is he abusing the sacred words?

[shellie12345]

Why does he insist on telling me he loves me? It has been almost 3 years since we broke up. However, we have just recently begun to establish a true and meaningful friendship. He was a very bad friend for a long time, but I have let him back into my life (although I am soo weary). The relationship has become intense and very close. when he says he loves me he leaves it open to interpretation. By that I mean he could argue that he meant it as he loves me as "just a friend", or that he loves me because I am the closest person he has in his life. But he says it in a way that I know he is trying to get to me. Instead of giving him any satisfaction I just let it slide and don't ask what he means, what "kind" of love he is referring to. I don't want him to think that I am hoping it is the romantic kind. But it is just so odd. We will be talking and he will interrupt and say in a serious tone..."you know what? I love you". Or he will end a serious conversation by telling me he loves me and that I should know he really cares...that he just wanted me to know. I love him too though. However, I don't want to abuse the term. I don't want to tell him that after we hang up a phone call cause we are not in love. We are not together and don't plan to be anytime soon so why does he keep on saying it? It is nice to hear but i fear that he abuses its meaning. Or he wants to keep me hanging on through such words.

What are his intentions in saying I love you so much? Is he just a friend who cares, or does he have other motives?

[Northalius]

Why did you break up to begin with?

 

Why and how have you gotten back together?

 

How was he a 'bad friend' to you in the past?

[AwdreeHpburn]

Who cares?

 

What not ask him?

 

And if he is, it's the best kind of abuse of the words, yeh? Saying it too much....

[shellie12345]

We broke up in our 2nd year at the same university. He wanted to play the field even though he will never fully admit to that. Anyway, from that point it was a downward spiral in terms of having any sort of relationship. I had my NC time and when I was ready to have him as a friend he pushed for it. However, he was a terrible friend. He only came around when it was convienient for him. He was insensitive, rude, and the list goes on. So we had a friendship but it was only a surface one. Nothing meaningful at all. Now he has decided to make changes. He is more interested in being close to me and all of that. This is where the saying I love you does not sit well with me. Because I know he cares and everything, but i don't understand why he says it so much. He didn't give a sh*$ a year ago at this time. Even 6 months ago. He is just pushing me now cause he says he realizes he was wrong. I just don't know if I am ready to let it all happen. We are not back together....we are just closer than we have been in a long time.

I can't ask him because I don't want him to think he has the upper hand anymore. He had it for far too long...I refuse to go down that road again.

[Northalius]

Has he come to you face to face, and looked 100% sincere, explaining why he treated you badly before, but changed somehow?

 

If you ask me, I'd probably say he's attempting to soften you up to him; be on your guard.

[shellie12345]

I forgot to mention that he all of a sudden has this interest in making things right with me, and we are done University now. We are out of Uni town and living back at home. Convienient? I can't help but think he is doing this because he is lonely and wants my companionship. I think he wants to keep me in his life incase he ever does want to get back with me. Not saying he will, but I think he has it in his mind that it might happen and he wants to make sure I am close to him if he does. Am I reading to much into all of this? I don't know. But I can't help the instinct inside of me. That little voice telling me he is all about himself.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Stop thinking so much about what you think HE wants and what HE feels, and ask yourself, what do YOU want from this relationship.... Do you want more involvement, less, friendship, what?? people get very hung up on the idea of words like 'i love you', but they can be manipulative gestures, or attempt to communicate, or.....

 

So what do you want from him? Decide that, then have a real conversation with him about what your relationship is about and where you want it to go (or not go).... and if you are only just friends (and want it to stay that way), then tell him to knock off the 'i love you's'...