THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Oedi]

day 49.... -_-'' the feelings of missing her are coming back. Blegh this is so painful and annoying.

 

hm. I feel like i should contact her but i know i shouldn't. Not for awhile anyways. I've reconcilled with my feelings and i think getting back with her isn't appropriate for me or her now. But yea, still miss being happy with her lol.

[rohded]

NC for 4 days now. I got in a car accident on Wed. and I posted it as my status on facebook. Lots of my friends called me or sent me a message to see if I was OK but she didn't even seem like she noticed. That really hurt, after 2 years of dating and 3 years of being best friends I thought she would at least send a simple "are you ok?". I'm fighting off emotions of strong anger towards her right now. I don't even want to see her anymore and I've kind of been hoping some guy takes advantage of her so she feels like * * * * . I know these thoughts are bad and I don't really mean them and I wish the best for her, I just think I'm going through the anger stage. I've never been much of a smoker but the last couple days I've been going like crazy. I'm quitting tomorrow, it's not good for me. I need to look after myself now. I would have liked to reconcile, or even be friends, but now I don't care what happens to her. I hope she trips and falls.

 

Disclaimer: I don't actually want any harm to come her way, I actually want her to be really happy, I just really need to vent right now.

[The Mad Pagan]

Yup, still angry and it feels really good, if only because I'm not depressed. I want to just let go and move on with my life!

[rohded]

She just instant messaged me. Just said "hey". Took everything out of me to ignore it and log off. I just want to talk to her... I know it won't do any good though...

[amya]

Day 9.

Still crap. Still lonely. Still on this damn website. Still don't understand why he doesn't want to get in contact with me.

 

I'm realllllly not going to ring him tho coz i know if i do we'll meet up as "friends" for one drink n then he'll drop me off home n i'll just be feeling as crap as i did the day he broke up with me, 5 weeks ago today!

 

I never thought after 5 weeks i'd still be this down about it all, feels like it's never going to end, worst summer ever!

[DavidWRosario]

Day 1

 

Well after yesterday explosion, here we go again. The only feelings I have is I mourn the relationship in my mind that according to her never existed. A 20 year lie. This would be so easy if there were no kids involved. I have to deal with her and I have to see her just to pick up my kids. God help me, its getting dark again. So for this weekend, No kids. Need to find something to occupy my time. I wont see my kids for two weeks. guess I am back at depression, anger - no bartering, no denial, and 1/2 and 1/2 acceptance. I accept the relationship is over. I accept that I have to heal.

 

Dave

 

"I'm so much cooler on line" - Brad P

[KaylaJoy]

Day 1

 

Well after yesterday explosion, here we go again. The only feelings I have is I mourn the relationship in my mind that according to her never existed. A 20 year lie. This would be so easy if there were no kids involved. I have to deal with her and I have to see her just to pick up my kids. God help me, its getting dark again. So for this weekend, No kids. Need to find something to occupy my time. I wont see my kids for two weeks. guess I am back at depression, anger - no bartering, no denial, and 1/2 and 1/2 acceptance. I accept the relationship is over. I accept that I have to heal.

 

Dave

 

"I'm so much cooler on line" - Brad P

 

Before my son's father had his accident a couple of months ago, he was impossible to deal with. It turned me from Christian to scowling mongrel in 30 seconds flat just to deal with him, he was unreasonable, and you could not rationalize with him.

In other words, I UNDERSTAND. Dealing with unreasonable, irrational, un-Christian ex's in which you have children with is the bane of our existence when you are not with the ex any more. (thus why they are the "ex" huh?)

I came to view it as a test for me, and have prayed about it alot, I realize that he (or his family) may just be the test or trial for me to prove how much I love like Jesus loved. It don't come easy, I can assure you that!

 

Hang in there! I'm sorry about the kiddos too. That's such a shame to use them as pawns to get back at you. Those poor kids.

[KaylaJoy]

Day 7 of NC for Mark. I'm Ok, I just miss him, but I'm feeling peace about recognizing God's will and not questioning it any longer. Still, I would like to see him, or talk to him, but I'm not sure it would be the best thing right now. It's like craving something the doctor already told you would only hurt you and impede your improvement, something he told you is not the antidote, but actually a toxin, and it doesn't matter how much you crave it, it's just better if you don't.

 

"I love it when you're here babe, but I'm better when you're gone." -Rascal Flatts

 

As for John, I'm just about convinced the man is nuts. Mind you, I have not had contact with him (as in me calling, emailing or texting) in months, literally. I think it was March the last time I spoke with him, and not long after that I sent him an email telling him I did not want to talk to him. It was about May that I asked him to stop texting me.

He has continued to occasionally email me, but usually those are forwards, which are stupid. But WEEKLY I still get text messages from him, sometimes more often. Last week he got married (July 4) and he sent me a text that morning telling me he was on his way to the beach to get married. Yesterday I got a text from him bright and early, and didn't even read it, I just deleted it.

Who does that?? What man texts his ex girlfriend on his wedding day?? For that matter, what man continuously texts his ex-girlfriend over anything??

 

So I decided I was going to write him a nasty email and tell him exactly what I thought of him. Then I stopped and was chastened by the Lord and I knew that I could not do that. He did what he did out of blindness. I cannot hate him for that, nor criticize him for that. He's in a totally different place than I am, and I don't understand his actions, and quite frankly they drive me nuts, but I'm not going to bother ridiculing him, because I'm sure if he realized what an idiot he is coming accross as, he might do some things differently.

 

Oops...is calling him an idiot a form of ridicule??

[ghostgirl116]

hi kaylajoy! i really liked your post. what insight into your ex's behavior!! very compassionate...

[ghostgirl116]

yeah, i know the day is just starting. but i pretty certain i won't contact him. i HAD a date tonight (not that i'm "date ready", but it was a nice chance to don a dress and mingle, and i have few if any friends to hang out with... i need more friends!!), but he canceled via email last night; his long lost "cousin" is in town, and he can't miss out on seeing him. whatever.

 

have had some self-reflection this a.m. i was thinking that there were times when i became needy/clingy with "t" (instead of just calling him "the ex"); they were few and far between, and really unfounded on his part at that time. i can't say i feel too proud of myself for it. oh well.

 

i know i'm doing the right thing. i have wondered what that email said that i deleted without reading; the one he sent after i shot one off to him telling him that he was a cad for blowing me off. but frankly, it still seems that it would have been a waste of my time/emotions to know.

 

he was actually a really good boyfriend when we dated. not much more to say right now. except i do wonder if he thinks "good ridance".

 

time for more coffee

and then a workout.

 

one thing... i've re-committed myself to healthier habits. thats good.

 

feeling a little down, though. my little girl is with her dad and his fiance for a couple of days, and i have no idea what to do with myself!!

[KaylaJoy]

hi kaylajoy! i really liked your post. what insight into your ex's behavior!! very compassionate...

 

Thanks ghostgirl...

 

I can only say this: I pray, and then He gives me grace.

[ghostgirl116]

hi izzy... don't send that email, honey! be strong. let the thirty days do its magic, or more if needed. we are all in this together! maybe a few months down the line, you can send an email "hey, how are things?" but keep it light, and only if you are ready! (he might have a new gal... gotta be able to handle it)

 

xoxo

gg

[DavidWRosario]

Hi gg,

 

I am very sorry your date cancelled. After my explosion yesterday. My Happy place was thinking about someone I have only posted with a few times going on a "date". I thought to myself - I hope they go to a nice resturant and have conversation that doesnt include ex's. This might sound a little greedy but reading about people like yourself being able to move on and continue with relationships give the rest of us hope that there is a chance for us ---someday.

 

I worked all day servicing some refrigeration equipment at a grocery store and that kept me occupied. After completing all that I got called to a friends house to repair a A/C unit. My friends sister was there and she has been divorced for a while. We talked a little bit. She had a bunch of interest that I had. We Chated after I fixed the A/C, then she laughed at my jokes. I laughed at hers. It was like Alarms went off in my head. Gotta run. I was invited to stay for dinner and said maybe next time, I have one more service call to run before I can call it quits. That was a lie I had to leave.

 

Now look whose rambling

 

Dave

[DavidWRosario]

Day 1

 

Well after yesterday explosion, here we go again. The only feelings I have is I mourn the relationship in my mind that according to her never existed. A 20 year lie. This would be so easy if there were no kids involved. I have to deal with her and I have to see her just to pick up my kids. God help me, its getting dark again. So for this weekend, No kids. Need to find something to occupy my time. I wont see my kids for two weeks. guess I am back at depression, anger - no bartering, no denial, and 1/2 and 1/2 acceptance. I accept the relationship is over. I accept that I have to heal.

 

Dave

 

"I'm so much cooler on line" - Brad P

 

 

Day 2

 

Things went better, I worked all day. She texted me about kid stuff. Like if I would like to take them with me to church tomorrow. I said that would be great. I then told her after yesterday she is not to call me again. I will not answer the phone. If there is business we need to address she can do it via txt or email. Nothing involving the children required a phone call. I dont care to converse with her, I dont care what she is thinking or even doing. Frankly, I really dont care what happens to her, I just want her to leave me alone and get out of my life. She doesnt want me anymore, fine Leave me alone. She uses my kids against me, She is such a Jezebel.

 

This has messed me up more than I realize. I have always been a outgoing friendly person. Now if I find myself in a conversation with a woman face to face, I get really self conscience and almost roll into some form of panic attack. I get this feeling I am cheating. On who ? How ?, I dont know I guess it's my old Catholic up bring coming up.

 

Ok Day three in a few hours should be a problem - church with the kids, Nanas for Dinner. Home early. Please God let it be that simple tomorrow.

 

Dave

[DavidWRosario]

Thanks, I feel like I need to go N/C on all of them to take the power away from her.

[DavidWRosario]

In the case of John, I think someone is showing out and being childish or has some guilt issues. Either way, I think I would let that train pass.

 

Mark on the other hand. You have got to cut that driftwood loose. You have got to save yourself first.

 

Boy I wish I could take some of this advice as easy as I give it huh.

 

Dave

[The Mad Pagan]

Yesterday I had no urge to call my ex, and the anger is persisting, though it was somewhat lessened by reflection. The depression, however, did not come back. I went tubing down the local river and went bowling, and both things were as joyful as I remember their being before the breakup. That's been happening a lot lately, actually.

 

I'm not over the ex yet, but I am making strides. It's a shame he doesn't see how good a guy I am and what kind of future I can offer him. To heck with him; I find myself smiling a lot again, and my heart is full with love for friends and family.

[Abbie]

Day 51 ...

 

... this isn't even about him anymore. This is about me learning to cope with being alone without being lonely.

 

I feel better today, probably the best I've felt in a few weeks. Hopefully I'm coming out of this relapse.

[DavidWRosario]

Yesterday I had no urge to call my ex, and the anger is persisting, though it was somewhat lessened by reflection. The depression, however, did not come back. I went tubing down the local river and went bowling, and both things were as joyful as I remember their being before the breakup. That's been happening a lot lately, actually.

 

I'm not over the ex yet, but I am making strides. It's a shame he doesn't see how good a guy I am and what kind of future I can offer him. To heck with him; I find myself smiling a lot again, and my heart is full with love for friends and family.

 

MP,

 

Congradulations, I think you got it. There is life after ex's. I have been battleling (SP) this myself. The 5 stages of grief will lessen over time. Depression comes back to me sometimes but now its a pothole instead of a dark valley I drive thru. The Anger hangs on for a while, it is something that we have to deal with. No offense intended I dont know much about Pagan's if you really are one. I guess you would call me a Jesus Freak, For me I have to Forgive her for the betrayal (that was easy) now I have to forget it (thats the hard part) it will come with time. Find a way to let go of what he did, then forget. You will be a better person for it. I think we all have to get there one way or another. If not, it will just consume us. I have noticed that from many other post on this site.

 

Kinda fun (not ha ha) but have you notice nobody on this site is like: I dumped by ex, ripped their heart out smashed it on the floor and I really dont care. Makes me wonder how people who do that live with themselves. hm

 

Dave

[The Mad Pagan]

My paganism can be whittled down to a love for Mother Earth and all the creatures upon her. Pursuant to that, I am very open-minded, and have a healthy respect for all religions jn that they exist as aspects of the many virtues and follies of mankind.

 

What I mean is that I follow a philosophy of observation without judgement

 

As for the ex thing, I still have my bouts of thinking about it overmuch, but the depression doesn't creep into the equation anymore. I, too, still wonder how one human being can be so cruel to another. Even if something is in one's best interest, as the case may be for my ex, we don't deserve to be treated like we never shared a loving connection with them. I guess it's just the reality for many of us, though.

 

At least we can all keep each other company in our misery!

[ghostgirl116]

hi dave! ramble all you want! so you see yourself, there is life after a breakup!

 

this is day six, i think.

[ghostgirl116]

woke up with the warm fuzzies for the ex. aaaarrrrggghhh!!!!!! have been struggling a little this a.m. with thoughts/fantasies.

 

no desire to contact him, but i will admit i wouldn't mind him contacting me.

 

 

i do keep reminding myself that he really isn't into me, so that helps. the good thing about that is, this is the first time that i did not take it in a really personal way. i have some things that i'm working on about myself, but i kinda like who i am overall.

 

gg

[Fireman Sam]

This is day 2 since I sent her a quick e-mail letting her know I've left my paycheck on the table for her to pickup whenever she gets a chance.

 

Yesterday was fine...kept myself busy.

 

Today, I picked up the phone and tried to call her at work to ask her to come over for coffee. She wasn't there...so I just hung up. I'm glad she wasn't there to answer.

 

I managed 8 days of NC last week before I broke down and called her. We met for dinner. It was a fun evening and left on good terms.

 

I am a weakling when it comes to NC.

[Marus]

Day 9

 

Last night I thought about the ex again. Small bit of anger and jealousy reared its ugly head as I thought about her going to a club or some such. I'm still waiting to get to the point that I don't care about those things popping into me head. I live in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do and no physical friends close by. Any acquaintances I have on the internet are often away and it is hard to talk to them often enough to distract me.

 

3 more weeks and I hope I will be over her. A few more days and I hope I have some support from someone.

[KaylaJoy]

Day 8. It is what it is. I miss him, think about him every day, wonder what he's doing, where he's at, but I'm OK...just miss him.

 

John texted me yet again this morning, and I deleted it yet again this afternoon without reading it. At this point I just shake my head and say "he's off his rocker". Plus he sent me another forward email...I told my mother this morning it's as if he's having an affair all by himself. It's almost comical. He doesn't need me to respond, apparently he's enjoying just contacting me all by himself. I guess he can knock himself out - I'm not replying, and am not reading most of them. It's just nuts. I just wonder if his new wife knows all this? What a crazy man! Makes me very glad once again I didn't end up with him, not to mention that he said in his blog the other day that he had been in love with his wife for a very long time. Now since they only started dating in February after he and I broke it off, that doesn't bode well for what our relationship was. Apparently it was a hoax, and no telling how close he was getting to her while he was with me - (they were "friends" and spent a great deal of time together while he and I were dating, but he swore to me she was the last person on earth he would date. - Heads up fellow, apparently there is a shortage on women, if ya ain't got one now, it's too late!! teehee!!)