confused and hurting but still in love with her

[dino-prime]

hi this is my first post to this site, ive read many of the other posts and felt it wouldn't hurt to tell u my little tale.

 

my gf and i have broken up and i'm hurting, i'm 26, she is 22, we have been seeing each other for 3yrs and 4 months.

 

this last weekend was a bank holiday 3 day wkend here in england, we were planning to go to blackpool for a nice weekend together. We never made it. i get a txt msg from here saying that she didn't want to meet me and she would be in touch on saturday and we were not going to blackpool. boy did that spin me round.

 

a bit of history. my gf and me meet on a blind-date set up by a friend of mine and his gf. we got on very well and decided to spend some time together. i was 23 and she was turning 19, this was my first proper relationship with someone, she had dated previously but nothing lasting morethan a few weeks, we were both each others first.

 

anyway, time goes on and we fall in love and get to know each other better.

 

Roll forward, to this january, we had an argument over something or other. we made up and i thought nothing more.

 

a week later, she calls me and wants to meet after work. we meet and she bursts out crying really heavy sobs, she was so ashamed of herself, she had gone out with mates on the friday and saturday nite after our argument and gotten drunk, she had ended up kissing other men, 2 1 on each nite. anyway, i talk to her and after some thought i forgive her, i love her deeply and though it hurt i can forgive.

 

our home lives weren't comfortable, we both live with our parents, the only time we could be together was at her house when her stepdad wasnt at home, hes a driver and is frequently away, he knew it went on but let it go after he got to know me. she would come to my house and sleep in my bed whilst i slept on the floor, she was never 100% comfortable with my family and they towards her.

 

we tried, i know i did, to make the best of it, this last year found us treading water, so that i could try and get an exam out of the way so that i could earn better money frm work to get us a place together. thats what we wanted.

 

we argued like most couples, money, time, i let her go out and have fun with her friends and do want she wanted.

 

anyway she had been going out 4 nites in a row last week, dancing, she looks after babies as her job and i had had a go at her about it, cuz on friday morning she had stayed over at a mates (recently separated/4 kids) house, no phone and she was late to work, i got worried about her and was like this when we argued that morning.

 

i rang her back later and apologised, she said "so you should" as if i was in the wrong.

 

that afternoon ig et the txt msg from her, i ring her up and she tells me that she needs space and time apart, so that she can feel young again and do whats she wants. she felt that i smouthered her a bit and that i had issues that i had to sort myself. she loved me, but couldn't guarantee that she could be faithfull to me and didin't want to hurt me.

 

this was my first br3akup and it hurts, she had lost her father when 13 and doesn't seem emotional about it all, she has been out with friends everynite since and is avoiding going home, this is worrying the hell out of her parents and me.

 

i need advice as how i should handle her, i would love to get her back but know that mite not happen, she says she wants me as a friend but i dont know if i could handle it.

 

got to go back to work i'll post later with more details on how ive been supporting her and how i feel used.

[street]

this is a smilar situation to mine, im 25 shes 21, broke up after 4 years..

it seems these days girls panic and suddenly need space to find themselfs..

 

i let her go out with her mates whenever she wanted, but that never seems good enough..they just need to be single and get it out of there system..

 

ive been split 3 months now and i know theres no going back...

 

i hope u do if that is what u truly want, i say give her the space she wants..im still mates with my ex but its a hard thing to do..expecially when there out partying all the time like it seems are ex's are. in a way thats what they want so good luck to them..they will soon get bored of it and relise what they have thrown away..by then we would have moved on and found someone else...

 

use this time to go out with ur mates, u have a good time..thats what im doing, its hard at first..i remember what it was like when i first split!! i do not want to go through that again...hang in there..it will sort itself out for the best!

[dino-prime]

cheers street, from reading the posts and articles from this site i've been able to cope.

 

i know its only been a week and i know its going to take time. lucky my friends are coming up country to see me this weekend which will help, but im back to being on my own when they go. I have no friends round here because they all moveed away whilst me and gf were together so i became dependent upon her for friendship as well as love.

 

i know i'm going to have to go out and make new friends but i've never been very good at that.

 

she has her work mates and close mates still around.

 

i still think that there maybe some influence on her from certain quarters, i could just be trying to find blame.

 

i just dont want to see her get hurt, she says she can handle herself but i know thats not the case and her parents fear for her safety, but she isnt talking to them, she isnt talking to me, we dont know whats going on in her head. she is talking to her mate from work who she started seeing regularly about 4 weeks ago, going out and stuff, she split from hubby after he dumped her for another woman, left her with 4 boys and 3 months to move out. then 2 weeks later my gf says she needs space and is out every nite doing god knows what.

 

i gave that girl every moment of my time, every ounce of my strength and she took it all and thrown me aside like a used tissue.

 

im angry that she wont talk and be honest with me, she has now started lying about where she is to her parents, she says she is at one place but is usually round at this mates house.

 

we booked a holiday together and i paid not expecting this, i now cannot get any of my money back £200 up the kaiser, she owes me £850 from various times that she needed money. she owes her mum god knows how much.

 

i realise now that she was manipulating me and i think that she thinks she can make me hang on for her because i have no mates around, im guess im her safety net for when she gets hurt, i dont know.

 

i saw her yesterday to get some paper work from her, once again she was round her mates house, she came out asked me how i was as if nothing had happened, then she said i was allowed one hug, i mean wtf, this girl had the best of me for over 3 years and now s is pissing all over me.

 

i felt really low after , but i sat here on this site for a couple of hours last nite and learned alot.

 

i dont know if we will get back, i dont know if i should, i let her go because i thought it was the honourable thing to do, i couldnt hold her back from what she wanted to do. i did it because i love her i guess.

 

as they say in basic;

 

10 say "fool"

20 goto 10

return

 

i have decided that if she wants to talk then she should get in touch not me chsing her anymore. she hurt me and now im feeling that she should be hurt too, revenge is a terrible feelling.

 

im worn out, sorry my rants have gone on, i know i will go on i just wish she had given it a chance.

[street]

I know where ur coming from, I thought my ex may have been influenced by others saying things like "your too young to settle down, go out and enjoy yourself" it was after a nite out with these friends that she finished and you know what I never got a proper reason..i loved this girl so much and put her first all the time, u know what they don't deserve us nice blokes.. let them get treated like crap by some loser as im sure that will happen to my ex…

 

As for ur holiday I had that as well, we had one booked she never came and I never got the money for it..im kinda friends with my ex, but some days I hate her sooo much!! Anger is good..u will go through many stages!!

 

Its tough about ur mates, trouble with me is I have my mates around but they were hers as well, its made things a little diffulcult at times..we live so close its hard not to bump into them..

 

No worries about ranting, it helps let me tell u…what about family?? I talked to my family loads and it really helped!!!

 

Take it easy pm me if u need anything, I will glady help another mate

[dino-prime]

well what a weekend, my mates from around the country all come back for a large nite out clubbing 8)

i get rather lagered and have a blast, probably why the clubs called blast-off.

 

 

friday nite my ex calls and we have a heart to heart and get some closure and we both feel better and want to stay friends but i feel that i can now move on.

 

anyway my ex went out and stayed at her friends place against the wishes of her mother, told her she was somewhere else.

 

her mum has now kcked her out of the house cuz of the situation and so she is currently staying at her friends whilst she trys to organise her life and get a roof over her head.

 

i am going to support her as best i can as a friend and try to be there for her but i am sorting myself out and moving on.

[dino-prime]

well she has found herself a place and is moving in next week.

 

she has totally ruined her family relationship with her mum and dad, they cannot bear to see her because of the pain she has put them through.

 

i am very angry that she see's herself as the victim and that she doesnt face the responsibilty that she caused all this to happen.

 

she has hurt deeply the the only 3 ppl on this planet that cared for her and she doesn't care one bit.

 

at the end of the day as long a she gets what she wants, screw everyone else.

 

man that makes me mad, she is a heartless self centred little b***h who is gonna fall flat on her face in the next few months and she bloody deserves it. im not gonna pick her up she is not worth my time anymore.

 

she moved on as if the last 3 years didn't mean a thing, that hurts i put alot into that relationship.

 

i hope someone hurts her so she will understand what ive had to go through.

 

 

[miserable]

well she gave me the news about 4 days ago. Im 31 and shes 25. we've been married for almost 6 years. I have to bueatiful boys 2 and 5 and it feels like my life is over. I was staying home for three years being a home dad. Buting my ass everyday trying to help and make her happy and helping as much as i can. But then she says that i cant change and that shes been sick of me for the past three years. she said that she gave me chances and i didn't do much. She wants me to give here space now but i dont know how to give it to her i have an oppurtunity to leave but she doent want me to go. shes says there no hope for use right now. But shes so confused that one day she loves me the next day she hates me she tells me to go then she wants me to stay. I know i was wrong and i was depressed and miserable to but i was not going to give up on her. I still don't want to separate but its hard to stay in the house with her. I cant give up on her and i proud of my boys i just dont understand how she cant give me a chance to fix things i love her and shes the only person i want to be with i want it to work to get passed this but she cant do that right now is there still hope that maybe after i go for a bit will she want me back or will she just enjoy being alone. Shes just so confused she doesn't know what she wants is that why shes keeping me here or is she just want me here for the kids help me im losing my hope and i dont want to.

[paleoman]

dino-prime

 

It's good to go through those feelings of hating her and thinking she is a bitch. Just don't let it consume you. When I was 23 my first gf dumped me, I was insane, I never felt that way b4. The worst part is while her and I were togther we got an apt right down the road from my mother's apt. After she dumped me I moved back home. She left me for some little punk from a club. I used to go sit in the mornings and watch him leave, thinking of ways to bet the crap out of him without getting caught. Talk about pain, I was torturing myself (Jesus I wish I could go smack the crap out of my past self, she was so unworth those feelings). Anyways I know what you are going through, how the heck could she not feel the way you do? Well, she doesn't, there is no rationale to it, just don't try and figure it out because you can't, and if you try you will drive yourself crazy. Trust me, after that guy dumped her 2 weeks later she continued to date losers. I smashed her door in one night and the guy ran and hid in the kitchen, got in a little trouble for that one. My point is all I did is laughable now, I can't believe I could behave like that over this girl. She is young and immature and you need to realize that. She has to get this out of her system, otherwise she will never be happy.