he just called me to invite me to Christmas dinner What do i do NEED Advice Please

[cingar]

For those that don't know me i've been posting here for a couple of months now. My ex broke up with me at thanksgiving in October and it completely crushed me. Two weeks later he started living with another girl. Again i was devestated.

 

He broke up with her last week. and has talked to me twice now on msn since then.

 

He called me this morning the first time i've heard his voice in a month and a half. We just talked for a while and then he said that him and his mom would love to have me come over for Christmas dinner.

 

I told him i would think about it. So i came here to get advice.

 

What should i do ? Do I listen to my heart which says yes or do i listen to my head and stay clear of this man. And if i do what if i blow the only chance i might have at a reconcilliation. You guys have never steered me wrong so far.

 

I have come along way since he broke up with me should i risk all that i have accomplished since then for another chance. I now we'll never have what we had before I just don't know what to do Any advice good or bad would be welcomed at this point.

 

THen i can make my decision from there

 

thanks

 

Cingar

[AwdreeHpburn]

cingar - I guess hmmmm....this IS a toughie.

 

If It were me - I would totally go.

 

If you do - EXPECT nothing.

 

Just go as the stronger woman you are.

 

Go as the new you with no expectations a future the-two-of-you.

 

Be polite, have a good time and leave with a nice, "thank you for dinner, it was lovely."

 

Maybe you should look at it like a friendly gesture. Take it step by step...

[hosswhispra]

If you do - EXPECT nothing.

 

Just go as the stronger woman you are.

 

Go as the new you with no expectations a future the-two-of-you.

 

Be polite, have a good time and leave with a nice, "thank you for dinner, it was lovely."

 

Maybe you should look at it like a friendly gesture. Take it step by step...

 

 

I agree with the above advice if you decide to go. However, there are things that are troubling to me about your situation:

 

I have no family of friends to count on because when i started dating him I had to give up my religion for him and lost all of my family in the process.

 

Why did you have to give up your religion for him when you were dating?

 

 

What should i do ? Do I listen to my heart which says yes or do i listen to my head and stay clear of this man. And if i do what if i blow the only chance i might have at a reconcilliation. You guys have never steered me wrong so far.

 

I have come along way since he broke up with me should i risk all that i have accomplished since then for another chance. I now we'll never have what we had before I just don't know what to do Any advice good or bad would be welcomed at this point.

 

As you've said yourself, "you have come a long way" since he broke up with you in October. You have to decide whether or not you can go to the dinner WITHOUT any expectations.

 

Personally, I don't think I could do it. But that's just me.

[Hope75]

hmmmm Cingar-

 

This is tough. I know what you've been through with him- and how devestating this has been for you. It's funny how now that his ex is over of the picture all of the sudden he's calling you again.

 

I guess my biggest fear is that you go, you start dating again, and then the next young thing comes along and you are pushed back and destroyed yet again.

 

Are you emotionally strong enough to handle this?

[Lady Bugg]

I personally would gracefully decline.

 

First...he broke up with you...and hurt you tremendously...

and it's ONLY been a couple months. What's changed about HIM

since then?

 

Just because someone asks us to do something does not require

us to do it. I think by you accepting his invite...you are basically saying

telling him it's ok for him to treat ou the way he did..and there are

no ramifications. He needs to know you value yourself..and your heart.

Who knows? MAybe he is just lonely because it's the holidays..and he is

without someone right now. Did he even apologize or show remorse for

anything??

 

Maybe it's just me.....but I would be VERY suspicious and leery of him right now....

 

Guard your heart.

[hosswhispra]

Maybe it's just me.....but I would be VERY suspicious and leery of him right now....

 

Guard your heart.

 

It's not just you Lady Bugg.

 

I think this guy is a cad.

 

Guard your heart.

[cingar]

first, my religion was very strict, you are not allowed to date someone that is of a different religion. And the fact we slept together that was a big no no. i just wanted to be happy for once in my life. And know what it was like to feel loved by a man. And it was wonderful.

 

secondly, Hope i don't know if i am strong enough to handle this i talked to my boys about it. whether i should go or not, My oldest who's 13 said no that he's only gonna hurt me again . my youngest who is ten said i should go cause he wants me to be happy again.

 

I have a lot to think about thats for sure because it's just not me i have to thnk about. i have to think about them.

 

If i do go which i propbably will i am going with no expectations and if i start to feel uncomfortable i can always leave. thanks guys for your quick response

[Hope75]

Hope i don't know if i am strong enough to handle this i talked to my boys about it. whether i should go or not, My oldest who's 13 said no that he's only gonna hurt me again . my youngest who is ten said i should go cause he wants me to be happy again.

 

Your sons are very wise- your youngest sees how much this man hurt you, and he thinks that being with him again will fix that- but I don't- do you? I would be super leary because it wasn't that long ago that he traded you for another women who was much younger and moved in with her within two weeks. Your young son sees a short term solution- he doesn't understand the magnitude of what your ex did and how easy it would be to do it again- and how you may never be able to get past what is already done.

 

Your older son is right- this doesn't sound like a good situation. I would not go if I were you.

[desertnomad]

I totally agree with the others. He just broke up with her last week and hes already calling you?? Is it really all about him? I would definetly listen to your son on this one...Just my two cents.

[Hope75]

I totally agree with the others. He just broke up with her last week and hes already calling you?? Is it really all about him? I would definetly listen to your son on this one...Just my two cents.

 

Remember how he had her moving in 2 weeks after you two broke up...

 

Now a week later he's calling you- do you think this guy has a problem with commitment? But knows how you feel about him so knows he might be able to take advantage of you while he knows you are still very vulnerable?

[cingar]

I know all of you are right. and thank you. The more i think about this which has been all day i think he does have the wrong motives. I'm sure he knows that i still love him. Why else would i even consider this.

 

THe funny thing is i can forgive him for having someone else. Obviously i already have otherwise i would n't be talking to him . But the trust is gone now. And i don't know if i can ever get that back . It will always be in the back of my mind will he dump me for the next thing that comes along.

 

What bugs me the most is was this his idea or was it his moms? because when he invited me it sounded like it was more his mom asking then him.

i don't want to play games i'm too old for that. God this is the hardest decision that i have ever had to make in my life.

 

I keep trying to tell my self it's only dinner, eat and leave. you have your car you can get the hell out of there if you have to . Of course knowing him like i do he'll call the whole thing off before Monday. And i wont have to worry about this anyways.

 

Okay so i'm just ranting thats what happens when you drink half a case a beer to help figure out this mess. Cause i'll come back here tomorrow and reread this and think what was i thinking last night.

 

I think what makes me angry is that he can still get to me. All day thats all i've thought about should i go or should i stay. Great know i sound just as messed up as when he dumped me. Okay so right now my brain is saying no stay the heck away from this guy he is nothing but trouble. There has to be doctors for this kind of thing. Preferrably ones with straight jackets. Because i need to be in a instutuition for even considering going. Maybe i just need to sleep on it for a while.

[Hope75]

THe funny thing is i can forgive him for having someone else. Obviously i already have otherwise i would n't be talking to him . But the trust is gone now. And i don't know if i can ever get that back . It will always be in the back of my mind will he dump me for the next thing that comes along.

 

That's the thing. We know how important trust and respect is in a relationship- and that is gone- he showed you that when he ended things and moved in with someone else.

 

I keep trying to tell my self it's only dinner, eat and leave. you have your car you can get the hell out of there if you have to .

 

I don't think you really think that this will be just a dinner... I think you know it will get you into trouble and back on the road for more heartache.

 

If I were you I'd spend Christmas with your boys.

[cingar]

Well guys i slept on it . and i have decided not to go. You are all right i would be just setting my self up for more heartache and i don't think i am ready to see him again.

 

Besides it would be so awkward, after not seeing him or his mom fo rmonths and just show up for dinner.

 

Am i suppose to just pretend that everything is okay. That what he did didn't hurt me. i can't do that. he hurt me so much and i can't go through that again.

 

THanks again for al your great advice

[Ellie2006]

Cingar,

For what it's worth, I think you made the right decision.

Christmas is a time to rejoice and celebrate w/ loved ones; I hope you have a wonderful and a memorable Christmas w/ your two lovely boys!

Merry Christmas.

[hosswhispra]

Am i suppose to just pretend that everything is okay. That what he did didn't hurt me. i can't do that. he hurt me so much and i can't go through that again.

 

Good for you cingar. I believe that you made the right decision not to go.

 

Stay strong,

hosswhispra

[moonbeam111]

This is tough but you made the right decision. Stay strong and avoid his manipulations.

 

Have a wonderful time and happy holidays!

[cingar]

thanks guys but i'm gonna be alone for Christmas my boys went to their dads .

 

so i guess i'm just gonna curl up on the sofa and watch the star trek movie marathon tomorrow

 

have a great Christmas

[Hope75]

thanks guys but i'm gonna be alone for Christmas my boys went to their dads .

 

so i guess i'm just gonna curl up on the sofa and watch the star trek movie marathon tomorrow

 

have a great Christmas

 

Any friends to eat with?

 

Why not take yourself out to a nice resturant and treat yourself?