How to tell if he/she is playing you..

[angelbomb101]

As much as we hate to admit it because of how stupid and nieve we feel for falling for their little game, all of us have been played. I've had men lead me on, get what they want and disappear so fast, they forgot they still had my panties on. (haha *laughs at self) So i thought it would be fun and slightly entertaining to post this thread. See points of views from both sexes about their experiences with players so to maybe benefit eachother in future times so we can avoid being ripped apart and on.

 

In my experiences, players come in many shapes and sizes and some play the game better than others. The ones that are best at being players are the ones that are charming, seem sweet and don't lie; they just leave parts out. They give out as little information about themselves as possible. They avoid all intimate details about their lives. Don't talk about their feelings or past dating experiences. They intrigue you with their great "charming" personality by convincing you that you are the most beautiful creature they have ever laid eyes on and they would saw off an arm and a leg to be with you. They make you feel damn special! And you feel like its too good to be true! Beware!!! This person isn't looking for a relationship. Maybe a long-term fling but they do not want to get emotionally involved. Some players are willing to work very hard for what they want and its not your mind.!

 

Another kind of player I have stumbled accross, Is the player of MIND GAMES! They lie, cheat and manipulate another person into getting what they want. It sounds like you'd be able to spot this kind of player as soon as the game was on. That's not always true. If the person is good at playing mind games, they know exactly how to get what they want and exactly what strings to pull to get it. Quite often, emotional abuse is something they use against us. Example: Pretending that theyre angry at you for something rediculous that you did, like calling them half an hour later than you said you would. Or for looking at a member of the oppisite sex with "lust" in your eyes. I've noticed with allot of mind game players, anger and Jealousy, is something they use allot. They are always trying to make you apologize to them and are constantly trying to make you feel bad about the way you are treating them. Even if you arn't treating them badly at all. Also, in most cases this is definitely a red flag of any formation of an abusive relationship and best to run for your life! If you are easily manipulated he may overstay his visit.

 

So if Anyone has anything to add PLEASE do!! Im not just looking for definitions of what a player is, also stories you wanna share or if you need advice about someone ur dating and ur not sure if theyre a player. I'd love to hear it!

[froufrou]

The most unlikely time you are going to detect if you're being played is when everything seems so promising. You have great conversations. You flirt. He/She makes you laugh. You feel great. But ask yourself this:

 

Does he/she contact you regularly?

*I really liked this guy, we had a great rapport and plenty of chemistry when we were together, but he never ever contacted me. If I made the effort to ring him, he'd always be enthusiastic to see me. But this avoids the burning issue that when I wasn't there, he didn't even have a couple of minutes to send me an email, or a text, or give me a ring, to see how I am. How could you ever contemplate pursuing a relationship with someone who doesn't care about you?*

 

Does his/her behaviour change when you're around other people?

*This one is guaranteed to catch the player out. Particularly if you bump into him with his/her friends, whom he\she probably reports all his conquests to, or his/her family. Watch how the flirtatious, charming person becomes reserved, polite and distant.*

 

Does he/she talk about their "deepest" feelings to you?

*Tricky one, this, but if he/she doesn't mention anything of their thoughts and feelings to you, they don't want to let you in. Don't be caught out thinking that they are a private person, believe me, even the most private of people have their intimates, it's just that you're not one of them. HOWEVER, if he/she does spill out their guts to you, ask yourself this - are they ever as willing to listen to your own thoughts and feelings? Chances are, they're the sort of person who says "I" and "me" an awful lot.*

 

Does this person talk about themselves?

*They're gorgeous, they're choosing to talk to you - they must really like you, right? Well, perhaps. Be wary of people who only want to talk to you about themselves. They may do it a really subtle fashion, recounting a gripping story of a trip they made around the world (which is pretty exciting) but keep an ear out as to whether they ever draw you in the conversation. Do they for instance, want to know about any travelling you have/haven't done? No? If you volunteer the information, do they switch off?*

[n83]

I pretty much always fall for players, so I've started to spot some warning signs.. The players I've dated would always

1) try to convince me that they're a good person

2) pretend to have morals (ie "i never say the lord's name in vain".. but then they'd do all this horrible stuff)

3) have friends of theirs try to tell me the truth

4) talk about themselves a lot like they were hot s--t

[need2bme]

I pretty much always fall for players, so I've started to spot some warning signs.. The players I've dated would always

1) try to convince me that they're a good person

2) pretend to have morals (ie "i never say the lord's name in vain".. but then they'd do all this horrible stuff)

3) have friends of theirs try to tell me the truth

4) talk about themselves a lot like they were hot s--t

 

You know, I may have done 1 or more of these from time to time. I don't think it is because I was/am a player. I think it stemmed more from being unsure of myself.

 

I never had friends talk to anyone, but I am sure some of the things I have said to women may have sounded as if I was trying to convince them. That would have come from a place where I was unsure of what to say and wanted them to like me so much, that I became unsure of myself.

 

Also, I have been known to get jaded on certaind things and probably throw around a curse word or two. Because of this, I have been told that some things I have said, have been harsh. I also believe this to just be a situation where I was jaded or unsure.

 

I think it is a question of reminding oneself of their worth, but also being cognizant of one's feelings and how they are reallyed. I try now to be more careful of what comes out of my mouth.

[rosie76]

Ballot's still out on whether this guy is a player or just really inept about using phones and / or not that in to me, but in retrospect the fact that he said a number of times on our first few dates (you know, the ones _before_ he stopped returning my calls) things like we'd always be friends, we'd always talk things through, etc. does seem a bit suspect.

 

Also he seemed waaaay too confident. Who invites a woman back to their hotel room before their first proper date to share a bottle of cheap rose while he gets ready and then sashays around in a towel slapping on aftershave and that despite having a bit of a belly? Fair enough we'd already shared a bed, but still, the self-confidence and relaxed attitude which was really attractive at the time seems a big red flag in retrospect.

[Batya33]

Ballot's still out on whether this guy is a player or just really inept about using phones and / or not that in to me, but in retrospect the fact that he said a number of times on our first few dates (you know, the ones _before_ he stopped returning my calls) things like we'd always be friends, we'd always talk things through, etc. does seem a bit suspect.

 

Also he seemed waaaay too confident. Who invites a woman back to their hotel room before their first proper date to share a bottle of cheap rose while he gets ready and then sashays around in a towel slapping on aftershave and that despite having a bit of a belly? Fair enough we'd already shared a bed, but still, the self-confidence and relaxed attitude which was really attractive at the time seems a big red flag in retrospect.

 

Sounds like you allowed yourself to be "played" (if indeed he is a player). I think the way to avoid being "played" (and that makes you sound passive - didn't you consent to share a bed with him and go back to his hotel room before the first date) is to not have sex with a man until you are exclusive for at least 2-3 months.

 

That way, you have a better chance of getting to know him and most "players" will not stick around that long to wait for sex. I have gone on dates with men who ended up just wanting sex but I never had sex with any of them because I believe I am worthy of a man who sincerely cares about me.. If the sex is consensual and without a commitment (i.e. both adults know there is no exclusivity or commitment) then I don't think either person was "played." Just because one person has expectations of a commitment doesn't make that person "played" by the other.

[rosie76]

I agree consentual sex without stated expectations is a mutual choice - no one has a right to claim to be badly treated if their internal expectations aren't met just because they've slept with someone.

 

But I disagree with this whole sense that women who have sex soon after knowing someone (and incidentally, we didn't have sex intially, we just shared a bed) shouldn't mind being treated in an ingenuine and disrespectful way. That's what 'playing' is to me - saying one thing (I like you a lot and want to meet up) and doing another (not calling). If I don't hear from this guy, I'll not be annoyed because I slept with him, which was my choice and which I enjoyed. I'll be annoyed because I was genuine with him and he wasn't with me. If he did call and said 'this isn't working out and I don't want to see you again', then no harm, no foul. I'd feel disappointed, as I really liked him, but I wouldn't feel I had been badly treated at all and I'd still be glad of the fun we had.

 

I realize this isn't true of lots of people, who will expect some long-term emotional return if they've been intimate with someone just because of the intimacy. And society tells us women that it's us that should should hold out on intimacy until the man proves himself worthy of trust. I think that borders on sexism, though - are women meant to not want sex? Are men meant to not want genuine relationships?

 

I don't want to wait months to test the waters, I just want to be treated honestly regardless of the outcome - it's not that difficult and seems certain to be less trouble in the long run than playing a person. What I wonder is if some of the fun for these habitual players is feeling they're getting something over on someone?

[Batya33]

I do not think a woman should be treated badly after having early consensual sex. However, I do not think a woman can expect to be treated as if she is all of a sudden in an exclusive or serious relationship just because she had sex. To me being treated badly in the situation you described would be if the man made offensive or derogatory comments, or perhaps did not have the courtesy to return a polite phone call from the woman after, or disappeared if the woman was pregnant or picked up an STD. What I do hear again and again is a man being called a "jerk" because he doesn't ask the woman out for a date, or for another date, after having s_x with her. This to me is an unrealistic expectation on the part of the woman - if she consented to casual sex, he owes her nothing in the way of another date or more romantic time spent together (and this isn't gender- based - I would say the same if the genders were reversed).

[DN]

I agree with Batya on this one. Other than simple politeness no one owes the other person anything after sex. It would be as wrong to infer after sex that a relationship was started than it would be to imply that one would beforehand.

[rosie76]

I think we probably agree. This:

 

or perhaps did not have the courtesy to return a polite phone call from the woman after,

 

is what my 'player' may or may not be doing. First seeing him week, all good. Second and third weeks, increasingly flaky about getting in touch, but with continued implication that he would eventually. If you've seen someone a half dozen times over the course of a week or two, regardless of what happens physically, and you leave them with the impression that you'll be in touch soon (i.e. 'We'll go and do this later this week') and then don't call and don't return calls, that's shoddy. I'd say that's playing with someone, and at this point an honest settling of accounts is the minimum of what any decent person would do and what any reasonable person should feel comfortable expecting.

 

To be honest, leaving after what might be a one night stand and saying 'I'll call' and then not doing it is also pretty shoddy in my books. Sure you shouldn't be surprised, as you have no idea who it is who've brought home and no reason to assume they're decent, but leaving the other person with the impression you're into them and then letting them realize on their own that you're not is needlessly unkind. And again, it's nothing to do with what does or doesn't happen physically - it's just basic human honesty. If you wake up next to someone you don't fancy seeing again, why not just say goodbye?

[rosie76]

I agree with Batya on this one. Other than simple politeness no one owes the other person anything after sex. It would be as wrong to infer after sex that a relationship was started than it would be to imply that one would beforehand.

 

Again, agreed, but no one said anything about sex being an issue. The thread asked about 'players' and the guy I'm writing about seems ingenuine, which to me = player. I'm not saying I deserve honesty because I had sex with him, I deserve honesty because I'm another human being. Do you think one only need worry about being kind and straight with people if they're in a relationship with them? I'm sure I don't feel that I deserve more of his time just because we've shared our bodies, but I just as surely don't deserve to be jerked around. Honesty's the bare minimum. Kindness is a bonus.

[DN]

Again, agreed, but no one said anything about sex being an issue. The thread asked about 'players' and the guy I'm writing about seems ingenuine, which to me = player. I'm not saying I deserve honesty because I had sex with him, I deserve honesty because I'm another human being. Do you think one only need worry about being kind and straight with people if they're in a relationship with them? I'm sure I don't feel that I deserve more of his time just because we've shared our bodies, but I just as surely don't deserve to be jerked around. Honesty's the bare minimum. Kindness is a bonus.

 

I think kindness is the most important of human virtues because it guarantees all the rest. But kindness cuts both ways as does most interaction between people.

 

I notice you said you will be annoyed if you don't hear from this guy. What is stopping you from calling him?

[Batya33]

I have said "yes" to a second date when I should have said "no" but it was done in person and I felt put on the spot. I later followed up with a "no" - I would never stand someone up intentionally. Also, sometimes I think it is kinder not to call if all you're going to say is "I'm not interested in you" then to call and make a big show of "it's not you it's me." On that theory I have not returned a call after going out one time and let the silence be the answer. (but I have never had casual s_x - perhaps I would have returned the call if that had happened).

 

Here's the issue though - if it were just a question of "politeness" or "basic kindness" then I don't think so much would be made of the lack of calling. I do think that most of the time the hurt feelings are because one of the persons involved in casual s_x got a little or a lot attached and feels hurt that the other person does not seem to care, then refers to the other person as a jerk and "impolite" because it is easier than admitting that she or he got attached.

[DN]

Here's the issue though - if it were just a question of "politeness" or "basic kindness" then I don't think so much would be made of the lack of calling. I do think that most of the time the hurt feelings are because one of the persons involved in casual s_x got a little or a lot attached and feels hurt that the other person does not seem to care, then refers to the other person as a jerk and "impolite" because it is easier than admitting that she or he got attached.

Agreed, It is unstated expectations that are not met that are usually the problem

[Lily04]

Fair enough we'd already shared a bed, but still, the self-confidence and relaxed attitude which was really attractive at the time seems a big red flag in retrospect.

 

This was also a red flag for me. I made a post before questioning whether people would date a player...or how to tell if the person's a player. I started dating a guy who I was (I admit) head over heels for... he seemed so charming, charismatic, extremely intelligent and good-looking. But things seemed to be going a bit *too* fast, he seemed a bit too relaxed after we just met, almost like he didn't care.

 

 

Players are basically: (1) Guys with a lot of confidence; smooth-talking, try to make it seem like they're hot sh*t.

(2) not so considerate of your feelings/apprehensions

(3) moving too fast, especially suggesting meeting at his place after you just met, and already maknig sexual comments.

(4) not being eager to return calls or call you.

(5) explicitly say he's dating other people, adn can't meet because he has to meet up with friends, etc. (this on its own isn't necessarily a red flag that he's a player, but in combination with other things..)

(6) He's not looking for anything "long-term", just looking for something not-complicated, short-term, that type of thing.

 

I dated another player as well, we only went on 2 dates. On the 2nd date he brought me back to his apartment, he played low music, offered me wine and smokes, and tried to have sex. I just met him like a week or so ago. I said I don't do sex on the 2nd date, told him I'm better than that, and he never called me back.

 

I will say, however, that some people think it's cool to have sex right away and that's fine. I just don't like it when guys *only* want to use you for sex, and thus see you as sexual objects... in that they don't want anything else with you. I only have sex with a guy if I'm in a committed relationship with them.

 

So I never had sex with the guy mentioned above either, his loss.

 

Lily

[rosie76]

I notice you said you will be annoyed if you don't hear from this guy. What is stopping you from calling him?

 

I did ring - but he didn't ring back. After 5 days, I emailed saying I didn't think things were working out either, that I'd have appreciated a 'it's not working out' from him instead of silence, but that either way I'd rather sign off pleasantly, goodbye. Got a reply almost immediately saying he didn't think things weren't working out; had what are becoming typical 'phone problems'; if I wanted it to end there that was cool but it wasn't what he wanted. Had an offer to meet up to talk later that night, which I couldn't make, and then communication went flakey again with lack of response to a text and a call before I left for a few weeks.

 

Sent a low-key email, got a low-key response, now I'm wondering whether he'll be in touch when I get back home and whether I'll want to see him again considering. Don't want to keep up unequal communication as I'll just end up feeling badly, so the ball's got to be in his court. Don't know why, if he was playing me, he'd bother saying he wanted to be in touch. Don't know why, if he's not, he'd be so flakey about seeing me after being great at the outset. Most obvious answer is he's just not that keen, but then why go out of his way to try to continue it? Suppose some people just like having someone in reserve for when nights get dull? Or maybe he really is that inept at using the phone.

[rosie76]

Here's the issue though - if it were just a question of "politeness" or "basic kindness" then I don't think so much would be made of the lack of calling. I do think that most of the time the hurt feelings are because one of the persons involved in casual s_x got a little or a lot attached and feels hurt that the other person does not seem to care, then refers to the other person as a jerk and "impolite" because it is easier than admitting that she or he got attached.

 

I'm not so attached to this guy who might be a player - I don't know him very well and there's plenty about him I'm unsure about - but I readily admit I liked him and would like to see more of him. If he doesn't feel the same, I'll feel a bit sad but will move on pretty quickly. If he doesn't think enough of me to be bothered telling me that, I'll feel much worse. I think basic kindness matters a lot in most sitautions, and particularly if you've taken a chance letting someone know you'd like to know them better. This isn't tied to the physical stuff for me at all, it's just in letting the other person know you're interested and opening yourself up to them to some extent - it's always going to feel like rejection if this isn't reciprocated, but being treated with respect and honesty eases it.

 

Re. not calling versus calling to say you're not interested, I'd _always_ prefer the latter. Think about what the other person goes through in each case:

 

1) assuming they like you, they're excited that you call, you say - honestly and without making a big play of 'it's not you it's me' - that it was nice to meet them but you don't think it should go any further and goodbye, they are disappointed but know where they stand.

 

2) assuming they like you, they wait for you to call. After a while they think about calling you, but they wonder if that would be seen as 'too clingy'. They wait a bit more. They dissect your last date wondering what they might have done wrong. They maybe send a text, or ring you. They wonder if that was the right thing to do or if they've somehow blown it. They say to themselves 'after this long, this really must mean he doesn't want to see me again, or maybe he's just lost his phone'. They talk to friends who say 'the guy's a jerk, forget it' and feel silly for being bothered by the situation. They tell themselves how stupid they are for wasting time thinking about a guy who's clearly not interested. If they really like you and are proactive, maybe they call again to find out for sure. Eventually they get the picture, and they're just as disappointed as if you'd called, but there's still doubt about what the situation is and, if they're the type to feel sad rather than angry, they wonder why you don't think them worthy of the simple kindness and courtesy of calling.

 

Terrible cliche - but why can't we all just get along? Be honest, period. Of course, if this approach worked wonders, I'd not have started posting on this forum...

[Batya33]

I disagree. I interpret silence after a first or second date as "no interest" and after a few days of waiting, I move on, he is off the radar and I don't care "why" - I don't call to find out "why" even if I feel clingy or needy or disappointed - I simply accept that for whatever reason he just wasn't that into me and that if I cannot accept that I should not be dating anyone. Dating requires a thick skin and I don't think silence means that people aren't "getting along" it just means that there will not be another date.

 

I have found it arrogant when after a first date I get a looong email about all this psychobabble about why there won't be a second date - he is presuming that after only one date I care that much to know why and he is presuming that I want all this verbiage when what it boils down to is lack of interest on his part. I don't mind the "it was nice meeting you but I do not think we're a match" but the silence works just as well if not better for me (especially since I don't get intimate on a first date - I am reasonably self-protective.). After 4 dates or so I do think the right thing to do is to call if there is not going to be another date and of course you call if you made specific time and place plans that need to be cancelled.

 

i am all for people treating each other with courtesy but I stand by what I said earlier - that if it was just an issue of common courtesy we wouldn't have thread after thread with the same "I slept with him on the first date and he said all these nice things about how sexy and pretty I was and then he didn't call - all men are jerks" That is not just a complaint about politeness, that is a person who regrets having had casual sex and feels more comfortable calling the guy (or woman!) a jerk than admitting that he/she made a mistake in havving casual sex.

 

I should add that the last two times I made the courtesy call I was sorry I did. Each time I told the truth - I said in one case "I don't feel chemistry at this point and since you live far away, I don't want you to have to drive out here again if it looks like it probably won't work" and to the other I said that we likely weren't a match. In both cases I got harassed with several angry emails and phone calls - one of them ended up apologizing by the 5th email (I stopped responding after the third email).

[rosie76]

Wow - sorry you seem to have got stuck with a few nutters there.

 

I don't care 'why' - I just want to know where I stand in clear terms, particularly after several weeks. I suppose if there's no 'I'll call you', then after a single date that's that, but that seems to come out reflexively at the end of every date with this guy, and so I take that to mean he will call me. If he didn't mean it, he shouldn't say it.

[Batya33]

Wow - sorry you seem to have got stuck with a few nutters there.

 

I don't care 'why' - I just want to know where I stand in clear terms, particularly after several weeks. I suppose if there's no 'I'll call you', then after a single date that's that, but that seems to come out reflexively at the end of every date with this guy, and so I take that to mean he will call me. If he didn't mean it, he shouldn't say it.

 

I listen to nothing that is said at the end of an early date unless it is "would you like to go out again" and only then if there is a specific plan "ok, see you next Saturday night and I'll call you this week to confirm." I have heard "I'll call you" with no call, silence, and then there is a call, etc. Is it "polite"? I guess not - but it is not worth the stomach acid to get upset over the no call after "I'll call you."

 

Another thing - if after the third or fourth date he is only saying "I'll call you" instead of making another plan with me right then, he is off my radar basically - if he calls, sure I'll see him but my assumption is that that was the last date and that I should focus my energies on meeting others.

[dawn515]

Lily04 said:

 

(1) Guys with a lot of confidence; smooth-talking, try to make it seem like they're hot sh*t.

(2) not so considerate of your feelings/apprehensions

(3) moving too fast, especially suggesting meeting at his place after you just met, and already maknig sexual comments.

(4) not being eager to return calls or call you.

(5) explicitly say he's dating other people, adn can't meet because he has to meet up with friends, etc. (this on its own isn't necessarily a red flag that he's a player, but in combination with other things..)

(6) He's not looking for anything "long-term", just looking for something not-complicated, short-term, that type of thing.

 

 

Whoah... this post seriously made me think. My guy is guilty of several of the above.

 

We'd met a few times through friends before our first date. He finally asked me out, but on the first date he seemed really overconfident to me, to the point that I was a bit uncomfortable. I kissed him, but then he gave me this big speech about how he had some f'ed up relationship a year and a half before, so he wasn't really looking for another relationship. I told him I empathized, and we talked about that and other stuff (politics, literature, etc) but then he asked me (straight up!) if I wanted to have sex. I said no.

 

He didn't even call me again until five days later -- I was actually surprised to hear from him -- and it was to ask me to get together with him THAT NIGHT. I said sorry, I have class, can't meet up. We agreed to meet up after our friends' get-together later that week. And, well, I let him come back with me to my place, and we had sex -- but I was not invested in it and prepared not to hear from him again. I DID think he might be a player.

 

Then I went to Europe for Spring Break, and he wrote me the most sappy email about "us" and where this was going.... I ignored it and wrote him back about my adventures overseas. When I got back, he was all about making things exclusive, though I had not been thinking like that. But, I agreed.

 

And this is where we are. Does he show signs of a "player"? Probably. I have been cautious. For once, it seems like the guy is more into me than I am into him!

 

BUT! He shows these signs of being a "player"! Am I being stupid to agreeing to a "relationship" with him? HE brought it up, not me!

 

Thanks for any advice.

[Batya33]

How is it being a player if he was honest about his feelings from the first - he told you he wasn't looking for a serious relationship and told you he wanted to have sex with you. Nothing wrong with wanting casual sex - nothing deceitful about it. If you don't trust him that he now wants to be exclusive either don't see him or say yes but wait to have sex with him for at least several months to see if his actions are consistent with his words.

[dawn515]

Sorry, Batya, are you talking to me or the OP?

[SexySadie7]

I agree with you Rosie, "I don't want to wait months to test the waters, I just want to be treated honestly regardless of the outcome - it's not that difficult and seems certain to be less trouble in the long run than playing a person. What I wonder is if some of the fun for these habitual players is feeling they're getting something over on someone?"

I also have the same garden variety "player" as you...

 

"is what my 'player' may or may not be doing. First seeing him week, all good. Second and third weeks, increasingly flaky about getting in touch, but with continued implication that he would eventually. If you've seen someone a half dozen times over the course of a week or two, regardless of what happens physically, and you leave them with the impression that you'll be in touch soon (i.e. 'We'll go and do this later this week') and then don't call and don't return calls, that's shoddy. I'd say that's playing with someone, and at this point an honest settling of accounts is the minimum of what any decent person would do and what any reasonable person" should feel comfortable expecting."

The guy i'm seeing is doign the same thing, first few times you see him all seems good, then it's like an effort to call me or something. He even told me to call him, but when I do, he doesn't even bother to return my phone calls for days.

Like for instance, on a Thursday, he tells me he's not working Saturday, implying we might be able to get together, and tells him to give me a call Saturday.

When I do.. he never answers his phone, though he carries it with him everywhere and can answer it if he's not at work. He never answers the voice mail i leave nor the one a few hours later, hoping to speak to him in person either.

For my birthday we were supposed together and see a movie after he got off work.

Instead, after spending the night together he pitches a fit in bed.. and declares I'm "moving around too much" to sleep with comfortably and then goes to sleep on the coach.

When I get up in the morning, he's a total grouch and mean as hell to me, when I asked him, "if I was that difficult to sleep with last nite".

He declares in this extremely angry voice, "what, are you trying to start an argument with me this morning???" and treats me like dirt for the next 40 minutes. Mind you now, this is the morning of my birthday.

When I mentioned about going to the movie later, (which given his mood and nasty behavior was probably stupid in hindsight) he promises to call "immediately" after he gets off work.

I say fine, but tell him to please call me to let me know if he can't make it the movies with me after work, so I can make other plans for my birthday.

He NEVER called me back... my birthday was a week before christmas, never called the entire week, nor Christmas (he claims to be a Christian too!).

Well. i don't know what to call this but hateful and just downright inconsiderate!

I think that's the hallmark of players, don't you?? They are just totally inconsiderate of our feelings... and that's where the problem lies for me.

Look... if you tell me up front, this is only casual sex, we will not be entering any kind of normal friendship nor relationship, I could make up my mind yeah or nay.

But what the player does is build up hopes, and make plans and then never follow thru with any of them.

Unless of course, they include the bedroom, but then it's only on THEIR schedule of sexual desire, not yours.

In short, I find the relationship with a player most unsatisfying on some many levels other than physical.

They have no regard for your feelings, do they? No.. it's all about THEIR feelings, which you are supposed to be so careful of.

I say, bunk... i just want to know how to get this guy out of my head now.

You would think you could easily forget someone like this, but then there's the flip side where the sex is so nice.. It's rather hard to have hateful thoughts toward someone you shared such wonderful hours with.

I dunno. I don't have a switch inside my head... where one minute I can be crazy abouit someone and the next just forget I know them or hate them with a vegence.

It seems that Players have this switch though, doesn't it?

A bit Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hydish for me, imho.

[Batya33]

Sorry, Batya, are you talking to me or the OP?

 

I was responding to your post.