Don't break NC!!!

[ebsmith1]

I broke two months of NC last night and I feel like crap! I knew this would happen after breaking it in the past, but I did it anyway and I feel awful! New Year's was not a special time for my ex and I but I'd been feeling very guilty about not talking to him over Christmas, so I sent him a text that just said "Happy New Year". Neither one of us are texting people and I thought he might be with his new girlfriend so I didn't expect a response and I actually would have been happier if I hadn't received one.

 

But, he texted back "Same 2 you and the boys" (I have 2 sons)

 

I should have left it alone at that, but I responded "Thanks. I hope you find everything you are searching for" (he told me he wanted to find "the one" and it wasn't me)

 

He responded with "I wish nothing but the best for you and think of you every day"

 

I just said "I think of you 2" and that was the end of it.

 

I know he doesn't want me back, and even though I shouldn't, I still want him back. I don't know what I hoped he would say, probably that he misses me and wants to come back. So if you are thinking about breaking NC, read some of SuperDave's posts like I should have and DON'T DO IT!!!

[meantime]

Sorry that you are feeling bad today. I too fought the impulse to contact my ex last night. I have only been NC since the beginning of December, he calls but I don't answer because he doesn't want to get back together either he just likes to know what I am doing. I know exactly how you feel, contact hurts. Take care.

[Boughs]

Although the breakin NC was bad... the things said were almost harmless. Your response after the "Happy New Year 2 u and the boys" was not good, yet he turned it into something sweet.

 

I think that this is a good NC initiater. I don't think you'll have a hard time from here on out. Just relax and move on now.

[ebsmith1]

I hated what he said though! It might have been sweet sounding, but he broke our engagement after one month and is already almost living with someone. I don't want him to think of me every day, I want him to be sorry and beg for my forgiveness! I don't think I'll have too much trouble keeping NC now either, but I wish I'd never broken it. I think deep down I was hoping that he still loved me.

[Boughs]

Stop thinking about him. Expecting someone to get on their knees and change is only going to hold YOU back. Think hurting yourself is worth it while he is moving on and figuring out his life?

 

Who cares if he apologizes... he left you and that is it. He's trying to find something else. Whether you are the one or not, he is on his agenda and finding what suits him best. Likewise you should be too. If you think he was... then you are a fool head deep. Pick your head up and move on.

[VIRGOLDY]

ebsmith, don't be so hard on yourself. The holidays are tough for EVERYONE.

The guy hurt you, and he was a cad, but at least he isn;t stringing you along, like many ex'es do. It sounds like he does care for you, and I know that's a small consolation, but compared to all the jerks out there, that's saying a lot.

[VIRGOLDY]

And for the record, I think you've handled this whole situation with much more class and dignity than you give yourself credit for. You're gonna be fine. Hang in there.

[meantime]

We all hope deep down they still love us. I am sure on some level he does still love you. Contact hurts because their words go around and around in our heads, we read way too much into them. Just start today and know that so many of us know exactly how you feel. It hurts like hell and it is work to let go of it.

[dnozzle]

I almost broke NC last night too. I was searching for my ex's number while at a party, desperately wanting to drunk dial her and tell her what a lying deceitful bich she was and how she treated me like crap when we were together.

 

Luckily, I couldn't find the number.

 

I did have a great time though, despite that moment of weakness.

[ebsmith1]

I know that he does still love me, that's what hurts. He's never going to commit to anyone, and he's going to hurt the girl he's with. He's going to keep doing this same thing to girl after girl until he is old and alone. He has a pattern and I think I'm more sad about that than anything else. He's searching for something he's already found over and over. It hurts because he could be happy if he'd just let himself. I know that I'll go on and be happy, but he might never and that makes me sad for him. I'd have loved him for the rest of my life, and now I have all of that love and no place for it to go.

[meantime]

I know you want that love to go to him but the truth is someone else is just waiting for that kind of love. Think how amazing life could be if everyday you are loved as equally as you give. Love without anxiety. I don't know what happened in your relationship but it sounds like you gave more than you got.

[ebsmith1]

That's what I want more than anything. I thought I had it with him, I never thought we wouldn't be together. Looking back, I know I loved him more than he ever loved me. Short version....we were together for over 3 years, he proposed in July and broke up with me in August, said I wasn't "the one". Found out he'd cheated on me once during the relationship (his admission) and I believe he started working on the girl he's with now before he broke the engagement. I guess now it's just fear. I'm young (26) but I'm a single mom to two little boys. Who's going to want me? I never go anywhere but to work and home to them, how will I meet someone? How will I ever trust that they love me?

[meantime]

Have you read any self help books? Who will want me? That questions says so many things. First of all it is so natural after a break up to feel this way. But also it could indicate other things that need to be fixed that have nothing to do with the loss of this guy if you consider someone who cheated on you a true loss. I know it sounds empty for me to write, give your energy to yourself and your boys because when the heart is broken it just wants to feel good again. Please try not to walk around with the attitude "who will want me?" This is a temporary state of mind. How great was this guy? Truly? You are 26 you can still do anything you want with your life even with two little boys, you really can.

 

And, you don't want to attract the type of guy who lunges after the woman with the sign on "who would want me" now do you? No. You want to attract the kind of guy who sees the woman who is responsible for her children and yes she has had her heart broken before but she came out of it because she was/is aware of her value. I know it hurts right now.

[ebsmith1]

I think I'm just really down today and that's why I'm thinking all of these things. I was seeing someone else, but it seems like he's done with me as well although I have no clue what happened there. I guess I just feel kind of worthless right now. My ex-husband is happily re-married, all my friends are married and my ex is with someone new. I just feel like I'm so alone! I love my boys more than anything, but I want to be with someone who loves me.

[evening_light]

Ebsmith1, sorry your hurting, so you've sent a text, forget about it, we've all had our moments of weakness, now you go back to NC...

 

This guy admitted "cheating on you", why would you want him back? You're (26) and have a full life ahead of you...You have two great sons that loves YOU and you love THEM...Right now, your love for them is more important than trying to find a new love in your life...

 

Yes..you will find someone but now you need to "heal"...let some time go by...don't put negative taughts in your head that you will never find "anybody else"....people want a confident person, someone happy, fun...and you sound like you could be that kind of person...

 

Today 2007, a new beginning happens....