bostoneric Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 I think it is a great idea to seek professional help! Especailly given the fact that you do not have a grat support system just yet.....you will though....I guess you have no choice but to go out and meet people and find things to do..use the forum for support too! I find it completely ridiculous that I'm the one who has to seek professional help from this, when she was the one that was on anxiety meds during most of our relationship and gave them up the last year or so because she didnt like they way they made her feel. I understand the reason why I need professional help. (heartbreak/anxiety/stress/etc) sometimes I wish I was as emotionaly disconnected as she is now, she is so easily able to push feelings down and ignore them, she lacks empathy. oh well, professional help will help me realize i really didnt do anything wrong (like EVERYBODY has told me) it was really her issues that ended our relationship. :splat: Link to comment
SamT Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 ah bostoneric, hope all goes well for you. i think my ex can easily push her feelings down and ignore them aswell! i did the silly mistake of checking her facebook for a while... i have a feeling that she is going to get involved with another guy - her friend's bf's friend. Im gutted. I cant believe she could reciprocate so easily without any guilt or anything. Im so disappointed, i also know that she must be missing me at the same time... because she asked her girlfriend to come and keep her company, and shed never normally ask that. Arghhh im so depressed. should i just hate her now? does it mean anything? just like a rebound? and shes just doing what she wants because shes single? arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh im so damn hurt right now Link to comment
bostoneric Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 SamT I'm not sure if you have followed any of my posts in the past 3 months. basically my ex left me for another women (first time ever for her) before we were even over. so for the past 3 months while i've been going through hell, forced to leave "our" house for my own healing, while she stayed where shes comfortable, her hometown, her family around. shes had it soooo much easier. she also has this new and exciting thing, which i know is a huge part of why she left me. she loves the attention shes getting from her new girl and the attention shes getting from her so called friends. its a shame this attention and the "grass is greener" syndrome was greater then our relationship. :splat: Link to comment
SamT Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 yeah ive followed some of your posts mate. seen how hard its been for you like, with 4 hours sleep? :S its been tough for you right... :s how are you trying to deal with this? got any techniques etc? Link to comment
bostoneric Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 yeah ive followed some of your posts mate. seen how hard its been for you like, with 4 hours sleep? :S its been tough for you right... :s how are you trying to deal with this? got any techniques etc? tips/techniques. stay busy. its the alone/quiet time that bothers me most. when i have to go to bed alone now I get full of anxiety. I only have a short part time job during the day while i look for a new career job. during those few hrs everyday I feel great but as the end of my "shift" approaches i can feel anxiety about going home and being alone. I'm not an alone person. I am lucky that even though I'm in a new state, some place I'd never thought i'd be living I have a few great friends here who like to hang out often. I could have returned to my town (where we met and lived together before moving to her hometown to start a family) but I didnt want to move back to boston during the dead of winter, and although my 2 best friends live there they are also married and i wouldnt expect to hang with them as much. i guess the biggest tips is stay busy and try your best to do NC. NC is about healing your heart and nothing else. I know in time I'll be ok but this is a hard one to get over for a few reasons. ](*,) Link to comment
GizMo567 Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 This feels awful. Arg! I'm on day 8 of NC although i had a good 3 week period of LC. This is very very frustrating as i feel like i am slipping backwards and the pain inside of me grows. I have good days but my bad days seem really awful to the point where i can't concentrate because all i think about is her. ](*,) *If you make it to day 30 and you still care and love your ex..what do you do next? Link to comment
bostoneric Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 *If you make it to day 30 and you still care and love your ex..what do you do next? you keep on going just like the first 30 days. like i've said a few times recently. i'm over 3 months and struggle every day. caring and love for ex (check) :splat: Link to comment
GizMo567 Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 boston - it really does suck when we lose the love of our lives to someone else. I can feel your pain from here. There are times where i wish i could erase memories of her but can't do it. I'm going completely insane and i am running around in my own head. ARG. WOMEN ARE EVIL!! ](*,) Link to comment
RaeKarma Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 hell i cant contact him anyway he is in army basic training....ill sign up Link to comment
Mustang Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Is it just me or does anybody find that even just a text message every few days talking to your ex makes you feel BETTER? I did NC for two weeks and have been in LC since then. Everybody's different but sometimes LC can be enough. The annoying thing is, I don't WANT to stop loving my ex. I just do and that's all there is to it. I don't see how not speaking to her is going to make me not love her anymore. I agree that NC works in the sense that you get used to not being in contact with them and eventually you do start to appreciate your own life more and start doing things for yourself, but do the feelings actually go away? I don't think they do unless you actually WANT them to. In my experience, going NC is all well and good but it's only when we have a moment of clarity and say to ourselves " * * * * this" and move on because we want to. I'm so sick of people telling me to move on. Like it's that easy? I am not ready to let go of my ex yet. Maybe that makes me an idiot but I don't care. Link to comment
SamT Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Mustang, i feel exactly like you.. i get my moments of clarity, and sometimes i feel the light..but im still not sure if im ready to slip back into the LC ... because its screwed me over before..and probally will again. Also, i dont really want to give her what she wants right now. That is - still have my company ..but no commitment.... i hope she misses me to be honest. lol, dont weaken me though.. im doing NC now and thats final. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 But why are feelings supposed to go away? Why can't there just be room for both? Loving the ex is great - if you can stay busy, open your heart to others and not keep "tabs" on them like a cop. I still love my exes from years ago - but I haven't felt tied to them and losing sleep over them. I think that's what lots of people go through and need help out of. Of course if LC works use it - no one has to be in NC - it's a choice. Link to comment
SamT Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 honey, did you see my post earlier? i think she might be getting involved with someone... this is what gets to me... all the damn lies... why would she bother telling me... i dont want anything to do with men right now... i dont want to be in a relationship for a long long time... why would she say that if it wasnt true.. i feel like her friends are pressuring her into it also, and probally egging her on.. im so devastated. she must miss me but still... it feels as though shes totally disrespecting the amazing 3 year relationship.. by not reflecting on it at all! Also, my friend...which ive recently been talking to a lot lately... because she used to be my ex' best friend re-assured me a bit. She told me that i was such an amazing bf to my ex, she said that i am so much better than her. She even told me she compares all her boyfriends to ME! ..im still gutted on the contrary though... Link to comment
GizMo567 Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Mustang - NC is about healing and letting the pain subside more then anything else. When we love the person as much as we do - a chunk of our heart goes missing never to return. We will always keep a special place in our hearts for the one that got away. NC is about dealing with you - issues and all and trying to overcome the many obstacles that don't allow you to move on. We will all eventually move on - on how long i cannot say but we will never replace that one person that left us no matter how much time passes. Link to comment
SweetSmilingYeti Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 I am so jealous! Today is Day 5 of total NC. I'm proud that I am doing it since I went a month and a half trying to make excuses for myself as to why I had to talk to him. He doesn't care anymore. He is really happy with his new friends. He has totally changed too. He's a weak pathetic people-pleaser. So today he wore new shoes again. I guess he went out this weekend and bought like a bunch of shirts/shorts/shoes to look just like his new friends. I wonder why he hasn't taken off his glasses. I bet that is what he is going to do next. Oh and btw he keeps flirting with his best friend's ex. I bet you a million dollars he is taking her to prom. Ugh I don't want to be jealous but I am a little. Idk! I just wish I could let him see how much he has changed! Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Sam - I really think it's because she is intimidated to some degree knowing your values. I think you have a lot of deciding to do really if you can work towards forgiving someone who may be dating like this out of anger, lonliness or curiosity. All those things can be overcome if you give it time. I agree she is not focusing as might be best, but it's hard to really talk about those kinds of conflictions anyway. I just know it can be better to let go enough to let exes explore things at their own pace. Try to forgive them for mistakes and truly accept them in their imperfect state. Link to comment
Volkslad Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 On day 7, and I almost broke NC an hour ago. Saw her today at work, and for the first time in a situation where we had to say a hello. We did, a how are you? fine, you? fine. and I moved on as soon as I could. So I don't count that as breaking NC. Then at the end of the day I found myself on my way to her desk! I didn't like how we went into NC a week ago, basically me saying I needed some space while she was trying to have friendly chat about nothing with me..so I wanted to say something nice (always be there for you, etc) before resuming NC. Thought to myself just before I saw her, so you're coming over here to tell her nicely that you still need space and don't want to be her friend or talk to her right now? I know seeing her and having a chat would have set me back considerably. And earlier today was the first time I could demonstrate that, no, things between us aren't going to be like they were before..I won't be "just a friend". What message would me showing up and trying to apologize for a week ago have left? Not a good one. I thought earlier today I had progressed further than I actually have. (sarcasm)Whoever wrote something about going into NC on good terms on another thread, thanks a lot! (/sarcasm) Link to comment
SamT Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Yeah thats true Honey...i just feel as though i am suffering while she is having her silly fling? i mean why should i suffer now after everything shesput me through... it seems like i know shes making a mistake...but now i am helpless to stop her... she probally wont find the same in him... but what do i do? wait for her to realise how good i was? and then take her back with open arms? She should know how good i am anyway... (apologies for sounding so arrogant what if i eventually she realises her mistake...but by this time id have already moved on... if we reconcile id want her to change, and there will be issues to work through (and as time goes the issues might increase?!) Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Jade - what a gorgeous post!! I think that's an amazing amount of clarity and never feel that wanting to be in it for the long haul is a mistake - to take your time - enjoy things - that's an excellent way to go! Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Sam if you have compassion for someone being different from you, not judging what their actions mean and being patient, then yes you can reconcile or be true friends with yor ex. Which makes sense. But that's a choice. Letting them go - getting out in the world, meeting new people, doing new things takes up time and space - giving us wings to be free from attachment. I don't think you should agree with what she's doing - just accept that she may be doing these things for reasons only she knows. And until she tells you, you don't know yet what they are. Being hurt is natural.... Link to comment
SamT Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 hmm yeah, i feel calmer after you telling me that...i just dont know what i should be doing in the mean time... if i did the same, i could just feel myself being sick, as im betraying my love for her. Not sure if i could physically do it. maybe i should just let her go..look after myself..and then if she wants to work things out and make the effort then ill have to see how i feel. Id rather see her compassion and underlying love before though.. thanks honey.x Link to comment
rjm0827 Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Day 7. Last Tuesday I found out she had been lieing to me and that she had been with another guy a few times. I also admitted to her that I had been with some people. I told her when I left her room that night that I was done with her. She made comments that she didn't like him and in the long run she knew I would move on and she wouldn't. Told her that was her problem and left. I honestly have no desire to talk to her anymore. Not b/c she was with someone, but because this is one of the very few lies she ever told me in our 5.5 year relationship. Funny how I thought I would never ever move on and now I feel so happy for this to have happened. Not sure I'll be posting her much now. It's not really a "NC challenge" anymore. Thanks for the support guys! Link to comment
SamT Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 - rjm. hope everything is alright with you! Good Luck end of Day 5 ive had my moments of episodic depression, and moments of clarity and strength. im coping regardless of how empty i feel inside, going from one activity to the next, without the true feeling of happiness inside. Despite the laughter i hear..its just not the same without the base emotional stability. A diamond is only created under intense unbearable heat. So i know i must go through this period of my life to eventually find something better on the other side. All my best - Sam x Link to comment
lexion Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 day 5 every morning i'm a mess i don't know why but every morning, i miss her so much how can she do this to me Link to comment
LE DHUY NHUT Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Nc since December 4,2007....nuff said. Link to comment
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