Married Friend Cheating

[Inapickle]

I've know this guy for about 5 years, we were involved once but ended up breaking up. During the course of our relationship he gave me his e-mail password to book a trip we were going on together since we used his charge card.

 

Long story short we broke up after the trip but remained friends and still are even though he got married about a year ago. The other day I was fooling around and logged into his account just for the heck of it I don't know why i did it or even thought about it but I wish I hadn't cause I found out he is fooling around on his wife with a chick he works with. I've never met his wife since I moved to a different state after we broke up. I can't exactly call him on it because I read his email without his knowledge. I feel like an idiot now and don't know what to do. Should I let his wife know he is cheating on her?

 

I so regret what i've done but i did it and it is too late to take back. So as you see I really am "Inapickle".

[whenamansloveisreal]

can u explain a little more?

 

are u saying someone u stopped seeing long ago u hacked into his email and found he was now married and having an affair?

 

first, why would u care? and do u know the others?

 

and do u do that often? why?

[Inapickle]

can u explain a little more?

 

are u saying someone u stopped seeing long ago u hacked into his email and found he was now married and having an affair?

 

first, why would u care? and do u know the others?

 

and do u do that often? why?

 

First of all i said in my post we were "still friends" and that i did not know his wife because i had moved after we broke up. I also said i don't know why i did it i was just fooling around and thought of him and for some dumb reason i went into his email account which i haven't done since we went on our trip! NO i don't do it often and i care because he is my friend as I stated. what is this an inquisition? i said i felt bad and was just asking for advice on what to do not be yelled at. i know it wasn't right but i did it and can't take it back. CHILL!!

[GQstatus]

Personally, I'd say keep it to yourself. Especially being you don't know his wife. How good of friends are you with this guy? Being you don't know his wife, I wouldn't say anything to her.

 

Plus, he could easily, make you out to look like some psycho ex, and deny the whole affair thing.

 

I'd bite your tongue and let it go. Or dig at him a little, to see if he tells you anything.

[Sweet_e_pea]

Sounds like your "friend" has issues in his marriage.

 

For example, if he's still staying in contact with you, despite the fact he's married -- and you've said you haven't met his wife -- that's a bit fishy. I wouldn't want my wife to keep in contact with exes I didn't know after we were married.

 

That's a red flag for me that something is obviously amiss, despite what you found in his e-mail.

 

If he is your friend -- a true friend -- offer counsel he is willing to accept. I agree you can probe gently about the issue. If you still talk, then "Are you happy in your marriage?" is not a loaded question that might lead him into opening up.

 

If you don't feel comfortable asking a question like that, or he doesn't feel comfortable answering, then unfortunately I think you have to drop it.

 

Personally, if someone I didn't know could bring me evidence my wife was cheating, I'd have appreciated it. As someone who's been cheated on, I would have thanked anyone who would have told me what was going on. Though many friends came to me with suspicions, and I disregarded them as I was confident in my marriage. Ooops.

 

But -- sadly -- if he's not willing to talk about it, I'd let it go, mainly because of the way you learned about it.

 

Hope that helps.

[ImThatGirl]

I really think it would be a very bad idea to inform his wife. It will all play out eventually anyway. I know it's not fair to her but it's really none of your business. (please don't take offense = just honest...)

 

Obviously you will look at him in a different light now. I suppose I could see you contacting him about it but definitely not his wife.

 

And honestly, If my husbands old flame contacted me and told her he was having an affair, I'd certainly think she was trying to start fire between my husband and I. Trying to break us up so she could have him.

 

JMO

[radioheader]

you could always copy the e-mails and send them via snail mail to the wife anonymously...(whose to say that someone on the mistress's end didn't discover them that way) i share the same story as sweet_e_pea...my husband cheated on me with someone in his office and i wish i had known about it sooner...

[Day_Walker]

Unless you have some kind of personal relationship with his wife I would not say anything.

[kittysaysmeow]

What a difficult position to be in.

 

I have to agree with the other posters on this one. You don't know his wife and it would look really bad if you said anything to her. If I were her I'd assume you were a crazy ex just trying to make trouble.

 

Next time you speak with him just ask him how things are going with his wife. Otherwise I'd drop it all together.

[Inapickle]

Thanks for some GREAT advice!! After the first response - being a brand new poster here - i thought i was going to get flamed!! You had some great advice!!! I figure I'm going to not tell the new wife because i don't want to get blamed as the other woman when i definitely am NOT - we broke up long before he met her and i have only kept in e-mail/phone contact with him since on a purely friends basis - nothing else.

 

I have to admit tho i have lost respect for him and am glad i never married him since he is a cheat. He never let on anything was wrong. I may prod him to see if he opens up as one of you suggested - but I may just let the entire thing drop and just kind of fade away from writing him back or taking his calls. Thanks again for the kind words - except for the first guy who flamed me.