Ben101 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Well, Im 23 and dating a girl who is 22, we've been going out for about 3 months now.. and this is her first real "grown up" relationship where she actually feels emotionally mature enough to Love someone. In the beginning of the relationship I had resolved to allow her to become more "comfterable" in the realtionship and find her place. That lead to, of course, allowing a Lot of leeway in decision making and so on. At first I let a lot of things slide on the premise of "she is new to this and needs her space and its all for the best" but soon after, given the fact that I was bending more and more, she took advantage of it (intentionally or not, doesnt matter) and now basically she walks all over me I'm not that kind of guy. I've never been that kind of guy and dont Want to be that kind of guy. In my last relationship of 3 years I was very much Not that guy. I was... the Guy Now, we spoke about this, and how its effecting us, and our love life and our sexual life. She is aware of the fact that she`s absuing me and walking all over me and that is turning her off. So we have less... "relations" One possibility is very simple. Just blantly reassert myself and over compensate, but that could lead to a power struggle and end up tearing us apart. I dont want that. I`d like to hear from anyone who has had / is having a similar experience or anyone who can offer some advice. How should I handle this? Because the way its going, if she doesnt break it off, I will. I cant be in this situation, its degrading and pathetic (to say the least). She has No problems with me assuming that role and calling the shots ect. But for some reason, I can think clearly on just how to reach that point. Any help is help so I appreciate anything you guys (And Gals!) can offer Cheers and thanks! Link to comment
Ben101 Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 I appreciate that any ideas on how? I mean... i have some ideas but I'd like a different perspective Link to comment
TheRedQueen Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 What made you lose your confidence in the first place? Link to comment
Ben101 Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 well, it isnt really loss of confidence, it started out more about letting her find her place in the realtionship.. and continued on to just putting up with it and "letting it slide" out of love and wanting this relationship to work. now it's evolved into a deal breaker (on both our ends.) I guess I just need to stop letting her get away with all the pouting and drama and BS that she brings up. Set boundries and stand my ground. Its nothing I need to Learn.. its just stuff I need to start doing.. Again Link to comment
Rabican Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Just be a man, dont be a doormat. IF she doesnt like you for you... she can walk. That would be better than being someones doormat. If theres a power struggle, just make sure you win it, and then have good makeup sex after you are done fighting. Love is not taking advantage of someone though, so if she feels she is acting 'grown up' shes got some thinking to do. Link to comment
TheRedQueen Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 She'll definitely respect you more if you set some much needed boundaries. Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I have very much been in the same situation and there is no easing into this. You need to take a hard line stance. There will be no power struggle because either she's gonna get with the program or else the relationship will be over. Link to comment
MacGyverRI Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Now, we spoke about this, and how its effecting us, and our love life and our sexual life. She is aware of the fact that she`s absuing me and walking all over me and that is turning her off. So we have less... "relations" Sex as a weapon comes to mind, is she spoiled at home? Just stand your ground (nicely) and see what happens next. Link to comment
Ben101 Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 Without a doubt she uses sex as a weapon and Yes, she is a Spoiled Brat. A very typical "JAP" (jewish american princess) and she knows it. She`s thrown a temper tantrum or two in our time together, but on those cases I very much did Not cave, and put her in her place. (they were about "i want what I want, Now) ect. _____________________ "It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer." - Albert Einstein Link to comment
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