How?

[buddafleye]

How can I be a real lesbian if I don't find a single lesbian the least bit attractive? To me, there's nothing attractive about a girl trying to look butch, there's nothing attractive about the artsy, haven't-really-showered-in-a-week-but-that's-ok-because-I'm-earthy look. I'm not stereotyping, but generally that's how it is. I tried just searching through local personals to see if I could find someone interesting looking and I was completely turned off. There's nothing about "real life" lesbians that interests me. I think I have a problem because I seem to only have a thing for straight girls.

 

Now men. There are a LOT of men I find attractive. Men find me attractive. The problem comes when they flirt and I'm not sexually interested in them.

 

I want talking/relationships with men who just want to have sex and I want sex with women who just want to be friends. What the F am I? hahah.

 

I'm just frustrated.

[BrokenHeart82]

What are you? Id begin with confused...

 

Do you find lesbian porn arrousing..the thought of being with a woman? When you fantasize where does your mind wander?

[kermit]

Do you think that straight men are aroused by all women?

[sddeaston]

Do you think that straight men are aroused by all women?

 

Ah! Good Point!

 

I am quite picky though!

 

Maybe you just need to find the RIGHT man/woman who stimulates your mind first.

[buddafleye]

What are you? Id begin with confused...

 

Do you find lesbian porn arrousing..the thought of being with a woman? When you fantasize where does your mind wander?

 

 

Yes, I do find lesbian porn arousing. I also find hetero porn equally arousing.

 

When I fantasize, sometimes I think about faceless women, but sometimes I think about guys.

[buddafleye]

Ah! Good Point!

 

I am quite picky though!

 

Maybe you just need to find the RIGHT man/woman who stimulates your mind first.

 

 

I rarely, rarely find women attractive. I've had three legitimate crushes on women in my 22 years. Well, maybe not legitimate. I'm still trying to determine if two of those were because they were authority figures. haha. But one for sure, I totally would've slept with her kind of feeling. When I first saw her I didn't think she was attractive, but something just happened and one day when we caught each other's eye I completely fell for her. I couldn't look her in the eye without turning 50 shades of red and my heart beating out of my chest. She smelled amazing, her voice was even better. I know that was a real crush. But we never got enough time to get to know one another.

 

I've felt semi-similarly with my recent TA crush, but not nearly as intense. Other than that, I don't look at girls and think they're attractive. I look at guys and I think guys are good looking, but I just don't want to sleep with them.

 

I'm just a mess.

[buddafleye]

Maybe you're not a lesbian.

Not all lesbians are butch.

If you're more attracted to men than women, then you're not a lesbian....ok, maybe you're bi.

 

I know not all lesbians are butch. I didn't say that. But from the pictures I've seen, they aren't exactly the most feminine looking either.

 

I dunno. I dunno! I feel like I just keep talking myself in circles and I can't figure out what I really want.

 

I have no problems being a lesbian, but all the girls I feel I could ever be with or whatever are girls that are straight. I don't like lesbian culture and frankly want nothing to do with that entire scene.

 

I love men as companions. I would love to raise a child with a man. I love having guys to hang out with and talk to. I fantasize about faceless men's "stuff", but I never want the real thing. Well, of the guys I've met so far.

 

Maybe this will all change when I meet him or her, but it's taking waaaayyy too Fing long.

[buddafleye]

Do you think that straight men are aroused by all women?

 

No, but in general a guy could walk into a crowded room and pick out a girl he'd at least be willing to sleep with.

[Cutey20]

I understand what you mean.. I am a attractive feminine 22yr old bi/gay girl who no one would pick as being bi/gay. I only find other feminine girls attractive but am crazy about them, and I have also fallen for straight girls and the disappointment hurts. Being butch is just a stereotype that has been placed on this world but unfortuanetly it is true most gay girls are butch..i hate to say but its true....where are all the cute ones hiding!!!!!

 

All the best

 

xx

[shellshocked]

I'm a lesbian.

And i think that i probably fall here on the femme/butch scale:

 

butch-----------------|me------------femme

 

i have shoulder length hair.

have been known (at times) to wear a

hot, little black dress when going out to some hoity-toity function.

i wear makeup.

but also -

i'm pretty athletic.

i'm good with (all kinds of) tools.

i'm VERY butch in bed

(except i've learned to be more *ahem* receptive...with my current lover).

 

and my current lover is

a total knock your socks off drop dead gorgeous femme!!!

she has longgg, thick hair.

she wears skirts and dresses all the time.

has a body TO. KILL. FOR.

we walk down the street and men, women and children

turn their heads to look at her and drool.

and she's 100% lesbian!!

 

So i guess what i'm saying is.

That it sounds like you need to get out there and experience some

more things.

check out some lesbian clubs in NYC.

(You're going to see lesbians there that make fashion models jealous!)

 

So yes, in the lesbian community you're going to find some

butches...you're going to find your granola lesbians...

but you're also going to find your portia de rossi's...

and your soccer mom's...

and maybe even the girl sitting next to you in class...

or in the next cubicle.

[buddafleye]

Oh, I know I definitely have little experience with the whole lesbian thing/world. I only started seriously thinking about it this past summer. Total newbie. That said, I'm not interested in attending a gay/lesbian bar/club. I don't want to be a part of that scene. I don't even like doing that in "straight" bars/clubs. I hate the atmosphere, in terms of finding someone I'd want to go out with.

 

hah, I wish the girl sitting next to me in class was a lesbian.

 

Well, I definitely hear what you're saying. I know there are some femme lesbians out there, I just wish they weren't so hard to find. I'm extremely frustrated with wanting to experiment, but not being able to find someone, you know? I don't need uuber feminine because I myself am not the epitome of womanhood, but I just want a nice looking girl. Looks matter to me as much as personality because frankly, sexual attraction is important. So ya.

 

Where could I go that's NOT a lesbian/gay kind of place?

[shellshocked]

Where could I go that's NOT a lesbian/gay kind of place?

 

Well, this definitely makes it more complicated.....

 

It's like saying, "I'm interested in meeting someone that's

into Jamaican music, but I don't want to go to any kind

of Jamaican concerts/bars/clubs/or restaurants....."

 

I'm kinda at a loss right now, because since you're not into bars

i was going to suggest gay volunteer organizations.

(but, from reading your post it seems like you're not interested

in any kind of gay activity...)

 

Right now the only thing i can think of, is to say again, that

we're out there ALL over the place.

Not just lesbians, but bi-women...women who want

to experiment being with other women...

women who are curious...etc..

Not going to places where you KNOW women are into women

just makes it alittle tougher.

 

(and seriously, the girl right next to you in class "could" be...

how would you know if she is? or isn't?

look at the feelings you're having...the person next to you

might be experiencing the same.....)

[Makedamnsure]

If there was a way to tell if someone was gay life would be a HELL of a lot easier. Unfortunately theres no definate way, unless they make it obvious. It's all just personal judgment.

[buddafleye]

The bar rule stands in all cases. When you're at a bar, you're usually drinking and alcohol makes people different. I don't like starting relationships under false pretences.

 

I feel I shouldn't have to remove myself from my usual life to meet someone. Comparing sexuality to jamaican music isn't exactly valid. Going to a jamaican concert to hear the music is significantly different from going to a lesbian bar to find a girlfriend. I understand what you're saying though and while you have a point, I stand firm that I shouldn't need to attend lesbian/gay functions just to meet a person. I want to meet someone like I'd meet someone normally.

 

There is this one lesbian girl in one of my classes who I KNOW is interested in me because I see her everywhere. She blatantly follows me around, stares at me, tries to make contact, etc., and the thought of doing anything with her makes me nauseous. She could very well be a nice person, but I'm just not into her. Generally the people I find attractive have boyfriends and are straight.

 

I guess I could try being more open about it myself. I'm just not into making first moves usually... unless I REALLY like the person. Therein lies the problem with "femmes", we generally wait for the other to make the move because we're used to guys doing it.

 

I don't know... like I said, I'm just frustrated because I feel like I don't know how to even start. I totally see why joining a gay organization/club would be beneficial, but that's just not my lifestyle. I know... I'm difficult.

[coffeeformylover]

I met my partner online. Although meeting people online isn't always the safest way to go, it helps you get to know a person quicker.