I need help to stop being so paranoid and privacy obsessed.

[Eddward]

I used to be okay with the fact that I'm completely paranoid. For example, my account here. I sign up under a different name on every message board I use, with a receive-only throw away e-mail address. I also use a proxy program called Tor that changes my IP regularly. Why? Because the government might be watching. I'm completely aware of how stupid that sounds, but they probably are. It's so very easy for them to mass intercept traffic on the internet and shove it into a database somewhere "just in case" it might be needed for something. I'll probably keep being paranoid when it comes to the internet, since it's not hurting anyone. But in other areas, my paranoia is backfiring on me.

 

I think I'm driving people away because I hate telling people anything about me. Even simple things, like when my birthday is. I make it a point not to tell anyone, even if they ask. I lied about it when I signed up for this account by a couple of months. I don't even know why. I just feel like it's nobody's business. Like anything anyone wants to know about me, and every conversation anyone tries to have with me has an ulterior motive. Even if I'm right, and they really are out to get me, it's no way to live.

 

The worst part is, I think that I'm right, and other people just aren't cynical enough to see it. But I've got to do something about it. It's starting to get out of hand, to the point that I think I lost a potential friend over it.

[socal]

it makes sense that you are losing friends. how can you be friends with someone who barely knows you? you're not letting other know who you really are!

 

more importantly, it sounds like you're hiding from something or you fear something. what is it? what's that worse case senario that's playing in your head when you lie, hide, or say "it's none of your business." what's so bad about the government reading this anyways? just a thought.

 

has something in the past triggered your paranoia?

[RobustMouse]

Listen, I totally understand!

 

Please excuse me, but it could you be an undiagnosed OCD? I know that might sound rude, but I'm just trying to help you. Or like Socal suggested, did some king of truama happen to make you paranoid? You might want to visit a therapist or talk to someone you trust about this issue.

 

I myself am a very open person. I'll tell just about anyone anything. (with some limits of course) Is it that you feel you might be judged? I don't know that if thats the reason, but if it is, understand that being paraniod to the point that you seem in the message is only going to cause you to be judged in that negative way.

[p_fred]

I hear your pain.. I have the same problem but usually only when I'm stressed from work or life. Find someone you trust and tell them what you are worried about.. if that doesn't help (usually they ask questions and your answers help you think straight) or go see your doctor and get some medication but try to take the lowest amount possible.. that stuff can make you a zombie.

 

I'm fighting the same battle and lost a really nice girl because of this problem... everything was good and somehow I started to think she was out to get me (watched too many A&E crime and detective stories) I guess I thought she was too good to be true and I wasn't used to someone being so thoughtful and nice to me (it was the little things like buying me a drink and bringing it home when she picked one up for herself).

 

Try to have more faith in people.. 99% of people are good, its just that we always hear the bad things about the 1%.. and they are probably good most of the time too and just fell off the wagon for some reason.

 

I'll try to take some of my own advice

[Eddward]

it makes sense that you are losing friends. how can you be friends with someone who barely knows you? you're not letting other know who you really are!

 

more importantly, it sounds like you're hiding from something or you fear something. what is it? what's that worse case senario that's playing in your head when you lie, hide, or say "it's none of your business." what's so bad about the government reading this anyways? just a thought.

 

has something in the past triggered your paranoia?

 

My worst case scenario from the government is that they have a comprehensive profile of my life based on the things I post on the internet. Because that's just creepy, and it really is none of their business in this case.

 

My worst case scenario from other people is that what I tell them can be used against me. And it's happened a couple times. Using the birthday example again, here's one that happened not too long again.

The guys at work are the closest thing I have to a group of friends that I hang out with, even though they're all a lot older than me. They're friends with my dad too. My dad likes to let people know my birthday is coming up, even though I tell him not to, and in this case I actually had a good reason. They had commented before that they were going to take me to a strip club for my 18th birthday. But I didn't really want to go to a strip club. I told them not to do anything, and they said they wouldn't. And they didn't. Then about a week after my birthday I found out from my dad that they had tried to hire a stripper and bring her to work. My dad stopped them, but stuff like that is why I don't want people to know my birthday. I'm really worried I'll be dragged off to a bar on my 21st. But the paranoia not a result of that event. Even before that I hated people knowing my birthday, because I thought something like that would happen.

 

Listen, I totally understand!

 

Please excuse me, but it could you be an undiagnosed OCD? I know that might sound rude, but I'm just trying to help you. Or like Socal suggested, did some king of truama happen to make you paranoid? You might want to visit a therapist or talk to someone you trust about this issue.

 

I myself am a very open person. I'll tell just about anyone anything. (with some limits of course) Is it that you feel you might be judged? I don't know that if thats the reason, but if it is, understand that being paraniod to the point that you seem in the message is only going to cause you to be judged in that negative way.

 

I guess I could be OCD, I hadn't really about it. What are the symptoms?

I've never had any actual trauma, although it seems like any time I tell someone something I want to keep private, it comes back to bite me.

For example, the girl I like. It's not something I talk about much, just because I'm not comfortable with it. But twice, with two different friends and two different girls, I've told them who I like and they went and said something. The first time, my friend just flat out said it in casual conversation, like it wasn't even a big deal. I managed to lie my way out of that one, since he's been known to tell stories. The second time, he told me he was going to say something, I begged him not to, and he did it anyway. I didn't see the girl that often anyway, so I just started avoiding her. And I think it's about to happen again, with yet another friend and another girl. You'd think I would have learned my lesson by now, but I thought maybe he could help me, since he knows her better than I do. I started asking about her, and he figured out why I was asking, and he laughed at me for being so secretive about it. After I talked to him about it a little, I thought I had him taking it seriously, but then when I asked something about her again he laughed again. I don't know if he's going to say something to her or not, but I don't think I could get out of this one.

That was probably way more information than you wanted, but typing it made me think. Part of it is fear of being judged, and the other part is fear of information being used against me. I feel like no one would ask questions about me unless they had an ulterior motive.

 

I hear your pain.. I have the same problem but usually only when I'm stressed from work or life. Find someone you trust and tell them what you are worried about.. if that doesn't help (usually they ask questions and your answers help you think straight) or go see your doctor and get some medication but try to take the lowest amount possible.. that stuff can make you a zombie.

 

I'm fighting the same battle and lost a really nice girl because of this problem... everything was good and somehow I started to think she was out to get me (watched too many A&E crime and detective stories) I guess I thought she was too good to be true and I wasn't used to someone being so thoughtful and nice to me (it was the little things like buying me a drink and bringing it home when she picked one up for herself).

 

Try to have more faith in people.. 99% of people are good, its just that we always hear the bad things about the 1%.. and they are probably good most of the time too and just fell off the wagon for some reason.

 

I'll try to take some of my own advice

 

I've had medication before. Not for this, but for ADHD when I was younger. I'd rather not go there again.

I'd have more faith in people, but they aren't helping their own case.

[p_fred]

I'm guessing that because you are so shy and secretive these guys think they are helping you by telling these girls you like them. If you think about it, what is the big deal? Hopefully they like you and will be flattered and hope you will ask them out... if not at least it makes them feel "wanted" which most people like... who doesn't want people to like them? Its a nice ego boost for them if nothing else. Now that I think about it I guess it might take away some of the "I wonder if he really likes me?" questions in their minds... or maybe not.. its only a rumor after all.. until you "validate" it.

[Eddward]

I'm guessing that because you are so shy and secretive these guys think they are helping you by telling these girls you like them. If you think about it, what is the big deal? Hopefully they like you and will be flattered and hope you will ask them out... if not at least it makes them feel "wanted" which most people like... who doesn't want people to like them? Its a nice ego boost for them if nothing else. Now that I think about it I guess it might take away some of the "I wonder if he really likes me?" questions in their minds... or maybe not.. its only a rumor after all.. until you "validate" it.

 

Guy number 2 said he was doing it for my own good. But I don't see how it would help anything, and either way I told him not to say anything. So was it really okay for him to do it anyway?

I know that the only time I found out that a girl liked me, it just made me really uncomfortable being around her, and not in a good way. I figured girls would have the same thing if they found out I liked them. Do girls react differently than guys?

I maybe could pass it off as a rumour in a worst case scenario, I'll keep that option on the table.

[caro33]

Sounds like you have just had some bad luck with people taking things too far and not realising how it affects you. I hated being young, because I had strong views on what I liked and didn't like, but older people rolled me because they thought they knew better, or they could get me 'out of my shell', and people my own age were just clueless. Sounds a little like what's happening with you.

 

People are always going to get stuff wrong, there will always be well meaning types who do for you what they would want done for them, and they don't account at all for the fact that you are different people, with different needs and values. But as long as you also have some people around who 'get' you, it's okay.

 

For instance, I am also careful about my birthday because I hate the cakes and inane conversation stuff that happens at work. So I don't tell. There are heaps of people just like me here as well, it's always a relief to find that others don't want to be made a big deal of as well. Sometimes, frustratingly, you just need to put in the hard yards and get some adult kudos for people to take this side of you seriously.

 

Re your friend telling the girl - that's embarrassing but not so bad really. It means that if she's into you as well the path will be smoother. I think the reason you were uncomfortable with hearing about the other girl liking you is just because you didn't feel the same way. Hey, we have all been here. Just don't share stuff with this guy from now on - it's not paranoid or too cynical to not share stuff when you know the other person can't be trusted to not tell!

 

You may or may not be too paranoid about the internet, who knows? However, think of all that internet traffic everyday, all that pointless, dumb BS that people speak on every topic known to man - what database could house all that and how many doozers would it take to analyse it all? Most governments can't even get their core intelligence and governance duties right, let alone worry about that.

 

You don't sound like you are out of your tree with paranoia to me, but you sound mistrusting and a bit overanalytical. I know it sounds flippant, but try and relax a little and be a bit gentler on yourself. You will know a kindred spirit when you meet one, try and be open just enough so that you are able to share yourself as you want to be shared when they come along.

[socal]

I see. Well how about looking at this from a different perspective. It doesn't sound like you're very outgoing, which is perfectly fine. However, your friends perhaps are only trying to get you to be a little more open, wild social... Or maybe they just want to celebrate your birthday and they really thought a stripper would be a nice gesture for turning the legal age. Instead of telling not to, maybe you can tell then what you would prefer... such as a guys poker night or whatever floats your boat.

[Eddward]

Right, so if a girl finds out I like her and she doesn't like me, won't that make things REALLY weird?

Data storage is really cheap these days. The government (or whoever) wouldn't save EVERYTHING, they've leave out things like video, probably sound, and most images. It takes up a lot of storage space and is harder to analyze with computers. Storing the text isn't out of reach though. Yes, it would take a lot of people to analyze. That's why they're being lazy and using computers, and they're NOT getting it right. That's one of the things I'm most worried about. For the all the advances in horsepower, computers are still pretty stupid when it comes to reading English. It's generating ungodly amounts of false positives, and letting real bad guys get away. You could have the men in black come after you for something you didn't do, just because the computer told them to. Now, the odds are strongly in your favor of getting let off the hook if it's a false positive. But what if you just get unlucky? Or what if, when investigating the lead, they find something else they don't like? That's why it's better to have as little identity as you can. That one I'll remain paranoid on, because there's really no downside.

I am definitely mistrusting and overanalytical. That's partly because people keep pulling stupid things on me. I can't figure out who to trust. There's one person who in the 10 years I've known him has never screwed me, but all the other ones I've gotten wrong. So how can you tell?

 

 

 

The thing is that I specifically told them I didn't want a stripper, and they tried to do it anyway. But I'll try to give an alternative in the future.

[FiredandHurt]

Welcome to Fascism. Seriously, we are being monitored everywhere. Technology in the wrong hands creates monsters. It is very hard to find privacy anymore and I am worried it is going to get way worse.