Crows Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Good god... she angers me with her contact... ive appeared offline now.. i just cannot take her conversations.. they are infuriating becuase she is so indecisive.. please people.... give me support to stay appearing offline.. she just logged on.. i must have power with this. She needs to miss me and understand that how she's acting is not acceptable to me! Link to comment
foleno Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Well here we go. Feeling down from the in and outs of the week. Just feeling confused. I am not sure were to grow now. I am in therapy and have been thinking, thier is no great life, wonderful life, or perfect life. Its just life. Thier will always be relationships that do not mess in our lives. I Just know I always want to be the best person I can be. But boy. It can be tough catching your thoughs. I do not really want my ex back, but I do want to talk with her. A lot of un knows still fill my thoughts, bUT NC is the way to go. Thank ebery one for your support. Link to comment
flyoffthewall Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Well here we go. Feeling down from the in and outs of the week. Just feeling confused. I am not sure were to grow now. I am in therapy and have been thinking, thier is no great life, wonderful life, or perfect life. Its just life. Thier will always be relationships that do not mess in our lives. I Just know I always want to be the best person I can be. But boy. It can be tough catching your thoughs. I do not really want my ex back, but I do want to talk with her. A lot of un knows still fill my thoughts, bUT NC is the way to go. Thank ebery one for your support. Hey, man, more power to you. It's hard sometimes. Link to comment
flyoffthewall Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Day 19 Was a bit better today. But still thinking about her. Hi, Mike, congrats on making it this far. Glad you are doing a little better. It is strange to me, sometimes, how it comes and goes. Some days I don't feel too bad and I have other things on my mind, then other days I feel like breaking down or breaking something in my house. Link to comment
remainstrong Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 13 days of NC, and I have to say i am finally living up to my name "remainstronG" in fact may even have to chage name to Herculese. People new to reading Enotalone and the no contact challenge read on........... I was a crying Mess, Desperate for my ex begged pleaded willing to accept anything to just get nearer. when we met i was the most confident self assured person i knew nothing pghased me, my desperation changed my charecter behond recognision. 13 days on my vision of the person i claimed to love is fading i now see it and her for what it is.. what all my family and friends had been pointing out for months and i was blinded by keep contacting. Im worth more NC has made me realise that go on try it!!!! its hardest thing u will ever do but life aint easy and sometimes we do hard things for better gain, NC is defenetly worth it!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
Shaemus Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Remainstrong; I hear you loud and clear. Only 3 days in, I already have a different perspective. Especially thanks to the people here. I was putting way too much value on what she thought of me, as opposed to what I thought of me. I finally realized, the kind of person she is, it didn't matter what I gave her, she was never satisfied. This meant I gave more and more; and had less and less for myself. I lost friends, I didn't spend time with family much--and family is *So* important to me! Realizing I don't owe this person anything, but I owe myself a lot was the first step for me. 3 days in and I get stronger each day! S Link to comment
gunpoint6 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Day 18 and doing ok - have to see her tonight at the colleyball game, was thinking about her a lot today though =0( get out of my head! Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 I saw my ex today. Her drs is right outside my house.. She hugged me and said she was sorry for hurting me. Then she hurried off to meet her bf. I guess as I had a conversation with her I broke nc and have to go back to the start. she asked me to go for dinner with her tomorrow as friends but I said no. I'm going back to my parent's place tomorrow anyway, I can't handle being here. I was meant to be going on a date tonight but I think I've been stood up. He isn't answering my calls and hasn't contacted me.. now I feel worse than ever. This guy asked ME out so don't know why he's stood me up. I just wanted to try and have some fun instead of sitting at home alone Link to comment
MNmike Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 Hi, Mike, congrats on making it this far. Glad you are doing a little better. It is strange to me, sometimes, how it comes and goes. Some days I don't feel too bad and I have other things on my mind, then other days I feel like breaking down or breaking something in my house. Some days I feel both within hours. I cannot wait until day 365. I'm sure by then things will be much clearer. Link to comment
Sickboy48 Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 Day 48 for me. Things are going good. i still think about her but not as often as I did. I think things will be ok and my self growth has been amazing. Hang in there everyone. Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 This is the beginning of day 2 for me. It's only day 2 because the day before yesterday I * * * * ed up. I thought I was going on a date 'cause this guy text me saying 'hey gorgeous do you want to go out for some food or a drink as i'm visiting town'. So I got ready etc and he didn't contact me at all all day. So at 9pm I text him saying 'so are you in town..?' and he tells me he's at some bar with his mate. So I say 'do you want me to come meet you then?' and he was like 'it's up to you'. I was a bit confused because I was under the impression it was a date. So I walk to this bar and he's not in there. So I text him again saying 'I'm in this bar and can't find you..' and he replies that he's moved on to a nightclub with his mates!! * * * ?! did I completely misunderstand? This nightclub charges to get in and he didn't actually even ask me to come meet him, just told me he was in there. I went home again feeling so stupid. He didnt even text me again after that. To make things worse I wanted to go back to my parents place that day but left it and hung around all day especially for this 'date.' What an idiot I am. So what did I do? I did the worst possible thing I could have done. I rang my ex. She was so cold and distant, pissed off that before then I had been doing nc. She was like 'I thought u didn't wanna talk to me, what do you want?' and I was like 'um, don't know really..' and she had the satisfaction of finding out that I didn't have the date. I went over everything that I shouldn't have mentioned, desperately trying to seek comfort and validation. Asking her why she chose him over me, why she spent ALL her time with him when they've only been together 2 weeks, asking if she prefers being with him. She just said 'look, I'm not gonna keep going over this. I'm sorry i hurt you, but you have to accept it. My feelings for you changed and I'm willing to be friends but I'm with someone else now..' she sounded so cold and matter of fact, like she didn't give a damn whether she ever even saw me again. I was like 'how would you feel if I lied to you, cheated on you, replaced you in every way..?' and she said 'I didn't cheat on you, I don't care if you believe me or not anymore, I can't keep denying it, I don't know how I would feel 'cause I've never been in that situation.' I knew that calling her was a HUGE mistake. She made me feel 10 times worse. I told her that i couldn't be her friend and she was like 'fine, just don't ever say that it was me that threw you away, cause you're throwing our friendship away, but it's up to you.' I told her that I couldn't be friends with her because her relationship is in my face all the time. We argued for a bit and then she hung up on me. I haven't heard from her since and don't think I will. I think I succeeded in making her hate me. What the hell was I doing? I got rejected by some guy, so I decided to ring my ex to have her confirm that she doesn't want me?! I guess because I was so upset and lonely I sought comfort from the person that made me feel special and loved for the past 2 years. Instead I was left feeling more rejected and alone than ever, pissing her off to the point that she probably doesn't even like me anymore, and letting her know that I haven't moved on and my date went to * * * * . Good work sam. IDIOT. Anyway, that's it for me. It's nc all the way now, I can't take anymore rejection, or have her relationship in my face in any way. I'm just sad that I got it so wrong in thinking that I was going on a date and it's really knocked my confidence. I'm back at my parents place now. I don't start uni for a couple of weeks but I have to keep going back to town to work. It takes about 5 hours to get back to my parent's place, but it's worth it. I'm so lonely at uni without my ex and there's memories everywhere. All the places we used to drink and eat and everything... I'm sorry for the long post. Just want to get it out. I have spent the evening looking at old photos of nights out before I started uni when I was about 17. I looked so happy and carefree.. I never even knew my ex existed then. I want to go back to being that happy young girl but it's not how I feel. Now I've experienced love I want it back.. but can't so I want to forget about her. She and her bf are working together right now and I can't stop thinking about it. I know he will stay at hers afterwards. I feel almost like I'm mourning my ex because she really is like a different person. She's gone from being SO loving and there for me to completely cold and uncaring. It doesn't matter now.. nc is the only thing I can do. It will be more difficult when I get back to town on tuesday. I'll keep you posted. Well done to everyone who's made it so far, I really admire you and hope I can make it... thanks for listening to my ramblings. Link to comment
deleted-account Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 I was organizing some things on my computer and ended up going through some old pictures of my ex and I was a little surprised. I found myself not feeling as attracted to her anymore. Maybe I'm finally taking her off this pedestal. I mean, I still love the girl like crazy and even though she does look great, the physical attraction just wasn't as strong as it used to be. I've felt a little weak at times, but I'm still going strong with the NC Link to comment
yo Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 DAY 31!!!!! I made it past 30 days and IT FEELS GREAT!! I've been thinking less and less about my ex and it doesn't matter to me anymore. I don't think I will ever contact her now. Thank You SuperDave for this challenge Link to comment
Opaque1997 Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 I'm not sure you will accept me into the challenge. I am so scared and hurt right now I can't see in front of my face. AFter a complicated break up - the man I truly love - and truly loves me back cannot say with 100% certainity that he wants to contine the relationship. We have been broken up for 10 days. I will still have to have some contact with him over the next two weeks as I have a lot of furniture and things still at his house and I need to finish "buying" my car from him. I have told him that he is not to contact me (outside of simple logistics) UNLESS / UNTIL he is ready to come back and commit to ME for ME and give our relationship absolutely EVERYTHING he has. I also asked him to promise as best he could that he would actually take that risk. He has agreed, he has also said if I do call he will pick up the phone. The details outside of that do not matter. I think I can commit to 30 days without absolutly loosing my mind. that will be just past V-day - ooh yuck. ** Updated - I am withdrawing my application - I am planning on doing NC but I can't follow the rules 100% for a lot of reasons so I need to not be part of this.. thanks and strength and joy with you all - I will be "watching" and sending you all the power and thoughts.. Link to comment
Crows Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 Day 2: She basically disappeared again. Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 I'm coming to the end of day 2. My ex just signed into msn and I was very shocked because since she's been with her new bf, she's never online. I haven't seen her on msn in about a month which is why I hadn't removed her. She starts writing to me, 'hey how are you? I've had a hair cut and been shopping - bought a new skirt and jeans.' I wasn't gonna reply anyway, but she signed out straight away after saying that! * * * ? Thought that was quite random.. anyway, I'm still at my parents place. i'm considering coming back every week between work and uni even though it's a five hour journey and costs £30. Just can't hack being in the same town as her, even though it's easy enough to stay away from her, there's memories everywhere. Places we used to eat and drink together, the cinema we went to a lot, the place we used to rent videos, even my room reminds me of her because of the memories. My room is filled with everything that reminds me of her. Stuff I bought when I was with her, or clothes that she used to like on me, etc. Being at my parent's place allows me to distance myself from those memories a little. It's weird having no one to text or call to say goodnight to and stuff. I watched the film 'click last night.' It made me kinda sad, because the guy's girlfriend broke up with him and was with someone else, and he was really upset and rock bottom like me. But then he kinda finds out it was all a dream and is able to go back to his life before she left him and make everything ok and it never happens. Wish I could do that. I think that part of my anxiety about this is confusion over my sexuality. I'm not sure if I'm bi or gay, and if I am gay, I'm scared that it will be difficult to find another woman, which makes me scared I'll be alone. For some reason I've been thinking a lot about the beginning of our relationship and how it started. We were best friends that had a fun time together and it developed into more. Towards the end of our relationship the fun had turned into paranoia of people finding out, and sneaking around causing tension. I think a secret relationship was always going to fail. I wasn't the fun loving person she fell in love with towards the end.. I want to go back to being fun and carefree and enjoying life. Maybe if I try and do that without my ex I will have more chance of her missing me, than if she continued to be harassed by a broken hearted, bitter, angry, wreck that's constantly trying to get her validation because of weakness and lack of self esteem. That isn't attractive. I want her to imagine that my life is now full of fun and happiness without her so that she feels like she's missing out.. No, I still don't think I'm thinking clearly. I'm still thinking of things I can do that might make her want me rather than accepting that she doesn't want me. Hopefully that will come with a long period of nc. Wonder why she bothered to talk to me on msn only to sign out straight away...? Crows, your ex seems to be either seriously confused or totally playing games!! Link to comment
remainstrong Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Samantha, You must stop all this hunny she is hurting you because u let her , you are hurting yourself.... NC 100 percent or u will be in bits for months to come ... been there done it, after over 2 weeks of NC im getting back to myself the fun guy i used to be.. you will do thje same.. I met a gorgeous girl last week and im not even chasing or care about her too much as at this moment in time its all about me and making me who i want to be,,, do that and others will flock to u. Link to comment
batteredandlost Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I'm back in. I can't go into details, but suffice to say that I sent him an email this morning telling him that what he was doing was disrespectful and inconsiderate. I told him I won't be contacting him again, and that if he wants to discuss this maturely and openly then I'm willing to listen. He's treated me badly. I'm reserving judgement as to why, but there can really be no excuse. I love him, but I deserve respect and consideration of my feelings. Link to comment
broken to Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I'm in. Hopefully, I can do this. Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Day 3, my longest period of nc so far and im sticking to it. I'm feeling worse today than I did yesterday. She hasn't even tried to contact me, I don't think she cares about staying friends anymore. I miss her so much and feel so alone. All I can do is battle on with the nc and hope things get better..thanks remainstrong. Link to comment
bostoneric Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I've given up on counting days and free writing my thoughts about her daily. it serves me no point but to bring up memories and make me sad its over. I use to do a little free writing every morning about her and my thoughts about her. the last thing i wrote a few days ago was "I'm tired of writing about you" so for now I'm trying to stop so much thinking of her. its been over 6 weeks since I left our house, I've heard her voice 1 time since then. its time for me to stop thinking about her so much. its not that i dont love her dearly still or dont want her in my life, its just that every time i start to think about her it makes me really sad and i get anxiety. so for now I'm done thinking about her so much, i'm done with my daily free writing about her. she knows that I'm not trying to ignore her or push her out of my life. she knows i'm trying to heal from what she did to me. if she wants to contact me she will. other wise its time for me to put 100% effort into starting my new life without her right now. so thats how i feel today. Link to comment
batteredandlost Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Just got two emails from him - replying to stuff I sent 5 days ago. He hasn't been in contact in those 5 days, and no reply to my email telling him he that he wasn't treating me with the respect and consideration I deserved. Emails I got were like nothing was wrong? Bear in mind, we emailed each other every day without fail - only times we haven't was when HE broke off contact because (allegedly) of something I'd done. He has real problems with communicating when it comes to any point of conflict. Fair enough, but I'm really unwell at the moment, and it was only a week ago that he told me to my face that he loved me and thought we should still be in a relationship. Then, after I've spilled my guts and admitted to how unwell I've been (and still am), he decides not to bother communicating with me. I'm not being unreasonable. He always slinks off and won't take my calls or answer emails when he thinks there's something wrong. This guy is not a kid - he's in his forties, ffs. He said he knew it was an immature response and last weekend he said he could change it! I'm a forgiving person, but I have limits. Link to comment
LilBear Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I've been in NC a few days Posting here to make it official And I will also start with day 1 Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 so it's nearly the end of day 3. I know it shouldn't matter, but i'm kinda sad that she hasn't tried to contact me at all, because I never actually said 'don't contact me.' She just isn't. I guess I'm either not on her mind, or she wants me to make the first move after we argued on friday. I'm not going to, it just makes me sad. I haven't been feeling too well today, it feels weird not being able to go to her for comfort when i'm sick. I guess it's part of being independent.. I have to go back to town tomorrow to work. I hate working with her new bf! It's so painful.. I feel like he's secretly gloating that he got her. I feel so much anger towards him. He just kept chasing her and wouldn't leave her alone. If I wasn't a petite 5'3 woman and he didn't resemble the incredible hulk I'd take him on lol. Not really, wouldn't solve anything. I guess no one forced her to leave me for him, even though he did his best to persuade her as soon as I was away from town. Why am I still dwelling on this?? The whole point of nc is to try and stop thinking about her right? Just need something else to focus on.. I'm writing a cv to apply for jobs on cruise ships so I can get away and go travelling and I'm gonna get a head start on my dissertation. I need to keep focusing on the future. I just need some fun I think.. Link to comment
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