I'm scared..

[heatheRmal]

We've been together for alround 5 months.

I know it's not long, well for me it is, but I do love him.

And yes, I mean love.

 

I am only 16, but I've liked guys so much where I thought it was love, and this tops them all by far.

 

Anyways, to the point..

We almost broke up a few days ago because he says I'm spending too much time with Ashley and not enough with him.

(Which was true, but I didn't mean to it's just every time he asked me to do something, I had plans, and when I asked him, he had plans.)

But we worked it out.

 

I stayed over her house Friday night, we didn't sleep until 11:30AM, and we woke up at 5:00PM so there's not much we could do because we had to shower, get ready and all that and our curfews are both midnight.

Besides, I went to message my boyfriend online, but he was gone.

So Saturday was a no.

 

Her aunt had been drinking so I had no way home, so I stayed there Saturday night too and came home yesterday (Sunday).

I was going to message him online and ask him if he wanted to do something for New Years, but his name said "bed" the whole time.

And since he gets cranky when I call him and wake him up, I decided to wait and see if he comes online.

Since I didn't sleep the night before I got really tired around 11:30PM and I fell asleep, when his nickname still said "bed".

 

Today, I wake up and he left me a message on MySpace and it says to call him we need to talk.

 

I don't know his number (The only number I remember is my old best friend that I knew all my life. I suck with phone numbers and he knows that), and nobodies online that knows it.

 

I'm scared, I hate when he says things like that.

I don't know what to do.

I left him a message online saying:

 

"hey, i cant call cuz i dont have ur number&nobodies online that knows it, so please wake up&come on msn soon

 

sorry about stayin at ashleys for so long, saturday we didnt wake up till 5 and her aunt couldnt drive me cuz she was drinkin & i was gonna msg you but every time we were on msn ur name said u were gone, and yesterday i was gonna ask u do do somethin but ur name said you were in bed the whole time>_

 

He never answered yet.. His nickname says "suck y night. gone to bed."

Hopefully a sucky night might make him be mad at someone else instead of me

Hopefully I'm worrying about nothing.

 

He does have bipolar, which makes things really hard.

He's told me he doesn't know if he'll ever see me again, for me to forget him and forget all this ever happened, that he doesn't know if he'll even "be around" much longer, and lots of other things, but we've worked through it.

He always apologizes for saying things like that to me the next day.

Besides, it's not like this is a big deal.

Hopefully.

 

 

I just don't know what I'd do without him..

[xmrth]

I think the first thing you need to do is GET YOUR BOYFRIEND'S PHONE NUMBER and remember it. I'm assuming you don't have a cell phone if you can't remember numbers so you really need to remember it-- he's your boyfriend of 5 months and you are out of touch constantly.

 

It's fine you were out, but if this is the case you've got no way of contacting him other than the internet, then it's really going to feel like you two are completely out of touch and unplugged from eachother making things seem so big to him.

 

I think it's the first thing you need to do; just -calling him- and being clear with your plans will seriously make a world of difference.

And with New Years, why wait until the day to make plans? Things like that, you should make more plans with him and keep them, and not rely on whatever else in your life happens to determine what you're going to do with your boyfriend every time.

 

 

Martha

[heatheRmal]

Normally we do make plans, like on Christmas and whatnot.

But were both not really the kinds of people that plan things, were both the Laze Around The House until Someone Suggests Something kind of people.

 

I really do want to call him, and I would if Ashley or someone was online so I could get it.

I hate the phone so much, that's why I don't really know anyones number.

Everyone around here is online alot so normally it's more efficiant[sp?] than the phone.

 

Besides, I am kind of crying right now >_

So that wouldn't be to cool to call him while I'm crying

 

I left him another message on MSN saying I'm really sorry I don't have his number, and that I feel like such a for not calling him.

[southerngirl]

Right now think of dating as trying on a pair of shoes. You wear them, you walk in them.. you may even keep them for a while but after they start pinching your toes, you have outgrown that pair of shoes, even if you love that shoe.... what do you do?? You take the shoe off, and place it back on the shelf. You may even find yourself a better fitting pair of shoes.

 

I only share this with you because love is such a wonderful feeling that sometimes we forget that a person may only be fitting for a little while, and its okay to put that pair of shoes back onto the shelf.

 

Anyways, back to your problems. About him getting upset that you are spending time with your friend? You should not let him stop you. Remember this friend was there before him, and if you treasure her friendship she will be there for years to come. never let any boyfriend relationship end your current friendships. They are like gold, so treasure that.

 

Maybe he will come around and not be so upset anymore, he could have just had a bad night... But dont you allow him to blame you for that.. Dont be overly apologetic, from the sounds of it, you did nothing wrong. You simply spent the night with a friend and were not even partying so,,,, whats he got to be upset about?

 

Oh, and if you dont have his number..... get his number and write it on something you are sure not to lose. If he is your boyfriend, you shouldnt have to rely on getting his phone number from other people.

[heatheRmal]

Trust me on this one, my boyfriend is the most expensive and most comfortable Manolo Blahnik's out there, if I wanted to compare him to shoes.

 

Actually, I met Ashley because of him, I knew him for a few years. Sorry about the confusion.

Either way, I know I did nothing wrong, but still, he gets really moody

 

When he comes online, I'm going to get his number and put it in my iPod. The only reason he remembers mine is because it's in his cellphone, haha.

[southerngirl]

Yeah, start by getting his number and tell him you have put it in a safe place. Like xmrth suggested, he may be feeling out of touch.. He could have just had a bad night and missed you!

 

Hopefully it will all calm down after he has had a good nights sleep.

[anggrace]

I love the shoe comparison. It is so true! Ive worn some very nice shoes before as well. They were great while they lasted. Ive also worn shoes that I thought were great, but ended up hurting my feet. Anyway, try not to stress it. If he makes a big deal about it, than I think hes over reacting.

[heatheRmal]

Yeah, start by getting his number and tell him you have put it in a safe place. Like xmrth suggested, he may be feeling out of touch.. He could have just had a bad night and missed you!

 

Hopefully it will all calm down after he has had a good nights sleep.

 

I sure hope so.

 

He's actually been my first for alot of things, and normally I break up with guys before a gift-giving holiday because I suck at gifts, but I stayed with him through his birthday and Christmas (I got him the 'The Crimes of Jack the Ripper' book and $65 for the tattoo he's getting) and he's the only guy I cried over when we got into fights or when we almost broke up.

Other guys, I'd just be like "Oh well, another will come around" But not with him.. There's other fish in the sea, but he's the prize winner

(Wow, that was lame, lol)

 

Anyways, rambling.

*Stops rambling*

Haha

[heatheRmal]

I love the shoe comparison. It is so true! Ive worn some very nice shoes before as well. They were great while they lasted. Ive also worn shoes that I thought were great, but ended up hurting my feet. Anyway, try not to stress it. If he makes a big deal about it, than I think hes over reacting.

 

Oh I know he'd be over reacting. He does have bipolar so that may be why, and my mom said that bipolar is usually worse around this time of year. But I know it couldn't be 100% the bipolar, especially since he's taking medication for it.

 

Blah. I hate this.

[itsallgrand]

Have faith.

 

When you do get in touch with him, just ask him how he's doing. Be cool. This will all pass. He probably just had a rough day, like his screen name said.

 

I'm sure he'll be relieved when he hears from you.

 

You already got great advice. He may need to vent.

 

Feel better and congrats on finding someone who makes you feel fluttery inside. I'm happy for you.

[heatheRmal]

So I was at his house and everything was going fine.

He got really excited that I found out I wasn't pregnant, lol..

But then he got really mad cause there was one sexual thing I didn't really feel like going, and we didn't talk the rest of the night, and when I was walking home and he was walking to his brothers, he said "What's your problem tonight? You're not talking at all"

and I said "Well I thought you were mad at me" and he started kinda yelling saying "Of course I'm mad! You stay over Ashley's for two nights and don't call when you said you wouldn't do that again, and we didn't do anything the second day because when Ashley asked you if me and you had plans you said no, and the last two holidays we hardly got to see eachother.. Two hours on Christmas day, woohoo!" and all I could say was "I never told Ashley we didn't have plans.." because I couldn't get anything else out.. and when he started to turn to go to his brother's I said "Bye" and he was just like "Yeah, whatever.."

 

So when I got home I left him this message on myspace:

 

"Look, I'm sorry about tonight;/

I'm not used to having in person serious conversations, because serious conversations never really happen with me..

 

But anyways.. What I wanted to say, but couldn't really get out was..

 

I'm sorry I didn't spend Christmas with you.. I really wanted to but I had a bunch of famil y stuff going on, and me and Ashley had Christmas day planned for a while, but I still should have went with you..

 

I never told Ashley that me and you didn't have plans, because she never asked. I thought our plans were if we go to the movies, me and you would do something else so Ashley and George could be alone. And since we never woke up till 5 we never went to the movies, so I didn't think that our plans would even happen. Either way I still should have called you

 

And New Years eve.. I stayed home all day and all night waiting for you to come on msn, cause I wanted to spend New Years with you.. I should have called you but I thought you were mad at me for staying at Ashley's another night without calling, so I didn't.

 

As for the whole "You promised you wouldn't do that again" thing.. I know I did, and I didn't do it again.. I stayed at her house for one more night, it's not that long.. It's not like last time when it was a few days. But I still am really sorry. I felt like crap that whole day, and right now, if it makes you feel any better

 

But still.. I'm just an idiot..

I'm really sorry.

I love you

 

 

*sigh* Lonnnng post

Ahhh, I hate this, I just feel like sitting in my room and reading or listening to music and just shutting everyone out completely >_

 

I told my mom about why he's mad at me, and she said "Well it's not like he owns you, you shouldn't have to call every time you go out" and I know that but I'd rather call him all the time then have him this mad at me..

[heatheRmal]

Ahh, he just replied with "maybe its time we took a break from each other for a while or something..."

And all I could say was " >_

i dont really know what to say to that

 

Like, waht am I supposed to say to that?

 

"Oh sure, I'll take a break from you. Instead of crying when you get mad at me, I'll just cry every night till we're back together cause I can't handle not being with you, not seeing you, not kissing you, knowing that you're off with someone else while I'm here moping around my house. Maybe then I'll cry so much that when we're back together I won't be able to cry anymore! That's a prefect idea."

 

I hate this so much..

[heatheRmal]

Oh my god I'm going insane, I'm crying my eyes out right now, this can't end yet.. not like this.. not because of my own stupidity..

 

him: maybe its time we took a break from each other for a while or something...

 

me: >_

i dont really know what to say to that

 

him: i understand ...you never do know what to say

 

me: ugh, well okay i lied

i do know what to say to that

i dont want that to happen because i dono if i could handle that because im a weak * * * * *..

what i want to happen is this to just pass and we forget it even happened becuase, trust me, its never gonna happen again cause i beat myself up enough over it already and its making me feel like * * * * knowing that i pissed you off that much

but if thats what you want to do cause you think itll help, well theres nothing i can do to stop you

 

him: heather your alot different then i thought you were...i need a girlfriend who is more strong can say whats on her mind and not just sit around and mope, if you dont know my number ? write it down and put it away somewhere and dont lose it , we been going out for how long? even little things that dont matter that much still hurt, this whole this with ashley pissed me off beyond , and i couldnt break up with you over it the first time, but i said to myself i am not letting it happen again cause it really pissed me off alot, i dont see this lasting much longer at all heather i am sorry to say

 

me: * * * *k.. listen, im sorry.. im trying, i really am.. and i can say whats on my mind its just with u i freeze up and think im gonna say something stupid, which i usually do.. i have your number in my ipod now so thats not an issue anymore.. trust me, before you i was alot worse, i couldnt say anything unless i knew i wouldnt soundlike an idiot over it.. the only reason everythings * * * *in up lately is because ive been being an idiot, and i promise ill stop that.. i dono why i did that and it hurt me just as much as it hurt you.. but i really dont wnat this to end yet cuz youre the best thing thats happened to me in a long time and i know i can do better than im doing now ..