THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[princess_summer_blue84]

I'm so not talking to Faver Castro! I don't even want to talk to him! Feels pretty damn good if u ask me! I want him to be crying in his coffee!

[Reddy]

DAY 9

 

Damn I'm amazed I've made it this long... pretty sweet! i'm still a bit down about everything but i'm not going to let my emotions inform my actions. i am NOT going to break this NC for anything.

[princess_summer_blue84]

Is afraid that ex might contact me! What should I do? How do I react to it? HEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPP!

[Reddy]

i yanked this from another thread but it makes sense:

 

--Do not appear too eager. Maybe let them leave a voicemail and wait a while before calling back or put off replying to an e-mail for a while.

--Try to be in a good mood and stay positive when you do respond.

--DO NOT bring up the relationship!

--If they do, let them lead the conversation and do not disagree or argue.

 

this way you can still keep up NC as long as THEY'RE the one that contacted you.

[princess_summer_blue84]

i yanked this from another thread but it makes sense:

 

--Do not appear too eager. Maybe let them leave a voicemail and wait a while before calling back or put off replying to an e-mail for a while.

--Try to be in a good mood and stay positive when you do respond.

--DO NOT bring up the relationship!

--If they do, let them lead the conversation and do not disagree or argue.

 

this way you can still keep up NC as long as THEY'RE the one that contacted you.

 

 

Thanks! Will do that!

[bustertypsy]

Day 31 today.

It's been a tough month but I am proud of myself.Still hurting quite bad at times,but I know I'm doing the right thing.

She is probably wondering why I haven't been seen or heard of in the past month.Always after a split(regardless of who's at fault)I held out the "olive branch".She ended it this time,abruptly after a row.I miss her terribly but if she loves me and wants me back ,she'll have to make the first move.If her pride gets in the way,well she probably isn't worth it.

[princess_summer_blue84]

Agree's with u bustertypsy! If they really love u they will be back, if not then u know they weren't the one.

[CreoUCLA]

Day 4

 

Yesterday was interesting... Well, I guess I should call it more "amusing." I checked another e-mail account (I deleted the one my ex normally contacts me at, because I really am moving on), and low-n-behold, an e-mail from her.

 

"i don't know what you mean 'move on.' i still want us to be friends. and, there's no new relationship, just hanging out again. still working on myself. sincerely, xxx"

 

I got a good chuckle out of it, because I am pretty much over her. She doesn't deserve me, nor do I even want to get back together with her anymore. I will show her what moving on is (which is why I'm doing the NC challenge still). I will show her that you can't break someone's heart after a ~6 year relationship to go chase another guy, and expect "friendship." She can't always get what she wants.

 

She is so deluded and self-absorbed that it's sadly comical. I now view her as selfish and pathetic. This is a far cry from the begging/pleading that I did in the beginning, which is what she's choosing to still hold on to. She's thinking that I will be/wait around for her. I'm sorry, but it doesn't work that way... I'm done giving to someone who only knows how to take.

 

Tomorrow I'm driving from S.F. to L.A. for the Thanksgiving holiday. I will be stopping along the way in SLO to visit a female friend that my ex didn't like and was always jealous of. No, I'm not doing it out of spite. I'm doing it to regain the true friends that I lost while I was in a highly dysfunctional (codependent) relationship. I'm doing it for me.

 

While actions speak louder than words, my silence will be deafening. Go me!

[blindreepr]

Day 6 Complete, Day 7 Starting

 

Well, its almost been a week. Sometimes it feels like I'm making progress, sometimes it feels like the first day again. I think I am starting to move towards the anger stage of grief. Angry that she tried to lie to me, angry that she stayed the night at his house AND made out with him, angry that she cheated on me and when I said I wanted to work things out she declined, angry that she had the gall to keep the ring. Why do I want to be back with this girl so bad?

[Crows]

Day 1 again. Yesterday we had a good 30 minute convo on msn. She seems to be opening up to me. I'm really glad I can talk to her again. it's so nice to hear from her etc. She intiated.

 

She's having a big exam today. I feel we're at the stage now where I can send her a text asking her how it went and not feel bad. I think she will appreciate it. I hope.

[lrw301jl]

Day #14

 

My ex called again for the second night in an row. She didn't say anything in the voicemail. It was actually my ex little girl again. Why is she doing this to me? It's hard enough for me already! I will be strong and continue with my NC. I just feel bad for Addie(ex's little gir). I'm sorry Addie, Jack will always love you no matter what!

[princess_summer_blue84]

Day # 2 and feeling grand! I even put them on my " blocked email address"!

[farfrmnormal]

Day 1 NC - AGAIN - But for good measure.

 

I did some healing of my own last night. I sat down and really asked myself what it was I was holding on to. I realized it was hope. The hope he had instilled in me from the very beginning. The mixed messages he sent with regards to our future. I knew he still had some stuff of mine and I thought that if I gave him till the new year and asked for my stuff back then things would be back to normal - and we could get back together. I finally decided that holding on to this hope is not healthy. I have asked the universe for him and all I can do is sit back and wait. Like ordering from a catalog – I know it will come, I just don’t know when. If the universe does not provide me with a "healthy" him I will be provided with someone better and more compatible for me. So, I put my foot down and took control. I called him to set up a time to pick up the rest of my stuff. He asked me why I was doing this – I told him I needed to move on and by doing this I could.

 

I feel liberated. My last comment to him was “You said you would call before, and you didn’t – so now that I have my stuff back you have no obligations to do so anymore.” I wished him all the best with his endeavors and if the mood strikes him sometime in the future feel free to call. I will not be calling him again anytime soon. Perhaps when I am fully over him I may pick up the phone – but, I have no need to anymore. I will have my stuff on Sunday and that is my last tie to him.

 

I feel like burning all of the stuff he gave me now – is that too much? lol

[SuperDave71]

Hi farfrmnormal,

 

 

Its not the stuff that hurt you....

 

 

Too bad we can't give ex's to GOODWILL or the Salvaton Army!!

 

 

 

he he he

 

 

-SuperDave71

[farfrmnormal]

I know I broke NC again, but I felt like I really and truly needed to be honest with myself and get rid of all of the things I was holding on to. Was I wrong in doing so?

 

You know - I don't think it would be fair to the poor soul that inherited him if they could go to goodwill. I know its not the stuff that hurt me, its sitting in my shed right now so I suppose its out of my view.

 

I have a quote for you all from the TV show Reba - it struck a cord with me and I think it will with many of you who have been told "I need to find myself".

 

"When my ex-wife left me she told me she needed to find herself. I didn't have the heart to tell her she wasn't worth looking for"

 

Of course, insert wife with boyfriend or girlfriend at your will.

[not my real name]

Day 2.

Yesterday I did as I said I was going to and left an envelope in his mail box with his sister's earrings inside. It said nothing other then: "Ex, these are 's earrings, if you see her before she goes away can you please give them to her. Thanks, ." It was completely neutral and said nothing more than the bare necessity so I do not count that as contact.

 

It angers me already that I haven't heard from him. I wonder if he's just getting on with life and forgetting me already? Truth is, I know I need to do this. I know I need to move on. I'm so disappointed, but I'll get there.

[blindreepr]

It angers me already that I haven't heard from him. I wonder if he's just getting on with life and forgetting me already? Truth is, I know I need to do this. I know I need to move on. I'm so disappointed, but I'll get there.

 

I feel the same way. It's been about 6 days of NC and I havent heard from her at all, so much for still loving me. Sometimes I entertain the thought that she has completely forgotten about me and moved on already but the truth is if she has moved on already then why should I waste my time being all beat up over her? Also I know there is no way that she could have forgotten about me. There are ex's that I wish that I could forget but I still remember each and every one of them.

[CreoUCLA]

Also I know there is no way that she could have forgotten about me.

 

Most likely your ex hasn't. It took mine almost 2.5 weeks before she first contacted me (via e-mail), and we had talked to each other almost every day for nearly 6 years. I still haven't received a phone call from her since we officially broke up (~6 weeks ago). But, I don't expect/care to.

 

-Mike-

[yelwed]

I'm looking at doing no contact myself but I'm unsure if I tell my ex that I'm going no contact or do I just vanish from his life and not contact him anymore.

 

I was just wondering any of you told your ex's that you were going no contact or did you all just stop contacting them all together.

[Crows]

Well stupid me. Good convo last night, talking nicely to each other. She had a big exam today. So I texted her about an hour ago "hey, how did your exam go?"

 

IT's been an hour.. nothing back and I don't feel good. I learned that lesson. Probbaly pay back for when I didn't answer her texts. Ugh.

 

I'm not playing a game, i'm just living my life and it's frusterating that she thinks this is a * * * *ing game. Eghh.. maybe she was just asleep.

[iminpain]

Hi,

 

I am on Day # 246. I have pretty much wired my brain in keeping NC since Day #1. Lately, I miss her alot. I keep having the same usual thoughts, that she once loved and adored me as much as I loved and adored her and that we really wanted to be together, however, she eventually became unhappy about herself and about the lack of success in her studies/career, and she wanted to sort herself out to greener pastures without me in her life. I remember that when she broke up with me she was resentful that our relationship ever happened, and also implied that I wasn't good enough for her, and this really hurt me and in many ways I still feel hurt by it.

 

Anyway, I don't know why I'm keeping count of the number of NC days, I don't really want to have contact with her. And even if I wanted to have contact, I'd be afraid that she'll hurt me in some emotional way.

 

Anyway, thank you for putting up with me.

[princess_summer_blue84]

Day#3 and feeling strongier than ever! Have doubts but I tell myself why miss what I never had from the get go? So I'm moving on up!

[farfrmnormal]

Day 2 – My Muse

 

For the third time around I am on day 2. As I mentioned in my post yesterday – I fully understand the meaning of closure. There is a great site that really helped me understand this - link removed

 

I have read many of the articles on there, but the one that struck home the most was the one about called “The Post-Breakup No No List”. There are many things on there that make a lot of sense – most importantly the “No Closure Rule”. I thought I needed to hear him tell me its over and that he doesn’t love me to have closure. Really, the only way I can get closure is within myself.

 

“Closure happens when you least expect it, when you realize you’ve done your work and moved on, and it happens from inside you.

 

You don’t’ need to know what your ex thinks or why you ex did a, b, or c to move on. If you want closure you need to do your grief work, integrate the experience into your life and turn the page.

 

Your “closure” is your responsibility. You get closure by doing your work, not by re-engaging and dredging up more stuff. You get closure by keeping yourself safe, being good to yourself and un-attaching from that which you have been attached.

 

The only closure you can hope for is the closure that comes from inside you. The person who hurt you cannot give you closure, nor should you want them to or expect them to or give them that kind of power. You need to move on from where you are for you.

 

Closure is part emotional work and part decision. At some point you need to turn the page and decide it’s over. Closure is your deal and yours alone. When you’ve done the grief work, worked through your inventories and made a decision to move on, that is closure. Closure happens for you and inside you. And only you. You get it from within, never from without.”

 

The above is so true. I was holding on to something that wasn’t there. I turned the page and decided I needed to let go – I let go of the one thing that was holding me to him.

 

I feel strong today – as I did yesterday. I really hope this doesn’t pass as it did before. However; I feel as though the conversation I had with him two days ago instilled some important information in me – his tone, and demeanour on the phone was cold and unattached. He asked questions to seem like he cared, but I know that what we had is gone now. I don’t want that anyways.

 

I deserve to be loved by someone who loves me for me and by someone who will provide me with that love unconditionally.

[Reddy]

DAY 10!

 

double digits!

 

lol... yeah so i'm doing ok... the last few days have been rough, all those feelings of wanting to be together coming back. that still hasn't gone away but i'm not going to break NC for anything. i cant. i've got to keep it going. right now, if you've seen the LB (Love Bomb) thread right now i'm thinking bout doing one of those... bout a month from now. We'll see though, maybe i'll change my mind by then but i dunno, i feel like it cant HURT the situation at all... lol. One day at a time though.

[CreoUCLA]

Day 5

 

I feel like I've finally let go, and I am working nicely at moving on... It feels pretty good!

 

Today I'm driving down to L.A. from S.F. I'll be taking the 101 down, making a stop in San Luis Obispo to hang out with a friend. I've never driven this way down to L.A. before, so it should be a nice change of scenery (okay, so there really isn't any scenery on the 5).

 

I wish I had a little more sleep from last night, but hopefully I can take a nap at my friend's place later.

 

Be well everyone!

 

-Mike-