KaylaJoy Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 Day 11 ? .Day 4 of NOT SMOKING! Yeahhhhhhhhh Now THAT is AWESOME!!! WOOHOO!!! Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 Day 29. Wow, I can't believe it's been almost a month...mixed emotions about this though, the space has been good for me, the scab is forming a little on my wounded heart. I miss him, but tonight I asked myself what exactly did I miss and I wasn't sure. He's toxic to me, this I know. When he's good, we're very good together. When he's bad, it's all bad, and I'm miserable, and it seems like there is no even keel, it's a really good day or a really bad day with him. Not too many inbetweens. Still I miss hearing his voice, but I don't miss how empty I felt because he didn't return my love. I don't miss feeling rejected or unappreciated. I don't miss feeling unworthy, or stupid, or insufficient, which are all the things I somehow felt when I was with him. How could his synergy produce so much negativity in me, I wonder? Link to comment
Raistlin Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 I'm going to accept the challenge here, starting today, 6/14/2008 at 12:24am PST. Day 1 Today has been very hard. We have been broken up since Apr. 6, and were NC for about 2 weeks before she contacted me the day after my birthday (6/2). She said she loved me, and wanted to be with me. Now, she wants to be friends and is flirting with a guy from work. She's going to get hurt because she draws guys that emotionally and sexually abuse her... except me. It's been torture to not text her and see how work is going. I think I'm going to change my social network page and get a new phone number so she has no way to contact me. I am also going to get therapy, which I will include updates for (if it starts during these 30 days). All I ask for from this community is support. Link to comment
spion_kop Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 hey steveandor, i know it's hard, i've been/going through this as well. All you can do is focus on yourself. I know it's easier said than done for some people. But you have to realize that things like this happen for a reason. This will make you stronger, better and in the future you may look back and appreciate this time because of the person it's going to make you. This is one of the toughest life lessons you will learn and once you overcome this obstacle you will be to get past anything. It's also wonderful that you're taking first hand measures to distance yourself from her and looking after yourself. Keep up the good work, we're all here for you How is everyone else doing today? Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 day 30...I made it! I'm keeping it up though, because as my therapist says, I need a good 6-8 mos to get over him. Right now, 30 days into NC, I just feel blahhhh....I feel sad, I feel weird without him in my life. I miss the old Mark. That's it. Link to comment
needhimso Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 Well, today I made it official that I'm moving closer to where he lives in a few months. It feels good to say he didn't factor into the decision. He could be a great plus, but I didn't think about him when I made the decision. I didn't think about him very much today either. I went shopping and to a party, and I'm going to be busy preparing for an upcoming vacation and the move in a few months. I also bought myself a treadmill, so I have no excuse to say no to running lol. While shuffling through my iPod yesterday I ran accross a song that sums up my feelings about him at this point. Sara's friend she lost her mind She left him and made it look sexy now I fear you won't be far behind Thinking I'll be the next to leave I know I might be anxious But I'm still not crazy And I don't need another kind of green to know I'm on the right side with you I used to be the one you saw When crying alone to sad songs But then we go and we hit the wall When nothing has changed and nothing's wrong You're not the perfect hand But I don’t hit on nineteen And I don't need another kind of green to know I'm on the right side I'm on the right side with you With you So go and drift away from me Adopt some new philosophy That doesn't hold the two of us in mind Move into someone else's place Stare into some other's eyes But slowly only come to realize That you didn't need another kind of green to know I'm on the right side You’re on the right side I’m on the right side with you Oh, I was on the right side You don’t need to lose to know that you had it good You don’t need to lose it to know that you had it good You don’t need to lose it to know that you had it Know that you had it Know that you had it Don’t need to lose it to know that you had it good Link to comment
Raistlin Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 Day 2 Today was a bad day for me. All day, I wanted to text her so badly and just.. say anything. I realized that I am addicted to having her pay attention to me, and I think she already knew that when she called me on 6/2. I didn't break under the stress, which is good. I almost broke down and cried a lot of times, and didn't enjoy The Incredible Hulk when I saw it with friends, because I felt like the 5th wheel. I was incredibly jealous that my friends are in healthy relationships and happy, and I was in a bad one for so long and I'm very unhappy right now. Tomorrow is dad's day though, so I'm going to try to keep my spirits up for him. Hopefully day 3 will be a bit better. Link to comment
BrokenDuc Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 stay strong staveandor i know weekends are tough. Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 Day 31. Was invited to his brother's place today for a cookout. Didn't want to go if he was going to be there, but then his brother told me he was out of town, so I thought I might, but in the end decided to stay home. So of course I'm wondering is he at the lake fishing with the boys? Or is he out of town to see some special girl? Nothing I can do about it if he is seeing someone, and all the more reason why I should stay in NC. I'm just not that strong yet. Link to comment
needhimso Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Today was an ok day. I thought about him a lot, and I really miss him. This is the longest I've ever gone without talking to him Link to comment
BrokenDuc Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 im very proud of you needhimso that is a great achievement. take care Link to comment
Nearwater Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Nc is just a memory gonna try it again tomorrow. Had a long talk/cry with my baby this morning face to face. She copped to needing to do some work, asked interesting questions about stuff that happened 3 years ago, and said she would keep an open mind. Finally faced how serious this is for us, 2 40 somethings that were gonna spend the next 20+ years together. It hit her that this is no game. I quit a major sport I am in involved with, she asked why... She is thinking harder now. Me too. Link to comment
Raistlin Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Day 3 Today was a little easier than day 2. I thought about her quite a lot, but would try to replace my feelings of wanting to talk to her with the reminder that I initiated NC, I do not need someone as mentally and emotionally abusive as she was, and that once I'm finally ready to accept me, I will meet someone better. The hardest thing I'm dealing with is not thinking about her with someone else. I keep getting slammed by images and thoughts "what if I saw her with _____". It takes a LOT out of me to regain composure and try to convince myself that it doesn't matter. She threw me away. I endured the crap she put me through for years, and she 'needs more'. Fine. Get 'more'. And when you get screwed over, b****, because it's inevitable with the way you are, you'll try to come crawling back to me again. But guess what? My phone number will be different. You don't have access to my social page anymore, so you can't check my pic and status. And where will you turn when you're so low? You don't have any friends, because you abuse them all. And you wonder why people don't like you. Sorry for the rant. I deal by rationalizing the fact that I am better off without someone like that. And I can only wait for the day that I will meet someone that makes me feel as happy as I know I can be. Link to comment
maybeoneday Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Whoops messed up the weekend. But never mind, onwards and upwards and today is day 1 again. No contact since about 6pm last night, this is good! Link to comment
Abbie Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Day 24 ... ... I feel stronger today although I really missed him over the weekend. One of his friends got married on Saturday. If we were still together then I would have gone too but obviously I didn't. I would love to know if he went by himself or whether she went as his guest. Not that it makes any difference and I've no way of finding out. I'm starting a week long detox today for my body and my mind. For my body, I'm going to eat nothing but raw fruit and veg. For my mind, I'm going to listen to a 'mend your broken heart' Paul Mckenna hypnosis cd every day. I'm determined to get to the stage where I don't want him anymore. I'm going to detoxify myself of him. Link to comment
MemoriesDust Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Day 1 I am the dumper, but for good reason. She gave me no indication that she wanted to see me, in fact, when I asked if she wanted to spend sometime together she said "I don't know...". After everything I have gone through, everytime I've fought for her, if she doesn't know that she wants to see me, there is no relationship. Of course as soon as I walk away, the tears come from her. She tells me of course she wants to see me, she wanted to see me this weekend, next weekend, she just couldn't ask. She was just scared. I pointed out that she told me the night before when I tried to talk about my feelings that I should go and find someone else because I wasn't happy with her. I can only take so much rejection. I know she's depressed. The kicker of it, 19 months I've been a secret... The day after I break up with her because I can't be with someone who doesn't seem to want me, she tells her sister that she's in been involved with a girl, that she loves me. She texts me to tell me this, I call because I am concerned about her, that's a huge thing. My heart pulls, I want to hold her. But nothing changes, she needs to sort her head out, and she can't push and push me anymore, it's tiring. So here I am, it's day 1, it's only 11:24am and I must have checked my phone 15 times. Pathetic. The challenge will be to keep off facebook. I hope this gets easier.... M&D Link to comment
rohded Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Starting NC today... My gf broke up with me about a month ago because she wanted to experience being single and felt I was suffocating her. I'm so broken up about this. It hurts so bad and going NC with her is going to be really hard... expescially now that there is most likely a new guy. I still want her back. Am I allowed to see her by chance (we share almost all the same friends). So what if I go to hang out with my friends and she is there? Do I ignore her? What do I do? 06/16/08 9:00 a.m. Link to comment
meinreallife Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Day 38 I really can't believe it's been 38 days. I feel like my life is hanging by a thread. Not the live or die life, but the living my life part. The longer I have been NC the more I realize all the good stuff we had. I dream about her every night. This stuff sucks. This great thing happened to me so slowly, so quietly. Then its gone. I miss her... Link to comment
Loris Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 "Holy 4 weeks and 1 day NC, Batman". Link to comment
Priphea Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Day 11 --> Day 1 I reset my NC counter when I talked to my ex last night. Said it was good to see her, she told me she missed me and that she'd prefer to talk to me every day. I told her that was unacceptable until things changed and that she knew how to contact me if she wanted to. I feel kinda good that I did break NC, because I guess she had convinced herself that the ball was in my court. I made it crystallinely clear that I don't want to have any contact unless something changes, so that's good. Otherwise, it's just a dull ache because nothing else is different. Link to comment
rohded Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Another question, what does LC stand for? And I'm still wondering what to do if I see her when I'm hanging out with some of our mutual friends. Link to comment
hfc65 Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Another question, what does LC stand for? And I'm still wondering what to do if I see her when I'm hanging out with some of our mutual friends. If she's there or she tries to contact you it's beyond your control,It is not breaking contact on your part. If you see her just be pleasant and try to show her that you are doing great and have moved on. Link to comment
rohded Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Ok thanks. I've been having such a hard time not looking at her facebook today, It's driving me crazy! Link to comment
needhimso Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 I really can't believe I've made it two weeks. I still have crying fits occasionally and think about him constantly, but things are getting a little better. I still have hope that he'll come back, but it's my time right now I suppose. Link to comment
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