nicole1236 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Since I joined enotalone, I've silently contended that NC isn't the only answer. I was wrong. Today, July 9, 2008 - 9:00 pm - NC - Day 1 Izzy, what happened? Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Don't know that I will continue to post every single day; this is the 3rd go around for me, still have not made it 30 days on NC with Mark. BUT.... I had a breakthrough this evening though. I was sitting on the swing thinking about everything and a song popped in my head, a song I haven't heard in years, and I sang it to myself just to see if I could remember it, and I got to the last line of the chorus, and it says "and He taught me not to question the decisions He made." He, of course, being Almighty God. And then it hit me smack in the face. I've been wandering around in this emotional desert for months now asking "why" and "how" and "for what reason" and never getting a clear answer. I've been praying "God, Thy Will be done" over and over, waiting for an answer to my dilemma over Mark. And this evening it hit me. He has given me the answer. There is no Mark in my life. He has faded into the background just like he was before we started this rollercoaster journey of love and heartbreak, and he is not attempting to be with me, he is not stressing over me, he is not contacting me (very rarely anyway). My answer is right in front of me, I just didn't want to see it. And then when I realized what the last bar of the song was, I also realized by wandering around in my heartbroken stupor, asking "why" to every friend, foe or stranger, I was questioning the very God I had given it to. I was questioning His decision as if I didn't understand it, instead of trusting that He made the right one and letting it go. He taught me better, and I will not question the decision He made. I asked for His will to be done, now that It is here, I must accept It and go on. So I'll pop in everynow and then and keep track of my days, but I know now I am going to be OK. My focus is clearer now, and I'm gonna make it! Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Congradulations, thanks for the note earlier. I am impressed with your finding. You give the rest of us hope. There is one last thing you need to do now that you made that awesome finding - Now read jeremiah 29:11 I wonder if the conclusion you came to was What Super Dave was talking about at the beginning of the post. Hope all goes well. Dave ps find a happy avatar - maybe a rainbow or a pot of gold Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Congradulations, There is one last thing you need to do now that you made that awesome finding - Now read jeremiah 29:11 That is a beautiful Scripture. Thanks David! Link to comment
dqueen Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I'm back here. Day 4 of NC. I don't really feel like talking about it right now. Link to comment
The Mad Pagan Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 ...and I can't sleep. Yesterday was really hard. I had one of those 'relapses' that I've heard people mention so often. I couldn't stop thinking about what could have been and wondering if my ex ever thinks about those things, too. It's been almost a month and a half now since we've talked. I wish I could just get over it already, but we were SO RIGHT for each other. The good far outweighed the bad, but I had (have?) lots of work to do on myself still. The gym helps. Therapy helps. Being with family and friends helps. Sitting and worrying about it most certain does not help. I want to call, or write an email, but it wouldn't mean a thing. I wonder if this will ever turn around. Link to comment
bfla Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 ...and I can't sleep. Yesterday was really hard. I had one of those 'relapses' that I've heard people mention so often. I couldn't stop thinking about what could have been and wondering if my ex ever thinks about those things, too. It's been almost a month and a half now since we've talked. I wish I could just get over it already, but we were SO RIGHT for each other. The good far outweighed the bad, but I had (have?) lots of work to do on myself still. The gym helps. Therapy helps. Being with family and friends helps. Sitting and worrying about it most certain does not help. I want to call, or write an email, but it wouldn't mean a thing. I wonder if this will ever turn around. Sounds just like me...gym, therapy, family and friends, and sitting and worrying about it. Tonight will be 3 weeks of NC for me. She's busy with her rebound guy now. I kinda wish that would turn around too. Good luck Link to comment
Johnathan Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Count me in. My first day 1 is today, 7-10-08. I'm an emotional wreck Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 DAY 11 Going well.......Although I was a bit setback when I saw her login to her gmail chat account today. She is overseas in Spain, and I wanted to ask her so badly how things were going, but held back. Besides that her whole outlook on life is pissing me off. Its too bad. I'm wanting to grow up and save to buy a house, she's wanting to travel and live it up. I guess I'm just old fashioned, but it seems a bit irresponsible to me the way she manages her life. Whatever. Hang in there folks! Link to comment
ghostgirl116 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 this is day three since i started the challenge. i've been really busy, so i really haven't thought too much about him. there are those moments, though, where i want to go to "warm fuzzy" place, but i remind myself how he blew me off. i will post more if i get the chance tonite. gg Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Day 6. I'm good. Miss him, but after my epiphany the other day, I'm in a good place within myself, I just miss him. I talked to his brother tonight and told him of my epiphany, and how I felt about it. He said little, but I think he was glad for me, and the way he agreed with me made me think perhaps he and Mark have discussed this, and that he knew Mark was long past any relationship with me, and for my sake, he wanted me to know I was doing the right thing. Link to comment
...John... Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Day 4... boy today was difficult... kinda sucks, cuz last night i find out from my friend that she is getting a restraining order and I have even been in contact with her for a week... i'm so confused to what is going on... it is killing me... i havn't even done anything to her... also she is asking her boy toy for permission before she does anything like she can't think for herself anymore... how can she just do all this... i was the person that was always there for her, and loved her, and made her smile... now all this?? I'm sooo hurt and confused right now... I need help... Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 GRRRRRRRRRR...........still DAY 11 Now she messaged me on gmail chat. Asking how I was and how her dog was that I'm watching. What the hell is she going to bed at 6:00 am for? LOL. Mind starts to go crazy. Anyways, I ignored her, and removed her from my chat list. I can't wait until she gets back and takes her dog. I'll miss the hell outta him. We bought him together, and he is like a child to me. But after she picks him up......I'm gone again. I've made my feelings clear, shown her I've changed, and I'm leaving it all up to her to make the moves. I'm starting to move on.......and its hurting letting go. I thought I had been there once, but I was too afraid to let go. Anyways, Stay Strong everyone! Link to comment
The Mad Pagan Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Yesterday officially became the first day of my anger stage. I know it's not fleeting like the previous bouts of anger have been, either, because I'm still angry at midnight. I have realized by finally allowing myself to be angry that he wasn't the best thing for me. He runs away from his problems, as he did when we were together. That doesn't mean I still don't want him, but maybe that feeling is based on the fear of being alone and not any actual attachment I feel to him. Anger does feel a heck of a lot better than depression, that's for sure. I hope it lasts until the last of the hurt has faded to nothing more than a dull ache. Then I can finally say I'm done and mean it. Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Day 5 Things went well yesterday, No depression, No Anger, No denial, I am done with bartering. Acceptance hhhmmm We have been separated for 61 days, I am not sure I will ever totally accept it, could be wrong just not sure. Might not be done completely with Denial, if I am totally honest here, I think I hold a small amount of hope in reserve that somehow this might work out. As a matter of fact I am sure of that since I am still going to the therapist that she recommended( that she does not go to). I will keep going till the divorce is final and maybe a short time longer, but thats all. My faith is really getting me thru this. God has shown me other people who are walking the same type of path. I have spoken with some who's situations are far worse. Some of the members of where I attend shocked me when I found out they were divorced. They seem to have there own issues with this, but, so far none of them were bitter. None of them were the "bad" guy. I know we all have 50 % of the blame for our relationship going south, I have been able to go from blaming myself 100 % for this break up to now finally only accepting 50 %, who knows it might be less yet. I get the kids tonight at six, we are going rollerskating. It will be a challenge, I have to see her tonight. God grant me the strength not to say anything stupid (Good or Bad). And so begins - Day 7 Dave Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 this is day three since i started the challenge. i've been really busy, so i really haven't thought too much about him. there are those moments, though, where i want to go to "warm fuzzy" place, but i remind myself how he blew me off. i will post more if i get the chance tonite. gg Morning gg, busy is great sometimes isnt it. So busy you cant think of them. I find the quite time the worst. I hope your evening went well. Are you and your daughter going to do anything this weekend. The kids and I are going to see Wall-e. I have always been acused of being the Good time Dad. So be it. I see you are in Ohio - anywhere near chilicote - My best friend from Army days passed a few weeks ago there. I wasnt able to attend his funeral, i see its a excuse now, but I felt sorry for her and when we split I gave her everything and that included the 02 jeep. I didnt think my truck could make the run 7 hours - one way. The notice about the funeral came 25 hours before it actually happened. No fussing, better stop now. Went to church last night -wow- Our church is different, we study chapter by chapter verse by verse. Last night was 1 kings 19 - It was so awesome, I have been praying to God - What now ? Last night I got my answer -serve. Kinda simple, if you ask me, but it works. 1 kings 19 talks about Elijah running away from Jezebel, since she was going to kill him. He hid in a cave till God visited him and asked him what he was doing. He basically told God he was having a pity party and hiding from the World. God told him, there were other people that needed him and to get moving. So that is what he did. I felt like that message was one of those passes in the Superbowl that is a perfect spiral and hits the receiver right in the Numbers. Sweet. Hope your Day 4 goes well Dave Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Hang in there, Dave. Who knows what God has in store for you. Remember He will not lead you where His Grace cannot keep you!! Link to comment
...John... Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 beginning of day 5.... boy does it suck... i had my first dream about her since the break up... and normally i don't remember any of my dreams... i keep thinking about her... and i try to think about something else but she finds her way back in my mind... its so difficult, i keep thinking why were we together if all this was going to happen??? I keep praying everyday and asking God for strength to get through the day, and asking God to help her... but it doesn't feel like its working... i'm growing tired of still feeling pain for her, while she is still so cold and callous, and hurtful...sometimes i find myself thinking "did she ever really love me??" and I know thats a stupid thing to ask, because I know that she loved me... I just want answers as to why this is happening... on top of all of this I have to move out of my friends place by next thursday, and I don't have the money to get home, I keep trying to get the money that this business owes me and thats not working... I just keep experiencing the worst right now... Its hard for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel... Link to comment
Marus Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 It has been a week since I started the no contact challenge. Things are going pretty well. Thoughts still creep into my mind as I sleep. I did have a very interesting dream though. The dream had a slew of pictures of my ex, but they were completely different. Different hair style and different feelings were attached to these photos then what I know to be the case in real life. I had some urges to check up on the ex and see if she had removed me from her blocked list yet, as a Sign of Hope. Thankfully the internet cut out on me at the most opportune time and I stopped that task. I'm considering doing it today, but really shouldn't. I've read some material that says the longer after the breakup, the more difficult it will be to get back together. Not that the ex will "forget" about you, but just not care about you in her life anymore. Seems silly. The break up happened in February and just now am I realizing all the things I did wrong. I'm not holding out hope to get back with her, I just want to get over her. If I do get back with her after that fact, then so be it. Link to comment
ghostgirl116 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 i've been pretty busy these last couple of days, and that has helped a lot. its funny, i went for weeks without contact before, but without being committed not to contact him. i can say that i have moments where i feel really really sad, but i know that this is the right thing to do. gg Link to comment
ghostgirl116 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 hi there dave! my little girl will be with her dad this weekend.... he is flying in from california with he fiance (sp!!) and she will be hanging out with them until early monday morning. i was a little worried about what i'd do with my time, but i will try not to stew too much! i do have a date saturday night, though. not that i feel really "date ready", but its a nice chance to get dressed up and go out. i'm sorry to hear about your friend. i'm sending good thoughts your way! to answer a couple of your questions: (sorry it takes a little while to reply sometimes) my little girl's father and i have been split for seven years now. i had a lot to deal with, so i purposely waited a couple of years before i dated again. as it turned out, only about two years ago did i actively start to date! i do like who i am more so now, so the waiting was really worth it. i still have some things i really need to focus on, and i look at that when i start to pine for the ex. ghost girl, maybe because i am quiet. or, i've experienced a spirit or two (not the liquid kind! although, that too, but not any more! ) take care... gg Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Day 7 - Well I need to throw myself on the mercy of the court. About 8 am this morning she called to let me know my son had forgotten his phone at a friends house. I said fine. I then asked her about a email I sent regarding a adjustment of our visitation schedule. After about 30 words, somebody rung a bell and the fight was on. After verbal jousting, I finally came to my senses and told her not to call, let me be and be done with it. This calling and verbal abuse continued for 4 hours. After boiling over and ripping her a new one over the phone, I told her I could not deal with her any longer and if she could not be civil then this mess was going before a Lawyer. It has been a 15 hour work day and I am physically and emotionally drained. I actually broke down and called my Pastor. We spoke for a hour and he agreed I am sane. She is unreasonable. In my mind this fight was in regards to dealing with the kids. I ended up not getting the kids this weekend and I wont see them now for two weeks. So did I break N/c I think so. Dave Link to comment
The Mad Pagan Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 It sounds like it, but don't beat yourself up about it because a child is involved. Just start over again. We're all here to help each other be strong! Link to comment
...John... Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Day 5... things a getting a little easier... still sucks don't get me wrong but im learning to deal with things a little better... still worried about my move coming up, and still content with the way things are... good luck all you fellow NC'ers!!! John Link to comment
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