Relaxation

[Lynnie]

Okay. So I'm twenty years old, female, and in a long-term committed relationship. My first serious boyfriend was with the man I'm with now. I was a total and complete virgin when we met, so obviously he was everything from my first romantic kiss to my first lover.

 

I've had sexual issues in the past, so it took a while for me to be able to trust and become intimate with him. However, from the first time and onward, I've had a real problem with orgasm. He's a very good listener and makes sure to please me how I instruct him to, and it always feels wonderful, however I can never seem to get over that final hurdle into orgasm.

 

I've talked with him about this on several occasions and he understands that it isn't his fault and that I really do feel quite a bit of pleasure, but that even during masturbation I have a hard time reaching orgasm, and when I do, it's rarely satisfying.

 

I suppose what I'm asking is if any women have had the same problem and were able to overcome it. I've tried so many relaxation tips from soft music to rhythmic music to silence to different positions and speeds and pressures. Nothing seems to help. I do know that I have a better chance of coming if it's clitoral stimulation, but even then it isn't a guarantee. I just want to be able to come like he does. Sometimes I feel not quite up to par just because even though he's says he understands, how horrible must it be for a man to almost never be able to make his fiancee orgasm?

 

I appreciate any tips anyone might have. Thanks

[Considerate Empath]

Have you ever said those three words out loud to eachother: "I Love You"?

 

If not, then that might be what you need, if you have then maybe you just need to hear it more often/him saying it to you in bed/him taking the initiative more often.

 

Something like that, maybe.

 

 

Best of luck!

 

//C.E.

[jusified]

My Ex had the simlar issue but even tually she got better near the end.

Reasons for you not been able to have a satisfying orgasm could be because;

 

1) You are not turned on enough, more foreplay

2) You restrict your mind and is still getting use to sexual acts

3) You have to much negative feelings and thoughts while you are doing it, guilt, is it good? shuold i be doing this, does he mind.....

4) You partner isn't doing the right things to turn you on and you don't know how to communicate it to him.

 

Suggestion?? read cosmo, or other books/magazines which talk about sex to females. Get use to the idea that its an special intimate and fun thing to do between 2 ppl who love each other.

 

1) try play Sothing music (Noara Jones...i don;t know) while you guys are messig around

2) Very Important, lots of anticipation and foreplay (YOU need to be turned on and wanting it)

3) Be patient, relax and have fun, Sometimes a girl needs time to orgasm, sometimes a long time.

4) Keep trying ...

 

I know I was annoyed when my ex didn't want to do that stuff or isnt able to orgasm properly, but with time she eventually did and loved it (lol before she broke up with me). But you can do it. As to if there is any particular methods?? Oral on you is usually easiest, there is a thread thats titled "going down stairs" or something, check it out and get him to do that stuff to you, both clitoris and gspot massage should do it.

 

Hope it helps, let us know if everything works out. A good relationship needs a good sex life.

[Lynnie]

Have you ever said those three words out loud to eachother: "I Love You"?

 

If not, then that might be what you need, if you have then maybe you just need to hear it more often/him saying it to you in bed/him taking the initiative more often.

 

Something like that, maybe.

 

 

Best of luck!

 

//C.E.

 

Yes, we say it very often, especially during sex. Even during rougher sex we constantly say I love you and other expressions of the like. We're very emotional and expressive people, so that's never been a problem for us.

 

Thanks so much for your input.

[jusified]

i dont know if saying "I love you"all the time is a good thing. It cant be over used.... specially during sex.

[Lynnie]

I agree. I think more than anything, it's just a mental thing for me. I seem to be stuck in either "Am I doing a good job" type of place or I get kind of nervous. I'm beyond comfortable with my fiance and being intimate with him, but sometimes sexual acts in general seem intimidating to me. I communicate very well with him, and vice versa, so I don't feel like he isn't sure of what to do.

 

We're very fond of oral because it is the most common way he can bring me to orgasm. We're usually pretty good with foreplay, but because we've been a long distance relationship for several years now, each time we visit follows months of separation and that leads to somewhat harried sex when we finally have the chance. He'll be moving in mid-January, so I think that with plenty of time to be together, we can really focus on the foreplay and the things that really pleasure me.

 

I really appreciate your comments. Thanks so much for all your input.

[jusified]

well there is your answer, your own mental bock and the Long distance thing.

 

I'm sure the relationship will improve once he moves. But on a relationship level things will change drasticall when h moves, so try and keep the excitment and love with each other and work through any problems.

[Lynnie]

i dont know if saying "I love you"all the time is a good thing. It cant be over used.... specially during sex.

 

I didn't say all the time. However, I would have to say that's based on the relationship. Sex is very important to me in that I want it to be a really emotional, bonding experience. I don't take it lightly and never have. Frankly, if someone is getting that close to me, I want to know that they love, respect, and appreciate me.

 

That being said, there is such a thing as being too clingy, but we aren't there. For our personalities and the way our relationship is, it's the most appropriate thing. It really is the thing that keeps me utterly relaxed during any type of sex.

[denisemarie]

O.K. I'm no expert, but I am female and I have been in your situation. It took me years to realize it, but I could never reach that point to complete climax. Believe me we tried everything. It wasn't until I was in my late twenties and bamm it came, or more importantly I did. It was after my divorce and I met someone who took time, alot of time, to help me reach it. No toy in the world could have done it for me. I took psychology a few years back and I finially realized what no one will ever tell you, there is no such thing as a vaginal orgasm, in fact, the only reason a woman will orgasm during intercourse is if the clitoris is being stimulated at the same time, which is very hard to do. The vagina is nothing more than a primative penis, this I also learned in psych. All life starts female until testosterone is introduced in the womb and it becomes male and the vagina starts to essentially grow into a penis, so it makes sense that a woman's clitoris is just as sensitive as the head of a man's penis and ultimatly it is there that the orgasm lies. Don't be freaked out if you don't have an orgasm during intercourse, most women don't. Your guy needs to spend some time figuring out what stimulates you, be it hand or mouth. I prefer both and use plenty of lubrication if he uses his hand. Sometimes if I know he is really excited I will let him orgasm first then I can have more time and not feel rushed. Tell him to remove any distractions (TV, lights, background noise) you need to be completely relaxed, and tell him to think about what he would like if you were manipulating him. Once you get there it becomes so much easier. Best of luck!

[jusified]

hmmm that might be true but there are orgasms from Clitoris and orgasms from stmulating the Gspot. The Gspot orgasm is usually better, stronger and longer. I am a guy and to be honest not that sexually experienced. BUt I don't think Clitoris is the only orgasm you can get. Sure some girls can only get a Gspot orgasm with clitoris stimulation but it is still a different orgasm.

 

I agree that the mind and the way your partner operates are a combination factor to the NON Orgasm issue.

 

talking about intercourse, ask your partner to stimulate your clitoris with the part of his body that is just above the base f the penis in missionary position. So instead of Pull and insert, get him to do it in a grinding way that stimulates the clitoris while at the same time rubbs the Gspot.

 

Geez I need a root right now!!!