Why can't girls ever be direct in turning you down?

[Majin19]

Within the past year, I've finally worked up enough courage to start asking girls out. Every time I have, all four girls haven't been able to turn me down by just saying no.

 

The first girl said maybe, which prompted me to ask a couple more times, and I got the same reply. So once I got fed up with that, I moved on.

 

The second girl initially said yes, but for some reason didn't realize that I asked her out on a date (I can't imagine the problem was with me, as the other three all understood, and I've asked them out in pretty much the same way), and once she realized what I meant, told me (over AIM) that she had a boyfriend already, but wanted to be friends (which was a lie).

 

The third one actually went out once with me, but after that didn't return my phone call. The second time I called, some guy answered saying he was her bf. So after that I stopped trying, and two weeks later she told me it was her friend just playing a joke, and she had just found out. However, when asked if she wanted to go out again, she just maybe, so I decided to move on.

 

Finally, the last girl I asked out said yes, but them texted my saying she should have told me when I asked, but she already has a bf.

 

Why can't girls just say no to my face instead of playing all these ****ing games, which are much more painful than a simple no?

[Mithivh]

I've gotten the same things from girls... I think they believe they're doing you a favor by not saying no right off the bat instead of saying no.

 

I usually just casually and calmly say "In other words, you mean no?" with a smile. It removes the need to try again later.

 

I've heard from friends that how you introduce yourself to girls helps determine how they say no (unless ofcourse they want to say yes)

For instance if you rush into asking them out, they might panic and say "maybe" just to avoid coming off as mean by saying "no".

I don't know how you've started the conversations but maybe you could try slowing down, or changing your approach.

 

Hope some of this helps,

 

-Mike

[Shudder]

you know what you should do, next time a girl does this ask for their boyfriends name and see whether they are caught off guard or not. i heard its one way to see whether she actually has one then again ive never tried it so wat do i know

[yeawutever]

Maybe b/c they don't wanna hurt you by being so honest, so they're trying to find the least possible way of hurting you, with that chasing game that is.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

you know what you should do, next time a girl does this ask for their boyfriends name and see whether they are caught off guard or not. i heard its one way to see whether she actually has one then again ive never tried it so wat do i know

 

No I disagree. Just tell her that you think he's a really lucky guy to have her and move on.

[Lily04]

I've been known to do the "sure, we can go out" or 'maybe' and then not call the guy back or tell him afterwards I'm too busy, make up an excuse and not go. Sometimes it's because I just hate saying no, I feel bad, other times because I'm not really sure about my feelings, or because I'm not really sure his intentions (i.e. if it's a date or meeting for school, or whatnot.) Depending on how a guy asks she may get confused, esp. if she's already in a relationship. i.e. she may say yes, but then feel guilty and say 'sorry i should let you know i'm already dating someone.' one of my friends did this with a guy she met at a bar... she said they should hang out at some point, gave him her #, but then after said "sorry, I'm actually in a serious relationship with someone... if you want to just chill that's fine, i think you're really cool, but... we have been dating for 4 years, etc." I liked how she was really honest, I think guys still appreciate that. I think she wasn't sure of his intentions for some reason because she is such an outgoing person, she makes guy friends easily and doesn't think much of it. could be the person's personality as well....

 

either way, I wouldn't think much of it, honestly. Just move on. Seems like you've had some bad luck but I know you'll meet girls who will say yes and not be attached!!

[Majin19]

I've heard from friends that how you introduce yourself to girls helps determine how they say no (unless ofcourse they want to say yes)

For instance if you rush into asking them out, they might panic and say "maybe" just to avoid coming off as mean by saying "no".

I don't know how you've started the conversations but maybe you could try slowing down, or changing your approach.

 

The first one was in one of my college classes, so I knew her for a semester before asking her out, but we hung for maybe a half hour or so occasionally after class. The second and third girls were from a previous job, and I had known each of them for a month of two before asking either one. Finally with this last one, I had just met her at my current job this weekend, and asked her out the second time we talked. Sure, I hardly know her, but I thought it might be better to make my intentions known right off the bat.

 

Women = evil (I jest)

Ok, you also need to learn that why have you only asked 4 women out? Ask many more, ask ones you're just attracted to, ask ones that you think are cute, ask ones in the library, ask ones at the gas pump. You don't truly know a person until you date them or have some interaction (which is why I say that you must base that first step on some sort of attraction).

 

I've hardly asked anyone out because I'm rather shy and kind of a loner. I can't just approach random girls and ask them out. Also, I went to an all guys high school, which probably didn't help at all.

[Cardinal]

I have had this happen to me. In fact, unless I get a 'sure' or a 'certainly' or a 'you bet', whatever words come out of her mouth mean no. Even after a clear yes, unti the actual date time, she can always pull out. That has also happened to me once or twice. I have often found that these same women cannot give me a direct answer to simple questions. You bet it is irritating!

 

Given my experiences, I find it hard to believe how some women can complain about men who aren't able to hoenstly express their feelings. In my little world, it has definitely been the other way around.