GoldenHillGuy Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Well, she texted me early yesterday morning asking when I'd be around to get the rest of her things. She came early, and we put everything into her car. She has only her bedframe here. Conversation was good, and light hearted. Much smiling between us. Then it was packed up and she was getting ready to go. I told her take care. She said the same, and have a good one. She looked like she was going to say more, and started getting closer, maybe for a hug. I just said, "Yeah, Okay.", turned and walked away without looking back, shut the garage door behind me with her still standing there. It felt great. I didn't tell her to keep in touch. She told me last time that she would keep in touch with me. The stress of having to see her again to get her things is finally over! I feel that I can finally move on and work on myself. So I guess this is Day 1 all over again. I've still not initiated any contact, but she needed to get her things out, so I guess me responding to her contact was required. So here we go again. Full NC from now on! Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 DAY 30 OF NC WITH JOHN!! WOOHOO!! I DID IT!! Do I feel great?? Nahhh...not really...I miss him, but I had a really bad dream about him last night, in which he brought "HER" to my house, and discussed their impending marriage plans in front of me, and in my dream I yelled at him, and I realized he was not even the same person I had dated, and when I woke up I felt so sad about this, but it was almost like maybe God was letting me know it was OK to let him go, he's not the same person I knew, and we could never have back even the friendship that we had before we were officially a couple, because I would never completely trust him again. So I miss him, wish I could talk to him, see him, etc, but as was in my dream, I know it would be so painful, I don't want to even try. So NC will continue on for me, although I won't keep track of it, maybe only periodically on here. I'm in Day 17 of NC over Mark, and that's my biggie...he's the one who's had me wrapped around his little finger. He's the one I truly need NC over, and he's the one that will be my uphill battle, but I will make it somehow by the Grace of God. Had dinner with his mom today, by the way. Still bittersweet, when she talks about him, my heart jumps inside a little, but I know NC is what I need right now, and for longer than 30 days. I'm going to shoot for at least 6 months, because that's what my therapist told me 2 years ago, was that I needed 6-8 months of NC to really get over him. Link to comment
RedWingsFan Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 She ended the relationship exactly one week ago saying she needed time and space to think about whether or not she is still in love with me. She also said she had become "emotionally disconnected" from me in the last two months. She even said there is a chance of us getting back together. I've elected to do NC for at least two weeks since the break-up. I am respecting her decision. In this past week, she has initiated contact twice via instant messenger. I kept each conversation to 10 min long, and we only discussed how things have been, what we've been up to, etc. How do I go about this? Is she trying to ease her guilt? Is she contacting in hopes that we can slowly become friends? Is she contacting me in hopes of connecting to me again emotionally? Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 OK, I have to confess, on day 30, I did break NC with John, only to check out their MySpace pages. And I'm ok. Don't think I'll do it again any time soon, but I am OK. Link to comment
Samurai Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Day 14 now. Cold, rainy day here on the Gold Coast. First day of winter. You notice their absense more on days like this. Link to comment
jiangkejia Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Day 1 again. He got angry on skype. Although I apologized for talking my new guy to him he refused to talk, so i can't help it. Link to comment
Abbie Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Day 11 ... ... I can't believe it's in double figures now. I kept busy this weekend but it didn't stop me from thinking about him constantly and feeling the pain. I smile and have fun with my friends but inside my heart is still broken and every second without him lasts forever. I dream about him every night. Some dreams are good, some are bad but both kinds make me feel down once I wake up. I just don't see an end to this. Link to comment
qwerty1984 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 saw him on sat night though, at a mutual friend's birthday. i knew everyone there and was drunk and appeared happy, whereas it was probably quite awkward for him - all we did was 'hi and bye' i just wanted to chase him after he left the bar and talk to him, but i guess it's good i didn't. we are re-convening next week.... i want to know how he feels... Link to comment
Panda2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Day 3 Absolutely determined to do at least 14 days this time. He is supposed to be returning a suitcase of mine this week (I am going away at the weekend) but I'm sure he'll forget. So instead of badgering him for it I'm going to buy a new one. By the way, I feel absolutely terrible. We have been BU 6 weeks now and it's harder than week one - because I know he's not coming back now. Link to comment
donescobar2000 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Day 5 - It has been 2 months since the break up and I still am not over the break up. As noted I am walking away from it all as of Wenesday from "seeing where it goes." I called out today from work I am just down. However I intend on going to the gym with my friend later. Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Day 2 I'm focusing all my energy that has been previously devoted to pining over her to STOP SMOKING. Yeah, I still swim and smoke. Its horrible. But I'm going to try and train for a mini triathlon this fall, and smoking is the last hurdle before I can start training. So not only will this thread let me vent about my ex, it will let me vent about not smoking. Wish me luck! Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Day 18 for Mark. Started to email him along with a dozen others to give him an update on my son's dad, but truthfully he hasn't called, and I know he knows about what happened....perhaps he's waiting on me to call him, I dunno. I still love him, but this is the only way I know (NC) to go about getting over him. I tried dating another guy (John)...it didn't work. Footnote on John...yesterday was day 30 of NC for him, and I did check out his MySpace page yesterday afternoon. Funny how not much had changed (except for his engagement!) in 30 days. The interesting thing is, he blogged about how he proposed to "her" and said he took her down to the river with some bubbly and a guitar, sang her a song, and then got down on one knee. this was the same scenario I think he had planned for me, he had talked about it, and what's even more ironic is that just 6 months ago I was with him at that same river, and he took my promise ring and put it on my finger and said "with this ring, I thee love". Now isn't it strange that 6 months later he proposed to another girl, in the same place? I think one of us got shafted! Either he didn't really love me, or he doesn't really love her, because I don't think "love" does that quick of a double take, does it?????? When I read his blog, I wasn't impressed either...he used to write poetry, blogs, stories....all about me and how much he loved me, and how i was the one he had waited for, i was "the one".... now she's gotten one blog, and it wasn't too flowery, truthfully. Who knows, maybe he was just "infatuated" with me... One thing's for sure, I do believe he lied to one of us...maybe it was me, who knows...still I got a small amount of satisfaction yesterday. And also some relief, just realizing again how that God rescued me from that relationship. Link to comment
Samurai Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Day 15, another cold, miserable day. Guess things can only go up from here. Link to comment
tushboy Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Day 2 Can't believe I was successful in staying away from him for one day. AM on day 2 now...and have set myself a 90 day NC period to heal completely. I saw him on my messenger yesterday, but neither of us reacted and messeged each other. Today woke up with dreams of him ....after our first break up also I had dreams of him, now they have started again. Link to comment
Oedi Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 day....hmmm 10? o_o. gonna make it at least 30 this time. Although i know i wont talk to her again for a long time. Link to comment
Abbie Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 ... I've got to get out of this slump. I ordered some books off Amazon yesterday to do with getting over break ups, mending broken hearts etc. I have to get over this. I'm also looking into counselling but I live in a remote area so the options are limited. I need to get my emotions under control. At the moment, I feel like the only thing that can 'fix' me is getting my ex back, however, that means, I must be lacking something within myself if I need somebody else to make me a whole person again. We originally broke up about 3 months ago so why haven't I began to heal yet? Why didn't I realise I loved him so much while we were still together? If I had a crystal ball and knew we were going to get back together in 6 months, I could cope with that and work on myself physically and mentally as my hope wouldn't be in vain. Unfortunately, I can't see into the future so my emotional state fluctuates. One minute, I feel hopeful as I'm confident true love will win all and we'll be together again. This makes me fell happy and productive and I make plans to excercise, eat healthy, sort the house out etc. The next minute, I realise that I'm deluding myself and he'll never come back into my life and this makes me depressed so I just lay in front of the tv and cry. I need to sort myself out. I need to be happy within myself and not have to rely on another person to make me complete. I have to make myself strong. Actions speak louder than words. Link to comment
moe42 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 im a couple months in. i was fine until today.... lame. im not calling him though, im just disgusted. Link to comment
donescobar2000 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Day 6 - Yesterday I took off...I was feeling down. Today I am back at work. Yesterday evening I spent it talking to friends. They kept my mind off things and I am planning a night of clubbing this friday with a bunch of my female and male friends. I am trying to keep busy. I feel better than I did yesterday morning. Link to comment
jiangkejia Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Day 2. Got an email from him said he doesn't want to be friends with me as I will not be a nice friend. How Cold. Link to comment
needhimso Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I don't know if I'm ready for this or not, but I have to be. He wanted a "break" 3 months ago, and told me a few days ago he has already been seeing someone else for a few weeks. I know his new relationship isn't likely to last, but I still can't watch it. I know that if there's any hope in us getting back together I need to disappear for a while. I feel empty without him, and it shouldn't be that way. I'm missing him so much already. I talked to him last night and told him everything that was on my mind. I wished him happiness because that's all I've ever wanted for him, and I told him I hope his heart is led back to mine. My gut tells me it's meant to be...that he'll realize what a mistake he's made after he discovers the grass isn't greener on the other side. He said himself he wants to see what's out there, but I feel he's in for a rude awakening. We had one of those once in a lifetime relationships where we're so compatible it's scary. We're soulmates, which is why I want to be his friend eventually if nothing else. He means too much to me to just push him out of my life forever. I need to heal and try to let him do whatever he feels he needs to do. I need to get myself back because I don't even recognize myself. I don't know what I believe in anymore because I thought he was the only guarantee in my life. Right now I'm holding onto the philosophy that sometimes you have to let something go for it to truly be yours. Every sad song I hear says exactly how I feel, as cheesy as that sounds. I've always recognized they're sad, but I've never understood the raw emotion behind them. There's one specific song running through my mind that describe how I'm feeling. I know this post is long, but I'd like to share the cheesy, bad song that's speaking to me right now. When you love someone so deeply they become your life It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside Blindly I imagined I could keep you under glass Now I understand to hold you I must open up my hands And watch you rise Spread your wings and prepare to fly for you have become a butterfly Fly abandonedly into the sun If you should return to me we truly were meant to be So spread your wings and fly Butterfly I have learned that beauty has to flourish in the light Wild horses run unbridled or their spirit dies You have given me the courage to be all that I can And I truly feel your heart will lead you back to me When you're ready to land I can't pretend these tears aren't over flowing steadily I can't prevent this hurt from almost overtaking me But I will stand and say goodbye For you'll never be mine Until you know the way it feels to fly Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Seems to me that this guy is more in love with the IDEA of being in love than with the person he is with. I could never understand people who jump from one (supposedly) meaningful relationship to the next. Im thinking even though you have every reason to be hurt and angry over the fact he got over you so fast, you are much better off without him. I really doubt he would have loved you the way you deserve to be loved Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 The start of DAY 3.................. Swimming this morning. Wow, it makes me feel good. Weening myself off of smoking. 20 cigarettes yesterday, bought a new pack this morning, and threw 2 out right away. 18 today.......16 tomorrow........you get the jist. Feeling bad for the way I just walked away from her when we were done getting her stuff out of my apartment. I just couldn't stand to hear 'Goodbye'. I walked away, and shut the garage door. The last time I said goodbye to a girlfriend was when I was standing in Guarulhos International Airport, in Sao Paulo, Brazil. Somehow I knew I'd never see that woman again. I didn't want that to happen to us, so I walked away before she could say goodbye. It seemed like she had so much to say. Oh well, sometimes things left unsaid are better. I'm feeling much better now that all of her stuff is out of my place and I don't have to wonder when she'll come to get it, or call me to get it. I'm coming to terms with it being over for good. And that's fine. I'd still like to reconcile, but I'm not counting on it. I've been reading all these relationship books on communication, listening, etc. Its funny when you see all the things you did wrong after reading those books. I used to think she was somewhat crazy, but after reading all these books, I see our problem was just a total breakdown of communication. I am owning up to my mistakes. I wish she would do the same. I may never know though. That's ok with me. ITS GETTING EASIER MY FRIENDS! HANG IN THERE. IT ONLY GETS BETTER WITH TIME. Link to comment
Panda2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 NC day 4 Bittersweet day today. I have just been approved for a mortgage (oh god I really want to tell him my good news). But it will be a place for one, not two - we would always plan what we were going to buy when we bought somewhere together- we'd even pick out paint colours and argue about house plants! Now I will have to do all that without him, and that makes me sad. On a lighter note, I went to the gym today and I've got my night class tonight so I'm not feeling too lonely so far. Link to comment
bepositive Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Just shy of two weeks since I returned my ex's call checking on me. Not getting much easier; I see reminders of her everywhere. (Even in a Taco Bell in Needles, where I saw a picture of someone in their "hall of fame" who had the same nickname as my ex when she was growing up. Some kind of sign?) Went on a great offroad motorcycle camping trip with a friend, but she loved camping, so I really want to take her back there some day. My ex said that her new guy is much more "sociable" than I was (I'm shy, but made great strides when we were together). I realized that's just like all of the other guys she dated before me, and it never worked out with them, even though some wanted the same things. Unfortunately, it usually took her 5 years to figure out that it wouldn't work... This Friday will be four weeks since she officially turned down my proposal, so it's still early. But, I still can't get her out of my mind, and I'm not yet sure that I want to, even though (and perhaps because) I've gone out with a few other women. Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Day 19, no contact with Mark, but have talked to several members of his family, as I am close to them. I wish he cared. I wish he wanted to be my friend. I wish he wanted to be my boyfriend. I wish I could count on him. I wish he could be something he is not. Today was a rough day all the way around! Link to comment
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