What happened, fling gone wrong

[mudpie]

So I was hanging out with this guy for a month.. everything seemed like it was going well. Having lots of fun. He was cuddly in front oh his friends, told me he was in like with me etc... all the public displays of affection crap that normal flings go thru i guess. Then one day last week we spoke on the phone briefly, he said he was just gettin in and would call me back in 10 mins.. no call. Then he texted a day later and said HEY blah blah. I was mad that he didnt call me back and asked him why... he gave a couple reasons. Then I said I still think you should of called and * * * * happens.

 

That was the last I heard from him and I didnt contact him again, trying to save my own ego. My heart hurts tho, and it makes me think I am not good enough to contact again.

[LittleLion24]

No, you are good enough. He's just too stupid to realize it! If he really meant to call you back when he said he would, then he would have called. Don't listen to anymore of his excuses because if you two were in a relationship that's all you'd hear whenever something came up again.

 

You're doing the right thing by not contacting him. Just don't cave in. See how long it takes until he contacts you. If he doesn't then look at it this way, you have nothing to lose.

 

Flings are just that, flings. If you don't like this type of behavior from a guy then stop settling for a fling. If you want to be somebody's girlfriend then go out and find another guy that wants to be your boyfriend. I'm sure there are plenty of guys that would love to be your boyfriend. Stop worrying about this guy. He's not worth your time, and he made that clear when he didn't call you back when he said he would.

[Batya33]

A fling means there is no commitment and that it can end without officially "breaking up." Obviously it would have been nice of him to call you but he wasn't obligated. I agree with the previous poster.

[mudpie]

thanks for the kind words. I just can't help but feel that way tho.YOu know , it just makes u feel low..... I am glad I didn't contact him, had some weak moments but didn't cave. I just hope he is wondering ,"why isn't she chasing me!? Otherwise he may feel like the winner.

[LittleLion24]

He's probably not wondering "why isn't she chasing me?" because you two were having a fling! Now, knowing this stop feeling "low" because you're wasting your energy on something that had no meaning. It's pointless to think anymore about it.

 

What you should learn from this "fling" experience is that you're not the type of girl that will tolerate such a thing. And that's a GOOD THING! You should be proud of yourself for recognizing this. This means you are smart and wise because you know deep down you deserve better and expect more then this type of behavior from a guy.

[Clementine orange]

I wonder what the other side of this story is....

[mudpie]

what exactly is a fling? Can anyone list a fling they had and how long it lasted?

[Batya33]

A fling to me is where two people hook up mainly for s_x with no potential for a relationship or commitment. I have had vacation flings (but didn't go "all the way") where it was obvious that it was just for vacation, just for fun. And it was . .. . but I wouldn't do it again at this point in my life.

[rosie76]

My opinions on this sort of thing are now all over the place here, so I won't reiterate, but I feel for you, mudpie - it does feel rubbish and you shouldn't feel it's any reflection on you at all. Good on you not calling him back, though - I'd not have been as strong and I'm glad someone out there isn't rewarding this sort of behaviour with the ego-treat of having a woman chasing them down.

 

I agree with LittleLion - if you feel this bad about it, then lightweight relationships maybe aren't for you and it's good to know it now. I've just learned it myself in a very similar situation and have learned I want to be more clear that I'm on the same wavelength with the guys I'm seeing from now on.

[mudpie]

I knew it would be a short relationship if anything, since he was going away in February..... But it was more than sex while we were togeth for 1 month... togeth I mean hanging out... not Dating OBVIOUSLY (fling). Sometimes I would go out there and just cuddle, we would watch a movie and not have sex.. but just be togeth. Or we would go 4 wheeling, or riding in my truck and just have fun. He took me to his dads and did the whole snowball fight thing and run and jumping hug and kiss and swing around.. BLAHHHHHHH...... Then other times we would have sex, but I can def say it was not all about that. Either way I set out know it was going to be a FLING or short term THING. And yes in the long run it doesnt didnt feel nice, and I would really consider before doing anything like this again.

 

But thanks for the congrats on being strong, as I did not call or text.

[rosie76]

Wow - knowing more about the situation I'm even more impressed you've not called. While his leaving limits the potential for a long-term relationship, it sounds like a really nice warm time. His not seeming to value that enough to be in touch would hurt me more than the word 'fling' implies it should. While there's maybe no obligation for an official break-up in these circumstances, I don't agree that this sort of thing has no meaning - meaning on a personal level and potential to progress to a lasting relationship can be distinct things - and I think you deserved a goodbye. Again I think a lot of you for being strong enough to leave the ball in his court where it should be.

[Batya33]

Wow - knowing more about the situation I'm even more impressed you've not called. While his leaving limits the potential for a long-term relationship, it sounds like a really nice warm time. His not seeming to value that enough to be in touch would hurt me more than the word 'fling' implies it should. While there's maybe no obligation for an official break-up in these circumstances, I don't agree that this sort of thing has no meaning - meaning on a personal level and potential to progress to a lasting relationship can be distinct things - and I think you deserved a goodbye. Again I think a lot of you for being strong enough to leave the ball in his court where it should be.

 

I try to keep the "personal" meaning apart from the meaning of the status, whether fling or relationship. If it is not a relationship then subjecting the other persons to the obligations of one is unfair, in my opinion. I have seen people define those obligations as simply "human kindness" but often it is just another way to rationalize in hindsight that the person settled for a fling or one nighter when what he/she really wanted was a relationship.

 

For example, no, there does not have to be an official breakup - calling is a nice thing but if there is no call that is consistent with the fact that it was just a fling.