GameX Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Day 31!!!! I have been in Florida for the past week without an internet connection, so I was not able to post on Day 30. I was able to go 30 days without seeing or talking to my ex. It was very difficult for me to do. I recently found out she is now officially dating the guy she cheated on me with, which felt like someone just stabbed me in the heart, and then twisted the knife around a few times. It's the worst feeling in the world. I really want to get back with her, but even though I feel that way, I don't think I would be able to do it after everything we have been through. I think I am going to send her a quick email, just letting her know I am moving on, that I prefer if she does not contact me at all anymore (although she hasn't really contacted me since the breakup) etc, and I will also emphasize that I do NOT want her to respond, since nothing she says will make me feel better. I am hoping this will just get some last minute frustration out. I don't really care if what I say hurts her or anything like that, I highly doubt I will be able to date her again (or maybe this is part of the grieving process..?), so I am going to speak from the heart when I write the quick email, whether its hurtful or not. Anyone think I shouldn't do this? Link to comment
bronte Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 I see what you're saying, but this job is really, really important to him, and I agreed to be a reference--neither of us knew then that we were going to have a huge fight right before they actually called me. Knowing how HUGE this job could be for his career, I'm not going to mess things up by refusing to do what I promised him I would...Two wrongs don't make a right. Link to comment
Cartman08 Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Could you guys read my new thread please.........tonight was pure madness & i dunno what to do anymore Link to comment
messenger05 Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 End of Day 15 here... seems like an eternity! This week coming up, starting on monday, is our spring break (i'm a teacher) and i'm going to Florida to help coach my brother's laccrosse team. Hopefully this keeps my mind off of her but I'm also afraid to be away from the things I'm comfortable with. I hope I don't break down when I'm away from home... When I get back (next saturday), there will only be a couple of days until she said she is going to break NC. I'm still really struggling in my mind as to what to do with that... do I try to carry a normal non-relationship centered conversation or do I flat out confront her about what her intentions are? Any advice? Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Cartman - read your thread - so sorry - what a disaster! *HUGS* I'll pm you if you like and we can come to a solution together. Let me know.... Well today was hardcore I must say. Tough day for some - easy day for others. Congrats to our newest graduate GameX!!!! I'm proud of you and agree - you need to let her know how you feel - I really do hope you'll let go of her in your heart. You deserve so much more and really can find someone who will honor you and honor the relationship. My A-list people are moving on - LilBear and Irish Jax are so close - getting excited!! Mock Chop is still working hard on LC and SamT is keeping on with his reading. And GetmeBack is becoming an incredible example of strength and wisdom. Yeti reaches new heights everyday and lexion is not giving up!! AngryHeart - thanks for wonderful advice today : "I don't think it really makes a difference if your'e male or female, when it comes to the whole NC/LC, to be honest. And you could think about doing LC if you believe it won't set you back in the healing, and if you can still live your life and not just wait on them. I think NC is important for a while at least. I had NC off and on, the longest being for about a month. I am now on LC and we are on good terms. You need to realise though nothing may come out of it, you may just be friendzoned, and if you haven't healed enough it'll just hurt more. Sometimes it's worth a shot at though." - thank you A-listers for staying in the game!!!! bronte - you have a big heart. I love your spirit and generosity. Please be sure to keep your NC even after calling the referance. If he gets the job - he will know.... Thank you everyone for being brave again today and being a wonderful support network for others!!! Hope to hear from our new challengers. Would also love to hear from bostoneric!! messenger: I think going on the sports trip will help. Lots of activity and distraction. Will you be able to check in with us at all? I know at the end of the day it can all come rushing back - so stay strong. If you can't check in, try really throwing yourself into it physically, so you can exhaust yourself and fall right to sleep. New Day tomorrow!!!! Can't wait to see the next step!!! Link to comment
RaeKarma Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 i think that this is day 4 since i signed up for this challenge. Its been 40 days since i have seen or talked to him today was a good but mostly bad day. i have reached the "sick and tired of bein sick and tired" point. The drama and the sadness in all aspects of my life has i gotten old. i just wanna finish school get my BSN and start a family. Its time for me to really learn take in and just live a good life. Love and be proud of myself. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Could you guys read my new thread please.........tonight was pure madness & i dunno what to do anymore I read your thread, but for some reason the reply button wasn't working on it? Your ex girlfriend sounds quite unstable, to be hoenst. She actually sounds a lot like this one girl that I know. No offence because I don't know her, and you say she'd had a hard life, etc. I think the way you reacted was fine. You were calm up until a point where you couldn't be anymore, and as any human being would you reacted. You shouldn't feel guilty at all, you need your space to heal, you asked for it and she hasn't been respecting that. I see she text you earlier...it's good that she apologised, and maybe if you just sent her a quick one back...something along the lines of "OK, thanks for apologising. I really think we both need space for now, to try and get our heads straight. Maybe we could talk in the future, maybe be friends. But for now it's in both of our interests that we have some time apart, with no cummunication. I will maybe contact you in the future, but for now please respect my wishes, and I wish you well." Or something like that? And then go NC, and after you have healed decide what you want then, wether you want friendship or not, because 5 years IS a long time and you clearly care for her a great deal. That's just a suggestion though...upto you! Good luck. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Honeyspur, thanks for the mention!!! Link to comment
bostoneric Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 home alone on a saturday night in LA and i'm bored out of my mind and cant stop thinking about the ex and what we'd be doing tonight.... Link to comment
Artop Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 GameX, welcome back. Hope you had a good time in FLA. I don't think you should send that e-mail. Even though you said you don't want to hear from her, I think you would still be upset when she ignores your e-mail or even responds to your e-mail. When I was doing LC with my ex, I felt bad everytime after that initial relief. No matter what he did, answered me, ignored me, I felt bad. I knew that no matter what the result was, in the end we are still not together. Link to comment
SamT Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 day 10 feeling pretty depressed might break soon just started crying just thinking about it im wondering if this is doing ME any good, and wether its getting anywhere with her x Link to comment
gee Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Day 29 Greetings from China.. I've been thinking about her while in China..more today! This trip has made me focus more about myself and thinking about not doing the NC challenge after I complete 30days. I will not contact her at all! She in the other hand has moved on. I don't think there is a doubt about that! I will continue to express my feelings here once in awhile, though. I like reading everbody's stories. It will be 3months the 22nd of March since we broke up. It has been a week since she left me a voicemail saying she forgives me (I never replied). It is funny how she works. A week before that she said she could never forgive me and wanted to completely forget about me! I don't want to think about her anymore and I am trying to find new ways to do that. It is difficult to! WHen I get back to the states I will try to start to go out more. Dating...I'll do it when I am ready but I do not feel ready, yet! I hope I meet a woman that will just hypnotize me! I miss sharing my love with someone special. I hope I get that chance again soon! I will keep on praying about it and let God do His work! I hope everyone is doing well. Take care. Gee Link to comment
LilBear Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Day 56 then. Will be Day 57 in slightly more than 5 hours Link to comment
GizMo567 Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Hmmmm...This is slightly killing me but if i can just give myself enough time, i can heal. It is very odd to breathe very deep every time i think about her (especially at work when everyone stares at you as you do it in the middle of talking to someone but for the most part i have to let my heart heal. I am on day 11 or 12. It is one or the other but i have to start putting the pieces back together NOW or else it will be too late and i will be stuck here. I cannot be stuck here. I have to get through this. I am stronger then this. I am trying to repeat this to myself as i go through my day. I hope everyone is doing ok. LiLBear - Good job! I was wondering, do you still think about your ex at all after that many days and does the pain subside faster as the days progress?? Link to comment
SamT Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 i swear this is going to kill me before i heal. feels like internal bleeding Link to comment
GizMo567 Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Sam - We all feel that way. Internal bleeding of the broken heart. How long it bleeds and how much it bleeds depends on us really. When do we start trying to pick up the pieces and start to move on and when are we going to face the reality they are not coming back. As soon as you can do that, you can start moving. If you can't, you will be stuck in reverse for a long long time. Link to comment
SamT Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 yeah i dont think ive fully accepted it i dont think i ever will to be honest i might just break NC - befriend her - then leave..lol i know that sounds silly, but i hate the way we ended things..it bugs me more than the acctual breakup i think x Link to comment
GizMo567 Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Sam - You cannot let that get to you no matter how much you want to. Then you start breaking NC all over again for different reasons. Once you commit to NC, you have to stick to it and not break it for whatever reason. (Unless you have an STD or something but other than that boston - I am there too. Except i am home with my parents...again..on friday and saturday night. Isn't my life grand!? Doesn't it hurt and suck at the same time that no matter how much we let go, we can't because our hearts won't let us. BLAH! Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Oh I feel crap. I have had a good weekend so far . Not really thought about him but I had a nightmare last night. And in it he was treating me awful, calling me names and all sorts.. Other than that I am feeling a lotr happier, and dont miss him at all.. Really want to just move on with my life.. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 GizMo is right Sam - you need to do this for you. Being strict does mean feeling unsure, agitated and raw. That's what it's about. Oooh Monique - I hate nightmares! Mine were always so brutal - lol - I was the nightmare in my nightmare. My first ex - I think I killed him several times in my dreams in the most gruesome of ways. I'd wake up feeling like a monster. I only had a few in the course of a couple months, but they really shook me up. It was like, "Wow - I didn't think I was capable of that even in my own mind!!!! 0_0 OMG JAX is 3 DAYS AWAY!!!! *gets out her confetti and streamers* And gee has sent me pics from China everyone - I'll link them once they are in my Flickr stream. Hope everyone gets out there today and does something new. Take a chance and just go LOOK at some dating sites. I know you're not ready to date and might not even like dating sites - but looking is not a crime. Introduce newness into your life. Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 lol honeyspur... By the way well into day 5 NC phase 2...sigh.. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Another fantastic post from GraceLove - - see what moving on looks like. Link to comment
SamT Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 ok.. ill keep it up... i dont want to prevent any good progress i think im just missing talking to her in general. not sure..x Link to comment
dragon lady Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 So, I haven't posted on here for a while. I guess I didn't want to throw anyone off balance while I got in contact with the ex, but I really feel like posting again. Here's the story since then: I did about 17 days no contact and then my mom encouraged me to call him because she thought it was mean to ignore him. I had told him prior to that 17 days that we should do no contact for a while. He respected that and didn't try to call or anything, but told me he was there if I needed him. So, last friday (the 7th), we talked on IM, then he called me that night. We talked for hours and he was SO sweet. Just amazing. He told me how much he still cares about me and how he wants to get back together, but he knows it's not right at the moment because we need to get healthy. I told him everything that was going on in my life. Then I called him on the Sunday and we chatted for about an hour or so. It felt great. He then called me on Wednesday and again last night. We chatted for hours- it was like old times. We decided that we are going to meet up next weekend for lunch. I know we won't be getting back together again or anything like that, but I think I'm ready to start a friendship with him. I haven't seen him in over 2 months and I can't wait. I know it could be emotionally painful, but I really think I can handle it. I'm not crying anymore and I'm not hurting anywhere near as much. I do want him in my life-even if it's just as a friend. So, what do you guys think? Link to comment
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