THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[lkonohalanbu]

whew dodged a bullet, the anxiety was building but a thought came up, why should i care about this person who doesn't bother to check in on me, why should i initiate contact

 

me contacting her would only make her feel more guilty and i would feel alleviated just to hear her voice for that brief second, i doubt she would pick up any ways, today was harsh, felt sick to my stomach, my heart literally had stabbing pains that were acute and long lasting throughout the morning, like a long run on full speed without stopping to take a breather

 

i guess it's getting harder because the healing is happening

 

back to ME TIME

[wizard71]

ikonohalanbu

I think that its possible that it gets harder when healing happens. If you hurt your knee, you can tell its healing cos it flippin hurts like hell. If you felt nothing you may well be an emotionless human being. Dont worry about it. Healing is not a constant ride to the summit. you will slip fall, cry, swear, and look at the top thinking you arent getting any closer, but dont forget to look over your shoulder to see just how far you have come. Even when you trip up, you are moving forwards. Just believe you will get there.

[Hopelives]

Do I have to go back to Day 1?????

 

Aye. Sweetie, you know what he's going to do... it does not matter what you do...

 

Continuing to stop NC is only hurting you. In his way, he's telling you what he needs... out of LOVE, give it to him... NC.

 

/hugs

[rocketinthesky]

Today is the GREATEST day I have ever known, can I post some lyric s to that song, by the smashing pumpkins???

 

Today is the greatest

Day I ’ve ever kown

Can’t live for tomorrow

Tomorrow’s much too long

I burn my eyes out

Before I get out

 

I wanted more

Than life could ever grant

Bored by the chore

Of saving face

 

Today is the greatest

Day I have ever known

Can’t wait for tomorrow

I might not have that long

I’ll tear my heart out

Before I get out

 

Pink ribbon scars

That never forget

I’ve tried so hard

To cleanse these regrets

My angel wings

Were bruised and restrained

My belly stings

 

Today is

Today is

Today is

The greatest day

That I have ever known

 

I want to turn you on

I want to turn you round

I want to turn you on

I want to turn you

 

Today is the greatest

Today is the greatest day

Today is the greatest day

That I have ever known

[lkonohalanbu]

ikonohalanbu

I think that its possible that it gets harder when healing happens. If you hurt your knee, you can tell its healing cos it flippin hurts like hell. If you felt nothing you may well be an emotionless human being. Dont worry about it. Healing is not a constant ride to the summit. you will slip fall, cry, swear, and look at the top thinking you arent getting any closer, but dont forget to look over your shoulder to see just how far you have come. Even when you trip up, you are moving forwards. Just believe you will get there.

 

thanks, i know i've made an improvement from yesterday and the days before

 

i hate the fact i want to call her and tell her how much i miss her, she seems completely oblivious to me and that destroys me, which in an ironic way fuels me to be better

[StillSmiling]

Aye. Sweetie, you know what he's going to do... it does not matter what you do...

 

Continuing to stop NC is only hurting you. In his way, he's telling you what he needs... out of LOVE, give it to him... NC.

 

/hugs

 

I KNOW you are so right.

 

We will do nothing but hurt each other again because we should not be together. God, I hate feeling that hope springs forward again ....

 

Gotta ignore it ..

 

Thank you.

[DavidWRosario]

Oh God give me strength!

 

I just happened to log into a user name on AOL that I usually don't use. Weeks ago, he had removed me from his Buddy Lists, and I did the same. We couldn't see each other on line any more.

 

So UP POPS his name on this rare screen name. OK OK OK, so I had forgotten to ever take it off, right?

 

Check my regular screen name, the one he knows and used to have me on, CRAP, he's put me back on his list! I can see him online!

 

What does this mean????????????? The temptation to Im him is OVER WELMING NOW ....

 

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

 

hey there,

 

hope you haven't im'd yet. If anything he may be fishing to see if you have any interest. Why dont you wait a while and see if he makes 1st contact.

 

Dave

[Trei1972]

I am publicly vowing to all of you that this is my first day of NC. I've stayed in contact for various reasons up till now.. exchanging the kids for one. Also trying to work out him buying me and the kids a vehicle. (we've been without one since he left) I've also compulsively checked his and her myspace since he left. NO MORE! It hurts too bad! I've felt just sick all day. He is on his honeymoon and I'm riding my bicycle to work.. carting our 2 year old in a trailer behind to his daycare in 95 degree heat. We get food stamps to survive, while the courts take their time figuring out how much of the business should be mine. The business I helped him start!! I saw pictures of their wedding on myspace. It was sickeningly extravagant on the lawn of some mansion. Our wedding was very simple, outside, by a creek, with beer and bbq and horseshoes afterwards. He always said it was the perfect wedding. Makes me feel like such a fool now. As soon as our business started making money, he leaves me for someone half his age and starts living the high life! Like I never knew the real him. It makes me so sad to think that I never cross his mind anymore, when he is on mine constantly. Like we never loved at all. Like that song by Faith Hill and Tim McGraw. He drives fancy vehicles and lives in a mansion, while his family lives in the same little old farm house we always did, and ride our bikes to get around. Like we are disposable. But I know I've got to stop checking up on him or calling him for various reasons, hoping to hear some tiny shred of caring in his voice. It's just not there. He sounds impatient if he answers at all. And very frustrated and angry if I cry. He wants me to move on, as he has. I've started. but I think I sabotage myself by checking on him. So this is day 1.

[DavidWRosario]

Hi Trei,

 

went back and read your post about how he left. This was a while back. Thought to myself, how glad I was when my wife left me that I did not do her the same way. Different from your way I gave her everything, We had sold our home and was in the process of buying a new one, she started new with about 60 g. Funny thing she tells me how rough she has it. I am really sorry about the road your walking. Sounds like he could care less and that really sucks.

 

I think what makes the break up worse for some of us is the kids. NC would be easier if they were not involved. You have no choice but to see or talk with this person who could give a damn about u.

 

I spoke with my ex today, concerning my son's schooling. She decided at that point to blame me for everything under the son. Found it kind of crazy since she threw me out. Wanted the divorce and on and on.

 

This will all be a bad memory. . . . someday

 

Dave

[StillSmiling]

hey there,

 

hope you haven't im'd yet. If anything he may be fishing to see if you have any interest. Why dont you wait a while and see if he makes 1st contact.

 

Dave

 

Just said "Hey Stranger" .. and he signed off without an answer.

 

Dave, I have been honest with you what he "thinks" is really up, so I doubt he will make the 1st move *sigh*

 

This SO SUCKS!

[DavidWRosario]

Just said "Hey Stranger" .. and he signed off without an answer.

 

Dave, I have been honest with you what he "thinks" is really up, so I doubt he will make the 1st move *sigh*

 

This SO SUCKS!

 

I am really sorry.

[Hopelives]

Day 35+??

 

NC.

 

I do this for him, for me and for us.

 

An obscure reference linking us caught me off guard yesterday, and I wondered if he ever misses me...

 

I'm sure he does... just as sure as I know he's working on his relationship with his child (soon to be a senior in high school).

 

This sucks, and yet, it was the right thing for all of us. I love him, I love me, and I love us.

 

Hope is when you think you can, Faith is when you know you can.

 

In Hope and in Faith... I stop the tears.

[ccali78]

Day 1.5

 

I am doing good today. I do not know what he is doing or what he is thinking. He was such a weak person and he made me weak. Just extra baggage really. I feel like I dropped 10 lbs (that i did not need to loose lol) and I am happy. Happy to be free. We were not happy. We were just both sick individuals. I think he was using me until someone came along and she did and I should say god bless her...

[DavidWRosario]

Day 1.5

 

I am doing good today. I do not know what he is doing or what he is thinking. He was such a weak person and he made me weak. Just extra baggage really. I feel like I dropped 10 lbs (that i did not need to loose lol) and I am happy. Happy to be free. We were not happy. We were just both sick individuals. I think he was using me until someone came along and she did and I should say god bless her...

 

I know break ups really hurt. Don't you think you are being a little hard on yourself ?

 

Dave

[PrettyGood]

Day 6

 

I can't believe I am at day 6. It's easier, but maybe because I wrote him yesterday by Skype. Well my hope percentage that he will return after this trial month is 70:30 (He won't|He will). Maybe I'm wrong or pessimist, I don't know what's wrong with me.

 

Yesterday I was angry on him, because I still don't understand how could he make love with another girl. Yeah, still same questions. But I'm sure today that he will not write me, because URH... he's so "busy"...! Oh, my evil ex can act like busy. But I know - he's not, cause much of time we lived together, he told me that even in his job he can play a PC games. Heck, what a liar!

 

Maybe it's a changing and healing stage, but it gets worse for his side. Firstly I felt sadness, then depression and now I begin to HATE HIM SO MUCH!!

[DavidWRosario]

Been there and sometimes we go back. There are 5 stages you have to through when a relationship ends. Bartering, denial, depression, anger and finally Acceptance. You can bounce back and forth and experiance some at the same time. Feel assured your starting to heal.

 

Dave

[DavidWRosario]

Day 8 for the third time

 

I dont hurt as much anymore. I have accepted what I can not change or can not have anymore. I am not God and I cant make her do what she doesnt want to. I wonder if being a Monk is still acceptable. Ha me a monk. This would not be so bad, if I could just forget feelings. Memories all jumble after a while, but feelings seem to just hang around. Guess I need more time.

 

 

 

Dave

[PrettyGood]

Been there and sometimes we go back. There are 5 stages you have to through when a relationship ends. Bartering, denial, depression, anger and finally Acceptance. You can bounce back and forth and experiance some at the same time. Feel assured your starting to heal.

Dave

 

Thank you, I knew that there are several stages, so I think I'm in 4th. I'm waiting that last stage so much. Because now I don't think anything as how I hate him. Well I think I need to find some new activity... The college years will continue soon, so I will think about business and studies more. Thanks God...

[Steve 7745]

Day 27.

 

I looked at her dating profile again. I know I shouldn't, but I was compelled. I think what disturbs me is how much different she is acting. After she broke up with me, she suddenly started setting standards like height (I was taller than her, so she started to look for guys who were taller too), plus she recognized that she was submissive.

 

It's been two months, and instead it seems like it's getting worse. Like, bad. She's acting, well, * * * * * y. Calling the men around her like college freshmen and demanding higher amounts of "maturity", by which she defines through one's retirement fund.

 

What the HELL happened to her? Jeez. She's less and less resembling the girl I knew each day. And I don't like what she's becoming...

 

Making plans for the weekend. I want to use the day off on Labor Day to be EXTREMELY productive. Clean house, set up some online account in Amazon for selling old books, etc etc. I also want to start reading that book, Catch 22 everyone's been raving about on this board... or at least comparing their situation too...

[ccali78]

Starting Day 2. Still feeling strong. I do not want him in my life... This is very liberating but it still hurts. But my anger makes me happy. I never felt that before..

[StillSmiling]

Day 8 for the third time

 

I dont hurt as much anymore. I have accepted what I can not change or can not have anymore. I am not God and I cant make her do what she doesnt want to. I wonder if being a Monk is still acceptable. Ha me a monk. This would not be so bad, if I could just forget feelings. Memories all jumble after a while, but feelings seem to just hang around. Guess I need more time.

 

 

 

Dave

 

Has to be so hard for all of you here that are forced into seeing them because of kids or work. Can't imgine.

 

Yes Dave. More time and you certainly are getting the clarity.

 

*Hugs*

[StillSmiling]

Starting Day 2. Still feeling strong. I do not want him in my life... This is very liberating but it still hurts. But my anger makes me happy. I never felt that before..

 

Good for you ccali!

 

I always felt so frustrated that I could not get/stay angry at him. I really believe it does help inthe healing process.

 

Hang in there.

[Trei1972]

I am definitely in the anger stage. I'm so angry and filled with hate that I'm afraid it will consume me. Some sadness still in there, but more anger that he could do this to us. I resisted looking at his myspace this morning when I checked mine. Probly nothing new on there anyways, since they are still on their honeymoon. I can't help wondering where they went. We didn't have one, as we were young and broke. But we always planned on going to tAhiti one of these days as a belated honeymoon. I hope they didn't go there. Probly not, as they are only gone for 4 days, that's too far. Anyways, this is the way my thoughts go.

 

I started back to college last year, and I'm trying to focus on my studies. I am succeeding so far, but as soon as class is over, my mind is yanked back to all this. Better than last spring semester though where I couldn't concentrate, and cried between every class.

 

Thank you all for your comments and support. You guys hang inthere too..

[mattysfun]

it gets better.

 

i promise.

 

hold on to the hope of someone new.

 

no matter how much you only want them

 

there will be someone to replace them dear.

 

there will.

[ccali78]

Is this breaking contact

 

I am so good today. But I think I just broke contact by accident and I am so mad. I do not know what to do.

 

I do this walk to raise money for animals every year and I have a whole contact list. Well it is 9/7/2008. So I sent my final email to everyone saying last reminder to donate. Here is the bad thing. X is a contact on there. I am so mad at myself. I wish I could retract but it is sent from the internet and I literally have 100 people on the email.

 

Why do these things happen. I am doing well do not want to talk to him. Do not want to know what he is doing and I AM HAPPY.

 

Is this breaking contact?