THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Crows]

Day 1 again..

 

my ex's computer is apprently broken, so shes been coming on msn with her phone. She is never on for more than an hour.. and oddly enough, she left her msn open on her blackberry for almost an entire day now. how weird.

 

Seeing if I will message her?

[nikkers04]

day 9 for me...its like at nights and early mornings when it is the hardest when I would have normally got to see him. I haven't heard from him he hasn't tried to get in contact with me....I get theses really strong urges to call him and I break down but so far have NOT dialed the number I Figured I'd give him a few more days to see if he will crack....I hope he does I miss him so much

[J_man]

Crows, are you trying to maintain NC with her? if so, it's not like you are her personal tech support, its been multiple times you've spoken with her because of computer issues

[samantha20]

I'm a little tispsy right now so I apologise. I was just drinking in the club her bf works in and couldn't handle seeing him. I had to leave. I have to start nc again from the beginning because I broke contact and it was stupid of me. I'm sorry, I feel like I've let myself down. I feel so bad. she doesn't care. I need to realise that.

[J_man]

quit beating yourself up, it's a difficult thing you're going through. you got us for support, small comfort that may be..

[Crows]

Crows, are you trying to maintain NC with her? if so, it's not like you are her personal tech support, its been multiple times you've spoken with her because of computer issues

 

Not really... I should really not be posting in here.. But I am.

 

She bounced offline online about 5 times tonight. I'm just so fed up with this game.. i messaged her. I was blunt.. i said "so how are you doing..really.. how are you doing these days" and she said "im okay" i said "just okay?" and she said "yes" I then openly asked her what she meant at dinner last week when she said she was looking to see if I was the same person. And she gave a very vague answer....... "I don't know. Just seeing if you'd changed .....nothing specific"

 

I then siad "well it was goodtimes at dinner" and she said "yah it was" and then 2 minutes later went offline.

 

Intersting.

 

I feel she didnt' reveal what she was looking for in changes, so I couldn't work off of it.. obviously.. for an attempt to get her back. Fair enough.

 

Interesting enough. I feel fine after that though.

 

She is one stubborn girl.

[samantha20]

I guess it's day one again. I had got to day 10, and then she text me saying 'I miss you and I thought I miss her so much too, maybe I could just see her as a friend. I'm back in town again so it's hard to fight the urge to see her when I'm here. So I text her saying 'do you want to see me?' no reply all day. That hurt a lot because she had said she missed me.

 

So I went to the club her bf works in with my flat mates and it was so hard seeing him. He kept looking at me as well and I just felt like he was gloating. After a few drinks I text my ex again 'how can you ignore me after everything we've been through? you said after we broke up that you would still always be there for me but you've completely dropped me. I don't deserve to be ignored, I thought you cared about me. why are you trying to hurt me and be nasty? we always said nothing would come between us. I'm so so hurt that you could be like this. If you ignore me again then I'll know you don't care about me at all.'

 

she hasn't replied and I feel like * * * * now. I know I shouldn't have contacted her, but I never thought that if I did contact her she would ignore me. She said that she missed me. and when we broke up she was begging me to stay her best friend. I'm so hurt. It's made me feel so anxious because I feel like I've lost her as a friend as well and that I might never see her again. I keep thinking back to all the times that we said that we would always be there for eachother no matter what and that we would always be in eachother's lives even if it's just as friends. I don't know what she's trying to do. If she doesn't want anything to do with me, why text me saying she misses me? I'm sick of these stupid texts, never knowing if she's gonna reply or when. I can't call her because her reception doesn't stay long enough to talk. I want to go to hers and confront her once and for all about whether she wants to be friends or if she's gonna keep messing me around. But I don't want to turn up at her flat to find her bf there.

 

I can't believe how much my life has changed over the past couple of months. I walk around town seeing all the places that we went together and feel it will never be like that again. I miss her so much. At this point I would be willing to be her friend rather than losing her from my life, but she just ignores me and plays games. I'm feeling so low. I didn't feel like there was a reason to get out of bed this morning. I know I should be moving forward but it really does feel impossible when I live in the same town as my ex that's filled with memories of our relationship. I'm gonna keep going home every week because I can't stand being here.

 

I'm just gonna go back to nc from the start because I can't go through initiating contact and being ignored again. It hurts too much.

[GetMeBack]

I did it guys, if you skip back a few pages you will see that I was on another challenge within this challenge

 

I read all 630 pages of this thread! If I break NC after all that, I need to go to a loonie bin!. It has taken me 5 days and I am on 5 days NC so far. He made contact via voicemail yesterday but I have ignored it. To me, I see it as someone throwing me scraps! He also said to me on thursday " your not talking to me because you want to get back together with me right now are you? If thats the case, dont waste your time! " Lovely. I am taking his advice, and not wasting my time!

 

It has been so helpful to me to read every single persons story and BOSTONERIC she does not deserve you. I read today, remember in the draft she had wrote out to a friend " she claimed that you were a child and she had to do everything for you " However, it was this child that she was calling up for help with the wireless?!!! That in itself I think is despicable. You dont owe her anything and do not help her anymore.

[bostoneric]

GetMeBack

 

I will admit this has been the hardest last few months of my life. I still cant believe I was able to leave her, but thinking about staying there living in the same house with somebody who can so easily do what she did to me makes me sick. I still love her so much, but now I have a boundary setup for my own heart to heal. Even though we havent talked more then 2 times since I left first week of dec, its amazing how much she still effects my emotions daily. I try so hard to not let her have this control over me still, but I will admit its so hard to get past all the reminders of her daily... I dont know what it is about socal, but there are a million silver VW Beetles around. I'm still staying with a friend while I try to find a new place here, again its really hard not having my own private space. All my stuff is still in "our" house until i find a new place here. i

 

You will have good days and bad days down the road. I thought I was doing really well lately, but yesterday was our anniversary and I woke up having an extreme anxiety attack. found myself covered in sweat, heart was racing, eyes were all dialated huge. I started pacing and actually had to call a friend to come over and just chill and watch some tv with me so I could calm down.

 

but I did not contact her yesterday, nor did I hear from her. But I know shes super stubborn and even though she was probably thinking of me she wont contact me. she knows I want to contact her and that I will once i heal from what shes done to me.

 

all in all, everyday is a challenge. hardest part is breaking the routine of living together for 3 years, getting past all the family planning we did together.

 

it hurts, but I'm learning from it and so will you.

 

as I said, everyday is challenge and everyday you will remember things you both loved and hated about the relationship, and that is where you learn for the next time.

[GetMeBack]

Hi Bostoneric,

 

I know what you mean about the panic attacks. They are awful. I have found that lately, I will do everything I want to do, and eat everything I want to eat. I try not to make too many demands on myself as I have to be kind to myself right now. I took your advice and didnt reply to his pathetic excuse for caring yesterday ( voicemail ) which I know will probably shock him to the hills and this afternoon I felt a lot of discomfort over not letting him know " I am ok" but your right I would be only doing that for his benefit not mine, because I am not alright!

 

I feel that your ex-girlfriend has been very selfish but I have a funny feeling she will wake up and smell the coffee soon! In any situation you can not just jump from one relationship to another or overlap in your situation. You have to give yourself time, to grow and improve. She hasnt done that at all. So take comfort in the fact that , her relationship will not last and by the time she does come round to her senses you would of moved on anyway! She seems like she is running away from her feelings, and she uses " new relationships" as a coping mechanism. This way she doesnt have to face her inner demons. However, they will resurface and they always do.

 

The hardest part of this break up for me was trying to concentrate on me! Just thinking about me, and that in itself shows I am a good person, kind caring and loving person. I alwys want to make someone happy. ( I am currently training to be a nurse ) I never tell myself I am a good person. And I have found that a lot of the reasons why I havent wanted to let go because I feel like I cant do any better which is ridiculous as we all deserve someone to truly love us and never leave. I also feel that if someone can abandon you, why do they deserve free love? And yes it is free, because we give it to them openly and unconditionally and they give us nothing back or a " donation" in return ( i.e text, voicemail, stupid smiley faces on msn e.t.c )

 

I want to apply to medical school next year and I find that when I want to slip into fantisizing about me and him back together. I think about my plans for medical school and that usually is a very equal distraction for me. . The day he broke up with me, I stopped all thoughts of a future with him and started to think about a future without him, its scary, unfamiliar and daunting.

 

I have found that a lot of people on here, want to email their exes, call or text e.t.c because they feel that they will get " closure" by doing so. But I have found that the real closure comes from within. Calling them up, will give you temporary relief and the convo may go well. But the bad feeling will quickly return as your still not back together e.t.c I feel that working through all your pain, and feelings alone gives you the true freedom we are all looking for here.

 

As they say No pain, no gain.

[GetMeBack]

Hi Samantha, I thought I would leave you a message as I really felt for you reading your post. You know when you love someone it is so hard sometimes to detach your head from your heart. Your in love and all that matters is how you feel " right now" and it can be so difficult to see anything else.

 

I read a book once about relationship breakups and it said, sometimes detaching yourself from a situation is really hard when your " in " that situation. So the best thing to do is to look at your situation as if it was your mates situation and what advice would you give her. I find this technique works for me as I am able to detach the emotions from it, for a short while and see the situation clearer.

 

I feel that this woman is dangling you on a thread. She is almost like a fisherman, she dangles the bait ( I.E TEXT saying, I miss you ) you reply, so she has caught you . She then loses interest and throws you back in the sea again ( lets fish go ) and then the whole cycle starts again. Can you see where I am coming from here?

 

I know you probably think she is wonderful and beautiful e.t.c But would you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone that made you second best. You are special and anyone who meets you should realise that straight away or they can take a hike!. You deserve someone who knows without thought that your the person they want to be with and no one else. This is a boundary that needs to be set, no exception samantha. But I am working on this myself too.

 

Any contact she makes with you about how she is so sorry she hurt you e.t.c is bull c**** because, fact. She has. And she is still doing it by keeping you dangling but I feel that sometimes a lot of the hurt we go through in our life has to do with the choices we made. Your choosing to respond ( as hard as I know to not respond ) and your choosing to get sucked into this destruction she is causing. DISTANCE, DISTANCE, DISTANCE yourself from her is the key Samantha. YOU can not be friends with someone your madly in LOVE with and if she cant see that she is a dumb a** I hope this helps a bit.

[LilBear]

Today is day 10 of NC

 

I feel a bit like crap now, cos a friend (well meaning, but probably doesn't understand very well what I am going through) left me a message on MSN asking me to have a look at my ex's pic on MSN. Probably one with him with his new gf, or just with his new gf. Either way, I've deleted him. Still feel like crap anyway.

[GetMeBack]

Today is day 10 of NC

 

I feel a bit like crap now, cos a friend (well meaning, but probably doesn't understand very well what I am going through) left me a message on MSN asking me to have a look at my ex's pic on MSN. Probably one with him with his new gf, or just with his new gf. Either way, I've deleted him. Still feel like crap anyway.

 

 

Hi, Lilbear your friend has no sense ( sorry no offence ) why would she ask you to do such a thing?

[Hippy_Chick]

Day 2

 

I have been so good today. I haven't cried once. I was in an awful state last night, today I'm feeling much stronger and my mind is clear. Wish me luck for getting through this day.

[MNmike]

Day 32 ......

[feeling_so_alone]

First time posting for me. She broke up with me last Tuesday, we had always fought a lot, at many points I wanted the relationship to end but after 3 years I may have just started taking her for granted. The break up was a huge shock for me, because in fights in the past she was always the one to insist that we work things out. I'm heading away to law school next year, so it would have had to become a long distance relationship.

 

With that said, I still love her and I've had a delayed reaction to the breakup. The first few days were fine, I was sad but accepted it. About 5 days after the break up I began to finally realize what had happened and was in denial. She refuses to speak to me and I made the mistake of basically bombarding her with texts, emails and phone calls. I'm usually a very confident person and in the past year everything seemed to go right. Now this break up is basically cause an existential crisis and I'm questioning my old self-confidence and priorities; everything seems meaningless without her.

 

After some reading I initiated NC 2 days ago and I'm posting for some support. I would be lying if I was to say that I don't hope that NC will lead to her contact me and then hopefully getting back together, but there's another part of me who thinks I can never forgive her for causing this much pain to me in the last week. I really want to contact her because I feel like she's made a mistake giving up on us. I realize I should be doing NC for me, but I can't wait for the day she comes crying back - but then again, maybe that wont happen at all.

[Purple1]

Well I did 30 days of NC but I called just after and now feel crappy again! Grrrrrrr so mad at myself! So I am starting NC again so this will be day 2 for me. But this time I am not even so much as going to look at his myspace/facebook/ photos etc. Tomorrow I will box up the rest of his belongings. Then I'm going on holiday at the end of 30 days NC so I will not call during that time and I might even be ready for some hot holiday romance! I also think I'll call my old therapist for a session soon to help even more because I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself!

[rjm0827]

Well me and my g/f broke up mid December. Been LC up until Friday. We talked and everything was fine. She just said we needed to do less together and talk less than we were. This kinda confused/angered/upset b/c she was responsible for atleast half of it. Soo I have decided to try and do NC for a while and see what happens. I started Friday right after we spoke. So today is going to be day 4. The first 3 days weren't that bad at all. But today has been HORRIBLE! If I knew she didn't want to talk then I think it would be easier.... But knowing if I called she would probably answer just makes it that much harder.

[GetMeBack]

Ok so I officially need to go to the loonie bin. I responded to his voicemail last night. I tried to tell him about not calling me unless he wants to be with me. He said " he didnt like that idea" but " will do it anyway for me". I couldnt sleep a wink last night and text him this morning saying " I really need to talk to you"" as I panicked. I thought that if I go through with this, there is a posssiblity he will never talk to me again and it worries me. I told him this and his reply was "Thats what you wanted, not me " He then replied again and said "If you talk to me thats fine, if you dont thats your decision". I replied, " Ok then.x " I feel stupid, and pathetic. I officially want to crawl under a rock and die. .. I feel like I am dying inside today...

[dreamguy]

If you were stupid and pathetic then I guess most people on this forum would be stupid and pathetic too. Why ? Because most of us (I did it many times) told the ex that we won't speak to them again or told them not to speak to us... only to call them a few hours / a day later.

 

Don't beat yourself up. It takes a lot of strength to stay away from someone you love. It's one of the hardest things one ever has to go through in life.

 

I don't know your story but if you feel you need some time away from him to re-organize your thoughts then by all means do it. If, on the other hand you are doing this with the sole purpose of making him miss you then I'm afraid if will constantly backfire as it already did today.

[GetMeBack]

Hi DreamGuy

 

Thank you for replying to me.We broke up 3 months ago , and he has had his cake and eat it on 4 different occasions. I feel lost because its almost as if he reels me in each time.. Yesterday on the phone he was saying to me how he cant help " getting the urge " to talk to me as he " misses me and loves me " This breaks my heart as you would think I broke up with him. But in fact it was the other way round. Maybe I should let everyone here know my story I am just hoping people dont judge me...

[nikkers04]

get me back your not the only one who wants to crawl somewhere and die. Its not fair that the one person you would give the world to doesn't want it from us...after everything they made us believe its not FAIR!

[LilBear]

Hi, Lilbear your friend has no sense ( sorry no offence ) why would she ask you to do such a thing?

 

Hi there. My friend is a guy, which probably explains the insensitivity. I couldn't look but cannot help stewing over it either. He probably thought I was over him I guess?

 

On day 11 today

[LilBear]

GetMeBack, my ex did the exact same thing. At this point, they know it will be hard for us to get over them. And what we've had with them for the past months and years meant a lot to us that even after the break up, we're scared to lose them completely.

 

While I was previously in LC, every time we had a "fight" (yes, we do fight even after breaking up) he would go like "I guess you don't wanna talk to me anymore. I won't text you but if you text me I'm sure I'll reply".

 

Exes....they know how to manipulate your emotions. Learn from my mistakes. Cut him out of your life. You deserve better.

[GetMeBack]

I am going to have start NC over, my ex hung up on me today. I feel so down