Somebody make me feel better....

[MissK]

Hi, my names Kim and I'm from New Zealand. I have separated from my fiance (we were together three years) two months ago and I am having a really really hard time dealing with it. He told me that he wanted a break, some time to himself because he wasn't sure if I was who he wanted to be with long term(even though we were engaged!)

His family interfered a lot in our relationship and seeing as how he is not a strong person emotionally, he listened to them instead of his heart and now he doesn't know what he wants. He also stopped talking to me completely after we broke up and I think that is even harder to deal with than the rest. I really love him, he is my world and now I don't know what to do.

How do I get him back, or at least get him to talk to me... I just want to be happy and not have this ache inside me anymore.

 

[Gunther]

hmmm... doesnt sound like there are a whole lot of options for you, my suggestion is just try to call him until you can get a hold of him although I am out of idea as to what to say to him.

[crookster_man]

I really hate it when people pull this "I need time to figure out us… blah, blah" Damn it is crap. When someone says they need a break what they are saying is, "I don't trust you/us enough to work through our problems" It's a breach of trust, and a betrayal. Then they wonder why we might not want them back a few months down the road. Man some people are really self centered.

 

When you love someone and want to be part of a serious, successful relationship you have to WORK on it. As someone once said on a post a read a while back -Love is not a noun it is a verb. You have to work with your partner to overcome any issues you might have. Anything less is disrespect. This is what they man, or should I say child has done.

 

I am assuming of course that there is no ulterior motive to this "break". Do you really want to be with an emotionally weak individual that runs away when there is a problem? Just a question.

 

You will have to focus on yourself and moving on (I know this sounds hard and not what you want). However, you have to be strong and show him (and yourself) that you can be happy and successful by yourself. If he does come back, you need to address whatever issues caused this "break" and deal with it before any makeup happens.

 

I'll tell you the rules according to Crook. - There is no such thing as a break. We are either part of a committed relationship that wishes to face challenges together and grow. Or, we break up and walk away from this. No second chances, no "we'll see in a month BS". I deserve better then that and SO DO YOU.

 

Remember people will treat you as badly as you allow them and as good as you demand.

[waitinvain]

Absolutely right.

 

Asking for space or a break is a big cop-out. If you love someone you work at it, you don't reject them and send them packing until you can figure your head out.

 

Once they want you back, if they do, then the person rejected by the break/space is then insecure about the relationship. Hardly a healthy basis for giving it another shot.

 

I hate the words 'space' and 'break', and if I love someone I won't put them through either.

 

It's all or nothing. There is no grey area if you love someone.

 

Just my 2p.

[jin_2x]

my suggestion is just to move on. Don't put your life on hold for someone who needs space or needs time to figure things out cuz what happens if they never figure things out, or always need space? Where does that leave you? That is just plain selfishness, and most of the time they say those kind of things as a security measure just in case things don't work out with the replacement.

 

Don't knock your self silly over this. Believe me, the misery you feel will go away if you start trying to live your life again.

[reborn]

You{ve gotten really great advice here that should encourage you and empower you. I think it is very wise, but maybe too early in the breakup process for you to truly digest it.

Unfortunately a wound has been inflicted. A break is break is a loss. We all go through the stages of mourning when we are separated, dumped, etc. from the object of our affections.

The emotions you are going through are strong. And unfortunatley you must go through them, feel them, let them pass through your body and heart. Your head won{t be cleared and you will not feel really better for a while. You will for some moments, or maybe for whole hours at a time. But do allow your self the time to go through this feelings. It is very important for you to tend to your broken heart, to be your own best friend healer as you go through this. Do not expect the other person to make you feel better. Take responsability for your heart. Read the q&a section in this website link removed Go through the breakup section. You may find helpful information there.

It is a tough situation to be in. I know it is a living hell inside you. But be strong. Feel the feelings. Eventually they will calm down and you will have better perspective and a clear mind to really decide what to do. It seems that for whatever reasons, right, wrong, emotionally manipulated or not, he has decided to withdraw himself from the relationship. If he is avoiding your calls by you persuing him it may not do anything now.

Some people find it helpful to write a letter, expressing your feelings. This is tricky. I found that once I did this with my first boyfriend. Immediately after a breakup most guys are totally closed out, not receptive even if you send them the most sincere wonderful letter in the world.

Give your self a time to mourn and put your self together. Take care of your self and of your sweet, broken heart. Then try to contact him. But first take care of you and gain some clear perspetive.

-reborn