 of my no contact started. Tomorrow he is going to come back to office. He is going to see the mail that i wrote him. I am just anxious what his reply would me.(i know he is not going to reply).I want to start my life in a new way from tomorrow. More confident and more outgoing. I know i can do that!!!

[Colin1981]

Day 2.

 

No contact and she even realizes now that im honestly for real. She has so many skeltons in her closet and even IF we did get back she would have to empty out the entire thing.

 

I know about the flings and cheating. So now im just coming into my own. I don't need to contact her because i would only be going backwards. She wants to finally tell me the truth but im going to pass on it.

 

I'll write more tonight but right now im looking for an apptment in Western Long island.

[Jay_Bird]

Day 26

 

I went to the club last night,and seen some of her friends

 

I talked to them,but never brung her up

 

wonder if they went back and told her,they saw me.............

[Rosie007]

I think I'm actually pulling back and letting go, at least it's felt that way all weekend.

 

As it's been one month and four days since we actually spoke -- despite my two setbacks during NC -- I'm getting some distance and feel calmer and more detached. Interesting.

[Colin1981]

Day 2 night.

 

I finally stepped away and told her the entire truth of the past 9 years and told her i knew everything.

 

Im pretty sure she's in COMPLETE denial right now but everyone's deamons will effect them in the future if they can't fix the past.

 

I was in love with her and as i force myself away from these feelings she'l know soon that that "love" will be no longer there for good.

 

Today i have offically grown into a Real independent Man....she needs me more than i need her and she knows it.

 

I'll post tomorrow after she tries to call me and i won't pick up. She knows what the ultimatum is. Me or him or lose me as everything forever.

 

Today for once im in love with myself and it feels so freaking good inside that im happy.

She has one chance one slight bit of hope though....it's up to her to follow through because i've walked away.

[lkonohalanbu]

i have successfully made it to 30 days, what a journey, i do miss her, but i am working on getting myself back to 100%

 

the pain and hurt isn't so bad anymore, it's actually bearable, it's the thoughts that hurt me, i feel like those won't go away for awhile, i will continue to do NC

 

dont want to hurt, dont need to hurt, and ultimately dont need her

 

love and wish her happiness, this is my first love and first breakup, if i can make it to day 30, so can all of you

[Rosie007]

i have successfully made it to 30 days, what a journey, i do miss her, but i am working on getting myself back to 100%

 

the pain and hurt isn't so bad anymore, it's actually bearable, it's the thoughts that hurt me, i feel like those won't go away for awhile, i will continue to do NC

 

dont want to hurt, dont need to hurt, and ultimately dont need her

 

love and wish her happiness, this is my first love and first breakup, if i can make it to day 30, so can all of you

 

 

Congratulations, lkonohalanbu. You should feel very proud of yourself. Thanks for sharing your hope.

 

-Rosie

[Stelinha]

There is something so satisfying about reaching a two digit number

In the past I think I've reached day 11 before but ended up contacting him so don't want to make that grave mistake this time After all, I remember feeling so terrible after all the hard work I'd gone through in NC to then have to start back at day 1

I'm still having those weird dreams so he's still on my mind which is worrying Thank goodness I've a very busy week so I'm hoping that after work I'll be so tired that I'll flop into bed and the urge to contact him will not even get a chance!

It's nice working on myself! Things seem a bit clearer now; I can't believe for how long I've been focussing my energies on him how is he feeling? what's he doing? does he think of me? what can I do for him today? blah, blah, blah!!

No wonder I felt exhausted!! Don't want to sound selfish but what about me?! Don't think I ever thought about how I was? I think it's good to be a bit selfish sometimes?

It's becoming clearer that I was making him as I've heard so many people describe- the 'soruce' of my happiness. That is such a recipie for disaster. I've heard people also describe it as when you see another as supplying you (like a lover dealer!) and when they withhold supply (after all they used to give it freely so what have I done!) and just like love junkies we will do anything (and I mean anything in terms of degrading ourselves and throwing away our self respect!) to get that fix!!

NC has already been a great opportuntity to think about what I want and to supply my own fix!!!an I fee that my self esteem has gone up a bit already!

 

congratulations! lkonohalanbu!

 

All my best to everyone who is fighting through these first days of NC

[Colin1981]

Day/Night 3.

 

It figures when i finally get promoted to work in the office i'll be around a Cou fighting tempation to even read the emails and look at her pictures. I have to pull away since she lied to me for so long. I wish she didn't hide those things but i realize that i scared her too.

 

It sucks but hey we live and learn....i never cheated on her and now i feel like i should have but im better than that and better than her. Oh god i never had trouble sleeping until now. I left every picture, card and the same Ring that i proposed to her with back in 2003 and left it on her mothers Porch stacked neatly with the Ring in a Envelope with a farewell letter..

 

I never drove so fast on the way there and way back i did 100 easly. while skidding on my tires. She killed a big part of me that may or may not come back. But for now her mother has all the memories i have none.

 

 

-Colin-

[Colin1981]

Well tell me if this is normal i wake up with the feeling of vomiting and look at my phone and see 7 mised calls. I didn't even bother to listen to the vooice mail bcause she never really listened to mines.

 

I erased all three before a single word was said. I didn't need an explaination what happened from friday to sunday was enough for me.

 

She made her bed now she has to stay in it.First day with a new promotion and i only had one hour of sleep....yay me!!

 

-Colin-

[smaab]

Day 4 of my No Contact. I got a reply from my ex today. I read it and deleted it forever. He said he was sorry that he lied to me.I am going to continue my no contact thing.I am not having any hope that he would come back. and i don't want to do this to get him back.

[WadeCure]

Day 25,26,27

Doing GREAT. I have to praise God for my progress. Yesterday I felt almost 100% healed, almost. Almost. God has taken me unbelievably far and I'm living proof that prayer is the best medicine in healing with a break up and dealing with the negative thoughts that enter your mind. Friday evening I spent a lot of time with a great friend of mine that I made at work and we discussed our Christian faith and our theology with each other quite a bit and the differences between denominations. It was very awesome to see a Methodist and a Baptist agree that we are both brothers and of the same family. On Saturday I felt pretty miserable. Won't lie here. I was obsessing over my ex quite a bit on Saturday. I went out biking around town but couldn't do it much because of being so out of it with depressive thoughts. I wound up that day just laying around reading and praying. Yesterday was UNBELIEVABLE. Praise God it was awesome, it was really really awesome. It's amazing how far you can progress with God on your side. I went from being very timid and shy, wanting to try to play drums that I was interested in purchasing at the Guitar Center in the city but not wanting to because there were others around, to playing in front of... oh 500 people at Church yesterday. Dunno how I did but everyone says I did awesome. Regardless I'm really proud of myself for 1) playing in front of not only people but a lot of people, 2) being able to at least do alright given I didn't know the songs very well and we only did a quick once through, and most importantly 3) being able to use my talents to praise God with. Lots of people came up to me yesterday and told me I did a great job which felt awesome. I'm definitely going to do this full time and I feel like I've found a home in this Church. Three more days left in this challenge and I know I can do it. Thank God I've made it this far and so well. Everyone here can do it too. Just put your faith in God and it will happen. Remember... the best is yet to come. You may think your ex was the best, but he/she is not - or at least not in their current state (that is if you get back together down the road, but that's not what you shouldn't be focusing on, instead focus on God and He'll take care of the rest.) One day you will find the best. Just be patient and remember what the Lord says.

[Stelinha]

Just having to do an extra post today cause I feel like I need to.

Funny how you can feel so strong and then so crappy in such a short period of time!

Work is so difficult right now and I wonder whether I'm in the right career. The thing is when that 'work thing' gets to me I seem to get a bigger urge to contact him and in the past I always end up doing so. I think it's because we always used to share how we feel and were there as a support. Looking at it realistically though I know I was the only one offering support of late. I don't think he's really even considered supporting me. Despite that there was always a hope.....

I guess I just miss having that contact and knowing no matter what is going on at work or in what can be a cold and unforgiving outside world that you've got that person who loves you no matter what, and when you're with them and talk to them you can just forget about other life troubles or at least it gives you the strength to deal with all the crappy other stuff in life.

 

Uggh, just got to be strong alone. Hope things feel better in a few days. I'm really scared of everything right now.

[lkonohalanbu]

i have had a complete relapse set off by a dream

 

i did not contact her, but i do feel like i am living through day 1 all over again, these dreams need to go away

 

i don't want to speak to you, i want you to go away, i want the hurt to go away

 

i feel like i need a cig, i don't even smoke

 

the anxiety is building, panic is building

 

need to breathe and relax

 

my heart hurts

 

i don't know why this is getting worse instead of better

[Jay_Bird]

day 27

 

still little thoughts here and there,but I am almost healed

[Rosie007]

I'm changing little things in increments. For example, once again I deleted his name from AIM so he won't be a constant in my thoughts. Before I wanted to see his name for the comfort factor. Now I'm ready to take little steps for letting go a little more every day.

[ycmanvs]

Day 12....I think.

I have not seen him in many months but we did exchange some emails about 12 days ago. I keep thinking that I want to talk to him, because I am lonely, but then I know that I am better off without him, no matter how depressed I feel right now.

[Colin1981]

Day one for me again.

 

I brooke the Cycle and thereforee im back at sqaure one again today.Im going to change my approach and stay away from my phone. i don't even want to look at it for at least 5 days. I'll just make phone calls from my job and work.

 

Writing is the better route for rehab right now since talking about it doesn't help me at all.

 

So here we go again.

[greeneyedgal]

I just spent a weekend in the company of my ex as 'just friends' which was fun but I cried all the way back on the drive home and much for the rest of the day. I know this is not doing me any favours and I need to know once and for all that I can get past him without his intermittent contact keeping me hoping. He played all these heartbroken songs during my time there to punish me for what he thought I'd done wrong during our r'ship and whilst I kept my cool, I felt it was very unfair on me to mess with my head in this way as if he still had feelings for me, he would have had more than enough chances to have been honest about it to me. He has signed up for internet dating recently and is obviously still bitter towards me but wont let go as a friend. It's not very good for me to be in contact with him at the moment.

 

I moved away from my old home town a month ago to heal and start life afresh but I can't keep doing this if we still send forwards, chat on IM and text each other.

 

It's day 2 and I got an urge to send him a funny forward I knew he'd appreciate - it was so automatic, I had to stop myself. I wonder how long it will be till he contacts me. I have not let him know I am doing NC. I don't know how he will react to my lack of response if he contacts me. Well I'm hoping this will make me a happier person.

 

Oh and just to put this into perspective - we broke up a YEAR and a HALF ago!

[Stelinha]

Not feeling so great today Things can only get better, hopefully!

[greeneyedgal]

Hugs to everybody who is currently in ex-withdrawal - it's not easy but be kind to yourself - don't give in to emotional eating or drinking or chain-smoking during this difficult time - maybe bubble baths, reading a good novel and FUNNY dvds are good - ok and SOME chocolate! lol.